


Sunken in sparks, I am aflame

by landers86



Category: Rammstein
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anger/Jealousy, Angst, BDSM, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub, Erotic Poetry, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gay Bar, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, S&M club, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Smut, erotic novels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-02-22 21:36:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 153,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13175685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/landers86/pseuds/landers86
Summary: Paul/Richard AU fic. Richard is a novelist/poet who's always stuck in his apartment writing all day, so he likes to enjoy a bit of a wild nightlife. Paul is the innocent new neighbor who has no idea what he's getting himself into by moving in next door to Richard.





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from lyrics from Rammstein's song 'Feuer und Wasser', but in the song those lyrics are in German of course. Unlike the first fic I wrote, this story will be set in the present day and will have a pretty different tone than the last one. It will also be a slow building story because one thing I enjoy writing most is a developing relationship and two people getting to know each other (instead of people just meeting and then hooking up right away XD). There will be a lot of different things happening throughout this fic, so it's most likely going to have a lot of chapters!

Richard woke up on a Friday morning with a headache and a slight hangover. He usually tries not to get drunk when he goes out but last night he may have accidently had one too many. He pulled the covers up to his chin and tried to go back to sleep. It was the beginning of June in Berlin so it was starting to get pretty warm in the afternoon but the mornings and nights could still be a little chilly.

 

Just as he was beginning to relax again, he heard some noise and commotion coming from outside. He was curious to find out what it was so he got out bed and walked to the window of his bedroom and looked down from the forth floor of his apartment building. He saw a moving truck on the street in front of his building and some men taking furniture and boxes in.

 

Most of the men were wearing matching t-shirts with the same logo that was on the truck and there was another man who Richard assumed must be the one moving in. Richard couldn't see the man's face very well from so far away so he couldn't quite tell how old or young he looked, especially when the man was wearing black sunglasses, but he seemed to be maybe a little shorter than Richard himself. The man was wearing a long sleeve grey shirt, black jeans and boots and a black beanie.

 

After a few moments of watching the men, Richard suddenly heard some noise right outside of his apartment in the corridor and it sounded as if the men were entering the apartment right next to his. He walked out of his bedroom and through the living room and cracked his front door open a little to peek out into the hallway and saw that he was correct. He was getting a new neighbor right next door.

 

"Shit!" Richard said to himself after closing his door. He hadn't had a neighbor right beside him in months and he was grateful for that. He got to enjoy some peace and quiet for a good period of time and that made it easier for him to work on his novels and poetry books during the day. Some of his neighbors in the past had been a little noisy and now he was worried that the same thing would happen with this new guy. But he hoped that maybe he would get lucky and the man would prove to be a quiet neighbor and keep to himself so that he could get his work done.

 

He decided since he was already out of bed that he might as well stay up for the day. He took a shower and then got dressed in a  white button up shirt and some tan khakis. He didn't have any plans to go out this afternoon but he still wanted to look presentable and didn't wanna just stay in his pajamas all day in case anyone important would come by, though no one probably would. He ran his fingers though his mussed up, towel dried hair as he walked out of his bedroom and into the living room and sat down at his computer desk. He picked up his black framed glasses that were next to his computer and put them on and then he turned on his laptop and opened up the page for the latest chapter that he had been working on and began typing.

 

After about an hour of pouring his ideas out onto the screen, his thoughts were interrupted by loud music coming from next door. He huffed and immediately thought, 'Oh great, this neighbor's gonna be even more of a bother than I expected.' At first he tried to ignore the rock music that was playing, it seemed to be a song with a particularly long guitar solo. He tried to concentrate on his writing and even put some earbuds in that were lying on his desk but soon the music proved to be too much of a distraction and he could no longer ignore it. He didn't wanna be too rude to his new neighbor and make a bad first impression on him. He would prefer not to cause any drama, but he felt that the other man was being a little rude and inconsiderate himself so he decided to knock on the man's door and politely ask him if he could turn his music down.

 

He had to knock a few times and a little louder each time. The man probably had a hard time hearing the knocks over the sound of his own music. Finally after a third time of pounding on the door, Richard heard the music stop and shortly after that, the man opened his door. Richard was all ready to be fairly nice yet firm with him and wanted to make sure the other man would take him seriously, but when the door flung open he was a little caught off guard by the guy's looks.

 

He was still in his black jeans which had a chain hanging from one side, but now he wore a white tank top that showed off his toned upper arms and the tattoos on each one of them and Richard also noticed a tattoo on the side of his neck. He was no longer wearing a hat so Richard could now see that the man had very short, blondish hair with a little grey mixed in and a silver earring on each ear. Richard couldn't help but look the man up and down until his eyes landed on the other man's face and he found it was a very cute face with the kindest, most gorgeous eyes he thought he might of ever seen and he looked to be around Richard's age. He then noticed the man was staring back at him, slightly puzzled, probably wondering why Richard was unintentionally checking him out. 

 

"Can I help you with something?" the man asked in a deep voice which Richard found kind of sexy.

 

"Oh, um yeah," Richard began speaking as he was finally pulled out of his dazed state by the other man's words, "My name is Richard Kruspe. I live right next door to you. Welcome to the neighborhood," Richard reached out his hand for the man to shake as he thought to himself, 'Welcome to the neighborhood? Could I be any more corny?' The man took his hand and gave him a firm handshake along with only a small smile. 

 

"Thank you. I'm Paul Landers," he said and then he let go of Richard's hand faster than Richard would've liked him to.

 

"Um I don't mean to be rude or to sound like an old man or anything," Richard continued, "but you see I'm a writer and I write during the day and I need it to be quiet so I can focus, so do you think that if you turn on your radio again that you could turn it down just a bit, if you wouldn't mind?" Richard's tone of voice came out sounding a lot nicer than he originally planned but after seeing how good looking this man was, suddenly he didn't have the heart to risk offending him anymore.

 

Paul smiled at Richard with a grin that stretched from one side of his face to the other and Richard thought it was the most beautiful smile he'd ever witnessed in his life. There were wrinkles that fanned out along the edges of the man's eyes and his nose crinkled a little and Richard just had to smile back at him slightly, though he wasn't exactly sure what they were smiling about.

 

"That wasn't a radio," Paul told him, "That was me playing my guitar." He stepped to the side and pointed behind him to a black electric guitar that sat in his living room, leaned up against a couch and plugged into an amp next to it.

 

"Oh," was all Richard could say as he laughed nervously.

 

"But yes, I'll turn the volume down lower next time," he added, "Sorry I disturbed you."

 

"Oh that's fine, it's alright. Thank you for understanding," Richard said and then there were a few awkward moments of silence as Richard stood there continuing to stare at him but not saying anything else.

 

"Was that all you needed?" Paul asked, smiling kindly at him again.

 

"Oh, um yes, that's all," Richard stuttered as he pushed up the bottom of his glasses up with one finger as he spoke, "Well it was nice meeting you Paul. Maybe I'll see you around again sometime."

 

"Uh yeah, maybe. Goodbye Richard, it was nice meeting you," Paul replied and then he slowly closed the door as Richard just kept awkwardly standing there.

 

Once Richard finally walked away, Paul walked back into his living room and shook his head as he laughed quietly to himself and said, "Nerd!"

 

Richard sat at his computer again and tried to continue his writing but now he couldn't focus due to thoughts of his new neighbor Paul that wouldn't get out of his head. He felt Paul was the nicest looking man he'd seen in the neighborhood in a really long time and wondered if he was single or gay like himself, but then figured he probably wouldn't have that good of luck to have a hot, single and gay man move in right next door. But that didn't mean Richard wasn't still going to try to talk to him and find out. And maybe next time he would try not to act so shy and awkward around the other man. It wasn't like Richard to act that way anyways. 

 

 

\------------

 

 

Later that night, as Paul slept in his bed, he was awoken by loud music that seemed to be coming from outside. He looked at the clock and saw that it said 1:05 am. He got up and looked out the window and though it was dark out, the street lights were bright enough for him to tell that there was a black Mercedes-benz convertible parked in front of the building, blaring loud music. There were two men in the front and a third man had just gotten out of the back of car and was walking towards the building.

 

As the car pulled away, Paul squinted his eyes to try to get a better look at the third man. For a moment he thought he almost resembled Richard but was sure it couldn't have been him. This man wore a thin black leather jacket along with black jeans and boots and seemed to look much cooler than his neighbor. A few minutes later he heard someone going into the apartment next to his.

 

'That couldn't of been the same guy I met this afternoon. A brother maybe?' he thought and then he pressed his ear against his bedroom wall and tried to see if he would hear multiple voices, but he heard no one speaking. There was a little noise, maybe the sound of someone moving around the place, but clearly there was only one person.

 

'That was Richard who pulled up in that loud car? So he can have his friends blast their music in the middle of the night, but god forbid I make a little noise during the day while most people are gone at work anyways.' Paul was a little angry at this and decided to go knock on Richard's door and give the other man a taste of his own medicine. He put on some slippers and walked out into the hallway in his pajamas and knocked on Richard's door and couldn't make the frustrated expression on his face disappear. That is until Richard opened the door and all the words that Paul had planned to say were quickly forgotten.

 

Richard had taken his jacket off and was wearing a black tank top that hugged his body tightly and revealed his broad shoulders and tanned muscles. The front of shirt had small rips in it with red colored cloth underneath them. There were also red and black sleeves on his forearms that matched his shirt. He was in black jeans which were snug, along with a black belt with spikes and black boots. As Paul stared up at him he noticed his hair was styled into spikes and almost looked blacker than earlier with the gel he had in it now. And then Paul's eyes paused when he laid them upon Richard's eyes and his heart stopped a little. Richard had a contact in one eye that made him look almost like some sort of vampire or alien or something that Paul couldn't quite explain. Richard smiled at the way Paul seemed a little taken aback by his look and just stood there saying nothing.

 

"Hey Paul. Did you need something?" Paul remained frozen with his mouth slightly open and hesitated for a few seconds before he could finally force some words out of himself.

 

"So I can't play my guitar too loudly in the afternoon but you can come in at all hours of the night with your friends blasting their music while people are trying to sleep?" Paul asked in a shaky voice. Richard then laughed and Paul's heart fluttered at the man's low and deep rumble of an almost dirty sounding chuckle.

 

"I'm so sorry Paul. I didn't even think about that. That was quite rude of me, wasn't it? I'll tell my friends to keep their music down the next time they drop me off," Richard said, smiling apologetically.

 

Paul nodded and forced a small smile and quietly said, "Okay thanks," and couldn't think of what else to say as Richard kept staring and smiling at him with that crazy eye which Paul was trying to avoid.

 

All of a sudden Paul felt he needed to get away from this man. He didn't know why but there was something inside of him, an odd feeling in which he couldn't explain, that made him wanna get away fast and be alone. Without another word, he simply walked away from Richard and went back into his apartment. Richard watched him walk away, confused, and then laughed as he shut his front door.

 

"Good night to you too then Paul."

 

Paul kicked his slippers off and got back in bed and laid on his back. He pulled the covers up higher and then looked towards the ceiling with eyes wide open and stared into complete darkness, trying to make sense of the confusion in his brain and the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. This guy he'd just met this morning, this Richard, this nerdy writer who wore khakis and glasses and got offended by loud music during the day, was now clad in black and leather from head to toe right along with his black platform boots and those splices of red that cut across his broad chest and matched the sleeves upon his ripped arms. And those sharp spikes atop his head that went with the ones on his leather belt. And those eyes though, those fucking crazy eyes, one unnatural and the other, the deepest shade of aqua blue. And this wild looking guy could write too?

 

'Why did he look that way? Where did he just come from?' Paul wondered. And why did he feel so bothered by him? Why did he feel slightly afraid? But in a good way, in the best way that a person could experience a pleasurable feeling of desire and fear mixed together, pooling deeply inside of him. Why was he feeling an unusual yet strong attraction to this mysterious man, when he's not even gay.....


	2. Balcony Talk

Paul woke up again once the sun had risen and he had to look around his bedroom for a few moments to remember where he was. Last night had been his first night spent in his new apartment. He threw the covers off of himself when he realized how warm it was. This early in the day and it was already warm, which unfortunately meant it would be a hot one today. But though he felt uncomfortable and was sweating slightly, he still didn't wanna get up; he had no motivation to. He was feeling a little depressed and it wasn't like him to be that way. He was usually happy and cheerful, without a care in the world. But it was hard to be his usual self when all he could think about was how he was on his own for the first time in years. He wasn't used to being alone and he didn't like it, in fact he hated it.

After continuing to lay in bed for quite some time, he was finally forced to crawl out of it by his urge to use the bathroom. Once he came out of the bathroom he thought about plopping back down on his bed but decided against it. He couldn't let himself become a reclusive hermit. So he changed out of his pajamas and into some jeans and a t-shirt and then went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of orange juice. He looked around the kitchen for something to eat but then remembered he hadn't gotten many groceries for his new place yet. He would need to go to the store soon and also somehow find the motivation to unpack. He sighed and realized he didn't have much of an appetite anyways. He had a feeling his life was about to be very boring and lonely and he wasn't looking forward to it.

He leaned against one of his counters and took a drink of his orange juice. The sweet taste of vitamin C woke him up a bit more and suddenly thoughts of the way Richard had looked last night flooded his mind. He smiled involuntary. Atleast he had that to look forward to, getting to know his new neighbor, though he still wasn't sure whether that would be a good thing or not. The attraction he felt for the other man confused him. Though as much as he didn't want to, he had to admit to himself that this wasn't the first time in his life that he'd ever felt an attraction towards another man.

He turned the central air on and then decided to go sit out on the balcony that was connected to the kitchen and faced the street, until his place cooled off a bit. He barely got to see it yesterday. He was so tired from moving, he didn't do much more than lounge around his living room while watching TV and playing guitar. He stepped outside onto the balcony and leaned against the railing with his arms crossed on top of it and the glass of orange juice in one hand. He glanced down at the street briefly and then tilted his head up to look around at the view which didn't seem too exciting from first glance; it wasn't much more than buildings and cars passing by.

"Morning Paul!" Paul jumped and gasped as his glass slid out of his hand and fell to the street, shattering to pieces after the juice fell out. Paul and Richard's eyes watched the glass for a moment and then they looked at each other, both of their mouths wide open, then started laughing simultaneously. 

"I'm so sorry Paul! I didn't mean to scare you," Richard said as he stood on his balcony, not to far from Paul's.

"That's okay, I just didn't see you there until you spoke," Paul replied, suprised and embarassed.

"Hope that wasn't your only glass."

"No, I've got more. You're fine." Richard couldn't help but smile at the double meaning Paul's words could have.

After the shock of being startled wore off, Paul became focused on the man who stood on the balcony to the right of his as they stared across at each other. Richard was wearing simple blue jeans and had apparently washed the gel out of his hair and the eyeliner off his eyes from the previous night and was looking quite natural this morning. It was a whole other look from the two different ones he had yesterday but Paul thought this one suited him also. The thing Paul found it hard to deal with though was the fact that Richard was shirtless. It didn't matter how straight Paul was; any man, or rather anyone with eyes, could see how good looking Richard was with his toned and tanned body along with all his other attractive features. A person would be lying to say he wasn't.

Richard noticed Paul staring at his body but didn't wanna embarrass him by mentioning it so he thought of something else to talk about.

"Nice view huh?" he said sarcastically. Paul's face turned red and he was rendered speechless momentarily until he finally realized the other man was referring to the view of the scenery outside and not the one Paul's eyes had been glued to.

"Yeah. I was hoping could've gotten one of the apartments on the other side with a nicer view of the trees but this was the only one that was open."

"Well it might not look that great during the day but just wait until night time, it's a lot prettier. I like to come out here and sit sometimes and look at all the city lights glistening everywhere." Richard turned away to grab the chair behind him and moved it closer to the railing closest to Paul and faced it towards the smaller man and sat down. He stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles and then crossed his arms before he spoke again.

"So were you already living in Berlin before you came here?"

"Uh, yeah, I've lived in Berlin my whole life."

"I've lived here most of my life too," Richard said.

Paul lifted a finger towards Richard and then told him, "Just a minute." He went back into his kitchen a grabbed a chair from the table and took it outside and faced it towards Richard so he could sit while they continued their conversation. Richard felt a tinge of excitement inside that he was getting the opportunity he'd hoped for to get to know the other man. He still found Paul very gorgeous and the way that Paul seemed a little angry at him last night for coming in late and the loud music, but then seemed shy towards him at the same time made him even cuter, Richard thought.

"I was actually staying in a house outside the city with my friend Flake and his wife and kids before I moved here. They were kind enough to let me stay with them after my divorce. But six months had passed and I felt it was only fair that I finally get out and find my own place." Richard's heart dropped a little at hearing Paul had been married because he was assuming it was to a woman, but that didn't mean it was impossible that he would swing both ways and the fact that he was divorced meant that he was at least single, so Richard still held out hope that he'd have a sliver of a chance with him.

"How long were you and your wife married, if you dont mind me asking?"

"Married for ten, together for twenty."

"Wow! That's a long time. Any kids?"

"Two, one with her and one from a woman before her, but they're both grown now."

"I have two grown children also. I was actually married once too but I've been divorced for years now. So what happened then? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Richard said.

"She found someone else and decided she wanted to be with him." Richard frowned and looked as though he felt sorry for the other man.

"Man that sucks. I'm sorry Paul."

"Oh I'm okay. It's actually been close to a year since we first separated. And now I'm finally on my own for the first time in twenty years."

"That could be a good thing though. A man in the prime of his life, no children to look after, no one to be attached to, just livin the single life. Maybe I could even take you out to some fun bars or clubs around the city sometime and show you how to live it up," Richard offered as he smiled slightly, hoping he wasn't being too forward with Paul, given that this was only the second day since they met.

"You sound like Flake and his wife. Ever since my ex and I separated they've been taking me out every once in a while, trying to me out into the world again and also trying to get me hooked up with a new woman. His wife Jenny has even tried to set me up with a couple women she works with," Paul said and laughed. Richard's heart sunk even more. He was sure Paul was straight now. That sliver of a chance turned into no chance.

"And you haven't found a good one yet?" he asked. Paul shook his head and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his legs and enterlacing his fingers together. He tilted his head down and looked defeated.

"I've met a lot women, all of them beautiful, all of them nice, but I just haven't had a connection, or like chemistry, with any of them. I've even went out on several dates and none of them worked out. I'm not really much into casual dating though. I'd rather just find that one right person and settle down, but I guess that won't happen without getting to know different women first."

"Have you ever thought that maybe you've been batting for the wrong team?" Richard joked. Paul looked at him, puzzled, and Richard cursed himself internally for making that kind of joke with someone who he hadn't known long enough to know how strong their sense of humor was. 

"I was just kidding," Richard told him quickly before Paul could get offended.

"I haven't even been up to bat. I feel like I've been benched for a whole season," Paul said, grinning. Richard laughed, relieved that his new neighbor had a good sense of humor after all. "And I don't really wanna live the single life to be honest with you," Paul continued, "I liked having someone to be attached to. But I also don't wanna settle for just anyone."

"I know what you mean," Richard agreed, "I haven't been in a serious relationship for a few years now. It's hard finding someone that you feel completely compatible with. I haven't been able to find the right guy for me yet."

"Guy?" Paul asked, surprised.

"Yeah I'm gay. That doesn't make you uncomfortable, does it?"

"Why should it me uncomfortable?" Paul asked, squinting his eyes at Richard.

"Well it shouldn't, but you just never can know how some people are gonna feel about that sort of thing."

"Well I'm not some people," Paul said, smiling and Richard smiled back. He felt glad then. Even though he wouldn't be able to date Paul, maybe there was still hope for them to become friends. Paul seemed like quite a friendly guy, and nonjudgemental. Richard appreciated that. His lifestyle was an easy one for people to judge. 

Richard then decided to change the subject, not wanting to dwell on what he'd just revealed to Paul, though he was unaware that Paul's mind would keep dwelling on it. Paul felt sort of happy to find out Richard was gay. But why should he care what Richard was and why would that make him happy? It shouldn't make any difference to him, he thought.

"So that was some good guitar playing you had going on yesterday. You in a band or something?" 

"Uhhh, yes and no. I was in a band full time when I was younger, with my friend Flake actually. But as we got older and developed lives outside of the band, we started not to play as often and got regular jobs. We still get together every once in a great while and play at some small clubs here in Berlin." 

"I'd be awesome to see you play sometime. You'll have to let me know the next time you guys have a gig somewhere." 

"Okay," Paul replied happily. He would be flattered if Richard really wanted to watch his band play someday.

"So what's your regular job then?" Richard asked.

"I work at a music store and give guitar lessons there. So you told me yesterday that you're a writer. What do you write?"

"Mostly novels and a little poetry."

"What type of novels?" Paul asked. Richard hesitated and tried to think of the best way to describe what kind of stories he wrote without embarrasing himself in front of this guy he still had a crush on, unrequited as it may have been.

"Um, I guess you could say they're like romance and mystery type novels."

"Like Twilight or something?" Paul asked and Richard laughed.

"No, not like Twilight. My novels are more geared for mature adults only, not suitable for teens."

"Oh. Oh! So those type of novels."

"Yep. Those type of novels," Richard said, nodding his head in agreement while trying to hide a nervous smile. He didn't know why everytime he was around Paul and why telling him stuff about himself always made him feel flustered. 

Richard's personality had drastically changed in the last few years after a certain incident that happened to him then. He used to be weak, unsure of himself and afraid of everything, but he was different now. After that life changing experience and the help of one of his friends, he became stronger, more confident, and now he feared almost nothing, and he felt he no longer needed to prove himself to anyone. But something about Paul's presence made him feel unsure of himself once more, like he was longing for someone's approval again. He felt a need to impress this man he barely knew. 

Paul then laughed quietly and Richard looked offended.

"I'm not making fun of you, I'm really not. It's just I would've never thought you looked like the type to write dirty romance novels." Richard blushed and laughed.

"Well what do I look like?"

"I don't know, I just thought you seemed too cool for that." Richard raised his eyebrows in amusement.

"Well thanks for thinking I'm cool but are you trying to say people who read or write novels aren't cool?"

"No! I'm definitely not saying that. I love to read books acually and I'm one of the coolest people you could ever meet," Paul said, teasing Richard. 

"And you're humble too!" Richard teased back.

"Maybe you could let me read some of your work sometime."

"Seriously? You'd be interested in the kind of books I write?" Richard asked, surprised.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well I didn't think you looked like the type to wanna read those kind of books."

"Why not?" Paul asked, curiously.

"Well, what cool, electric guitar playing rock star would wanna read romance novels?" 

Paul laughed, "Well that's not the kind of books I usually read. I'm more into science fiction. But I'm kind of interested in checking out some of your work. I'd like to see the way you write." Richard smiled and it made him feel good that Paul was actually interested in his work. It wasn't often that he met anyone, personally, who was.

"Okay. Maybe I'll bring some of my books over to you sometime." Paul nodded his head to that.

"And just so you know, I'm really not that cool, I was just joking," Paul said, smiling shyly.

"Oh I don't know about that. I think you might be cooler than you think," Richard said and then he winked at the smaller man. Paul felt butterflies in his stomach at that and then suddenly his phone, which was in his back pocket, started to ring.

"Excuse me for a moment," he said as he stood up to take his phone out of his pocket and then walked to the other side of the balcony as he answered it. Richard could hear him speaking, very quietly though, due to the distance between them.

"What's up Flake?......I don't know. I'm gonna be busy with unpacking and everything......Well that's true. I guess won't be unpacking all night......Okay, I guess I'll go......Okay. I'll see you guys tonight......Alright, later Flake." Paul walked back to his chair and sat down.

"That was Flake. Him and Jenny wanna take me out tonight." 

"Oh really? Where to?"

"He said some club called Watergate. I think I've heard of it but I've never been there before."

"Oh I've been to that place several times. It's a pretty good club actually, good music," Richard told him. Paul sighed. 

"What? You don't sound too excited about going." Richard asked and Paul shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know. It's not like I wanna stay at home bored every weekend, but it's just going out with those two all the time and nothing ever coming of it, it's getting kind of old."

"Well like I said, maybe I could take you out to some new places sometime, more exciting places, show you some things you've never seen before," Richard offered, smirking. Paul couldn't help but feel slightly aroused at the way Richard said that last part, and with the way Richard looked last night, he could only imagine the type of places he must go to. He blushed and smiled in response. 

"You make that offer sound very intriguing."

"It will be, trust me."

"Okay, maybe sometime soon," Paul said and he felt butterflies again but even stronger this time at the thought of Richard taking him somewhere exciting.

"Well I better go in now. I've got some unpacking to do, unfortunately," Paul told the other man as he started to stand up.

"Yeah and I've got some writing to do. I better go in soon too."

"Okay, well I'll talk to ya later Richard."

"See ya later Paul," Richard said and then he watched Paul walk away, back into his apartment.

A few moments after Paul went in, Richard leaned back in his chair and let out a loud breath as he stared straight ahead and said to himself, "So the Watergate club tonight, huh?" He looked towards Paul's door and smiled mischievously.


	3. Watergate Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul goes to a club called Watergate, which is a club that really exists in Berlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was too impatient to wait for the internet to get hooked up at my new place so I decided to just type out this chapter and the last one on my phone. I'm kind of addicted to writing now and I simply can't stop! I just love it XD.

Paul, Flake and Jenny walked into the Watergate club that Saturday night, none of them knowing exactly what to expect. Flake had heard about the place from one of his friends who said they'd heard only good things about it and that it was a good place for flirting and listening to decent music, and Flake felt both of those things would do Paul some good. As they walked in and looked around, they were pleasantly surprised.

"This place is awesome!" Jenny said excitedly and Flake nodded in agreement. "Let's go find a table and get some drinks," she told the guys, but Paul hadn't been paying attention to anything she said. He was too in awe of the place.

The place wasn't too big but that made it feel more intimate and an easier environment in which to meet and get to know people. There were red and blue led lights all throughout the place which flooded the room in those colors and Paul thought that looked really cool and there were also huge, floor to ceiling windows along all the walls which revealed an amazing panoramic view of the River Spree. There were a couple of bars, techno music blaring out of the speakers in the corners and a good amount of people sitting at the bars and also the tables and chairs lining the edges of the place, next to the windows. In the middle there was a dance floor with a lot of people but not enough to make it seem claustrophobic. 

Paul was relieved to see that mostly everyone was dressed in fairly casual clothes that one would wear to a club just as he and his friends were. He and Flake were wearing thin black jackets and black jeans and Jenny was in a dark blue dress. He always tended to worry about what to wear whenever they'd go to a new place but luckily this club didn't have a strict dress code. And fortunately the guests in this place consisted of people of all different types, looks and age groups, so he had no reason to feel he didn't belong. He thought this club seemed a little more interesting than the more average places the three of them usually went to and he felt glad at that. 

He then noticed some stairs towards the back of the room which he assumed must lead to a second floor and he was curious what it would be like up there and wanted to go check it out just as Flake yelled at him.

"Hey, are you comin with us or what?"

"Yeah, you guys lead the way," he said as he followed them past other groups of people to find a table to claim. Flake went to one of the bars to order some drinks while Paul and Jenny took their seats at one the square tables next to a window at the front end of the club. Paul sat on the side that faced the front end and Jenny sat across from him, facing the back of the club and Flake would sit on the side of the table, between them. Paul noticed that the music was at a decent volume, loud, but not so loud that they had to raise their voices too much to hear each other.

"So Paul, I see a lot of pretty girls here tonight," Jenny pointed out, waggling her eyebrows at Paul. He smiled and rolled his eyes at her teasingly and then glanced over towards the window.

"Pretty view here too," he replied, nonchalantly.

Jenny huffed, "Come on Paul, are you gonna look at the river or the women? You can't take the river home with you."

"Home with me? Who said I was planning on taking a girl home with me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Well now that you've got your own place, why not? When's the last time you got some anyways?"

Paul laughed in surprise. "First of all, are you seriously asking me about my sex life?" he asked, pretending to be offended. "And second of all, well yeah, it's been a while," he said more quietly. 

Flake then approched with their drinks and sat down."What are you guys discussing?"

"My sex life, apparently," Paul answered.

"Or the lack of it, you mean?" Flake joked. Jenny laughed and Paul feigned a hurt expression. "I'm kidding Paulie, I'm kidding!"

"Just wait til I get a little liquid courage in me. I'll be chattin up all kinds of hot ladies tonight. Just you wait and see, I'll prove you two wrong!" Paul said right before downing his first drink. "You guys know nothing about my sex life."

"That's cause there's nothing happening to know about," Flake whispered under his breath and Paul didn't seem to hear him.

The three of them continued to talk and drink for a while until Jenny finally pointed a woman out to Paul.

"Hey Paul, look at that skinny blonde by the bar over there in that little black dress. She's beautiful enough for you, isnt she? And she doesn't look too terribly young either." The woman was standing alone at one of the bars on the right side of the club. 

"Sure, she's pretty," he replied, not seeming very interested.

"Well go talk to her then. Get her number," Flake encouraged him.

"I don't know," Paul said nervously, shrugging his shoulders.

"What's the matter Paul?" Jenny asked worried, "Why do you always act like talking to pretty women is such a difficult task to accomplish? I thought you said you were over your ex and that you don't like being single, didn't you?"

"I am and I don't! I'm just getting tired of going out to these places all the time and having to walk up to complete strangers and try to get their numbers. Sometimes they don't act interested in me and sometimes they're too drunk to even know what I'm saying. And then the few that I have went on dates with don't have anything in common with me or they think I'm too old or they don't like that I have the baggage of an ex wife and kids. It just seems like a never ending cycle where nothing's ever gonna work out."

"Oh would you stop being such a pessimist," Jenny complained, "You haven't even been divorced that long. Now stop being so negative and go talk to that woman. As a matter of a fact, she keeps looking this way. I think she saw you look over at her and she's even smiling a little so just go talk to her before some other guy does." 

"Fine. If it'll get you guys to stop bothering me for a while, I'll go talk to her," Paul said as he stood up out of his chair.

"Don't come back here without a number!" Flake warned as Paul walked away.

Paul made his way through some crowds of people to get across the club and to the bar where the woman was. She noticed him coming towards her as he approached and she smiled at him.

"Heyyy therrre you! I noticed you staring at me," she slurred drunkenly and Paul thought, 'Oh great. She's gonna be one of those.' 

He tried to start a normal conversation with her. He introduced himself, asked her if she was from around here and some other things about herself and in turn he told her a little about himself. But she seemed more into ordering more drinks and flirting with the bartender than she was in their conversation. Every so often she would hit Paul on the arm lightly and tell him he was cute but she was obviously drunk and they both seemed bored with each other and all he wanted at that point was to get away. If he stayed, it may lead to nothing more than maybe some sloppy and pointless sex, and while a lot of guys would probably enjoy that and nothing more, with no strings attached, that just wasn't the type of guy Paul was and that wasn't what he was looking for.

Paul looked behind and around the girl once when she was ordering another drink and his eyes roamed past someone standing in one corner of the room in front of him, slightly to his left. As his eyes kept moving around the place, suddenly he felt like he was being watched. He looked back to where that person had been standing and their eyes met. He had to blink his eyes a few times to focus them amongst the bright red and blue lights and the sea of people between them and finally he realized he recognized this guy. It was Richard.

'What is he doing here?' Paul wondered. Richard just stood in the corner alone, no drink in his hands, not talking to anyone, seemingly not with anyone, and he just stood there, dressed in all black attire with his hair gelled and spiked up, staring right at Paul's face once their gazes locked on each other. He wasn't smiling at him and had a very serious expression upon his face. He didn't even attempt to look away when Paul caught him and just kept staring at the smaller man intently and then he licked his lips as though he was eyeing a delicious meal he was about to devour.

Normally if Paul would've seen someone he knew anywhere that he went out to, he would smile at them and think nothing of it. But in this case, Paul had to admit to himself that it was slightly creepy of the other man to show up at the club where he knew Paul would be and then to stand there in the corner and just watch him with that look on his face, and no matter how long Paul stared back at him, Richard simply wouldn't look away. And why would Richard wanna stare at him anyways, he asked himself. Paul didn't feel like he was anything special to look at and thought the other man could've easily found a better looking guy to look at than him. But obviously Richard must've seen something he liked to wanna stare that long.

Paul suddenly tore his gaze away to look back at the woman who was now speaking some kind of crazy nonsense about how she believes aliens are real. How the hell she got on that topic, Paul had no clue but at least maybe he could act like he was engaged in a conversation with her and maybe that would get Richard to stop staring or to walk away, or at least it would distract Paul's mind from how it was making him feel for the other man to look at him that way. 

He kept listening to the woman's meaningless chatter for a while and then he decided against his better judgement to quickly glance Richard's way once more to see if he had gone or at least looked somewhere else finally. But when he looked at him, Richard was still stuck there in the same spot, watching him but this time when Paul caught his eye, Richard gave him a quick tip of his chin, as though he wanted Paul to come to him.

Paul's heart began racing and all of a sudden it felt as though the temperature in the club rose by twenty degrees. 'Oh god, what do I do? Should I go to him?' Paul racked his brain for a few moments and almost considered going to Richard but then chickened out. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and looked at it and then looked back up at the girl.

"I'm sorry, my friend just texted me. He's looking for me, I gotta go find him, okay? It was nice talking to you."

"Kayyy, laterrr," she slurred and then turned her attention back to the bartender and didn't seem to care that Paul was walking away.

He went back over to Flake and Jenny and sat down.

"So you'd get her number?" Flake asked, enthusiastically.

"No, she was drunk and weird and I wasn't interested in her so just leave me alone," Paul said, getting frustrated with his friends. Flake and his wife looked at each other, worried, and decided to lay off of their friend for a while.

Eventually they changed the subject and started talking about other things but Paul couldn't help but wonder if Richard was still behind him, burning a hole into his back. They ordered some drinks and then Paul spoke up. 

"So I saw my neighbor guy here when I was talking to that girl."

"Your neighbor? Have you ever spoken to him since you've moved in?" Flake asked.

"Yeah, we met yesterday and then we talked for a long time this morning, actually, while chillin on our balconies."

"So is he a nice guy then? Where is he?" Jenny asked as her eyes scanned around the club. "Hey is that him standing off to the side back there? The guy that's looking this way right now? He must of noticed you, he's staring." Paul turned around and confirmed that it was in fact Richard that Jenny was looking at.

"Wow, he's pretty cute," Jenny said as she looked him up and down.

"Hey!" Flake said, jokingly, to his wife.

"What? I can't think another guy is cute? It's not like I'm gonna go try to get his number or anything Flake so just calm down hun," she said, smiling at her husband kindly. "I'm sure you've noticed some pretty girls in here yourself," she added. Flake just shrugged his shoulders and smiled back at her.

"Don't worry Flake, she doesn't stand a chance with him anyways. He's gay," Paul told them and they looked a bit surprised.

"Awe, that's too bad," Jenny said, teasing Flake.

"I'm gonna go talk to him. You guys don't mind do you?" Paul asked.

"Why would we mind?" Flake asked in return. Paul stood up and gulped down the last of his bottle of beer, slammed it down on the table, took a deep breath and tried to build up some courage as he took one last nervous look at his friends before he turned around and walked away. As he walked towards Richard, the other man smiled at him confidently while Paul smiled shyly. 

"Hey Paul! I was wondering if you were ever gonna come over and talk to me."

"You could've came up and talked to me too, you know."

"Well, I saw you talking to that woman and then you went and sat with your friends and I didn't wanna interrupt anything. So were you interested in that girl? Did you get her number?" 

"No and no. And I would've been glad if you would've interrupted." Richard laughed at that. 

"Was she that bad?" 

The two of them continued to talk about the girl and then eventually they found a table to sit at in the corner and started talking about other things. Flake and Jenny noticed this and looked at each other suspiciously.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Flake asked as he gave his wife a small smirk. Jenny tried to act nonchalant, putting her chin in her hand and shrugging slightly.

"I'm not thinking anything," she replied, giving Flake an even bigger smirk.

After a while, Jenny looked at her watch and told Flake they should get going. They never liked to stay out too late, as they had kids to get home to and they didn't wanna make the babysitter have to spend the night. They had picked Paul up at his place and driven him to the club though, so they would have to let him know they were ready to leave. They usually acted as Paul's designated drivers, given that they never tended to let themselves drink that much, since they would be going home to their kids and they also liked for Paul to be able to drink so he could loosen up before trying to talk to women. He wasn't shy at all, it was just that sometimes he would feel uneasy around some people in certain situations. He has always had a hard time trusting people, his whole life. 

Paul and Richard were deep in conversation when Flake approached them.

"Hey Paulchen. We have to get going now, it's getting pretty late." Richard had to try not to smile at Flake's nickname for Paul. Paul looked disappointed about having to leave but was nice enough to introduce his friend and neighbor and they shook hands.

"Hey Paul, you know if you're not ready to go yet I could take you home, since we live next to each other anyways. It wouldn't be a problem." 

"Are you sure?" Paul asked him.

"Yeah, of course. I'd love for you to stay longer." Paul and Richard smiled at each other and then Paul looked up to Flake.

"I'm gonna stay here a little longer then. I'll let Richard drive me home, alright?" Flake hesitated to answer as he was kind of worried about Paul letting this guy who he barely knew give him a ride home. But Paul was a grown man and Flake knew he could take care of himself.

"Okay Paul, if that's what you want. I'll probably call or text you tomorrow. Nice meeting you Richard." They both told Flake goodbye and when Flake informed Jenny of why Paul wasn't leaving yet, she was a little surprised, yet not really surprised at all at the same time.

"You wanna check out the top level of this place?" Richard asked Paul.

"Sure," Paul replied, thinking Richard had read his mind. They stood up and left the table and Richard led the way up the stairs to the second floor of the club. Paul followed behind him and couldn't help but check out Richard's perfect ass while he did.

The top level looked even cooler. It had the same led lights and a bar but there was a DJ at the head of the dance floor and there were long leather seated benches with backs on them to lean against that lined the outer walls. This level also had floor to ceiling windows and the view of the river was even more gorgeous from up higher.

"Did you want another drink?" Richard asked Paul, as though he was willing to buy him one. 

"No thanks, I think I've had enough for tonight. Are you gonna have one?"

"No. I don't like to drink too much when I go out. Sometimes I don't drink at all. I like to be clear headed and be able to pay attention to what I'm doing and to what's going on." Paul just nodded his head. "You wanna sit on one of these benches or were you planning on getting out there on the dance floor," Richard asked, smiling at Paul.

Paul laughed, "No, I'm not really a great dancer, especially to techno music. I'm more into rock or punk music."

"Well that makes sense, you are in a rock band after all. Let's go sit down then." They found an empty bench on the left side of the club and sat down on the soft leather seat and faced the dance floor. Richard then turned slightly and bent his knee and put the bottom half of his leg up on the seat where he sat and and draped his arm across the top half of the seat and faced Paul's side. He just sat there and watched Paul for a moment as the smaller man just glanced around the club and then looked down nervously at his own hands which rested on his legs.

"Do I make you nervous Paul?" Richard asked in a kind tone of voice, "Or are you always this way, quiet and reserved?"

Paul huffed out a laugh and looked up at Richard, "I'm usually the total opposite of quiet and reserved. It's just that I'm in this new place that I've never been to before and I'm sitting here with someone I don't know that well yet."

"Oh that's right, I'm sorry. I guess we dont know each other very well yet so I guess I shouldn't jump to conclusions about your personality, should I?"

"That's fine," Paul said as he graced Richard with one of his big and bright grins and then he turned towards the other man and put his leg and arm up on the bottom and the back of the bench just as Richard had, so that he could look out the window. He was still smiling slightly when he spoke. "Beautiful view, isn't it?" he asked Richard.

"Yes it is, quite beautiful," Richard replied, but Paul could see out of the corner of his eye that Richard's gaze was still locked on him.

"This place turned out to be better than i expected. Is this the type of club you usually go to?" Paul asked.

"No. This club is actually a little too mild for my tastes. But it is a pretty cool place though." Paul just smiled and nodded and then starting imagining all kinds of pictures in his head of what types of clubs Richard must go to.

They continued talking for what seemed like hours but neither man actually knew how much time had passed. They were too deeply engaged in their conversation while watching the lights from the room reflect off of the River Spree to pay any attention to the time. But they knew it must've been getting pretty late because more and more people were starting leave the club. They then both decided that they better be getting home. They surely could've talked to each other all night but they were getting tired and the place would be closing soon. 

They made their way back home and inside Richard's car they didn't talk much. Paul would look around and admire the other man's car every so often, which was a black 2017 Audi A7. His books must be selling well, Paul thought to himself. And then Paul would stare out the passenger window and Richard would look over at him whenever he had the chance and wish he could know what Paul was thinking about.

They arrived at the doors to their apartments and proceeded to tell each other good night.

"I had a good time with you tonight Paul. We should hang out more often."

"Yeah, we definitely should," Paul replied and it made Richard smile at the prospect of hanging out with him again. "Well, good night Richard." 

Richard lifted his hand and reached forward to lightly pat the smaller man on his upper arm. "Good night.....Paulchen," he said, grinning.

Paul chuckled at that and nodded his head and then finally they both turned to open their doors, looking over and glancing at each other one last time before they entered their places.

Paul shut his front door behind him and sighed. Why Richard was making him feel some type of way, he didn't know; but that Richard was making him feel some type of way, was undeniable.

He hung up his jacket and then went into the kitchen and drank a glass of water before heading to bed and hoped he wouldn't wake up with a hang over. But if he did, it would've been worth it to have gotten to spend a night out with Richard. The other man had certainly made Paul's potentially uninteresting night more interesting.

Once in his bedroom, he changed into his pajamas, used the bathroom, brushed his teeth and got in bed. He laid on his back with the covers pulled up to his chin and stared up into nothingness with thoughts of Richard on his mind. He wondered then if the other man was lying in his bed too in the room that was probably right on the other side of Paul's wall. Then he wondered whether Richard slept naked. He liked to imagine that he did. This image caused his imagination to run wild. Was Richard hot right after just coming home from the club? Were his covers thrown off of him? Paul pictured Richard laying with his chest against the mattress, uncovered, with the curve of his butt exposed in the moonlight lit glow of an otherwise dark room.

Paul then felt his cock stir at that thought and he couldn't stop himself from reaching down and underneath the waistband of his pajama bottoms and wrapping his hand around his partial erection which he then began to slowly stroke into full life.

Next he imagined Richard lying naked in his bed next to him and gazing at him with those ungodly blue green eyes, that he probably wouldn't be able to see in the dimness of his room, but he liked to pretend that he would be able to. In Paul's mind, Richard would lie there and stare at him just as he had in the club, which again, Paul knew was weird but he kinda liked it. He kinda liked it a lot. 

As he kept stroking himself, he pictured Richard sitting up from the bed and climbing on top of him, Richard gazing down at him deep into Paul's eyes, Richard's warm hand stroking him instead, Richard's mouth wrapped around his cock, his cheeks sunk in and then taking it deep into his throat, Richard's lube slicked fingers moving inside of him, then Richard's hard and slick cock fighting to work it's way into his tight hole and thrusting into him hard and deep while gripping and squeezing his hips roughly. How would that feel? he wondered. He figured it would probably hurt or feel unusual but in a good sort of way and would probably feel amazing too. He didn't know but god how curious he was to find out someday.

Maybe Richard would even run his hands along Paul's body while fucking him, maybe he'd kiss his neck, lick his neck, bite his neck, his throat, his shoulders, his chest, his nipples. Who knows what Richard would do to him if given the chance to have his way with the more than willing smaller man. He started moving his hand faster and faster. He wanted to moan loudly this whole time but he had to make sure he didn't for fear that maybe the walls were thin and the other man would hear him, so he kept his noises down to quiet sighs and whimpers.

Then Paul imagined Richard above him and looking down at him with those wild contacts in both eyes, whispering to him, moaning, maybe even shouting Paul's name with those same wild eyes wide open as Richard came inside of him and that last image was all it took to make Paul's eyes and head roll back and his hips arch off the bed as he cried out as quietly as he could manage, and wanted to yell out Richard's name but he held back. His whole body shook as he spilled his release all over his hand and into his pants. 

After he laid sated and worn out for a few minutes, he finally got up and cleaned himself and changed his pants and then got back into bed, still slightly sated, and he fell asleep mere moments after his head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are always appreciated :)


	4. A Note and A Text

When Paul woke up the next morning, he wasn't feeling hungover but he was certainly experiencing some other uncomfortable feelings. As he lied in bed, right away he remembered everything from the night before; the way Richard looked at him, the way he made Paul feel, the time they spent together, what he did when he got home. He was feeling ashamed, embarrassed and slightly afraid. Why? Because he thought his feelings for Richard were wrong. He grew up being taught that being was gay was wrong. Even though as he'd gotten older he no longer agreed with that idea and at this point in his life he didn't have anything against people for living their life however they wanted, still for some reason when it came to himself, he felt like he wasn't supposed to be having these thoughts towards another man. He had it engrained into his mind from the time he was very young by his parents and other people that it was absolutely forbidden for him to ever feel this way or to be considered gay or even bisexual. He couldn't be gay, he just couldn't, he wouldn't accept it. 

He then came to the conclusion that he had to stop the way he was feeling for Richard but he knew his feelings weren't going to just go away that easily, so he thought the only reasonable solution would be to avoid the other man all together. And he knew that would most likely be very difficult, given that they were neighbors, but he would have to try. He couldn't just try to be friends with him, because that would never work. Paul wouldn't be able to stop himself from wanting more and he couldn't take that risk. It would be useless to even try to be around Richard and expect not to feel anything, especially when he'd already developed such a strong attraction and desire for him after only two days. He knew that ignoring him would be the best thing he could do even though at first it would probably make Richard think he was rude but eventually he would get over it. Luckily they hadn't became too close yet. If they had, this would be even harder.

He finally got out of bed and took a cold shower and then went into his kitchen and sat down at the table and decided to try to wipe all thoughts of Richard from his mind and instead focus on other things like his job, planning the next gig for his band, getting some things done like unpacking and grocery shopping and trying to find some time to visit his kids. And maybe once his six month lease was up he could even look for a new place to live. It would surely be much easier to avoid Richard if he didn't have to live right next to him. And in the meantime, he would try to have a more optimistic attitude about meeting and dating women. Maybe if he found a woman he really liked, that would also help to take his mind off Richard.

\----------------

For the next two weeks, Paul managed to go through with his plan without faltering at all, though it was difficult. He would still think of Richard often, especially at night when he would lie in bed. For the first two days after Paul and Richard had went to the Watergate club, they didn't see or talk to each other at all. But on the third day, Paul heard a knock at his door and when he looked through the peephole he saw Richard on the other side. So what did Paul do? The only thing he could do. He ignored him and didn't answer the door. He expected Richard to come over sooner or later but he was hoping it would've taken him longer than three days. The next day Richard knocked again and the day after that again, and every time Paul ignored him. But on the sixth day since they had last spoken, when Paul woke up and went out into the living room, he saw a note in front of his door. Someone must've slipped it underneath. He immediately picked it up and read it. 

The note read: "Hey Paul, I hope it isn't weird for me to write you this note but I never got your number or else I would've texted you. I've just been wondering how you've been doing and if you were planning on going out anywhere this weekend. We haven't talked in a while. Well maybe it hasn't been that long, I guess, but I really enjoyed talking to you the few times that we did. I hope you know that I just wanna be friends and I hope it didn't make you uncomfortable when I showed up at the club that night and then stared at you for longer than I probably should've. But it's just that from the first time we talked I knew that you were gonna be one of those people who would be easy to get along with. I thought you seemed really nice and easygoing and funny and I just wanted to get to know you better, that's all. It doesn't bother you that I'm gay, does it? I'm probably just being paranoid. I'm sure you're not the type of person who would judge someone for that. Well anyways, I think I'm starting to ramble on now so if you ever wanna just talk or hang out you can call or text me anytime. Here's my number 555-0827. And you're more than welcome to come over to my place anytime too if you don't feel like going out anywhere, you can just come visit me if you want. But if not, I understand and that's fine too. And if I don't hear anything from you or see you then I won't keep bothering you." It was signed, 'Reesh'. Paul sighed after he read the note and he felt so incredibly guilty. 

'God what I am I doing? I'm so mean. All Richard wants is to be my friend and he's been nothing but kind to me since I moved in and what do I do? I completely ignore him and don't even have the decency to answer the door and at least tell him a lie for why I can't hang out that would at least make him think it wasn't about him and that I don't hate him or something. But I don't even have the balls to talk to him or look him in the face because of the way I feel when I'm around him. But it's not his fault that I feel this way about him and that I can't control my thoughts. Man I'm a dick, but I have to be. Eventually he won't care anymore and he'll probably forget he ever met me. Why is he so persistent about being friends with me anyways? He's already got friends, he doesn't need me. I just have to keep ignoring him until he forgets me, I have to,' Paul told himself.

So Paul continued to ignore him as he had intended. He would never go out on his balcony unless he didn't see Richard's car or would see his friends pick him up and could be sure that he was gone. He would always leave for work before Richard was probably even awake and when he would come home from work everyday, Richard was probably too deep into his writing to hear Paul go into his apartment.

Paul wasn't aware of Richard's attraction for him so he didn't realize how much this was bothering the other man. Richard liked Paul from the first time he met him and he was so glad when he got to talk to him and hang out with him at the club and the last time they spoke, Paul said they could go out again sometime. So the fact that Paul decided to start avoiding him entirely from that moment on really hurt his feelings. He assumed the smaller man must not like him. 

Richard couldn't understand why he was even worrying about it so much though, about someone he'd just met who he barely knew. He'd become so confident in himself over the last few years and he never cared what people thought about him anymore. And then this stranger comes into his life and all of a sudden he's insecure again. He thought he was acting a little ridiculous over the whole situation but still, he couldn't help how he felt. He just wanted to be liked by Paul so bad. He felt like there was some kind of chemistry between them, and if not as lovers then at least as friends. He hadn't felt a spark like that with anyone in a long time, but apparently Paul didn't notice that spark, or so Richard thought. 

\-----------------

A week had passed since he wrote that note and he hadn't heard anything from Paul yet. He would hear him leave for work and come home everyday but he didn't attempt to talk to him anymore because by this time he was sure the other man wanted nothing to do with him so he decided to leave him alone. He told himself that he just needed to forget Paul and focus on other things. Paul wasn't anything to him anyways, just some guy he'd only talked to for two damn days, it was no big deal. Those were the lies he kept trying to convince himself of to make himself feel better and less offended.

It was a Friday afternoon, exactly two weeks since the two of them had first met and Richard had pretty much given up on Paul. Paul wasn't at work on this day because sometimes he would have Fridays off. The temperature was high that sunny day and Paul had been sitting in his central air cooled apartment all day long and felt like going out on his balcony to get some fresh air. Since it was a weekday and the middle of the afternoon, he assumed that Richard was probably busy writing so he decided to take a chance and go outside. 

He opened the door to the balcony very slowly and peeked out of it first to make sure the coast was clear. When he saw that it was, he breathed a sigh of relief and sat down in the chair that he had left out there. He looked around at what little of the city he could see from his seat, watching cars whiz by and people strolling along the sidewalks, feeling the hot sun beaming down on him, slightly burning his bare arms but it felt nice. After about ten minutes, just as he was considering going in, he heard Richard's door open. 

"Shit," he whispered under his breath. He couldn't go in now, that would make it look too obvious that Paul had a reason to purposely avoid him. He couldn't look Richard's way at first. He hoped so much that the other man wouldn't say anything to him, he didn't wanna have to explain himself. He heard a lot of noise as Richard was coming out of the door though so he instinctively felt the need to look over to see what all the noise was. When he glanced over that way he saw Richard dragging a long beach chair out the door and he wasn't wearing a shirt and was in basketball shorts. 

'God, does this guy ever wear a shirt when he's outside?' Paul thought to himself. He guessed that Richard must've planned on laying out to get some sun. Richard set the chair in the middle of the balcony and as he went to sit down in it, he turned towards Paul's direction for a moment and their eyes met. The connection didn't last longer than a few seconds but it was long enough for Paul to see the hurt look on Richard's face. He looked right into Paul's eyes for a moment and Paul thought he looked sad. Richard said nothing to him and then just turned back towards the street and laid back in his chair with his arms by his sides and closed his eyes. Paul looked away quickly and felt so horrible. There was a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach and now his heart yearned for Richard to say something to him; 'hallo, guten tag, go away, I hate you, you dick,' anything, just any words that would let Paul know that the last time they talked wouldn't be the final time they would ever speak again. The thought of that killed him.

After a few minutes which felt like hours of very awkward silence other than all the typical city noises, Richard finally spoke. He didn't open his eyes or lift his head or anything and he spoke so softly that Paul just barely heard him. It sounded as though Richard wasn't sure whether he should say anything or not, and in a way was hoping that Paul wouldn't hear him. 

"It's awfully warm out today, isn't it?" was all he said. 

"Yeah," Paul replied as he looked Richard's way. For several moments he sat there trying to think of a longer response than that. He finally said something unimportant just so his answer wouldn't be so short. "I was getting tired from sitting in the air conditioning for so long so I decided to come out here to get some fresh air." Neither one of them said anything for a while after that but then Richard finally broke the silence again. 

"Can I ask you something Paul?" Paul's stomach twisted and he was dreading what Richard's question might be but still he answered. 

"Sure." 

"Have you been purposely avoiding me?" Yep, that was exactly the one Paul was dreading. 

"What would make you think that?" 

"Well," Richard explained as he lie in his chair, "When you first moved in, we talked quite a lot and you even said we could hang out again sometime but then now we haven't even seen each other or spoke for the last couple weeks."

"Do neighbors have to see each other everyday?" Paul replied, nervously. He didn't mean to sound so unkind but he couldn't just come right out and tell Richard the truth. 

"Well no. But.....It's just that I thought.....Well, I thought that maybe we were starting to become friends. But I guess I was wrong." Paul looked down and felt so bad at what the other man just said and then he looked back at Richard who still wouldn't dare to look at Paul.

"I'm sorry Richard. I've just been really busy lately with a lot of things, you know, settling into my new place and work and everything." 

"Oh, okay. I can understand that", Richard said, sounding a little disappointed. 

After a few more minutes of silence between them, Paul finally decided to get up and go back into the cooled air. He didn't know what else to say to Richard but one thing he did know was that he regretted avoiding him for the last two weeks, or at the least, he regretted the way he went about it. He thought he could've done it in a nicer way. 

Richard heard Paul getting up out of his chair and he finally turned his head to look at the smaller man. 

"Getting too hot out here for you to handle?" Richard asked. Paul stopped walking towards his door to look over at the other man. His eyes landed on Richard's upper body which was glistening from the sunlight reflecting off of the shiny suntan oil Richard had applied to himself before coming outside, and Richard noticed Paul staring. 

"Yeah," was all Paul said in reply, and in his mind he added, 'Way too fucking hot to handle.' Richard turned his head back towards the sky and closed his eyes again, his heart clenching over Paul wanting to go away from him. 

Right before Paul stepped into his kitchen he leaned back outside again and said, "Hey Richard?"

"Yeah?" Richard said as he opened only one eye and waited to listen to Paul. 

"You weren't wrong." 

"Huh?" Richard asked, confused. 

"When you said that you thought we were starting to become friends but maybe you were wrong. You weren't wrong." Paul stepped inside and shut his door just as Richard closed both eyes again and a huge grin crossed his face. Suddenly he felt a warmth inside of him that felt hotter than the heat burning against his skin.

Once Paul went back in and sat down in his living room he tried to relax and watch TV but he couldn't stop thinking of Richard; the way he looked, the way he sounded, everything he'd just said. He then realized that this plan he had come up with was stupid and pointless and was never gonna work because there was no way he would be able to stop thinking of Richard or wanting to keep seeing and talking to him again. It was a lost cause. He gave up. He couldn't avoid him anymore. And the truth was, he didn't want to either. The desire to be around the other man grew within him so strong and so fast in that moment that he decided he was going to make a bold move. 

Later that afternoon Richard sat on his couch, watching TV. He had just taken a shower and wanted to take a break from writing to simply relax and not have to think about anything, instead of thinking of how Paul had acted outside earlier. He was glad that Paul talked to him and made it sound like they would be friends but he could still tell that Paul was acting odd and he didn't know why. Then he heard his phone, which was on the end table next to his couch, make a pinging sound. He picked it up and saw that he'd received a text from a number he didn't recognize. He opened the text and read it. 

"Hey this is Paul. I was just wondering if you had any plans tonight or if you'd like to hang out or something. I also wanted to apologize for not speaking to you in a while. I've just had some personal stuff going on and well I guess I was being kind of selfish, so I'll understand if you don't wanna hang out with me tonight, or ever. But if you would like to, that would make me very happy." Richard's heart started pounding and his head was spinning and he felt so, so happy and relieved to read Paul's text. His fingers shook as he texted back. 

"No need to apologize. Actually, I've already made plans to go out to this one bar tonight and I'm meeting a couple of my friends there, but I would love for you to come along with me and meet my friends. But there's something important that I should probably let you know before you decide whether to go. It's a gay bar. I hope that won't be a problem for you." Richard pushed send and then waited very anxiously for the next couple minutes for a reply as he stared intensely at the phone in his hand. His phone pinged again. 

"That won't be a problem at all. I'd love to go with you. But I gotta admit I am kind of nervous about meeting your friends. And this might be a weird question, but will I be the only straight person there?" Richard had to laugh out loud at that. 

"No, there actually are other straight people that go there also, men and women, not very many usually, but some. And there's no need to worry about my friends. There very friendly and down to earth. Trust me, you guys will get along great. I'm leaving at nine. If you'd like, you can meet me in the corridor then. We can take my car." 

"Okay that sounds good. I can meet you at nine. But just one last question. What type of clothes should I wear to this place?" Richard laughed again.

"Just dress casual, just like you were at the Watergate. It's not really much different than a regular bar." 

Paul texted back, "So we're not gonna go to whatever type of place you went to that one night, when you came home wearing red and black leather and that contact in your eye? You said you wanted to take me somewhere exciting sometime, remember?" Richard eyebrows shot up in amusement and he was a little surprised that Paul had remembered him saying that and had also remembered how he looked that one night. 

"I definitely wanna take you somewhere exciting soon and I usually do go to that place, but sometimes I just like to go to regular bars and chill too. And to be honest with you, I don't think you'd be ready for that other place yet. I might have to ease you into that one." Paul was so confused. What the hell kind of place is this that Richard's talking about. 'Ease him into it?' What was that supposed to mean? And why wouldn't he be ready for the place. He was a little offended by that. But Richard had already made plans to go to some bar and he agreed to go with him, so that was that. He texted Richard again. 

"I'm so puzzled at what you mean by that but I guess you'll have to explain it to me sometime, maybe tonight. I'll see you at nine then." 

"Okay good. See ya then. Later Paul." 

"Later Reesh." Richard smiled at Paul's last text and the both of them felt so excited with anticipation for tonight.


	5. Jealousy and Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other three Rammstein guys are finally brought into the story :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to start giving each chapter a title, and please disregard the note on every chapter at the bottom about myself not having internet yet. I do have internet now at my new place, I just can't get that note to go away when I try to delete it :/

When Paul walked out into the corridor, Richard was already out there waiting for him in a dark blue, long sleeve button down shirt and black jeans and shoes. His hair was spiked and he had a thin layer of black eyeliner under his eyes. Paul was in a black t-shirt and jeans along with a silver earring in each ear. His stomach did a front flip when he laid eyes on Richard's sexy appearance and Richard could tell right away that Paul looked nervous. 

"You look good Paul," he said in nothing more than a friendly sort of way. Paul gave him a nervous smile and a quick nod of his head. 

"Thanks, so do you," Paul said in a purposely flat tone, trying not to let Richard sense how much he really meant those words. Richard smiled and motioned with his arm and a tilt of his head for Paul to lead the way down the stairs and out to the street where Richard's car was parked. As Richard trailed closely behind Paul he patted him lightly on the back. 

"Don't worry Paul, it's just a bar, nothin special." Paul huffed silently as he glanced back at the other man briefly. He wasn't nervous about where they were going, but instead that he was going out with Richard. 

The drive to the bar didn't take very long with the traffic not being too congested that night. When they walked in, Paul found that Richard was right when he said it would be just like any other typical bar. Instead of sitting right up at the bar, they found a booth to sit at since Richard's friends would soon arrive and be joining them once they got there. Paul sat down and Richard went up to the bar to order them some drinks. Not any more than a few minutes after Richard walked away, a fairly handsome, muscular man with a shaved head and wearing all black, looking to be in his fifties, approached Paul with a smile.

"Hallo there sir. My name is Fredrik," he held out his hand for Paul to shake and Paul took it while looking up at the man curiously and told him his name in return. "So are you here alone?" he asked Paul. 

"Um, no," Paul answered, "I'm with my friend. He's over...." Paul lifted his arm and intended to point to where Richard was but he couldn't find him amongst the crowd of people who stood by the bar. He put his arm back down and said, "Well I can't quite see him but he's somewhere over there by the bar." The man gave Paul a smirk as though he didn't believe him and then sat down across from him. 

"Let me buy you a drink. What would you like?" 

"My friend's bringing me a drink," Paul replied just as Richard returned with two bottles of beer. 

"Is this man bothering you, darling?" Richard asked Paul as he set the bottles on the table and stood over the man, glaring down at him with a serious look on his face. Paul caught on quick to Richard's little plan.

"Oh everything's fine dear. He was just being friendly." The man looked intimidated as he glanced up at Richard and then Paul and then he quickly scooted out of the booth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were taken," the man said with a red face. 

"Well he is," Richard said, sternly as he stood eye to eye with the man for a moment. The man looked down and then hurriedly walked away. Richard took a seat across from Paul and as soon as their gazes met, they broke out in laughter.

"Damn, I leave you alone for less than five minutes and someone's already hitting on you," Richard said as he opened his beer to take a drink, "It doesn't surprise me though." Paul smiled and opened his beer also and then lifted it to take a sip and hoped that the bottle and his hand were covering his blushing face from Richard. But Richard didn't seem to notice. Instead he looked past Paul's head towards the door and saw his friends walk in. 

"Hey, there they are." Richard's two friends approached just as Paul started to turn his head to look at the tall men who greeted Richard. 

"Hey Reesh, how's it going?" his dark, slightly wavy, short haired friend asked. 

"It's going good," Richard replied as he stood up and sat next to Paul to let his friends sit together across from them. 

"So this must be Paul?" the wavy haired man asked as he sat directly in front of Paul and held out his hand to him. 

"Yes, this is Paul, and Paul this is Christoph," Richard said, introducing them.

"I've heard a lot about you Paul and you can just call me Chris," Christoph said as he and Paul smiled at each other and shook hands. Paul felt flattered by the fact that Richard had apparently talked about him a lot to his friend. He had to wonder if the things he told him were good or bad though.

"And this is Oli," Richard added as the taller, skinnier man with a shaved head and beard shook Paul's hand, gave him a small smile and spoke softly.

"Nice to meet you Paul."

"Nice to meet you guys too," Paul replied, kindly. 

The four of them started a casual conversation and they asked Paul a few questions about himself. As Paul spoke and watched them, he saw that Christoph was in a silky black button down shirt and Oli in a thin black sweater. Normal enough, but Paul found Oli's choice of jewelry a bit odd. He was wearing a snug, black leather collar around his neck with a metal ring attached to it. He thought they both seemed really friendly but it was obvious right away that Christoph was the more talkative one and Oli was rather quiet. After they talked for a while, Richard asked if they wanted drinks and offered to go get them. 

"Oh course you wanna go up to the bar and get them for us," Christoph said as he smirked at Richard and Richard just chuckled and then went to get their drinks. Paul wasn't sure what that exchange was all about but after Richard walked away, the three of them continued talking. 

"So you're straight Paul?" Christoph asked him. Paul nodded his head. "And you didn't mind coming to this place?" 

"No, of course not," Paul replied, shaking his head. 

"That's cool," Christoph said, smiling, "It always make me happy when I meet a guy that's as open minded as you." Just as Paul smiled in return, Oli leant over towards Christoph and told him quietly that he was going to run to the restroom. Christoph turned his head towards Oli and nodded and then gave him a peck on the tip of his nose and said, "Hurry back, liebchen." Paul then figured out that the two of them must be a couple. 

After Oli walked away, Christoph spoke to Paul again, "In case you're wondering why Richard is taking so long over there at the bar, it's because he's busy hitting on that bartender that you can see he's flirting with right now," he said, laughing slightly. Paul's eyes roamed across the bar until he found Richard and saw that the other man was indeed flirting with a bartender who looked to be around their age, was tall, muscular and wearing a dark green t-shirt that hugged his intimidating figure. He had dark brown silky hair that was just long enough to fall in front of his face and just as Paul looked at him, he saw the guy run his fingers through his hair to brush it away from his face and then Paul noticed his eyebrow ring and also his smile as he spoke to Richard. Paul could only see the side of Richard's face but he could tell he also had a big grin as he stared back at the bartender.

Paul felt his heart break into a million pieces then. He couldn't believe that he agreed to come to this place with Richard and even got all excited about it, only to come here and have to watch Richard flirt with another man and ignore him. But he guessed that was what he deserved after the way he'd been treating Richard recently. 

Christoph continued speaking, "He saw that guy working in here over a week ago and he flirted with Richard so now for about the last week, Richard's came back in here a few times hoping that he'd be working here again so he could try to talk to him and get his number. When he first saw him, the bartender was making the drinks that Richard had ordered and he took the time to introduce himself to Richard and proceeded to tell him he was a very good looking man and asked him if he was alone. Richard said he was with his friends and then the bartender told him to have a good time and also that if he needed to order anymore drinks to come back to him. Of course Richard was flattered by that and he told the man thanks. I think he said his name is Till, and well now he's probably up there getting his digits as we speak." Christoph smiled but when he turned back towards Paul he could see that the smaller man wasn't smiling. Now Paul was really regretting ignoring Richard for those two weeks. 

'So that's the type of guy Richard likes?' he thought to himself, 'Or maybe it's not and Richard was only flattered by his compliment.' Paul wished he could be Richard's type. He then had to change the subject to distract Christoph from the hurt look on his own face. 

"So how long have you and Oli been together?" Paul asked. 

"Over a year now, and I still love him more than ever." Christoph said with a smile that made it clear to Paul that the other man really was in love. 

"How'd you guys meet?" 

"Well, Richard and I were at this club one night and I saw Oli sitting in a corner by himself, staring at me, and when I caught his eye he looked away. He seemed very shy and timid but I sorta liked that about him. I found it cute, so I went over to talk to him." Christoph kept telling Paul the story of how he and Oli met and after a while he noticed that Paul wasn't paying attention to him anymore. Instead he was staring at Richard and Till with a somber and slightly envious look on his face. Christoph looked puzzled at that as he glanced back and forth between Paul and two men he was watching at the bar and then stopped talking, and Paul didn't even seem to notice that Christoph had went silent, mid sentence. 

"Paul," Christoph said and then he had to repeat it once more a little louder to get Paul's attention. 

"Yeah," Paul said turning his head back to Christoph. 

"Are you still listening?" Christoph asked, smiling kindly. 

"Yeah, I'm listening," Paul said, lying to the other man. 

"Okay, so how did Oli and I meet?" Christoph asked. 

"Um, in a bar or a club or something," Paul replied, hesitating. 

"Yeah and then what happened after that?" Christoph asked, trying not to laugh. Paul opened his mouth for a moment but then nothing came out and they both laughed. 

"I'm sorry Chris. I'm not trying to be rude. I guess my head was somewhere else or something, I don't know," Paul said shaking his head, frustrated with himself. 

"Oh your head was somewhere else alright. It was over there at that bar," Christoph said, tilting his head in Richard and Till's direction, "It's okay, I won't tell Richard." 

"Tell Richard what?" Paul asked, confused. 

"It's okay Paul, you don't have to deny it. I said I won't say anything to him, honestly. I'm good at sensing these sort of things, you know, things like when someone maybe wants to be more than just friends with someone else." Christoph remarked with a sly smile that he directed at Paul and then turned towards Richard just as Richard was walking back towards the table with their drinks. At the same time, Oli was also returning to the table. 

"What are you talking about Chris?" Paul asked, embarrassed. 

Christoph saw Richard and Oli getting closer and said, "Well I'm not talking about anything right now." 

As soon as the other two men sat down, Oli asked Richard, "So? Did you get his number?" Richard took his phone out of his pocket and wiggled it in front of Oli's face. 

"Right here in my little phone," he answered, cheerfully. Oli nodded his head in approval. 

"Way to go Reesh! You go get your man!" Oli exclaimed, enthusiastically. Richard, Christoph and Oli all laughed out loud at that. It wasn't often that Oli spoke up in a group of people, but when he did he could be rather humorous if he wanted to be. 

Christoph then observed that Paul was the only one not laughing or even smiling as Paul looked over at Richard and it caused Christoph's laughter to stop. Paul had that same somber expression only this time it was even worse. Paul looked over and caught the sad look on Christoph's face as he stared back at the smaller man, feeling sorry for him. Paul faked a smile and then looked back at Richard and smiled again, trying to look happy for him to convince Christoph that he was wrong about what he said right before the other men had returned to the table, but he wasn't fooling the taller man.

Christoph finally looked away and the four of them fell back into a normal conversation. They ended up staying at the bar for a couple more hours and then eventually decided it was time to leave and head home. 

As they stood up and started walking towards the door, Richard and Oli stepped in front of the other two to walk out the door first and as they exited and went outside, Paul noticed Richard and Oli were having a conversation that Christoph wasn't a part of so he decided to seize the opportunity to pull Christoph aside while the other two men weren't paying attention to them. 

"Hey Chris," Paul whispered as he moved to stand closer to Christoph. 

"Yeah," Christoph said as he looked down at Paul beside him. 

"What you said earlier, you're wrong. Richard and I are just friends," Paul whispered. 

"Well I know that," Christoph said quietly, "I was just pointing out that I think you like him as more than a friend." Paul huffed in frustration and shook his head furiously at Christoph. 

"You're wrong though. I don't!" Christoph could sense Paul's aggravation with him and could see his flustered cheeks in the light from the bar sign that hung over the door and shone down on them. 

"It's okay Paul, don't worry. I won't mention it again if you're gonna insist on being that adamant with your denial." Paul's expression now turned to one of anger and his jaw clenched as he craned his head up and shook it at Christoph again who towered over him. Christoph laughed and shook his head mockingly back at the smaller man. "Let's go Oli," he said as he took a hold of his boyfriend's arm. 

The four of them said their goodbyes and they all agreed to hang out again soon and then Richard and Paul separated from the other two and walked towards where Richard's car was parked. Paul glanced back at Christoph one last time as they walked away and gave him a deathly glare which none of the other three witnessed. Paul wasn't mad because Christoph was wrong, he was mad because Christoph couldn't have been more right.

He already thought it was gonna be hard enough to try to deny his attraction towards Richard, within himself, and now he was gonna have to try to do his best to deny it to someone else too. And what was worse was that that someone else is Richard's best friend! And if Paul's feelings for Richard were that obvious to Christoph after only one time of him seeing them in the same room, then what if it would soon become obvious to others also or to Richard himself. And all this wasn't the only thing that Paul had to feel sick about. Now there was this Till guy in the picture, who Richard was interested in. Even though Paul knew that nothing could happen between himself and Richard, the thought of Richard possibly dating someone else, combined with this other issue of hoping his feelings for Richard wouldn't be revealed to anyone else, made his stomach twist and curl violently into a thousand little knots as he stepped into the other man's car.

Once Richard pulled out into the street and started driving down the road, Paul was anxious to ask him about what had been on his mind. 

"So you're interested in that Till guy?" Richard gave Paul a quick look and smiled and then looked back towards the road and shrugged his shoulders. 

"I don't know, I don't really know him yet. I just thought maybe I'd call him sometime and who knows, maybe even go out with him sometime and see what he's like." Richard looked over and saw a slight frown upon Paul's face. "What? You don't think I should? I mean I know I don't know much about him yet but he is a good looking guy, don't you think?" 

Paul shrugged, "Sure, he's not bad. And why are you asking me if you should go out with him? I don't care what you do." Richard glanced over at Paul and saw the smaller man lean his elbow against the side of the door and rest his chin in the palm of his hand and Richard furrowed his eyebrows at him and wondered why he looked bored and slightly upset about something as he stared out the window. 

"Just thought I'd ask a friend's opinion. So did you have a good time Paul? It wasn't too awful of a place for you, was it?" 

"No, it was fine. I had a good time," Paul replied and then he finally put his arm down and rested his hands atop his legs and his head back on the headrest and looked straight ahead. "Your friends were nice." 

"I told you they would be," Richard agreed and then Paul turned his head towards him with wonder in his eyes. 

"Richard?" he asked. 

"Yeah?" 

"Will you tell me about that other place you go to? And why you said I wouldn't be ready for it?" Richard looked over at the innocence in Paul's eyes and then laughed silently as he looked back in front of himself again. "Oh come on Reesh, I'm not stupid. I've been to some pretty crazy places in my lifetime, believe me. I've been playing in a band at different clubs for years, remember? I've seen things!" he exclaimed, smirking at Richard with an all knowing and self-assured expression. 

Richard looked back at him again, catching that expression and laughed, "Okay. I might as well tell you if we're gonna keep hanging out. You'd find out sooner or later anyways." Richard sighed deeply and then began explaining things to Paul as he continued to drive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story still has a long way to go but please feel free to let me know what you think of it so far :)


	6. Richard's Secret Life

Paul sat and watched Richard as he began to speak while looking straight ahead at the road. "The club I go to, well it's a sex club." A huge grin spread across Paul's face and his cheeks turned red as he laughed slightly. 

"I kind of thought that might be what it was but I didn't wanna say that without knowing for sure. What type of sex club though?" 

"S&M," Richard replied simply. 

"Is that where they like tie people up and whip them and walk them around on leashes and stuff like that?" Paul asked. 

"Yeah that's all part of it, but there's alot more to BDSM than just that." 

"What's that actually stand for anyways, BDSM?" Paul asked, quizzically. 

"Bondage, disipline, sadism and masochism," Richard answered confidently. 

"So what's this club called?" 

"It doesn't have a name. It's anonymous and very hidden and discreet. The owners wanna protect their club and the privacy of people who go there. Pretty much the only way you can get in is if you come with someone else who's already a member." 

"Do many people know you go there?" 

"Only my close friends. No one else really needs to know." Paul nodded his head and then there was an awkward silence between them for a few moments. They gave each other quick glance and then Paul laughed nervously. 

"What's so funny?" Richard asked. 

"Nothin. I was just gonna ask you something." 

"What?" 

Paul grinned widely again and then asked, "So are you a dom or a sub?" Richard's head snapped towards Paul as he smiled and his eyebrows shot up in surprise. 

"You know a little about all this, don't you?" 

Paul shrugged his shoulders. "Not much. But I mean, I've seen things, read things." 

"What, like fifty shades of-" 

"No, not fifty fucking shades of grey!" Paul cut him off, pretending to sound offended by Richard questioning his intelligence and they both laughed. 

"Well to answer your question though, I've actually been both. I actually discovered these types of clubs when I was in my early twenties but I never got into it seriously. I stopped going to those places for like twenty years, until I met someone and they got me into it all again but much more seriously this time. I started off as a sub and then...." Richard hesitated to finish his sentence. 

"Then what?" Paul asked, curiously. Richard shrugged his shoulders and looked uncomfortable.

"Well then I guess I didn't like it anymore." 

"Why not?" 

"I don't know, it got boring I guess," Richard lied, not wanting to tell Paul the truth. "So I started going to this new club, the only one I go to now, and began training to become a dom instead." 

"And what's that like?" 

Richard smiled wide, "Definitely not boring! It's exciting, exhilarating, fun." Paul could feel himself turning a bit hot and flustered by everything the other man was confessing to him. He started to picture Richard as a dom in his head and all the things he wished he could beg Richard to do to him and that led to images which soon caused him to feel aroused. He shifted in his seat and tried to contain his feelings to stop his arousal from blooming and possibly becoming noticable to Richard. He then spoke to distract from his own nervous fidgeting. 

"And being a sub wasn't fun?" 

"Yeah, it was. It's just that....It just didn't feel like I belonged in that position anymore. I wasn't happy. But I guess that was probably partly because my dom wasn't treating me right." Paul frowned and he could tell that there were things Richard was leaving out. "Being a sub isn't a bad thing at all as long as you've got a good dom or a safe club to go to. But I don't really wanna get into all that right now. That's a whole other long story and I don't prefer to talk about it. But anyways, once I started being a dom I became much happier. I went from being weak, lost, unsure, and afraid before and then slowly I started to change into someone with more confidence and better self-esteem. I stopped worrying about things so much and about what people thought of me. I really love it now, feeling powerful and in control and like no one can hurt me." 

"Well that's good." Paul said and he meant that, but at that same time he found it kind of sad that Richard must of went though something that made him feel like he had to protect himself from getting hurt. 

"Chris was the one that trained me to become a dom actually. He's been a dom for a lot longer than I have." Paul looked surprised.

"So you and Chris, you guys were....Together?" 

"Oh, no. We've never....I mean Chris and I have been friends since we were teenagers, he's like a brother to me. He actually trained me with another sub. He taught me how to treat them the right way a dom is supposed to treat their sub. And it didn't take long for me to become popular at this club. A lot of subs like to scene with me because I'm not as violent and emotionless as many other doms tend to be, and that's most likely a result of the way I was treated as a sub and my bad experience with it. Some lines you just don't cross, some things are just wrong, and I have enough sense to understand that. Having control over someone or letting someone control you isn't about just pleasure and pain. It's about trust more than anything. The fact that one person can put their life and safety in someone else's hands and know with absolute certainty that they will be kept safe and protected at all times, no matter how much pain is inflicted. That's the most important thing. I've only been a dom for the last couple years though, but you see, I only scene with different subs inside that club and I've never had a relationship with any of them outside the club, not because I didn't want to though, but I just haven't had a personal connection with anyone there. I've also actually never owned a sub and I wouldn't want to. I don't really believe, personally, in the whole idea of owning another person or practicing this as a lifestyle. I just want it to be a part of my sex life. But I completely respect others who choose it as a lifestyle, it's just not for me." 

Paul continued to listen intently with his eyes glued to Richard and was very intrigued by the things he was learning. They finally arrived at their apartment building, but after Richard parked they stayed in the car and continued talking. 

"So are you saying that you just do this all for fun? That you don't want a relationship or that you don't intend on ever really involving BDSM in a relationship with someone in any kind of a serious way?" Paul asked. 

"No! No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying the complete opposite, actually. I want to be in a serious relationship with someone, in fact I've been longing to settle down with someone for quite some time now. But you see, I also want this to be a big part of my sex life. And well I haven't been able to find a man who wants both of those things; a serious, committed relationship and some strong BDSM as a part of our lives. Most people don't want both, only one or the other unfortunately. In fact, to be honest with you, I've been taking a little break from doing any scenes or being involved with anyone at the club more recently because I've sort of been feeling like it's to the point where it's just starting to get old. And I don't mean the BDSM, I'll never get tired of that. I mean that my involvement with the people there isn't going anywhere meaningful, because most of them don't want it to. All the subs I've been involved with at the club are either just doing it for fun and don't wanna settle down with anyone, or they want it to consume their entire life. And what I want is to have a regular relationship, you know, go out on dates, cook dinner and do other domestic things together, and let the other person be free to do whatever makes them happy, but...." 

Paul could sense the longing in Richard's expression as he described what he wanted in a relationship and Paul could relate to his feelings. Richard continued, "but at the same time I crave the S&M. It makes me feel so good and powerful and free and I just can't give that up. But then everytime I have met guys outside of the club and even dated them, they just always seem....well I don't know, boring or a prude and like they wouldn't be into that sort of thing." Paul laughed.

"You mean like me?" he asked. Richard laughed. 

"I don't think you're boring and you don't seem like a prude either. But wait," Richard said as he paused for a moment and gave Paul a puzzled look, "I was talking about finding a man to be in a relationship with. So it doesn't matter whether I think you would be into it anyways because I wouldn't have a chance with you. I mean you only like women, right?" 

"Of course," Paul said embarrassed, cursing himself in his head for asking Richard that question without even thinking of how it would sound when he said it or what the other man would think he meant by that. He tried to save himself. "I didn't mean that I'm someone you would consider being in a relationship with. I meant that you've probably already assumed I'm the kind of person that would never be into that sort of stuff." 

"Well aren't you though? I mean you wouldn't ever actually be interested in BDSM, would you?" Richard asked presumptively. Paul smiled and shrugged his shoulders. 

"I don't know, maybe I would. Don't knock it until you try it, right?" Richard looked shocked and huffed a smile. 

"Seriously Paul?" he asked, looking pleasantly surprised. Little did Paul know that now, his admissions were causing the other man to picture him in naughty ways also. Richard thought of bending Paul over and spanking his bare behind until the smaller man was screaming from pleasure, handcuffing Paul, blindfolding him, ordering him around and Paul willingly obeying him. Richard was sure these wishes would never come true but it was still fun for him to imagine. And even if he did have a chance with him that didn't mean that Paul would be a willing submissive to him. Paul laughed from embarrassment at what he'd previously just said to Richard and didn't notice the other man now shifting in his seat too.

"I don't know, why not? Maybe if you take me to that club sometime, well, you never know what might peak my interest. Remember what you said? That I'm a man in the prime of my life, no one to be attached to, that I'm just livin the single life and that you'd take me out and show me how to live it up?" 

"Yeah, but I thought you said you didn't like being single, that you wanna find someone to be in a relationship with again." 

"Well yeah you're right, but who knows when or if that'll ever happen." 

"It'll happen Paul." Richard tilted his head and smiled kindly at Paul and then reached over and put his hand on top of Paul's leg and patted it gently. Paul felt an aroused shiver shoot through his body at that and he looked up at Richard and then quickly looked away nervously. Richard took that reaction as Paul being uncomfortable with the contact so he removed his hand and placed it back upon his own lap. 

"So have you ever experimented with any type of BDSM before?" Richard asked Paul. 

"Oh, I might of tied a lady to the bed a time or two in my younger days, but nothing too extreme or anything." 

Richard smiled, "Well if you really think you'd like to go to that club sometime soon, we can, but before we do there are some things I need to tell you about the place so that you're prepared. You know like rules, what happens there and what to expect. I don't want you to be scared away and never wanna go back or wanna stay away from me because I traumatized you by taking you there," Richard said the last part sarcastically with a slight smirk. 

Paul looked up at Richard happily. "So we're gonna go there soon then? Together?" 

Richard nodded his head and smiled. "Sure. But like I said there's a lot of things I need to let you know first. But we can talk about that some other day." Paul nodded his head and then was suddenly bothered by another thought and he said it out loud without thinking first again.

"Hey Reesh? Do you think that Till guy would be into S&M?" 

Richard huffed, "Hell if I know. Maybe I'll have to bring it up to him someday, that's if I even decide to call him sometime. I'm getting kind of tired Paul, aren't you? We should probably go in now instead of sitting here in the car, but if you want we can keep talking in my place or at yours, if you're not ready to call it a night yet." Paul felt touched by Richard's invitation and was tempted to accept it but the other man had said he was tired and Paul didn't wanna keep bothering him with questions and talking his ear off all night. 

"No that's fine. You said you're tired and so am I so we should probably just call it a night." 

"Alright, let's go in then." Richard didn't want the night to end but he knew that he would get the opportunity to talk to Paul again soon. 

They both got out of the car and then entered the building and started to ascend the stairs with Paul leading the way. As they climbed, Richard spoke. 

"So you figured out that Chris and Oli are a couple, right?"

"Yeah, why?" 

"Well just so you know, they're in a dom/sub relationship, Oli being the sub of course." Paul glanced back at Richard, smiled  
and nodded his head. 

"I guess that explains the collar. I should've figured that out." Richard laughed at him quietly. 

When they finally reached their doors, they moved to take their keys out of their pockets. But as Richard got his out and started unlocking his door, he heard Paul shout. 

"Fuck!" Richard glanced over to find Paul digging into the very bottom of all his pockets. 

"What is it Paul?" 

"I think I locked my fucking keys in my apartment," Paul said looking panicked. He kept fumbling around his pockets until he was finally sure he had forgot them in his place. "Shit! What am I gonna do? I guess I'll have to call the landlord and have him come unlock it. Shit he's gonna be so mad having to come here when it's nearly one in the morning, but I don't know what else to do." Richard watched Paul with a worried look on his face also, seeing how frustrated the smaller man was. "Well maybe I could just stay at Flake's tonight and then call the landlord in the morning." Paul sighed, "He's not gonna be happy about being woke up this late either but he'll forgive me. After all, he's my friend unlike our landlord." Paul felt embarrassed and couldn't believe he would forget his keys but it must of been because he was nervous before he left and wasn't thinking clearly.

Just as Paul began to take his phone out of his pocket to call Flake, Richard said, "Wait. You don't wanna possibly wake up his wife and kids too and besides he lives outside of town. That would be a long way to travel at this time of the night and you said you were tired. Why don't you just stay at my place tonight?" Richard saw the surprised look on Paul's face. "I mean you can sleep on the couch or I can. It's no big deal, it's just one night. I don't mind if you don't. That way you won't have to wake anyone up." 

Paul hesitated to reply. "I don't know Richard. I don't wanna be a bother to you." 

Richard laughed, "You won't be a bother. Besides, we're only gonna be sleeping anyways. How much trouble could you really cause me while we're in bed. I....I mean while I'm in bed." Both men's cheeks flushed at Richard's mistake with words. 'Oh the amount of trouble I could cause you while in bed, if only given the chance,' Paul thought to himself. 

"And also, I don't want you to be driving after you've had more than a couple drinks tonight and you're tired. Just come on in, I won't bite," Richard said as he opened his door wide and motioned his arm for Paul to enter his apartment, "Well not unless you want me too anyways," he joked with the smaller man. Paul gave in to Richard's offer and finally walked through the door after his face turned bright red at Richard's comment, though it still made him laugh. Richard's playful jokes and teasing were starting to get to Paul. Sometimes he had to wonder if the other man was serious about the things he said. He assumed he wasn't though because Paul didn't think Richard would ever like him that way. But oh how he wished his jokes could become reality. 

Once Paul passed in front of the other man, Richard couldn't help but grin behind him at how much he just caused Paul to blush. After they entered, Richard flipped on a light switch next to the doorway and then shut the door. 

Paul remarked, "Well thanks for the kind gesture Richard, I really do appreciate it. And since you're being so nice by letting me stay here, at least let me take the couch so I won't feel even more guilty by stealing your bed." 

"You don't have to feel guilty for anything Paul. I don't mind you being here, you're good company." Paul smiled at that. "But if it would make you feel better, you can take the couch. Do you want me to try to find you some more comfortable clothes to put on. My clothes might be a little big on you but they'd be alright to sleep in." 

Paul shook his head, "No, that won't be necessary. I'll be just fine in my t-shirt and jeans." 

"Are you sure?" Richard asked. Paul nodded his head. "Okay, well at least let me go get you a pillow and a blanket. If you want anything to drink or even to eat, the kitchen's right there, you can help yourself. And the bathroom's over there. Just make yourself at home," Richard said after he pointed out the different rooms and then went to get the blanket and pillow. 

Paul just stood there for a few moments after the other man walked away and looked around at his place. It didn't look too different compared to his own, other than the set up being a little different. It had a modern style and flair to it with the furniture and decor which was in it but Paul thought it looked pretty average. You would never know that the person who lives here is into BDSM. Paul then wondered if Richard's apartment held a secret playroom. He laughed silently at his own thoughts and shook his head. 'This isn't fucking fifty shades Paul.' 

He took a seat on the couch and then Richard returned with his items for Paul to use and set them on the couch next to him. "Thanks Reesh," Paul said gratefully. 

"No problem Paulchen." Paul smiled. There were times when he got a little annoyed with his other friends' pet name for him but for some reason when Richard said it, it made him feel good instead of annoyed. 

Richard turned on the small lamp next to his couch which was dimly lit and then walked over by the door and turned off the switch for the main light on the ceiling. 

"Well I guess I'm gonna head to bed then. You can turn the lamp off if you want when you're ready to go to sleep," Richard told Paul as he stood in front of him again. 

"Okay. Thanks again. Good night Reesh."

"Good night Paul. Sweet dreams," Richard said teasingly. 

Paul laughed but then once Richard walked away he thought, 'Oh shit.' Lately he had found that nearly every night, thoughts of Richard would always run through his head and make it difficult for him to sleep. Or maybe it was what those thoughts caused him to do in bed that was the real reason why it would take him a while to go sleep. And there were even a few mornings when he would wake up with a full erection caused by dreams of Richard. He really hoped that wouldn't happen tomorrow, not here, not at his place. But it was hard not to let his mind wander with certain thoughts, especially with everything that Richard had just revealed to him tonight. His fantasies we're gonna be on a whole other level from now on.

Suddenly a flash of images ran through his head of Richard tying him up and whipping him with that spike studded belt he wore that one night, Paul on his knees in front of the other man as Richard yanks roughly on Paul's leash wanting the smaller man to come closer to his body until his face is against it. Paul rubbed his eyes and then shook his head, trying to clear the dirty thoughts from his mind. 

'What are you doing? Don't think about this stuff Paul, not right now, not tonight! Just be happy that you're lucky enough to be in his place, spending the night on the couch of the man you have feelings for. Can't you just be happy about that without always letting your mind be in the gutter? Just be glad Paul, not aroused! Thankful, happy, but not turned on. All this is is just one friend letting another friend crash on his couch. No big deal. Just an innocent gesture of kindness, nothing more. 

Paul finally took his shoes off and reached over to turn the lamp off and as he did this and then prepared to lay down, he remembered something Richard said in the car. 'It doesn't matter whether I think you would be into it anyways because I wouldn't have a chance with you,' Richard had said to him. 

'God but you would have a chance Richard, you would! If only I could tell you that. But would you even want me if you knew? Probably not. Just stop thinking Paul. Shut up and go to sleep,' he told himself as he laid the pillow against the arm of the couch and spread the blanket out before slipping under it and laying down. 

He then laid on his side and his head hit the pillow and he closed his eyes. Instantly, the scent of Richard's cologne mixed in with Richard's natural scent wafted up off the pillow and filled Paul's nostrils and shot straight to his brain which sent a signal down below his waist and triggered the part of him that he was currently trying to forget exsisted. He opened his eyes. "Fuck."


	7. More Than Just a Pretty Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul reads from Richard's books and discovers his feelings for the other man are starting to go deeper than just a physical attraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters until the club chapter ;) In this chapter, I got my inspiration for Richard's novel from the 'Du Riechst So Gut' song and both videos. And the words from his poems are Emigrate lyrics :)

The next morning Paul opened his eyes and as soon as he realized he was on a couch, he remembered everything from last night. He could clearly tell it was daylight in the living room. He laid on his back for a few moments and then he heard a quiet sound in the room, a constant tapping sound. He turned his head and looked in front of the couch where he lay and saw Richard sitting at his desk which was on one side of the living room, as he typed on his laptop. The other man was in dark grey jogging pants and a white t-shirt and his thick-framed black glasses and his side was facing Paul. Paul didn't speak because he could tell Richard was deep into his work and he didn't wanna disturb him. He just lied there and watched Richard, studying his features and movements. 

Richard had an obviously strong and defined body and Paul could tell as his eyes ran up and down the other's figure and noticed how his clothes hugged the muscles on his calves, his outer thighs, and his biceps. And then Paul studied his seemingly big and strong-looking hands as his fingers danced quickly and easily across the keyboard. Paul wished he could test how strong those hands really were. Then his eyes roamed up to Richard's face and studied his profile; his plump cheeks and slightly turned up nose that gave the impression he was a younger man then his age claimed, his soft, tossled black hair which he must've washed the gel out of, and then those Clark Kent glasses, the same glasses Richard was wearing the first time Paul saw him. Paul remembered how he thought Richard looked like a nerd that day. Now he thought he looked like quite the dashing and lascivious nerd. Paul had the urge to walk over to him and rip those glasses off his face and slide everything off the table in one full swoop and then hop up on it, in front of the other man, so Richard could do to the smaller man whatever he felt was necessary. 

Paul subconsciously bit his lip and then noticed a sly grin curve across Richard's face as he stopped typing but continued to stare at the computer screen. 

"I can tell you're watching me Paul." 

Paul startled slightly at the other man's voice. "Sorry, I didn't wanna disturb you," Paul explained as he removed the blanket and sat up, putting his feet on the floor and his back facing the couch. 

"That's alright. I don't mind if you watch me," Richard said as he finally looked over at Paul with a softer smile still upon his face. 

"I should probably call the landlord now so I can go home," Paul blushed and said, as though he still thought he was disturbing Richard. 

"Why do you have to go so soon? You can stay and visit a while if you'd like, unless you're in a hurry to get home. I'm not really that hungry right now but if you wanna stay I can make you some breakfast, if you're hungry." Paul smiled very graciously at Richard's hospitality and offer. Paul was starting to discover that Richard was such a kind and gentle man. 

Suddenly it became difficult to imagine him in a dominating manner. But then Paul wondered if perhaps there were two sides to Richard, a gentle side and a harder-toned, demanding side that he could switch back and forth between, depending on what mood was required for whatever situation he was in. Paul liked to believe that could be true, that Richard could be capable of controlling and handling him sternly, but also of soothing and calming him after Richard had his way with him. Now that he thought about it, he very much wanted to see the dominating side of Richard that he hadn't yet seen, the one Richard let his previous subs witness. If only he could be that lucky. Paul then snapped back to reality and remembered Richard had asked a question. 

"You don't have to make me breakfast Richard, but thanks. I need to go home sometime soon though so I can change. I'm in the same clothes from last night." 

"So. That doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you," Richard said smiling, "I was also thinking that maybe we could discuss the club today, so then maybe we can go there soon." 

Paul's eyes lit up. "Okay, I guess I can stay awhile." Richard laughed silently, knowing that offer would convince Paul to stay. He finally had his cute little neighbor guy in his apartment, you think Richard was gonna let him get away that easily now? Even though he was mostly sure that he wouldn't have a chance with Paul, that didn't mean he couldn't at least try someday to see whether he was right or not.

"Good. Just let me finish this chapter and then we can talk. It may be a little bit though. You can make yourself at home if you want. I've got some fruit and other snacks and drinks in the kitchen that you're welcome to have and if you want, you can watch TV. I'll put my earbuds in if need be." 

"Okay," Paul nodded as Richard turned back to his computer. Paul flipped on the TV and turned it down to a low, almost inaudible volume. He made a quick stop to the bathroom and then went into the kitchen and got a bottled water and a small bowl of grapes and then came back and set them on the coffee table. 

As he was walking back into the living room, he had noticed a small bookshelf in the corner of the room on the opposite side of Richard, behind him. He went over to look at the books and saw there were a variety of authors' names. And then he spotted a group of books to the side of one shelf with Richard's name on them. He was very curious then. He instantly wanted to reach out and open every one right away but he thought it might be rude not to ask for permission first. He didn't know if the other man would feel it was a violation of privacy for Paul to just come into his home and start reading his own personal work, without asking. But then again, his books were in bookstores all across the country, so he assumed Richard wouldn't mind, but still he asked. 

"Hey Reesh," Paul asked, very quietly. 

"Yes?" Richard answered without turning from away from his desk. 

"Do you mind if I look through some of your books?" 

"No, go ahead." 

"Thanks," Paul replied and then he took several books that were written by Richard off the shelves and studied the names, covers and descriptions on the back until he decided on a couple to take back over to the couch with him to read until Richard finished writing. 

As he sat down again, he put the two books next to the grapes on the table and picked up the book on the top. It was a novel called, 'Ich Finde Dich'. He had to try not to laugh and reveal his amusement at the typical cheesy cover which had a young woman in a torn and dirtied, red ball gown, looking behind herself while seemingly running from something unknown. The description on the back described the book as being set in the 1800s and being about a mysterious creature stalking and kidnapping a women out in the woods and then keeping her tied up at his eerie cottage, secluded in a dark forest. 

He didn't plan on reading the entire thing at this point in time, but still he opened it to the first chapter and began reading from the first paragraph so that he could get an idea of what Richard's novels were like. As he read and got further along in the chapter, he found that it wasn't as cheesy as he had expected, but rather intriguing and more creative than the plots in most typical romance novels. Paul started picking some grapes from the bowl with one hand, while his other hand held the book open on his lap, and he began slowly eating them one by one as his eyes moved across the page: 

[Daisy Gerbera had just turned eighteen and was finally permitted to attend her first masquerade ball without the accompaniment of her parents or a chaperone. She felt free and overwhelmed with excitement. She had the whole night ahead of her and had high hopes that it would be a thrilling one, full of adventure, now that she was a young lady on her own, free to find and choose any handsome young man in the room to be her possible future suitor. 

It was still early evening on a warm spring day and the sun hadn't yet went down, just as all the important guests had finally arrived. And when Daisy made her entrance into the inviting mansion which held the ball, all eyes were on her. Young, beautiful and alluring in her red, silk ballgown, cut low in the front and exposing her shoulders, her dark brown hair pulled partially back, with some other locks falling just past her shoulders. 

But after some time passed with her attempting to flirt and converse with numerous guests and even joining in on the dancing, she soon felt disappointment. All these young, potential suitors weren't captivating enough for her. They were quite ordinary and boring and seemed much too naive and unexperienced. She noticed one young man watching her from outside the window, not brave enough to come in and speak to her. And one man was so disrespectful, he even came right up behind her and sniffed the perfumed fragrance that she had dabbed on her neck right before she left her home to attend the party. 

She'd had enough of the men at the ball teasing her and not making a significant enough move which would initiate a courtship. Suddenly the room began to feel suffocating and she had to get out and escape from it all. Daisy made her way through a back door of the mansion, threw her mask on the ground outside the door and then walked down a path behind the house which led to a large forest. She decided to take herself on a walk and clear her mind. She needed to get away from her planned and predictable life and experience some adventure for once. 

She kept walking and walking, all alone, further and deeper into the woods. After a while she noticed the bottom of her dress was being soiled by mud which was on the dirt trail. As she looked down towards the ground she spotted the most big and beautiful, bright orange flower a little ways off the path. She simply had to go over to bend down and touch it, pluck it and pick it up. She squeezed it in her hand and then lifted it to her face and smelled the sweet, citrus scent. She then dropped it when she noticed an even more gorgeous flower, a red one. She bent down to pluck it and as she did, she cried out in pain. She was stuck by a thorn. She dropped it and noticed blood dripping down from the tip of one finger. She cried out once more at the sight of her own blood. She wiped it on her dress and then briefly sucked her finger but still, it kept bleeding. 

Just then she thought she heard something, perhaps the sound of a wolf howling. She looked around and noticed the sun was starting to set. She then realized that somehow she had trailed off the path she'd started on and now wasn't sure where she was or how to get back. She spun around in sporadic circles, intensely eyeing her surroundings. Yes, she really was lost now, and soon it would be dark. She heard a howl again, a howl which seemed to be coming from a tortured soul. She began to panic, then she heard the sound of footsteps coming closer, pounding, angry, desperate footsteps, coming closer and closer upon her. Her instincts kicked in and she ran, ran as fast as she could away from the sound, but still it was closing in on her.]

By this time, Paul was gripping the book tightly in his hand and his eyes were wide and intense upon the page, deeply engaged by the plot right from the very beginning. He was now popping the grapes into his mouth and chewing faster without even realizing what he was doing. He continued to read: 

[She suddenly saw a narrow wooden bridge in front of her that crossed over a river. This may be her only way out. As the unknown creature descended upon Daisy, it's mind was confused by the sunlight. The sun was setting and as it's big and bright glow sat at the opposite end of the bridge, lowering further and further down. It kept running after her, confused, like a blind child crawling forward because it smells it's mother. It couldn't see her, it could only smell her, sense her, her sweat and warm blood dripping down to the bridge's surface as the predator screamed of hunger. It had tracked her for miles by scent. It kept following her, chasing her. 

As she ran across the bridge she then heard the screams and steps pounding on the wood surface of it right behind her. It found her. She stopped. She knew that wasn't very smart of her but she was too curious to see what it was. Then she heard the footsteps stop also. She turned around. It was a man. Not a wolf but an unusual, beautiful and enthralling man. He couldn't have been much older than her but yet his hair was a silvery white along with his skin and the suit he was wearing. But one thing Daisy found odd was that his eyes were the darkest possible shade of black; dark, deep, inhumane and lust filled. 

They both stood there frozen for a moment and then he continued climbing up the bridge after her again. She couldn't move, other than her uncontrollable shivering. She was too numb with fear. The man finally reached her and threw her to the ground and stradled her, pinning her wrists above her head with one of his hands and he could feel her wet skin. Now he had her, and it was now dark, though a full moon was starting to rise. He put his other palm over her mouth just as she started to scream and fight. He shook his head while staring down at her and shushed her. She stilled and he removed his hand from her mouth slowly and she stayed silent. Her eyes were wide with terror but also a little fascination. Then the mysterious man spoke in the lowest, deepest yet most commanding voice she'd ever heard.

"Don't betray me. Stop screaming and don't resist, otherwise the bridge will break apart." She obeyed him for a moment, out of utter fear. And then he wrapped his other hand around her throat and began to put pressure on it. She then tried to move but she couldn't. Her body was completely trapped and held down by this man. 

Then he gazed right into her eyes and what happened next caused her to stop trying to move. She was in shock. His dark eyes turned entirely to the brightest shade of white. She couldn't resist staring into them. She was hypnotized, frozen, stunned. He moved his face down closer and nuzzled it next to hers. Being this close to the unearthly man, Daisy could smell his musty scent that could only be described as all man and could feel his hot breath hit her skin. He took a deep breath in and then whispered in her ear, "Du riechst so gut."] 

Paul quickly and suddenly shut the book hard and set it back on the table. It was staring to get to him and he found the intensity of it all a little arousing. The man or creature or whatever he was, was chasing the woman, throwing and pinning her down, commanding her not to resist, choking her, whispering seductively to her, and god those blank white eyes. He knew that situation wouldn't be okay in the real world but this was a fictional story. And also, the thought of that situation not happening between a creature and a helpless woman but instead between Richard and himself didn't seem so bad. Maybe a bit scary but in a good way. 

Paul sat there, stilled, and just stared straight ahead into empty space, deep in thought, no longer eating. Richard had heard the book slam shut and it caught his attention. He glanced over at Paul quickly and then back towards his desk and decided to turn off his computer and join Paul on the couch. 

As he walked across the room he asked, "So, what'd you think? Any good?" Paul looked over at Richard once he finally took a seat. 

He huffed and smiled, "Uh, yeah, it was really good. Interesting. The kind of book you don't wanna put down." 

"So why did you then?" Richard joked. 

"Oh, um, well I wanted to check out this other book, your book of poetry." Richard watched as Paul picked up the other book. It was titled 'Silent So Long'. Instead of starting from the beginning, Paul skimmed through the pages and stopped on random ones to read certain verses from different poems. Richard knew that many people all over had read his novels and poems and that didn't bother him or make him uncomfortable, but for some reason as he watched Paul go through his book, he felt uneasy, and nervous about how the smaller man would react. He didn't know why it was so important to him but he really wanted Paul to be impressed by him and his innermost thoughts. 

Richard told him, "All my novels could be categorized as romance or mystery or erotisism, but my poems fall under a variety of different subjects. A couple of them I guess you could consider erotic, depending on how you interpret them but most of them are deeper and more sentimental. There are poems in there about things that have happened my life and how I felt while going through those times. 

Paul listened to Richard and then he stopped on a poem called 'Emigrate'. [I've been alone a long, long time. So what, I take what should be mine. I've searched the sea of empty eyes, and severed all my family ties.] 

"I wrote that poem about moving to New York city," Richard told Paul. 

"Really? You lived in New York city?" Paul asked as he looked up at Richard.

"Yeah, for ten years. I moved back here seven years ago." 

"And what was that like?" Paul asked, honestly interested. 

"Well, I needed a change in my life, so I went somewhere new. I ended up dealing with a lot of rejection and depression there in the process of entering a new world and saying goodbye to the old one, and that's actually where I went through my divorce fourteen years ago. But the experience was inspirational and good for me for a while. But eventually I realized I belonged back here in Germany where I came from." 

Paul gave him a small smile and then looked back down at the book and flipped to another page. He saw a poem called 'Babe' and underneath the title it said, 'To Khira Li'. [Find your way and lose again. Wherever you are you can choose again. Your heart will break and heal again. And one day will come when you believe again.] Paul found this poem to be a very beautiful and touching one. 

"Who's Khira Li?" he asked. 

"My daughter," Richard replied. Paul smiled admirably up at Richard. 

"That's nice Reesh, that's really sweet." Richard had to smile back and blush a little at the way the smaller man was gazing at him with adoration. "Are you guys close?" Richard nodded. "That's good." 

Then Paul continued and landed on another poem which was very personal to Richard called 'In My Tears'. [Feed your dreams to fishes. Lie about your wishes. Eat away at your time, seconds are mine. Sometimes it seems were toxic. Wake me up and shock it. My low self-esteem can make me scream.] 

Paul looked up at Richard for a moment with an unreadable expression. He looked down again and turned to another poem, this one called 'Help Me'. [Free me from all ties that bind. I have lost what you will find. Place a weight that drags you down, and try to rise before you drown.] 

Paul looked up at Richard again and just stared a him with that same serious and enamoured look. Paul felt his heart speed up while in his head he was realizing a development in his feelings for the other man. Up until now, it was clear to himself that he was physically attracted to Richard, but now it was turning into something more, something deeper and more healtfelt and meaningful. Before, Richard was just a fun and flirtatious man with a pretty face and nice body who seemed strong, confident and lived a titilating double life. But now along with all those things, he was also intelligent, sweet, sensitive, thought-provoking and complex. And he was obviously someone who had experienced pain in his life. 

"What?" Richard asked him, wondering what the staring was all about and curious as to what Paul might be thinking. 

"These poems are quite good, and deep," Paul answered, "You've got a lot of interesting thoughts swirling around in that head of yours, don't you?" Paul asked as he reached out and touched the tip of one finger to the side of Richard's head. Richard laughed amusingly at Paul's comment and gesture. 

"Yeah, I guess." Richard then reached over to Paul and shut the book and laid it back on the table, his hand brushing up against Paul's in the process and he noticed Paul didn't shy away from the contact between them this time. Instead he kept watching Richard, watching each subtle move he made. Richard looked directly into Paul's eyes and there was a slight curl of his lips. 

"What do you say we discuss the club now?" Paul's face lit up at that subject once again and he nodded at the other man in anticipation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason I named the girl in the novel Daisy Gerbera is because one of the types of flowers used in the original 'Du Riechst So Gut' video are called gerbera daisies :D
> 
> I always love hearing you all's thoughts :)


	8. Preparing for the Club

"So first of all," Richard said as he began telling Paul about the club, "I'm gonna need to know what size clothes you wear." 

Paul looked confused. "Why?" 

"Well there's a dress code there. They want you to dress a certain way. You don't own any black leather pants, do you?"

Paul laughed, "No." 

"Yeah I didn't think so. Text me your sizes sometime this week and I'll go shopping and pick something out for you."

"Okay. How much do you think it will cost?" Paul asked as he started to reach for his wallet.

"Don't worry about it. It's on me."

Paul huffed, "Reesh, you don't need to spend money on me." 

"It's fine, I want to." 

"Why?" 

"I don't know, I just do. Just let me Paul." 

"Okay," Paul said hesitantly, putting his wallet back in his pocket and looking worried. "I'm not gonna owe you a huge favor later or something, am I?"

Richard laughed, "No Paulchen. Can't I just do something nice for you?" 

Paul smiled appreciatively. "I guess if you really want to, I'll let ya. I'll just have to pay you back in another way someday," he said teasingly, embarrassing himself because he didn't realize how that sounded until after it came out of his mouth. 

Richard raised his eyebrows and smiled, "I'll have to remember you said that." Paul just laughed as his face turned red. "But anyways, about the club. When we go into the door of the first entrance, there's gonna be a long hallway and a man at the end of it that will let us in. Then we walk into an lobby area where you'll have to sign a form that states the rules and also that you won't hold the club liable for anything that may happen to you while you're there. But don't worry, nothing's gonna happen to you. I'll be with you the whole time. And besides this club is really safe and professional, better than ones I've been to in the past, and the people who work there are very respectful. Then after you sign that, we'll walk through another door that leads into the club itself. There'll be two bouncers standing there that will let us in. They know me and I'll tell them you're with me. When we go this time, I mainly just wanna show you around and let you get a feel of the place and see what it's like. I know you said you may become interested in bdsm someday but I want you to have an idea of what you're getting into before you make that decision. You may like the place, you may not. This stuff isn't for everybody. Or you may be interested in bdsm but just not the club."

"Yeah that's what I wanted do to, just check the place out. I didn't plan on actually participating in anything there. Well not the first time anyways," Paul added with a smirk. 

Richard smiled, amused and then continued, "The club has three levels. The first level looks pretty similar to a normal club. There's a bar, a dance floor, music and a couple pool tables. But believe it or not, most people who go there don't like to drink that much, if any at all. It's better to have a clear head when there's a chance you might have to consent to something or perform an act on somebody that could potentially be risky. The first level also has a small stage where they put on shows some nights and this part of the club is good for just getting to know people. The second level has several rooms where people do scenes and most of the rooms on this level are big enough to accommodate people who wanna watch the scene. They have couches for people to sit on and observe." 

"What do people do while they watch?" Paul asked, smiling curiously and slightly embarrassed. 

"Well a couple of the rooms allow the audience to sit and watch ONLY. It's for people who want to learn about how certain bdsm activities work or they can just sit there and watch for pure entertainment or curiosity, if they're into that sort of thing. But now you see, a couple of the rooms that allow other people in besides the ones participating in the scene, also allow the audience to engage in any sexual activities they choose while they're watching, except actual intercourse." 

"Seriously?" Paul asked, wanting to laugh, "I don't know if I'd ever be into that." 

Richard laughed. "And then the third level is where the private rooms are. In these rooms, no one else is allowed except the people who will be engaging in the scene. Some of these rooms have different interesting themes and a few just have your average bdsm furniture and tools and no special theme. People who come to the club and want to be part of a scene can choose to either bring someone along with them to engage in a scene with, or they may meet someone while they're there to participate with, or you can also do a scene with someone who works at the club, solely for this purpose, but you must make an appointment ahead of time for that. One last important thing; there are people called dungeon masters who walk up down the halls of the top two levels and even around the club on the bottom to act as like monitors or security guards to make sure no rules are being broken, especially the three most important rules of bdsm which are safe, sane and consensual. But there's also the rules of the club itself. This place isn't like a normal bar or club where you can just walk up and hit on someone. If you want to ask someone to do something with you, you have to be polite and respectful. I've been to other sex clubs that weren't as cautious and I've seen some bad things happen. But even though this place is very safe, I still want you to keep close to me at all times, alright?" Richard asked Paul. 

"Okay," Paul answered casually. A part of him thought it was silly of Richard to ask that. After all, he's a grown man and perfectly capable of taking care of himself. But on the other hand, he knows he will be nervous when he's there so he liked the thought of knowing he'd have Richard to protect him. And also, he kind of liked Richard telling him what to do. 

"So," Richard continued, "that's pretty much the basics. You'll learn a lot more when we get there. I was thinking if you want to, we could go next Friday night." 

"Friday's good for me," Paul replied, feeling excited but also a little nervous. 'This is really happening,' he thought, 'I'm really gonna be going to a sex club, and with a guy I really like.' 

Richard cut into Paul thoughts, "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Chris and Oli will be doing a scene that night. I'm sure you wouldn't be interested in watching though, would you?" he asked smiling, sure that Paul would say no. 

"I don't know. I'll have to think about it. That could be interesting," Paul answered nonchalantly. 

"Really Paul?" Richard asked, surprised. "I didn't think you'd even consider that. You know I'm really surprised at your reaction to all of this. When I first told you, I thought you would think bdsm was silly or stupid. I didn't expect you to wanna go to the club and possibly even wanna get into it someday." 

"Do you regret telling me?" Paul asked, "Do you wish I didn't wanna go?" 

"No! I'm happy with your reaction. I think it's awesome that you're willing to be open-minded and I already told you I wanted us to be friends. Now we have something fun we can do together....Well not DO together, I mean GO together....Well you know what I meant." Richard explained, making Paul and himself laugh. "Can I ask you something though Paul? What would make you be interested in all this anyways? Why do wanna go to this club with me?" Paul sighed and looked down. 

"It's hard to explain." 

"Well try, please." 

Paul looked up at Richard and spoke, "I haven't told you everything about my life and marriage yet and I don't really wanna get into it all right now but, well Richard it wasn't good, not good at all. And ever since I started having problems in my relationship and then got divorced, I've been really....Lonely and depressed," Paul said, looking ashamed of what he was confessing and he had to look past Richard instead of looking him in the eyes. "I feel like my life is boring and pointless and going nowhere and I need some kind of light or excitement in it to take my mind off things. You know Reesh, I know you haven't known me that long but I've always been known as a fun guy; funny, playful, talkative, outgoing. But lately, I haven't been myself. I need a change in my life to get back to my old self. I don't wanna sit inside by myself every weekend and become a recluse. I wanna get out and live."

"I know exactly what you're saying Paul. I went through the same thing after my divorce and after my last serious relationship ended. You don't have to explain anymore, I understand," Richard said, watching Paul as the smaller man put his head down with a sad expression on his face.

"I just need something to pull me out of this rut I've been in Reesh," Paul's voice started to crack and Richard began to realize that there must of been some things Paul hadn't told him yet about his past or his marriage. But he understood him. Richard hadn't yet told Paul everything about his past either. He wanted to comfort the smaller man so he put his arm around him and gave him a small squeeze and his heart skipped a beat when he felt Paul lean into his embrace. 

"I'll help get you out of this rut you're in, okay?" he told Paul sweetly. Paul looked up at Richard, just barely smiling, with a light in his eyes and nodded. The two of them continued talking about other things for a while and then eventually Paul called the landlord and went home. 

\----------------

The rest of that week was the slowest week of Paul's life. All he could think about each day and night was that upcoming Friday. Richard actually went over to Paul's place once in the middle of the week after Paul came home from work, just to hang out with him. That made Paul feel really good and Richard even helped him finish the last of his unpacking he had to get done. Flake also called towards the end of the week and asked Paul if he'd like to go out with him and his wife on the weekend and when Paul said no, Flake assumed he just wasn't wanting to get out of his place to do anything, but he was a little surprised when Paul told him he had plans with Richard and that he had also went out with his neighbor last weekend. Flake was just relieved that Paul had made a friend and was getting out instead of staying cooped up in his apartment all alone. 

\----------------

Friday finally came and it was late evening. Paul knew Richard would be coming over soon with the clothes he wanted him to wear and that they would be leaving right after he got dressed and ready. He was quite curious to see what Richard himself would be wearing. Paul had just got out of the shower and finished drying off when there was a knock at the door. 

"Shit," Paul said to himself, "He must be a little early." He hurriedly slipped on some jogging pants and didn't even bother with a shirt as he walked quickly to the front door while tousling his fingers through his short, wet hair and shouted, "Just a minute." 

Paul opened the door and was absolutely floored and silently gasped. 'Hole. Lee. Fuck," he thought to himself while biting his lip to prevent those words from slipping down from his brain and past his lips. He hoped that his shock and arousal weren't showing too obviously on his face or anywhere else on his body. 

Richard stood at the door in black leather pants and black platform boots. His shirtless upper body exposed his tanned skin and there was also a big red cross painted across one of his nipples. 'What was the cross for?' Paul wondered. He didn't know but he certainly had an urge to just drop to his knees in front of the other man and confess some sins he hadn't yet committed. Richard's hair was gelled and spiked and he had black eyeliner and grey eyeshadow smeared around his eyes. And those white contacts, in both eyes this time! Paul couldn't believe how hot and unbelievably sexy he looked, the sexiest he'd seen him yet. He couldn't talk or move or even think straight.

"Um Paul, are you gonna let me in or what?" Richard asked as he stood at the doorway with Paul's clothes draped over one arm. 

Paul wasn't aware that Richard was slightly taken aback and turned on by the sight of the smaller man too. It was the first time Richard had seen him shirtless and he was very pleased with what he saw. Paul was also tan and the owner of a well built body too, a little smaller than himself but Richard thought he was the perfect size. And Richard felt those tattoos only turned him on even more. He thought Paul looked cute with his hair wet and messed up as he stood there, barefooted, and looking like he'd just saw a ghost. 

"Oh I'm sorry, come in," Paul said, cursing himself internally for standing there and staring so long. "Your look just shocked me a bit. Those contacts along with that makeup, it looks cool as hell." 

"Thanks," Richard said as he walked in and Paul shut the door. "You're gonna look pretty cool yourself when I get done with you. Can I take these to your bedroom and show you?" he asked smiling.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Paul replied nervously. 'Oh god, I'm seriously about to take this fucking hot as hell guy into my bedroom,' he thought to himself as Richard followed him into his room. 

"Okay," Richard began as he laid the outfit on Paul's bed. "It's a pretty simple enough look, just some black leather pants like mine and you can wear your black boots I've seen you wear before. And then you won't wear a shirt but I got you this thin black leather jacket to put over yourself cause I didn't know if you'd feel uncomfortable walking around the club shirtless, although," Richard said looking over at Paul's chest, "in my opinion, you definitely shouldn't have anything to feel uncomfortable about." Richard smiled and looked back towards the clothes as though he was trying to hide some sort of embarrassment at what he'd just admitted and Paul had to put his hand to his mouth and pretend he needed to cough to cover up how big his grin was. 

"I think you should leave the jacket open though, and then this is a type of collar," Richard continued as he took a red and black piece of cloth out of the pocket of the jacket and showed it to Paul. "Now it's not like an actual collar or anything, not like the ones subs wear, it's more of a fashion statement." The collar didn't have any rings on it, only a snap on each end that would hold it together after it was wrapped around someone's neck. "May I?" Richard asked as he held out the collar in front of Paul's neck and stepped closer to him. Paul looked a little hesitant at first, but he still nodded his head and allowed Richard to put it on. 

Richard slowly and gently wrapped the soft cloth around his neck and his fingers brushed up against Paul's flushed skin. Richard was looking at the collar while he was putting it on him but after he snapped it he kept standing there for a moment, not removing his hands from Paul, and then he looked up and right into Paul's eyes that were staring nervously back at him. Paul just watched his movements and then couldn't peel his own grey blue eyes away from Richard's white ones. 

Richard finally smiled and backed away, breaking the tension. "Look at yourself in the mirror and see how it looks and how it feels on you. If you don't wanna wear it you don't have to, but I think it looks cool on you."

Paul turned around and looked at himself in the big mirror that sat above his dresser. He stared at the collar and then lightly touched it and tugged on it. It felt comfortable enough to wear for a few hours and he didn't mind the way it looked on him either. As he stood in front of the mirror he could see Richard standing behind him and watching him. 

Paul turned back around. "I like it. I think I'll wear it." 

"Cool," Richard replied, "I'll go out into the living room and let you get dressed." 

Then he stepped up to Paul again and lifted his hand to the smaller man's hair and gently ran his fingers through it, combing it down with them. Paul startled a little at the touch but he let it happen. This was the closest he'd ever been to Richard's bare chest. "I was thinking you could comb your hair down flat like usual and maybe put on a thin layer of black eyeliner. You've got some right? I think I saw you wearing some once." Paul nodded his head, unable to speak again as Richard finally removed his hand. He gave Paul a small smile and then left the room. 

Paul got dressed and came out into the living room. Richard was sitting on the couch and as soon as he saw Paul, his mouth opened and he stood up to have a better look. "Well?" Paul asked, waiting for a response. 

"You look good Paul! I....I mean you look DAMN good," Richard stuttered as he saw Paul in all black leather, the middle part of his tan chest and abdomen exposed, his eyeliner bringing out his gorgeous eyes and the red and black collar to top it all off. Paul couldn't help but smile wide and glow at the other man's reaction as Richard looked him up and down. "Dang Paulie, I'm gonna have to look out for you. You're probably gonna have women trying to snatch you up left and right, and probably some men too, as much as you probably don't wanna hear that, but it's true," Richard added. 

Paul suddenly stopped smiling and had to take a deep breath. He didn't know how to handle having someone he liked so much giving him these types of compliments or attention. He hadn't had anyone make him feel this special in so long that he couldn't even remember how the feeling felt. Not from any women he had met lately or dated, not from his friends or even his own wife. Richard was always making Paul feel important and giving him attention, always wanting to hang out with him. Paul then felt a huge surge of nervousness pooling in his stomach and tightening his chest. It finally hit him that very shortly, he would be attending an S&M club with Richard. He was overwhelmed and Richard noticed the green look on Paul's face as the smaller man had to take a seat on the couch.

"Are you okay Paul? You don't look so good." 

"I'm fine, I'm just....Really fucking nervous," he huffed as he put his elbows on his legs and his face in his hands. Richard rushed to sit down beside him and put his arm around Paul's back and pulled him closely next to his own side. 

"You'll be fine Paulchen. Everything will be fine. All we're doing is going to a club to look around and check it out. You don't have to do anything and I'm not going to either. I'm gonna be right by your side the whole time. I won't let anything happen that you don't want to happen, okay?" Richard reassured him with a kind voice. 

"You make me nervous too Richard," Paul mumbled from behind his hands. 

"I do? Why?" Richard asked, confused, letting go of Paul. 

"Because you just seem so....so cool. And I don't even understand why you wanna hang out with me. And you're always saying things, like nice things that make me feel better about myself and I'm not used to that. I don't know how to act," Paul answered, admitting things he hadn't expected to. 

Richard smiled as he looked at Paul. "I'm sorry. I'll try not to be so nice to you," he joked. "Come on Paul, I'm not any cooler than you. I'm just a person, just a regular person. And I happen to love hanging out with you. And that stuff you said earlier about not being all the things you used to be anymore. Well, I happen to think you are still funny and outgoing and fun. And yeah I know you just said you're not used to hearing nice things but guess what? If you're gonna keep hanging out with me, which I hope you will, you're just gonna have to get used to that cause I'm not gonna stop giving you compliments and saying what I feel, okay? And you don't how to act? Well just be yourself, simple as that." Paul looked up at Richard with a bright smile upon his face. Those bright eyes, the crinkles along the edges and that huge grin of his set butterflies off in Richard's stomach. It took all the power within himself not to just reach over and kiss his adorable face. "We don't have to go if you don't want to. I won't be mad." 

"No, I wanna go. Let's go," Paul said with a softer smile as he stood up and Richard followed. "Thanks for the pep talk Reesh. I'm sorry for acting so nervous and insecure." 

"That's fine. You're not the only one that feels that way sometimes. Speaking of which, I finally got up the nerve to call Till earlier. We're going out tomorrow night." Paul's heart immediately sunk down to the lowest depths of his soul. 

'Seriously?' He spoke in his head, 'I'm so excited and happy about hanging out with you and now I have to accept the fact that you're gonna be dating someone else? Just tell him Paul, tell him how you feel and then maybe he'll feel the same and not go out with Till and you two can be together. But wait, no! I can't do that. I'm not gay. I can't date a guy. That would be wrong of me, so wrong. What would people think of me? And Richard probably doesn't even like me that way anyways so I'd just end up embarrassing myself. Maybe I'll get lucky and it won't work out between them. Maybe there won't even be a second date. But what if there is. What if it even turns into something serious and then Richard wants to spend all his time with Till and forgets about me. And then we never hang out anymore and I'll be go right back to being alone and depressed everyday again. Then I'll never be back to my old self. Oh god, that can't happen! I wanna be with him. I don't wanna lose him as a friend. But I can't tell him how I feel either.' 

"Hey Paul, do you think Till will like me?" Paul was snapped out of his thoughts by a question he found odd coming from a man who, just last week, claimed he was now a confident person and didn't care what people thought of him. Maybe he wasn't as confident and secure as he tried to convince Paul that he was. Maybe he just tries to make himself believe he is to hide how he truly feels. 

"Why wouldn't he like you? How could anyone not like you?" Paul replied while giving Richard a puzzled look. 

Richard smiled gratefully, "Thanks Paul. I guess I'm just worrying for no reason. I mean if he doesn't like me, so what. Right?" 

"Right," Paul said very matter of factly. "Now are we gonna get to the club sometime tonight or are we just gonna keep standing around here crying about out worries and fears," he teased while smiling at Richard. 

Richard laughed, "You're right, let's go." They finally left Paul's apartment and made their way to the club.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When they go to the club, that may have to take up the next two chapters. Maybe, I'm not sure yet :)


	9. The Forbidden Club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing the last part of this chapter and I hope you all enjoy reading it just as much ;)

Richard pulled into a parking garage that was only about ten minutes from their apartment building in a more quiet part of town. Once they parked, they didn't have too far to walk outside of the garage before they reached a door with no sign that was between an alleyway and a small store which looked to be an antique furniture shop. 'If only the customers who shopped there knew what was right behind that store,' Paul thought amusingly to himself. 

Richard opened the door and stepped in first with Paul following behind him. They had to walk down a long hall just as Richard said. It was very long, narrow and dimly lit and Paul found it a bit creepy. He suddenly had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach and started second guessing his decision to go there. He wondered if it was a bad idea after all and wouldn't turn out as fine as Richard tried to reassure him and for a second he even imagined that this hall would lead to a secret dungeon where Richard planned on keeping him prisoner so he could then go and write a novel about it. Paul then silently laughed and shook his head at his crazy imagination. He knew Richard wasn't like that. Paul was just assuming the worst, like always. 

Richard looked behind himself and noticed the smaller man was sheepishly trailing a good length behind him. Even though Paul had his head slightly tilted down and the hall wasn't very bright, he could still see the anxious and timid look on Paul's face. Richard stopped and turned around to let him catch up.

"Come on Paul, you're okay," he said as he decided to walk closely beside Paul and put his hand on the small of his back. Paul forced a small smile and nodded. They finally reached a largely built man that stood at the end. 

He greeted Richard right away. "Richard, nice to see you again." 

"Hallo Thomas. How are things going tonight?" 

"Same as always, alive and hoppin," the large man replied with a laugh.

"This is my friend Paul. He's with me," Richard told the man as he tilted his head towards the smaller man next to him. The man nodded kindly and opened the door to let them into the lobby. 

Paul was surprised at how normal and noncreepy this area looked. It was similar to a hotel lobby. There was a woman at a desk who looked to be in her forties. She had her blonde hair pulled back tightly in a bun and was wearing a casual dress shirt and pants and as soon as she looked over and saw Richard, she smiled and greeted him too. 

"Richard! Lovely to see you tonight. I don't believe I recognize your friend." 

"Yeah, he's a newbie. He'll need to sign a form," Richard informed her. They stood in front of the desk and waited for the woman to find a form on a shelf next to her desk. She handed the one page form to Paul and told him to make sure he read it before signing. Paul read over the basic rules of the club and he noticed a short note at the bottom of the page stating that he wouldn't hold the club responsible for any issues he may encounter that happen after he has consented to engaging in any activities he may choose to engage in. While he was reading, Richard took a card out of his pocket and handed it to the woman who swiped it and handed it back to him. Richard was glad that Paul didn't seem to notice. He didn't want Paul to start an argument with him in the lobby about the fact that Richard had just paid for the both of them to get in.

Paul signed the form and handed it back to the kind woman who's name tag said Sabina. She checked it over and told him, "Thank You Paul. You're good to go now. Have a fun time!" She winked at him and he smiled and gave her a quick nod in return along with Richard and then the two men walked to the door next to the desk where two more large and intimidating men stood. They nodded at Richard and let he and Paul enter the first level of the club.

They stopped and stood at the front of the club and Richard let Paul take a brief look around. His first impression was that it looked like a pretty average club with the bar, the pool tables and the dance floor where there were a couple small groups of people dancing to some music that Paul didn't recognize, a mixture of rock and techno, and different colors of dim lighting thoughout the place. There was also a small stage but no show going on at the moment. There seemed to be people of all ages and types.

"You want me to order you a shot? Burn off a little of your nerves?" Richard asked. 

"Sure," Paul replied. They walked to the bar where Paul took a shot of tequila and they stood in that spot next to each other for a few more minutes so Paul could have a moment to take in his surroundings. Right away he noticed that many of the guests and employees of the club were dressed in either leather or see-through mesh and some wore very little of anything at all.

As they stood there, a few people walked by and said hello to Richard and just smiled at Paul. Paul could feel his nerves starting to subside as he had finally got to see what the place was like and began to get comfortable with it. Most people were either just standing or sitting around chatting or dancing or playing pool and he didn't notice anything unusual or out of the ordinary. But he knew that would change once he got a glimpse of the next two levels. 

"I'm surprised everyone's calling you Richard," Paul finally spoke up. 

"Why?" Richard asked, puzzled. 

"I expected that people here would refer to you as Master," Paul teased with a big smirk on his face. Richard laughed and could tell Paul was beginning to loosen up. 

"They're not my subs Paul, they're just acquaintances. And besides, I'm not a big fan of the term, 'Master'. I think it's too formal and dramatic and it would also suggest that I have a slave and I don't want a slave." 

"So what do you prefer your subs to call you?" Paul asked. 

"Well first of all I don't currently have any subs. I haven't been involved with anyone here at the club in months. But the ones I have been with in the past, I've always had call me Sir," Richard replied with a straight face as he glanced around the club. Paul had to stop a grin from emerging across his face. He imagined himself being Richard's sub and calling him Sir and the thought turned him on. 

The two of them then saw a small but curvy woman with long black hair in a red dress and looking to be in her thirties approaching, smiling at them both. She went and stood right next to Richard on the opposite side of Paul and joined her arm with his and began whispering something in his ear. With the way that Richard and the woman smiled at each other and were acting now, Paul could tell that they must know each other. Paul just stood there and tried to act normal but he was quite curious as to what they were saying to one another. Richard nodded his head and smiled at the woman and then he leaned over to Paul and spoke quietly to him. 

"My friend Julia here wanted me to ask if you would like to go to one of the public rooms on the second level and watch a scene with her," he told Paul, trying not to laugh, out of respect for the woman. He knew that Paul was going to get embarrassed by the offer. Paul looked up at Richard with raised eyebrows and also had to try not to laugh. 

He whispered in Richard's ear, "I don't really feel comfortable doing something like that tonight Reesh." 

Richard nodded his head and assured Paul, "Okay, that's fine. I'll tell her. It's no problem." A small part of Richard was relieved that Paul said no. He wanted Paul all to himself tonight. He turned back to the woman on his other side and whispered something to her. She smiled and nodded to Richard and then walked away and gave Paul another smile as she left. Paul didn't think she seemed offended at all but he still felt a little bad about it. He thought she was a pretty girl and in a normal situation he probably would hang out with her but he was just too nervous being in this environment for the first time. 

"Was I stupid for turning her down Reesh?" 

"No, not at all. You have the right to do or not do whatever you decide. There's no pressure on you tonight Paul, or on any other night we may come here." 

"So you think I'll wanna come back after tonight then?" Paul asked, smiling. 

Richard smiled back. "Well I'm hoping you will, but I'll try to wait and see how tonight goes before I get my hopes up." 

"Well, what do you say then?" Paul asked, "Do you wanna show me the rest of this place now Sir?" he asked with a smirk. 

Richard laughed and shook his head in amusement. "Sure, let's go."

They made their way to the stairs that would lead to the second level and Paul followed Richard up them. When they reached the top, Paul saw that there were three hallways, one heading straight in front of them, one to the left and one to the right. 

Richard spoke, "Now I know you're probably not sure yet if you wanna check out any of the public rooms with audiences so I'll just give you a quick walk down the halls. There may be some doors that are open if there's not a scene going on in every one of them at the moment. They walked down the hall to the left first and saw a man in an all black leather outfit walking up and down it. 

"That's one of the dungeon masters," Richard whispered to Paul. All the doors along this hall were closed. Then they walked to the hall across from that, where there was another man walking along it, and there were a couple doors where people were coming out of where some scenes must of just ended. The halls were very dimly lit so Paul couldn't see the people's faces that well and besides he was too shy in this place to look people right in the eye. He was starting to realize that this whole club was kept really dimly lit, probably to make for a better atmosphere but also probably to make people who may not want to be seen in this place, feel more comfortable knowing that they won't be easily identified by anyone. Most of the doors along the third hall were closed also. One thing that stood out to Paul on this level and embarrassed him was that he could hear very quiet moans and other sexual sounds and even some quiet yelling coming from some of the rooms. Richard saw Paul biting his lip to stop from smiling and he knew what he was thinking. 

"Yeah they try their best to get good soundproofing for these rooms but it still doesn't cut out all the sound completely. Some people that come here like hearing the sounds though. It helps them to get in the mood." Paul was too embarrassed to look at Richard so he just kept looking ahead. "Well there's not much to see on this level unless you go into one of the rooms. Chris and Oli should be arriving soon to do their scene. Have you made your mind up about that yet?" 

"Is the room that they're going to be in, one where people watch only?" Paul asked shyly as they stood next to the top of the stairway, letting some other people walk by. 

"Yes, the room they'll be in won't have anyone participating in anything sexual, well other than the two of them I mean. You do realize that Chris and Oli's scene will contain some sexual things, right? I didn't really tell you much about what they'd be doing. I'm sorry, I guess I should have." 

"What all will they be doing?" Paul asked. 

"Well, I'm not exactly sure of everything they'll be doing tonight. They do something different every time. But what I can tell you for sure is that it will be intense, it always is with those two. Oli really enjoys pain, a lot more then the average sub here. Normally Oli will be restrained against some type of furniture and Chris will usually use certain bdsm equipment or tools to warm up the scene with and then he uses some kind of tools or toys to....Well, I don't a better way to put this....To bring Oli to climax," Richard said, smiling, "But there won't be any actual sex, just a sexual act, if you know what I mean. Paul listened with a smile and red face. 

"Oh, okay. I know what you mean. Why don't we check out the third level and I'll think about it a little more and then maybe I'll be able to decide by the time they get here." 

"Alright, sounds good. Let's go up to the next level then." Paul and Richard went up another flight of stairs which were right next to the other ones. When they reached that level, there were three hallways again but only one female dungeon master walking along the one straight ahead. She was rather intimidating for a woman. She looked to be around forty and was wearing a white blouse, a black pencil skirt, heels, thick glasses and had wavy bleached blonde hair. Her heels made her taller than the both of them. She had a stern expression as she walked towards them until she laid eyes on Richard and the both of them smiled and greeted each other. 

Richard stopped and spoke to her, "This is my friend Paul. It's his first time here. I'm just showing him around." 

"Sounds good Richard. Nice to meet you Paul, I'm Marta," she said as she held out her hand and Paul shook it. "I think there might be several rooms up here that are empty tonight if you two would like to check any of them out," she told them. 

"Okay great," Richard replied, "Let's go check them out Paul." They and the woman told each other to have a good night and then they continued down the hall past her. 

As they went along to try to find some rooms that were open and empty, Paul noticed this level was quieter than the second level. There didn't seem to be as many people. 'That must mean people enjoy voyeurism more than they enjoy being alone with someone,' Paul thought amusingly to himself. 

The first room they took a quick look at was the complete opposite of a bdsm room that you would expect. It was set up to look like a makeup/dressing room, had a lot of pink and purple and a large chair which sat in front of a mirror and various bsdm equipment, tools and toys on a table and around the room. 

Paul laughed nervously. "Interesting," was all he had to say. 

"Yeah, I didn't think this would be your type of room," Richard remarked with a grin, "Lets go look at another." The second one was set up to look like a medical room in a doctor's office. There was some bdsm equipment and items throughout it and it was even complete with a bed featuring stirrups.

Paul laughed again. "Does this level have like any of just your average everyday dungeons?" he asked. 

"Yeah, a few. Why, do you think that'd be your style?" Richard asked very curiously. 

Paul shrugged, "I'm not really sure what my style would be but I think I'd like a dungeon type room more than the other two we've seen," he answered smiling. 

"Okay, let's go see if any of them are open," Richard said as he led the way out into the hall once more. They saw another open door and finally it was the type of room Paul had been wanting to see. 

They stepped into the room and Paul stood close to the doorway, just looking around, and Richard thought Paul seemed almost in awe of this room. 'So this is what he's into,' Richard thought to himself and couldn't help but smile as he watched Paul's reaction and also looked around the room himself. This room was bigger than the other two and had several different things in it. There were plain grey walls and it was dimly lit, just like everything else and seemed to be made to look dark, dreary and creepy, but Paul could see well enough to take it all in. 

"Well don't be shy Paul. Walk around and check it out. This is what you've been wanting to see." Paul gave Richard a quick nervous smile and glance and then slowly began walking around the room. Richard quietly shut the door so no one else would come in and then he followed behind Paul, ready to explain what everything was and answer any questions the smaller man may have. 

The most noticeable thing in the room was a bed that was against one wall. The headboard had bars, obviously for restraining someone to it. There were a couple tables which had various things on it; a flogger, a leash, handcuffs, a gag, vibrator, electric wand, candles, and some other small tools and items that Paul had no idea what they were and a long leather whip. There were also a couple short, thin ropes hanging from some metal bars which were attached to the ceiling in the middle of the room and the ropes hung high up off the floor. Paul was a bit curious about that. 

As he walked around and checked everything out Richard asked him, "So do you have any questions about anything so far?" 

"Yeah," Paul replied as he turned to look at the other man, "I was just wondering if you enjoyed the pain when you were a sub." Richard was caught off guard by Paul's question. He was expecting him to ask something about the room or the club. Richard hesitated to answer for a few moments as he walked across the other side of the room and leaned his back against the wall. "You said Oli really enjoys pain. I just wondered if you did."

"Um, I don't know if it was so much that I enjoyed the pain itself. I think it was more that whenever I was receiving pain, I was also receiving attention and knew that there would be pleasure and affection soon to follow." Paul could relate to what Richard had just said. He had recently been growing interested in the prospect of being a sub because he wanted to have a dom that would have to give him affection but mainly attention, and whether that would be through pain, pleasure, or being talked to, ordered around, yelled at or comforted, attention was attention. And that was the one thing he had been craving lately more than anything and also the thing he'd been lacking in recent years and in his last relationship. He also longed to give love and affection to some else too. He felt he had so much love to give and he knew he could be an awfully good spouse to someone if only he was given the chance to be. 

Richard continued speaking with intensity in his eyes, "But I enjoy being the one in charge now, the one that gives the pain, pleasure and attention. It makes me feel good about myself when I know I'm making someone else feel good and making someone want me and even beg for me. It gives me an exhilarating feeling I can't even describe. I can't deny that I love being in control, but one thing I also love is making a sub feel safe, cared for and protected, the things that I wasn't always given when I was a sub, unfortunately." Richard was making Paul even more curious about his past and why he always made it sound so bad, but Richard had said before that he didn't like talking about it and Paul assumed that if he wanted to than he would, so Paul didn't wanna push and ask too many questions. "But that's enough about me Paul. I have a question for you now," Richard said as he crossed his arms and smiled at Paul. 

"Okay, what is it?" 

"If you ever do get into this stuff, do you think you'd be a dom or a sub?" 

Paul smiled and looked away shyly. "I'd have to be a sub." 

"Why's that?" 

"Because I'm too nice to tell someone what to do." 

Richard laughed. "You've got a good point there." There were a few moments of silence between them until Richard added with a smirk, "So....Just so you know, I've got a few dominatrix lady friends I can introduce you to, if you're ever interested."

Paul laughed, "No Reesh, I don't want you to hook me up with a dominatrix." 

"No?" Richard asked confused, "Okay so....A dom?" he asked rather seriously, but Paul avoided that question. 

"Hey Reesh, why are these ropes hanging from the ceiling?" Richard furrowed his eyebrows, puzzled as to why Paul wouldn't answer the last question but he decided to answer his new one anyways. 

"Well, they're for doing a scene. The dom can tie the sub's wrists above their head with the ropes and then the sub will stand there restrained from the ceiling while the scene is being performed on them."

"What's a scene like anyways? I'm really curious as to what all happens in one." 

"Well, all kinds of different things can happen in any different scene. There's a variety of ways people can go about one. But I can show you a quick example of one if you want, unless you wanna wait to watch Chris and Oli's." 

"Sure, you can show me," Paul said as he backed away from the ropes, thinking he needed to get out of the way so Richard could show him something. 

Richard walked over to the ropes and said, "Come here Paul. I thought you wanted to see how it works?" 

Paul looked surprised, "You mean you wanna do it to me?" 

"Well how am I supposed to show you, with an invisible person?" Richard joked and he could tell that Paul looked nervous at realizing what Richard meant. "I won't hurt you Paul, I promise. It's not like were gonna be doing an actual scene, I just gotta show you a couple things to be able to explain it. Take your jacket off and lay it on the bed. It'll be easier for me to show you if your jacket's not in the way." Paul still looked very hesitant and he sighed but he still did what he was told, removing his jacket and throwing it on the bed and then he walked back over to Richard and the ropes. 

"Now look at these bars attached to the ceiling Paul. They adjust and can be pulled down to get longer and lower to the floor so that the sub can also be down on their knees or if they're up here by the ceiling like this then you just stand underneath it and lift your arms up and then I can tie the ropes around your wrists. Put your arms up Paul." Paul looked up at the ropes and then back at Richard very cautiously and didn't move. Richard smiled kindly. "You're okay Paul, just lift your arms for me please." Paul finally did and Richard very gently tied the two separate ropes around each of Paul's wrists. He didn't tie them as tight as he would if this was an actual scene though. 

As Richard tied the ropes into rather loose knots for Paul's sake, Paul was shaking a little and panting silently as he couldn't stop his breathing from speeding up and his heart from feeling as though it could beat out of his chest. He couldn't believe what he was doing right now. He would've never imagined, even a month ago, that he'd be letting someone do this to him, and letting a man do it to him no less. He was feeling so many mixed emotions in this moment; fear, curiosity, embarrassment and of course, arousal. He couldn't look right at Richard while he was standing so close to him, he had to look past him. He could feel Richard's warm breath on him as the other's man body was nearly touching his. Richard could feel Paul's hands shaking and he hoped he wasn't taking things too far but he honestly wanted Paul to have an idea of what he was claiming to be interested in, incase he ever decided to delve into it seriously someday. 

"Alright, just relax now Paulchen," Richard spoke calmly, "Does that feel okay, comfortable enough?" Paul nodded his head. He didn't think it felt uncomfortable at all, just a little unusual. Richard took a step back to admire the smaller man as he was tied to the ceiling and he just smiled. He very much enjoyed the sight in front of his eyes, a shirtless and shy Paul, tied up in front of him, doing whatever he was told just to satisfy his own curiosity. Paul finally met his gaze and had to smile back and blush at the pleased expression on Richard's face. 

"Okay, so before a scene begins, all people participating have already negotiated what will be happening during it, their limits, and making sure the safe words are known. Once I actually start a scene I like to get the sub warmed up first, get them relaxed and aroused at the same time. I'll usually start out with a flogger," Richard grabbed the flogger off of the table and then kept speaking as he held it in his hand. "I normally like to brush it against their skin gently like this first." He stepped closer to Paul and ran the fringes of the flogger along his chest and then walked a slow circle around him and brushed it along his sides and back before stopping in front of him again. Paul's whole body became flushed and he swallowed hard and Richard noticed him shiver at the sensation. "Then I'll give them a few gentle whacks with it to get their adrenaline pumping, but I won't do that part to you," Richard said, reassuringly. 

"Do it," Paul told him. 

"What?" Richard asked, surprised. 

"I wanna know how it feels, just hit me. I can handle it."

"Are you sure Paul?" 

Paul nodded, "I'm sure."

Richard smiled and took a deep breathe and said, "Okay, get ready," Paul took a deep breath and tried to prepare himself right before Richard swung the flogger back and then quickly flung it forward and whacked Paul a few times on his chest. He definitely wasn't using even close to all his strength but it was still strong enough to make Paul jump and cry out briefly. 

"Fuck Reesh!" he said as he laughed. Richard had to laugh too. 

"What? You told me to do it." 

"I know. Do it again," Paul said calmly.

"No Paul, I think you've got the idea already." 

"Please Richard, I want you to," Paul pleaded. Richard stopped smiling and felt himself becoming aroused at the words Paul just said to him in a begging manner. 

"Okay, a few more times and that's it." 

"I thought you liked giving people pain Reesh. What's the matter?" 

"I do when they've consented to it." 

"Aren't I consenting though by saying please Richard, do it?" 

A shiver ran down Richard's spine. "Okay, then get ready again. But you see what I usually like to do next is to switch back and forth between gentle and then rougher hits to tease them, like this," Richard tapped the flogger gently a few times and then hit him harder a few times and kept switching back and forth with a different amount of pressure put into each whack of the flogger. Each time he hit him harder, Paul would either wince in pain or just grit his teeth and try to stay silent. Even in the darkness, Richard could tell Paul's chest was starting to get red marks on it.

"Okay, that's enough of that for now," Richard said as he gently brushed the fringes of the flogger along Paul's skin again to sooth him. Paul was panting a little harder now as he tried to calm down and looked right into Richard's white eyes as he enjoyed the way the other man was trying to calm him. 

"Then the next thing I would do is kiss and suck their skin all over to help ease the pain that I just caused, but we'll skip that step of course," he said with a smile and Paul was too shy to tell him to do otherwise. "Then before we move on to the main event, sometimes I like to start out by saying things to them to get them even more aroused. It's usually different things for each person, depending on what types of things that particular person likes to hear." 

"What if it's a new sub and they don't know what they like yet?" Paul asked. 

"Well then I just go for something pretty basic, like I'll ask them some questions and refer to them with a pet name. For example, if you were my sub I'd ask kindly, 'So Paulchen, tell me, have you been a good boy today or a bad boy?' And if you said a bad boy, I would say, 'And what do bad boys get?' And you would say, pun-"

"Punished," Paul spoke up and answered for himself, surprising Richard. 

"That's right Paul!" Richard praised him. This whole time Paul was trying his best not to get too aroused and let it show, but the flogging and the way Richard was speaking to him now was putting him in a mood and he couldn't stop himself from getting into it. 

"But what if they say they've been a good boy? Then what happens?" 

"Then they'd get rewarded." 

"With what?" 

"Well usually with whatever the sub's favorite item is, maybe the wand or candles or something else. But if they're getting punished, then I might take this whip over here." Richard took the whip off the table and showed it to Paul. "Now you're certainly not ready to experience this but I'll show you on the floor." Richard backed away from Paul and swung the whip through the air from behind his shoulder then in front of himself and let it slap the hard cement floor below them. It was quite loud but Paul was expecting it so he only flinched slightly. "You think you could handle that against your skin Paulie?" 

"If I was in the right mood, maybe," he said, smirking at Richard. 

"Are you're arms getting tired yet?" Richard asked, concerned. Paul shook his head, answering honestly. 

Richard then slowly walked behind Paul and said, "If they disobey me at all during their punishment, I'll yell something like, 'DO NOT DISOBEY ME! DON'T YOU DARE MOVE OR SPEAK! YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME AND DO AS I SAY AND ACCEPT YOUR PUNISHMENT!'" Richard yelled those words in a very serious tone, startling Paul, and then suddenly he slapped the whip against the floor again where Paul couldn't see and wasn't expecting it, causing the smaller man to flinch more greatly this time. Richard chuckled at Paul's reaction. "I'm so sorry Paul, I just had to do that. I'm just messin with you. Don't worry, I'm not really gonna hit you," he said apologetically but still laughed at the same time and Paul began laughing too. 

Richard kept standing behind Paul as he began explaining more things. "And then once the main activity, for example either the punishment or the reward, is over and they or both of us are satisfied, then the scene has ended. But after that, I like to say more things to them to calm them down while they come down from their high. If they were being rewarded, I'll say things like, 'How did that feel? Did that feel good? Did you like that?'" Richard spoke in a very sweet tone of voice, a complete 180 from the way he'd just previously spoken right before he cracked the whip. 

Paul suddenly felt his cock move and start to become hard and he couldn't stop it from happening. He had finally heard Richard's dominating voice like he had wanted to and now he was speaking in this sweet voice and that combination made him feel week at the knees and if he didn't have the ropes to keep him standing, he surely would be near collapsing right now. He shut his eyes and sighed as Richard kept speaking.

"And if they were being punished, I'll say 'Did you learn your lesson? Are you going to be a good boy for me now Paulchen?'" 

"Yes sir," Paul said out loud without meaning to, quietly, but loud enough for Richard to hear him. Richard still stood behind Paul and his eyebrows rose at what Paul said and he had to purse his lips together to keep from laughing at the fact that Paul was actually getting into this. He was liking this and Richard could tell and Richard quite liked how much the smaller man was seeming to enjoy it all. 

Once Paul realized what he said and how aroused he was becoming as his partial erection pressed against his leather pants, he became very embarrassed and he knew he had to put a stop to all this before Richard would see what was happening. Richard started speaking again and Paul tried to let him and kept listening and tried not to think about his erection and he really hoped that Richard wouldn't notice with the darkness of the room, but the things that Richard kept saying were only turning Paul on more. 

"After I unrestrain them and quickly clean them up then I like to bring them to the bed or somewhere we can lay together so I can help them recover from what they've just experienced. While laying next to them, I hold them, caress their body all over with my hands, kiss them on their temple, their cheek, their jaw, their lips and neck and I also whisper to them, saying and doing whatever I can to sooth and relax them." 

"Let me down now Reesh, please, untie me," Paul said suddenly, interrupting and surprising Richard. 

"Okay, just a minute. Let me put the whip back on the table." 

"Hurry Richard! Please let me down," Paul repeated impatiently. 

"Okay, okay Paul!" Richard hurried over to him and looked at Paul who was trying to avoid his gaze, confused as to why he was pleading to be done with everything. Since he was busy searching Paul's face as he untied him, he didn't notice what Paul didn't want him to see below his waist. "Are you alright Paul?" Richard asked worried as he finished untying him.

"I'm fine. I just need to get out of here now. It's hot in here and I'm starting to feel claustrophobic in this room." That wasn't a complete lie. Paul went and grabbed his jacket off the bed and put it back on and then quickly opened the door and walked out of the room. 

As he had walked past the other man to reach the door, Richard thought, he wasn't sure, but he thought, that it might of looked like Paul was hard. And realizing that, made him feel his own cock twitch in response. Of course he wasn't going to bring the topic up to Paul, that would only embarrass him and probably make him wanna leave and that was the last thing Richard wanted. But Richard knew Paul was liking this, he was liking it a lot. But he couldn't help but wonder why Paul would grow hard. Was it simply just everything Richard was doing to him and the fact that things like that could turn any normal human being on, no matter who was doing those things to them, or, was it Richard himself that was turning Paul on. 'No, it couldn't be me,' Richard thought as he followed Paul out of the room, 'I couldn't get that lucky'. 

As Paul quickly walked down the hall and the stairs, incredibly flustered, Richard shouted to him, "Slow down Paul, wait up! Where are you heading to anyways?" 

"I don't know. I guess we could go watch Chris and Oli's scene now. I just had to get out of that room." As Paul walked he was trying his best to think of the most mundane and depressing things to make his erection go away before anyone would notice. Richard finally caught up with him just as they reached the second level. 

"So you didn't wanna watch a scene with that girl from earlier but you'll watch one with me?" Richard asked, smiling curiously as he walked next to Paul. 

Paul felt embarrassed and looked away, smiling and shaking his head. "I don't know what to tell you Reesh. I don't have an explanation for that." The both of them laughed. 

"So which room is their scene gonna be in?" 

"They normally do their scenes in the room at the end of the hall to the left since it's the biggest one. Plenty of room for an audience," Richard added with a smirk. 

"Oh, so they really like an audience then?"

"Well they must or they'd just use one of the private rooms." Richard then pointed to a room at the end of the hall and they saw that the door was open and as they stepped up to the doorway they could see Chris and another unfamiliar man in their view, setting up a piece of equipment which Paul didn't know what it was and there were already a few people sitting on the couches inside the room. They paused at the door way. 

"So Paul, are you sure you're ready for this?" 

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess," Paul replied, taking a deep breath. 

"Just so you know, anytime you wanna leave the room, we can. It's perfectly fine if you do need to. Remember, I told you this is gonna be intense," he warned Paul once more.

"I know, I'll be alright Reesh. I'm a big boy, I can handle it." Richard laughed and then put his hand comfortingly on Paul's back and motioned for him to enter the room and he followed right along beside Paul and hoped that he wouldn't end up regretting bringing Paul to this club and especially into this room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chris and Oli's scene will be in the next chapter and I'm pretty excited about it!!


	10. The Scene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Warning: This chapter contains some S&M that some people may consider intense.] I've been doing a lot of research on bdsm for this story and I found an article on the psychology of bdsm which I found interesting and informative. If anyone's interested in reading it, just search 'psychology today, a loving introduction to bdsm'. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter and that it's not too intense. The rest of the chapters in this fic with bdsm in them won't be quite this scary. And just so you know, this story won't be only about bdsm, there will be other things happening to. Feel free to let me know what you think :)

When Paul and Richard walked into the room where Chris and Oli would be doing their scene, they took a seat on one of the red leather sofas at the back of the room. Paul didn't feel comfortable sitting too close to the front. The room was still pretty lit up but as soon as Chris and another man had finished setting up a piece of equipment at the front of the room, the other man walked over to the wall on the right and flipped a switch to dim the lighting which made the room darker and then he flipped another switch which made a red light shine dimly over the front area of the room, right above where Chris and Oli would soon be standing at the equipment. Paul and Richard sat in silence while Chris and the other man finished setting up the scene. 

Paul was still feeling a little hot and flustered so since the room was now slightly darkened, he decided to remove his jacket and lay it next to him on the sofa. As more people began entering the room to watch, Paul looked at the equipment up at the front and Chris and tried to take in everything that was going on. Chris was wearing black leather pants, no shirt and he had two black leather bands wrapped around the lower part of his arms and wrists. 

Richard leaned over and whispered to Paul, "That big piece of equipment that they just set up is called a St. Andrew's Cross. Oli's going to be restrained to that." Paul just nodded his head and kept looking straight ahead. 

While the other man began setting up some other items that were on a table, Chris walked into a side doorway which led to another small room. When he came back out he was pulling a leash along with him, a leash which was connected to Oli and his collar. Oli walked on all fours behind Chris and Chris instructed him to kneel by the wall until he was ready for him. When Paul witnessed Oli come into the room that way, he immediately piped up in his seat and was a little shocked by the look of it. Oli was mostly naked except for a small leather outfit that wasn't much except for a couple straps going across each shoulder, his waist, and each thigh. Once he stopped to kneel by the wall, per his dom's orders, he sat there completely still with his head down. 

As Chris was setting up some items on a table he looked over and saw Richard and Paul and a serious expression formed upon his face. He motioned for Richard to come over to him so he could talk to him. 

"I'll be right back Paul. I'm gonna see what Chris wants," Richard told Paul as he got up from his seat. Paul nodded his head and then Richard turned back to him for a moment and added, "Make sure you don't go and talk to Oli. He's not aloud to talk to anyone other than Chris until the scene is over." 

"Okay," Paul answered simply and thought of course he wasn't gonna go talk to Oli in a situation like this and especially not while Oli was naked. But Paul couldn't help but to keep looking at Oli and thinking of how odd this all seemed to himself. He couldn't understand why someone would want to be led around by a leash and especially in front of all these people. And then the fact that he was naked and whatever he was about to do in front of all these watchful eyes from a crowd full of people which included some strangers seemed even more odd to Paul. And Oli wasn't aloud to talk? In that moment he was starting to reconsider his ideas of wanting to be a sub. But then he wondered if just because someone was in this type of relationship, did that mean that they would have to agree to be a part of all this. He wondered if in bdsm if it was possible to consent to some things but not to other things. Paul was a little interested in bdsm being a part of his sex life but he didn't want it to be his whole life. He didn't want to have to follow someone's every order outside of the bedroom and he certainly would never be okay with having any kind of bdsm or sexual act done to him in front of a crowd of people. But he did remember Richard saying that he only wanted this in his sex life and not as a lifestyle also so obviously there must be some things that Richard considers too much and so maybe it is possible to be okay with some parts of bdsm but not okay with other parts. As Paul was contemplating all this in his mind, Chris had something to talk to Richard about. 

"Are you sure it was a smart idea bringing Paul in here to watch this?" he asked Richard. 

"It was his choice Chris. He'll be fine. He seems to be interested in all this and he wants to learn more about it and what better way to learn than to watch a scene," Richard tried to explain.

"He's probably only interested in it because he doesn't know what all it entails and the more he learns about it, the more there's a chance he might be scared away. If someone's gonna get into all of this for the first time they need to start out with light and simple stuff. I'm not saying he shouldn't have came to the club, I'm just saying you know how intense Oli and I's scenes can get and the stuff we do is far from light. He may not be able to handle watching it."

"Oh come on Chris. He's a grown man and he's not stupid. He already knows a bit about this stuff. He can handle it. And besides I told him we can leave anytime he needs to." 

"Why don't you just admit the truth Reesh?" Chris asked as he set up some tools atop a table. 

"What truth?" Richard asked, confused. 

"You already told me you like him as more than a friend. You didn't bring him here so he could learn something. You brought him here cause you're hoping that he'll like it and want to participate in it with you. But if that's your goal, you may end up accomplishing the opposite and scare him away from all this by having him watch one of my scenes on his first night here at this club." 

Richard laughed and tried to deny what Chris had just said. "I don't think that Paul's gonna wanna do this stuff with me. He's straight Chris, remember? And yeah, I like him a lot but I've accepted the fact that we'll probably never be more than friends." 

"Probably?" Chris said with a smirk. 

"Shut up Chris," Richard said as his face began to match the red light above them. "And don't worry about Paul. He knows that as soon as he starts to feel even a little uncomfortable with any of this, he can leave the room. I didn't force him to come to this place with me and I didn't make him come in here." 

"Okay, okay Reesh. I guess I'll trust your judgement. But if things don't turn out the way you want them to with him, just don't forget I warned you." 

"If things don't turn out how I want them to with him? I don't know what you're talking about Chris. And for your information, I've got a date with that bartender Till tomorrow night." Chris looked at Richard surprised and then he turned his head back towards the table and shook it in disbelief. "What? What was that reaction for?" 

"You're never gonna be able to make things work with anyone, such as Till, when you have feelings for someone else at the same time. You probably only wanna date Till so you can try to forget your feelings for Paul. Either that or maybe you think you can try to make Paul jealous." 

"Feelings? Who ever said anything about feelings? I just said I thought Paul was cute and that I wish he was gay so I could date him. I never said I had feelings for him," Richard said, seeming slightly embarrassed. 

"You also said that Paul is one of the few guys you've ever met that seems to understand you and doesn't judge you for who you are. I wouldn't blame you if you did develop feelings for him. You know as well as I do Richard, that you've been involved with some pretty shitty men in the past and Paul seems like a good guy for a change. You shouldn't let a little issue like him being straight stop you from making a move on him." 

Richard laughed again, "That's not a little issue Chris, that's a pretty big issue actually." Richard looked over at Paul and then looked down with an unreadable expression. "I'm gonna go sit back down now. Hurry and start your scene and stop worrying about my love life," he said as he walked away and Chris huffed a laugh. By the time Richard sat back down next to Paul, the scene was beginning and Paul didn't have time to ask what Chris wanted. The man that had been helping Chris started some music on a radio and then went and took a seat at one of the couches in front. The music that was playing was something instrumental and a mixture of goth and rock, something hardcore but slow and suspenseful, most likely to build up the scene and everyone's adrenaline. The music was kept quiet though so that Chris's words and Oli's sounds during the scene would be heard.

Chris took Oli's leash and walked him over to the X-shaped cross and instructed him to stand. He removed the leash from Oli's collar and handed it to the man in the front as Oli stood with his back against the cross. Chris first gave Oli a deep and loving kiss on the lips and then he proceeded to restrain both of his wrists and ankles with shackles that were attached to the cross at each of the four ends. Paul then noticed that Oli was already partially erect. Once he was fully restrained, Chris checked each shackle to make sure they were secure as Oli just stared ahead into blank space and didn't look directly at anyone's faces. Paul then saw Chris whispering something in Oli's ear and saw Oli nod his head. Chris began planting small and gentle kisses all over on one side of Oli's face upon his cheek, his jaw, his temple, his neck above his collar and behind his ear and Oli closed his eyes and leaned his head back in response. Chris walked over to Oli's other side and whispered something in his other ear and began kissing the other side of his face and Paul noticed a small smile on Oli's lips as though he was relaxed with everything that was about to happen and didn't seem phased by the fact that a room full of people were watching him. 

Chris then walked over to the table and grabbed a flogger and came back to Oli. Just as Oli's eyes were closed and he seemed so relaxed, Chris lifted his own arm that held the flogger, swung his arm and wrist back and began flogging Oli's upper body. And it wasn't the gentle flogging that Richard gave Paul. It was merciless and unwavering. Oli immediately cried out over and over every time the flogger connected with his skin. He was flinching in pain but he could barely move with the way he was tightly restrained. Paul jumped as soon as he heard Oli cry out for the first time. He crossed his arms and slightly curled into himself. Richard noticed and glanced over at him. Paul was biting his lip and had a very intense expression on his face. Richard suddenly felt worried that Chris may have been right. He knew that the flogging was nothing compared to what Chris and Oli were about to move on to during this scene and he began to worry about how Paul would handle it. 

The flogging finally ended and as Chris walked to the table to return the flogger, Oli was panting very hard and his eyes were shut tightly. There were red marks all over his skin but Paul didn't see any blood. Chris walked back over to Oli and began kissing him on the neck above his collar and sucking his flushed skin. He then slowly continued his kisses down to Oli's collarbone and his chest and then moved down to his abdomen and sides and then went further down and kissed his thighs. Paul could tell that this was calming Oli down as his eyes were half lidded now and his panting slowed down. Chris then kissed back up his body and stopped to suck one nipple and twirl the other with his own finger and thumb. Oli breathed in and then sighed loudly and it was obvious that he was enjoying this sweet torture Chris was putting him through. Richard looked over at Paul again and saw the smaller man's face was more relaxed now but that was because he didn't know what was coming next. Chris whispered some things in Oli's ear again and Paul was very curious about what it was that he must of been saying to him during all this. 

Chris picked up the next item off of the table and brought it over to Oli. It looked similar to the electric wand that Paul saw in the other room that he and Richard had went in and it had a cord hanging from it that was connected to a small electrical box on the table. Chris turned a switch on the wand and the end of it, which was an oval shaped piece of glass, lit up a purple color. It also began making an ominous buzzing sound. When Paul finally realized he was about to witness someone getting an electric shock, he brought his hand to his face and bit the back of it. But as the purple end got closer to Oli's skin, Paul just couldn't look away. He wasn't aware of how the other people in the room were reacting because he forgot that anyone else was even in the room. All he could think about now was what was about to happen to Oli and he couldn't look away no matter how much he wanted to. 

Chris touched the end of the wand to Oli's abdomen very briefly and Oli cried out even louder than he did with the flogger. His eyes were open and he would point them down to watch where Chris was about to shock him next and then he'd throw his head back and cry out. Paul didn't know whether Oli was enjoying this or not but it was obvious that his cries were cries of pain, though Richard did previously say that Oli enjoys pain more than most. Paul then caught the look of serious concentration on Chris's face as Chris kept touching the wand to various spots on his body, not giving Oli any time to recover from the last shock before he was giving him another one. But Chris didn't seem to be bothered by Oli's pain. He shocked his chest, his abdomen, his sides, his arms, and then he shocked his nipples and Oli cried out even louder as Paul bit the back of his hand even harder. 

Then Chris did something even worse and brought the wand down to below Oli's waist. He slowly approached Oli's most sensitive area and then touched the wand to his now fully erect cock and then to his balls and he kept repeating the shocks to those areas a few more times. Oli cried out his loudest cry yet at that and also some curses and it caused Paul to silently gasp and his breath caught in his throat. He crossed his legs and curled into himself even more and Richard could now clearly tell that Paul was uncomfortable. He leaned over to whisper in Paul's ear again. 

"Do you need to leave Paul? We can if you want." Paul flinched when Richard's breath hit near his ear but he just shook his head in reply and didn't tear his gaze away from the scene in front of him. It was almost like a car accident; you don't wanna look but yet you can't look away. Richard could see how tense Paul was so he put his arm around him and gently squeezed his upper arm and Paul seemed to relax a little at that and he stopped biting his hand. 

Chris finally stopped his torturous shocks to Oli's body which was now writhing in pain and turned off the switch on the wand. But at that moment Paul realized that Oli wasn't feeling only pain. He was also experiencing pleasure. Paul could see some precum dripping from Oli and as Chris went to set the wand back on the table, he asked Oli if he had enough and Oli shouted in a raspy voice.

"No, please! Please don't stop Master! Please give me more Master!" A sly grin spread across Chris's face and a shocked expression on Paul's. 

'He's seriously enjoying this?' Paul thought to himself, 'How could anyone like this?' 

Chris turned the wand on and started touching it to Oli's skin again in various places and at the same time he wrapped his free hand around Oli's cock and began slowly stroking him and now Oli's cries of pain were combined with moans of pleasure. He even seemed to be getting pleasure from the shocks of the wand. That made Paul really want to know how that wand felt and if perhaps the sensation of the electrical shocks felt better than he had initially assumed it would. He then had the desire to feel the wand on his skin and for Richard to be the one doing it to him. 

Just as Oli looked like he was about to come, Chris quickly removed his hand from Oli's cock and turned the wand off and told Oli, "No my love, it's not time yet. Do not come until I give you my permission." By the time Chris was setting the wand back on the table and picking up another item, Oli's eyes were closed and he was panting even harder now and he looked to be slightly frustrated at the fact that Chris had stopped and not let him come. 

Chris then walked to Oli with a small leather whip in his hand. He whispered something to Oli once again and Oli nodded. He took a step back and swung the whip with force and hit Oli across the chest with it once and then kept doing it a few more times and Oli's cries continued once more. Paul furrowed his eyebrows at the show in front of him and tilted his head down but his eyes still pointed up to watch even though the lashes of the whip seemed to hurt even more than the wand. 

Richard noticed Paul tense up again as the smaller man started second guessing his interest in bdsm again. He still had his arm around Paul and after seeing Paul's reaction to the whip, he pulled him closer and Paul let him and even leant into him and rested against Richard's side to seek comfort from the scene happening in front of his eyes and this gesture surprised and pleased Richard at the same time. He held Paul with his arm around him and gently rubbed Paul's upper arm again. 

As Chris was whipping Oli, Oli was yelling but he also moaned whenever Chris would pause in between lashes to stroke him again. But every time he would stroke him he would order Oli not to come. This part turned Paul on a little. He could tell how badly Oli wanted to come. Paul could also tell that there were now even more red welts along Oli's body, worse than the ones caused by the flogger and a couple of them even looked like they had drawn blood. 

Finally after a scene that probably only started ten minutes ago but felt like it went on forever, Chris stopped all his torture. He put the whip back on the table and then walked back to Oli and massaged his balls and then started stroking his cock faster and told him he was aloud to come. 

"Come for me now baby. You're aloud. Let yourself go for your Master." Oli's moans immediately grew louder and louder after that until he came for a long time all over Chris's hand and his own abdomen while Chris kissed him behind his ear until the end of his orgasm.

Paul could feel his cock stir beneath his leather pants and he felt embarrassed and ashamed that all this turned him on and wished that it didn't but it did and he couldn't help it, especially when Richard was being so touch feely with him like he always was. Richard was feeling a little turned on too but not from the scene. He had seen shows like this many times and besides these were his friends that were performing. But the thing that aroused him was the way that Paul was letting Richard hold him to ease his discomfort and uneasy feelings. 

Once the scene had finally ended, the man that had previously been helping Chris, handed him a towel and then went over and turned the regular white light on again and turned the radio off. Chris cleaned Oli and himself off and then began unrestraining Oli who was now sighing and panting loudly as he came down from his orgasm and his high caused by the intense scene he just went through. 

Once Oli was completely unshackled and stepped away from the cross, some people in the room started to get up and leave but Paul still couldn't look away. He uncrossed his arms and legs, got off of Richard's side to sit up straight and kept watching to see what would happen now that the scene was done and he wanted to see how Oli would handle things afterwards. Richard saw Paul watching intently and was puzzled by the look on the smaller man's face. 

Chris and Oli were standing across from each other very closely still in front of the X-shaped cross and Paul watched as Chris held onto Oli's sides and leant forward to kiss him all over both sides of his face again. Oli looked weak and as though he could collapse if Chris wasn't holding onto him. But Oli also looked like he was currently in his own little world of ecstasy. His eyes were lidded and a small smile was on his face as he let Chris kiss him and hold him and comfort him and he could see how much love there was between them in this moment. Chris lifted his hands and put them on the sides of Oli's face and took a step back and then the both of them stood there in silence doing nothing but gazing into each other's eyes as though they were the only ones in the room. Oli looked like he was in heaven and Chris had a look of pride and admiration for the man he loved and then Paul noticed Chris was hard now. Chris leaned forward quickly and suddenly and gave Oli a deep and passionate kiss and Oli returned it and there was so much desperation in that one kiss as though this was the last time they would ever kiss, even though that wasn't true. Paul thought it seemed as if they wanted and loved each other so strongly in that moment that it couldn't be expressed in words and could only be shown with their actions and emotions. 

Richard was intrigued by the look on Paul's face as Paul watched his two friends. It was an expression that held so much longing and desire but also a little sadness and loneliness. He could tell what Paul was thinking which was that Paul himself wished that he could have someone to love and to love him back the way that Chris and Oli did. Paul still didn't understand someone wanting to be pulled by a leash and shocked and whipped and hurt but he could certainly understand the attention and affection that the sub was rewarded with afterwards and even all throughout the scene and the pain. Paul knew that if he did ever get involved in this stuff that he wouldn't wanna be into it as extremely as Chris and Oli were but he was certain that he did want the love and attention that came along with it and he also realized something else. He wouldn't wanna ever do any of this with anyone other than the one man who he felt like he was starting to trust and maybe even having other strong feelings for and a man who he was beginning to feel comfortable and safe with, and that one man was Richard. If he couldn't do this stuff with Richard than he didn't want any part of it. But how would that ever be possible when he didn't even have the nerve to tell Richard that he liked him as more than a friend, much less to tell him he wanted to act as his sub. 

Paul suddenly felt very hot and uncomfortable even with his jacket removed and he could also feel that he was hard now. It wasn't just the intensity of the scene that made him feel this way but more the intensity of the feelings he was experiencing of longing and desperation to have something that he could probably so easily have if he really tried and told Richard the truth but at the same time, he still felt it was something just out of his reach. Chris started to help Oli walk to the small side room which they had came out of earlier so that Chris could do Oli's aftercare, and Paul didn't have anything to watch anymore. He could then feel Richard's eyes on him and when he glanced over at him, Richard was smiling affectionately at Paul. He wasn't sure if it was just a simple kind smile for no reason or if Richard had seen that Paul was hard and his smile was an amused one, but either way Paul became very embarrassed and he had to get out of there and now. 

"I need to get out of here. I need some air," he suddenly told Richard in a shaky and nervous tone of voice. He quickly stood up, grabbing his jacket beside him and walked out of the room and didn't even give Richard time to respond. Richard was worried by Paul's sudden reaction so he quickly got up and followed the smaller man out. 

Paul rushed down the stairs way ahead of Richard and then he walked out of the first level of the club, through the lobby, down the long hall, and back out to the where they came in. He wasn't sure exactly where he was going, he just knew he needed to get away from everyone and get some air. Once outside, he didn't know where to go but he just needed a moment to calm down so he went to the alley that was next to the building he'd just came out of. 

A few moments later Richard came outside and looked around and when he didn't see Paul right away, he felt a sudden stab of alarm in his chest. He was so worried about Paul after the way he practically ran out and he needed to find him and make sure he was okay. He thought maybe Paul went back to the car so he started to head in the direction of the parking garage. But as he walked by the alley he noticed someone out of the corner of his eye so he stopped and looked over into the alley and saw Paul sitting down on the pavement with his knees bent in front of him and his arms draped over his knees as he stared straight ahead into empty space with a blank expression. 

"Paul! There you are," Richard exclaimed as he hurried to Paul's side and bent down to sit beside him. "Are you okay Paulchen? I was so worried about you when you ran out. I was afraid I wasn't gonna find you for a moment. What happened? Was the scene too much for you?" I shouldn't of suggested for us to watch. I should've known you weren't ready to see that. I'm sorry for my bad judgement Paul." Paul looked down and shook his head. 

"The scene wasn't too much Richard. I'm fine. I just needed some air, that's all. And don't apologize. I chose to go in there and I chose to come to this club with you and I don't regret it, not one bit. It made me realize something," he said, finally looking over at Richard. 

"What did it make you realize?" Richard asked curiously. 

"A couple of things, but I can't say what. I'm too ashamed and a little scared. 

"What are you ashamed and scared of?" Richard asked, even though he thought he might have a good idea of what Paul was talking about, but Paul stayed silent and looked down at his knees. 

"I think I know what you're talking about Paul," Richard told him. 

"You do?" Paul asked as he looked up at him, worried. 

"Are you ashamed because some of the stuff that you experienced here turned you on? And is what you realized that you don't wanna come back here or be involved in bdsm because you feel uneasy about the fact that something that intense aroused you?" 

Paul laughed and then looked straight ahead again. "That's not exactly right Reesh." 

"I'm wrong? Then what is it? You did get aroused though, didn't you? I'm sorry Paul but I couldn't help but notice. It's perfectly normal for someone to get aroused by watching a scene. You don't have to be ashamed by that."

Paul sighed, "I'm not ashamed because I got aroused by the scene. I'm ashamed because I got aroused while I was watching two...." Paul stopped, afraid that what he was about to say would offend Richard. 

"By watching what? Two men you mean?" Paul just barely nodded his head and couldn't look at Richard. Richard laughed. "Paul. I know what you're thinking and you don't have to worry. Just because the scene you were turned on by happened to be between two men, that doesn't mean you're gay or bi. It was the acts that were going on and seeing someone else have that stuff done to them and get aroused by it that turned you on. I'm sure it wasn't Chris and Oli themselves that turned you on, right?" 

"Well, no. You're right." Paul agreed with what the other man just said, but what Richard wasn't aware of was that Paul has been turned on by a man lately and that man was the one trying to tell Paul he isn't gay. 'If only he knew all the fantasies I've had about him since we met and if only he knew my even deeper feelings for him, he wouldn't be telling me that I'm not gay right now,' Paul thought to himself. 

"Well see then Paul. You have nothing to be ashamed of and even if you were gay, which I know you're not, but if you were, you still wouldn't have to feel ashamed of that, especially with me. I would never judge you for that or anything else." 

"I know Reesh. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to offend you. I know that being gay shouldn't be something to be ashamed of." 

"That's fine Paul. You didn't offend me." 

"Well I hope not cause that wasn't my intention. And another thing Reesh, you were wrong when you said I realized I don't wanna come back here or get into bdsm. I realized the complete opposite actually. I do wanna come back here and I still think I might wanna get involved in all this someday, well I mean except for maybe the electric wand and being watched by people."

"Seriously?" Richard asked surprised. He was sure that Paul would be scared away from all this after tonight. 

"But I don't just want the pain and the pleasure, I want what comes after that. When I watched Chris and Oli together after the scene was over and saw all that love and affection between them and the way they looked at each other. I want that Reesh. I want that so badly, more than anything. But I want someone that I can trust and feel safe with the way Oli trusts Chris. If I can't do this stuff with someone who I feel that way about then I just simply wouldn't want it." Paul looked over at Richard with a sadness in his eyes as he spoke. 

"So is that what scares you? That you want all this but you're afraid you won't find the right person, someone you can trust?" Richard asked. 

"Yeah," Paul sighed, "Something like that." Paul felt like such a sissy right now. Why couldn't he just have the balls to tell Richard the truth about how he felt about him and how he wanted to experience all this with him. He could so easily just tell him right now. They were alone in an alley and no one else would hear and he knew Richard wouldn't judge him for anything he said in that moment. But he was still afraid that Richard would reject him. Richard may act friendly and flirtatious with him sometimes but Paul thought that maybe that was just the way he was with everyone. And he still thought Richard was too cool to wanna be with someone like himself. He wasn't aware that Richard thought way more of Paul then Paul thought of himself. He also remembered the fact that Richard was interested in Till now, so because of his fears of rejection, he kept his mouth shut so that the truth wouldn't come out and he hated himself for not having the nerve to speak up. 

At the same time Paul was racking his brain with his thoughts, Richard's head was spinning too. Here he had this man sitting beside him who he liked and wanted to be with so much. They both were looking for a serious relationship and now he just found out how much Paul wanted to get into bdsm. Richard knew he would be more than willing to be Paul's partner, his lover and be a dom to him if Paul would only be willing to be his partner and sub. He desperately wanted someone to love too, but he was also afraid of rejection. What if Paul would not only turn him down but would also be disgusted by the fact that he was being asked out by another man. And what if revealing his feelings to Paul would even make Paul uncomfortable around him and decide not to be friends with him anymore. He couldn't lose him as a friend. So just like Paul, Richard kept his mouth shut too and didn't have the nerve to speak about his feelings. Instead he decided to just be a friend to Paul in that moment. At least he could do that much for him. 

"Paulchen," he said as he put his arm around Paul again and Paul looked over at him. "If what you really want is to have that type of relationship with someone someday with all the love and the trust that comes along with it, then I know you can if you just don't get discouraged and don't give up. You'll find the right person for you someday and you'll be happy. Just don't give up, alright? And in the meantime, you don't have to feel lonely. You've got me. And I intend on being your friend no matter what happens in the future. I don't know if anything will come of Till and I but I want you to know that if it does, I'm still gonna always be here for you. We're not gonna stop hanging out and being friends. I'll still make time for you on the weekends and the evenings. And honestly, not just to be a good friend to you but because I love hanging out with you, so I'm actually being quite selfish here," Richard said, smiling. 

Paul laughed but he wanted to cry at the same time. Richard was the most amazing person he'd ever met and he was lucky enough to be his friend but he didn't think he was ever gonna stop wanting more than that. 

"Why don't we go now Paul. I think we've both experienced enough emotions for tonight, don't you think?" 

"Yeah, more than enough emotions for one night," Paul agreed, laughing slightly. 

Richard stood and held his hand out to help Paul up. Paul took it and Richard yanked him up with too much force and Paul had to press one hand against Richard's chest to stop from slamming into him, causing them both to laugh. They stood there across from each other for a few moments just smiling at one another. Paul wanted very badly to hug Richard for being so kind and Richard had the urge to kiss Paul but neither of them did what they really wanted to. Instead, Richard stood beside Paul and put his arm around his shoulders and squeezed him in a friendly way. 

"Let's go home Paulchen." They finally began walking back towards the garage. 

"Did I ruin your night Reesh, by being a wuss?" Paul asked.

Richard chuckled loudly, "You are not a wuss Paul! You're a lot of things but that's not one of them. And no you didn't ruin my night. You made it interesting, especially when you let me tie you up. I got a lot of joy out of that." Paul looked at Richard with raised eyebrows and a shocked smile. Richard just laughed and didn't try to change what he had just said. 

"Yeah, I gotta admit that part was pretty fun," Paul said, causing Richard to give him a surprised look. Paul just looked away in embarrassment and laughed. 

They eventually made it to Richard's car and went back home to their respective apartments after a quick goodbye to each other and a wink from Richard to Paul just before they stepped into their doorways. Paul closed his door behind him and a shot of lust and arousal coursed through his whole body at just that one little gesture from Richard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry and please be patient readers :) :) :) Paul and Richard will be together eventually. I don't wanna say exactly when cause I don't want you to expect it when it happens but trust me, it will be happening soon! ;)


	11. Feeling B

Later that week when Paul spoke to Richard again, he asked him how his date with Till went. Much to Paul's disappointment, Richard happily responded that it went good and said they were gonna go out again sometime. Paul pretended to be happy for him even though he felt nauseous. He was glad though that Richard didn't give him any details of their date. The last thing he would wanna hear would be the details of anything Richard would do with a man he was dating. But even though Paul felt sick and frustrated inside at the thought of Richard with someone else, he couldn't really be angry at Richard for that. After all, Richard knew nothing of Paul's feelings for him and he also believed Paul was straight so why wouldn't he wanna live his life and date whoever he wanted to date. He had every right to, but knowing that fact didn't make Paul hurt any less. 

The next weekend, Paul and Flake's band, Feeling B, had a gig at a local bar and when Paul invited Richard, the other man enthusiastically agreed to be there. Paul didn't invite Till though of course, and Richard made no mention of it. Not only did Paul not wanna hear about them being together but he certainly didn't wanna see them together either. That would kill him. 

\----------------

Saturday came and Feeling B was just getting ready to come out on stage and start their set. Richard and Jenny sat at the bar  
together and waited to watch the show. Paul had introduced them before the show and they were getting along good so far. From  
the time Paul's band came out on the stage and all throughout their set, Richard's eyes were glued to Paul. He took the time  
to notice that the band's punk rock sound and the way they acted on stage was a little funny and unusual but in a good way  
and he didn't think their music was bad at all. But most of the time, Richard just couldn't take his eyes off Paul. He thought  
the smaller man looked so cute and sexy at the same time in black jeans with a chain hanging from them and a black tank top  
and black eyeliner around his eyes. He loved the way Paul danced and acted on stage. He found it quite amusing and felt he  
could watch this man he had a crush on, all night long. It seemed as though the stage was where Paul belonged, playing his  
guitar for a crowd of people and he didn't seem shy or nervous at all when he was in his element.

Many times during the set, Paul looked out into the crowd of people, some of who were in front of the stage, dancing to the music, but Richard and Jenny still sat at the bar; they weren't much into dancing. A few times, Paul would purposely look past the crowd and look directly at Richard, curious to see how the other man was reacting to his band's show. Everytime he would catch Richard staring right back at him and smiling with admiration and amusement in his expression. That made Paul feel good. He was nervous about Richard seeing his band play for the first time and hoped he would enjoy the show and by the look on the other man's face, he was. Paul really wanted to impress him. 

A couple times when Paul caught the way Richard was watching him, he shot the other man a friendly wink and wasn't aware of how excited that made Richard feel. Everytime Richard saw the smaller man's wink and gorgeous smile directed right at him, he would get butterflies. He was anxious for when the show would be over. He couldn't wait to hang out with Paul at the bar and let him know how talented he thought Paul was and how much he loved watching him up there on the stage. 

Neither man was aware that there were several times when Jenny would look over and catch the expression of complete and utter adoration upon Richard's face and she also sensed a bit of lust mixed in with that look. She was pretty confident in her assumption that Paul's neighbor seemed to have a thing for her and her husband's friend. But what she didn't expect was the couple times that she caught Paul's eyes meet Richard gaze and she discovered that Paul had a hint of lust in his eyes too when they landed upon the other man. She wasn't sure if she was misreading Paul's look and she wondered if she should say something to Flake later but then she decided against it. She didn't wanna risk her husband bringing up the topic to Paul and Paul being embarrassed or angry at them for thinking something that may not be true but instead just Jenny's imagination. After all, she knew Paul was happily married to a woman for years so she figured her assumptions were most likely wrong.

The set finally ended and after Paul, Flake and the rest of their bandmates went backstage to put their instruments away, they  
went out to the bar to mingle with the crowd. Paul immediately went to Richard first and Richard gave him a dozen compliments on his band's music and Paul's playing. Paul wasn't sure if Richard really meant everything he said or if he was just being kind and a good friend, but either way he appreciated Richard trying to give him a boost in confidence. 

After a while, a woman looking to be in her thirties approached Paul and asked him if he would like to come hang out with her and her friends at another section of the bar. Paul hesitated and looked as though he wasn't sure if he wanted to and he also thought it would be rude to leave Richard, who the woman didn't invite to hang out with her group. But just as Paul was about to turn her down, Richard said, "Go ahead Paul, go hang out with them. You need to get out there and make some new friends. It'll be good for you." Paul felt a tinge of sadness that Richard was encouring him to go away from him but he knew Richard just wanted what was best for him and knew the smaller man needed to socialize more so he could break out of the temporary shell he had been in and get back to being his old self like he once told Richard he wanted to.

"Okay Reesh, if you're alright hanging out here I guess I'll go over there, but I won't be long," Paul replied quiet enough so that the young woman who was standing nearby wouldn't hear. 

"Yeah, I'll be fine Paul. I'm just gonna sit here and finish my drink and maybe go talk to Flake and Jenny and meet the rest of your bandmates." Paul said okay and nodded and as he walked away, Richard noticed the woman take Paul by the hand and lead him over to where her friends were standing by another part of the bar. It really bothered Richard seeing Paul with a woman, but what hurt even worse was when he later saw Paul and the group of people he was with, all laughing together and having a good time. Paul looked happy and of course Richard wanted him to be, only he wanted Paul to be happy with him, not some woman who was obviously flirting with Paul right in front of Richard's view and Paul didn't seem to mind one bit and even looked to be flirting back with her. 

Some of the other people in the group looked to be even younger than the woman and way too young to be friends with someone of Paul's age, but Paul didn't seem out of place. Richard felt that even though Paul had a maturity about him, he also possessed a playful and childlike quality and sometimes Richard thought he had an innocence about him as though Paul hadn't experienced as much as he himself had in his life. Richard was attracted to that innocence but at the same time he wanted Paul to experience new things, and he wanted to be the one to show him those new things. 

Richard sat at the bar drinking a beer and sulking in his own misery over that fact the Paul was more interested in being with this woman right now than he was in being around Richard, though Richard was aware that he encouraged it, but he wanted Paul to make more friends and not be lonely and depressed. And he also thought about the fact that he was going to start dating Till now, so he knew that Paul would need more people to hang out with for when Richard would be out on a date. 

Richard liked Till when they went out and he finally had the chance to get to know more about him. Till seemed like a nice enough guy and Richard wanted to find someone to be in a relationship with just as badly as Paul did, so Richard figured that if he couldn't have who he really wanted then he might as well try to see where things could go with Till. But he had to admit that unfortunately he didn't feel like he and Till had a strong connection on their first date, at least not like the chemistry he felt the first time he and Paul had talked, and Till also didn't seem to be the usual type that Richard had been going for lately, but he didn't think it would be right for him to be too picky when it had been so long since he'd been in a relationship. He had to atleast give Till more of a chance than just one date. He hoped that maybe his second date with Till would turn out better than their first. 

As Richard sat there staring at Paul and the woman flirt with each other, he didn't realize that a jealous look was showing on his face and that Jenny and Flake had noticed. The two of them looked back and forth between Richard and Paul for a few moments and then whispered to one another, far enough away from Richard that he wouldn't hear, of how they could both tell that Richard may have more than just platonic feelings for their friend and how Richard looked as though he wanted to run over and yank Paul away from that woman. They saw Richard's expression suddenly change from jealously to sadness when the woman stood in front of Paul and placed her hands on his sides. Richard accidently slammed his bottle of beer on the top surface of the bar louder than he meant to and got up from his seat and walked quickly to the bathroom. 

"Maybe you should go check on him Flake," Jenny suggested, worried about Richard's sudden reaction, "Go talk to him or something and see if he's okay."

Flake huffed and laughed, "Jenny, us men aren't like you women. We don't take bathroom trips together and then stand in there and talk about our feelings." 

Jenny laughed, "Alright but I'm just worried about him. I think he's got it bad for our little friend and I think he's gonna get his heart broken in the end." 

"Maybe, maybe not," Flake remarked nonchalantly as he took a sip of his beer.

"Maybe not to what? Maybe he doesn't have a crush on Paul or maybe Paul won't break his heart?" Jenny asked curiously. 

"The last part," Flake replied, not able to make eye contact with his wife. Jenny looked puzzled and amused at the same time. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked Flake but he didn't have a chance to answer. Richard suddenly came out of the bathroom and looked as though he was putting on a brave face. He smiled as he approached Flake and Jenny and started telling Flake how much he enjoyed the show and asked him if he could introduce him to the rest of his bandmates who were standing nearby. 

While Richard was getting to know everyone, Paul was getting to know the group he was having a conversation with. The woman who invited him over had introduced Paul to a young man who she said was her little brother and the rest of their friends who surrounded them. Just as they were all standing around talking about various random things, the woman's brother happened to look over and spot Richard. 

"Hey, I recognize that guy over there, the one with the black spiky hair," the young man told his sister, Paul and his other friends. 

"Who, Richard?" Paul asked. 

"Yeah, you know him too?" the boy asked Paul and added, "I went to school with his son, Merlin." 

"Oh really?" Paul said cheerfully, "Richard's my neighbor. Our apartments are right next door to each other." 

The young man laughed, "Your next door neighbor? You better be careful and watch yourself." Paul's smile turned into a frown. 

"Why do say that?" he asked confused. 

"Because he's a fag. You better check for holes in your wall. He might wanna try to get a glimpse of you naked or something," the woman's brother said and then laughed loudly and soon his sister and the rest of his friends joined in on the laughter but Paul's face turned red and he became infuriated at all the man had just said. 

"What the fuck did you just say?" Paul raised his voice in anger. The group surrounding him could clearly tell Paul didn't find the joke as funny as they had and now they were watching to see how their young friend would react to Paul's question and what would happen. 

When Paul spoke loudly, Richard, Flake, Jenny and the rest of their group had all heard what Paul said too and became very confused and curious as to what was going on as they sat there and watched too. Richard was stunned at the way Paul sounded. He'd never seen or heard him get angry before and he couldn't figure out why on earth Paul would be mad at the same people who he was just laughing with a few moments ago. Everyone that was close by then heard the young man speak up as he responded with anger back at Paul. 

"I SAID, your neighbor is a FAG, a fucking queer! Did you hear me that time?" Paul's blood was boiling at how utterly blatant and rude this boy was being, not even trying to hide that fact that he was a homophobic prick. 

"Take back what you just said!" Paul yelled, "Take it back and go fucking apologize to my friend Richard." Richard watched in complete shock and admiration at the smaller man sticking up for him. This was the most he had ever been turned on by Paul since he met him, but at the same time he was also worried about what would happen if the man didn't do as Paul ordered him to. 

"No, I'm not gonna take it back you idiot! I'm just stating a fact. He's a fucking fag, you got it? And I'm not gonna take anything back." Paul puffed his chest out and furiously clenched his hands into fists by his sides. There was a clear path of empty space between the short distance that separated himself and the younger man and he was gonna take full advantage of that. Without thinking any further, Paul took a few quick steps foward, threw his fist though the air and let his knuckles make a hard and fast connection with the man's surprised and unexpecting face. The man flew back slightly, knocking over some chairs that set at a table and almost hit some people behind him before landing on the floor on his butt, tipping over on his back for a moment until he quickly sat back up and he along with everyone else in the bar looked at Paul, shocked. 

The man quickly stood up and went to swing his fists at Paul. Richard ran over to try to stop the young man while the rest of his friends just watched the scene, not able to move. But the man managed to punch Paul right before Richard grabbed him and pulled him back. The rest of the crowd finally stepped in and helped to hold Paul and the other man back from each other. Paul hadn't been knocked to the floor but he clutched the side of his face with one hand and was still trying to punch in the air with his other hand as Flake had his arms wrapped around his waist to prevent his efforts. The younger man flailed his body to get Richard off of him. 

"Don't touch me, you queer!" Once Richard could see that the man was no longer gonna try to go after Paul he let him go but didn't say anything to him about what he'd just called him. Richard had been called many names over the years, and honestly, he was used to it and wasn't bothered by those words as much as he used to be. Instead, Richard went to check on Paul. Flake finally let Paul go and Richard stood in front of him and gripped his upper arms and looked into Paul's still angry eyes. 

"Are you okay Paul?" Richard asked as he lifted one hand and gently brushed his thumb against the side of Paul's face that had been hit. Paul winced at the contact. 

"I'll go get him some ice," Flake said before walking away to do just that. 

The manager of the bar, Emanuel, had been in his office in the back of the bar and once he was finally aware of all the commotion, he went out to see what was going on. By this time, the young man's friends had convinced him to calm down and they took him out to the back of the bar just so they could get out of there and prevent their friend from causing any more trouble inside the bar. When someone informed the manager of how things had went down, he frowned and sighed in disappointment. Feeling B was a regular band at his bar and he was also friends with Paul and the other members. Flake walked past the manager with an ice pack for Paul's face. 

"We're sorry Emu," Flake apologized for his friend, "I'm sure Paul didn't mean to cause trouble in your bar but he was provoked." 

"I know," Emu sighed, "I don't necessarily blame him but I can't have bar fights going on in here when I'm supposed to be in charge of the place. You guys are gonna have to get your instruments and get out of here soon, alright?" 

"Alright Emu, we understand," Flake replied. Paul was now sitting at a table while Richard kneeled beside him and held the ice pack to his face after Flake had handed it to him. Paul was staring into empty space with his head slightly tilted down and his eyebrows still furrowed. 

"Hey Paul," Flake spoke, "Me and the rest of the guys are gonna gather our intruments and take them out to our vehicles. I can take your stuff out to Richard's car if you want." 

Richard nodded at Flake, "Thanks Flake, we'll be out there soon. I'm gonna take Paul out front first to get some air." Flake nodded his head and then he and Jenny and the rest of the band walked away while Richard and Paul went outside in front of the bar and sat on a bench.

Paul sat to the left of Richard and Richard had his arm curled around the front of Paul to hold the ice pack on the left side of Paul's face. Paul took a hold of the ice pack. 

"I've got it, I can hold it," he told Richard with a hint of anger still in his voice. Richard let go of the ice and let Paul hold it but kept leaning in front of Paul to search in the smaller man's eyes. 

"Relax Paul, it's over now. The asshole's gone, you can calm down now." Paul didn't say anything, instead he just looked down in embarrassment as Richard kept staring into his eyes. "What happened Paul?" Richard asked, sounding worried. 

"You saw what happened. He called you a name and it pissed me off." 

"So you felt the need to punch him for that?" 

Paul glanced up at Richard quickly. "I wasn't gonna let him say that stuff about you. You don't deserve to be called those names," Paul explained, angrily. A huge grin spread across Richard's face and he shook his head. 

"What am I gonna do with you Paulie? My sweet little protective Paulchen," Richard said kindly. Paul's face relaxed and softened at that and he couldn't stop a small curve of his lips as he looked up at the other man. Richard put his arm around Paul's back and he moved his face closer to Paul's and then he planted a hard and wet kiss to Paul's other cheek which was closest to him. Paul stared at Richard as felt his own heart melting and he thought he was gonna die in that moment but in the best way. "I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you Paul, but whatever it was, I'm glad I did it." Paul just laughed nervously and he didn't know what to say.

After a few moments of silence while Richard kept staring into Paul's eyes, he spoke again, "I'm sorry you got hit because of me."

"It wasn't your fault Reesh! Don't apologize. And I'm not gonna apologize for what I did either. That guy deserved it and I'd do the same thing all over again if I had to," Paul responded and Richard smiled for a moment and then he looked confused. 

"Hey, how'd that guy know I was gay anyways?" 

"He said he went to school with your son and that he knew who you were." 

"Ah, I see," Richard nodded. 

The woman who Paul had been flirting with came out to talk to Paul and Richard. "I just wanted to apologize to both of you on behalf of my stupid brother. And I just wanted you to know Paul, that I'm nothing like him. I don't share his ignorant beliefs. And I don't blame you for hitting him, he deserved it." She then handed Paul a napkin that she had been holding in her hand. He took it with his hand that wasn't holding the ice pack and saw the woman's number written on it. "Call me sometime if you're ever interested in hanging out . I'll make sure my brother's not around next time," she told Paul, smiling. 

"Okay, I might do that sometime," Paul said in a flat tone, sounding as though he didn't mean it. She smiled at both men and said goodbye. Paul said bye and Richard nodded at her kindly and then she walked back into the bar. 

Flake finally came out to the front of the bar. "I took your guitar and amp and the rest of your stuff out to Richard's car. We're parked beside your car, Richard. Jenny's waiting there for us. 

"Okay, let's go home now Paul," Richard said as they stood to walk along side Flake to where their cars were parked. 

As they walked down the sidewalk, Paul took the napkin the woman had given him and threw it in a trashcan along the way. 

"What'd you do that for?" Richard asked curiously. 

"She was laughing with the rest of them when her brother first made a joke about you. I don't want anything to do with her," Paul replied, looking down as he walked and Richard smiled at his explanation and he felt touched. Now Richard was beginning to realize something that Paul had realized a couple weeks ago. His feelings for Paul were becoming more than just a physical attraction. He was falling for the smaller man. But it didn't matter, Richard thought. Paul would never have feelings for him. 

"Hey Paulchen, that was pretty cool of you to stick up for Richard," Flake remarked and then he looked over and noticed that Paul had removed the ice pack from his face and held it down at his side but he lifted his other hand and brushed his fingers gently along the right side of his face. "Hey Paul, I thought it was your left cheek that got hit. Is your other cheek sore too?" Flake asked. 

"No, it's fine," Paul replied, quickly dropping his hand away from the cheek that Richard had kissed. Richard looked away and smiled to himself, amused by Paul actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always happy to read your comments! :)


	12. A Drunken Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm anxious to get through these next few chapters so this story can start getting really good ;)

The next few weeks went by with not much changing. Neither Paul nor Richard had yet been able to reveal their feelings to each other. Richard continued dating Till but he made sure not to neglect Paul. The two of them still found time to hang out each weekend and even sometimes during the week. Richard was starting to accept the fact that he would never have a chance with Paul though. He was straight and Richard felt he was just going to have to deal with that and focus on making things work with Till. Paul on the other hand wasn't accepting things as well. As far as he knew, things were going good between Richard and Till, which didn't make him happy. And also, unlike Richard, he didn't have a significant other to take his mind off the one he really wanted. He probably could've found someone else if he really wanted to, but the problem was that he had no desire to be with anyone else. Richard was the only one that had his heart, therefore Paul felt it would be useless to even try to fall for someone else. 

It was a Thursday night and Richard stopped over at Paul's to invite him out to a local club on Friday night along with the rest of his friends for Richard's birthday, which he said had already passed a few days ago. 

"Why didn't you let me know it was your birthday Reesh? I would've got you something." 

"That's exactly why I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to feel obligated to get me something. I don't need anything anyways."

"I wouldn't have felt obligated. I would've got you something because I wanted to, not cause I thought I had to." 

"Well that's fine Paul, don't worry about it. I had a nice birthday though. I went out to dinner with my kids. And that would've been enough but now Chris is insisting that we all hang out together to celebrate my birthday so I feel too guilty to say no," Richard said, smiling. 

"Who all will be there?" Paul asked, dreading what the other man's answer would be. 

"Me, Chris, Oli and Till. I'd really like you to be there Paul." Paul's heart sank at the thought of having to see Richard and Till together but he didn't wanna be rude and turn down Richard's invitation, not when it was for his birthday. 

Paul sighed, "Okay, I'll be there Reesh." 

"Good. We can go together if you want. The other guys are gonna meet us there." 

"Okay, sounds good." Paul tried not to let Richard sense the worry in his voice. He knew he was gonna hate seeing Till there but what could he really say about that? He didn't wanna offend Richard. 

\----------------

The next night when Paul and Richard arrived at the club, the other three men were already there waiting. When they walked in, Paul saw that it was just an average bar/club with a couple bars and some music playing. Chris had texted Richard and told him that they were sitting at one of the larger oval booths towards the back of the club. It didn't take long for the two of them to spot the others and as soon as they did, Chris and Oli greeted both of them and Till stood and gave Richard a small hug and a kiss on the cheek. 'Just kill me now,' Paul thought to himself.

As the three of them went to sit down, Paul didn't know if it was just his imagination but he could've swore that Till gave him a dirty look past Richard's shoulder after he hugged Richard. Paul didn't know what that was all about but he decided to ignore it. Till sat in the middle of the booth with Richard and Paul on one side and Oli and Chris on his other side. They ordered drinks and then fell into a normal conversation. 

After they sat and talked for a while, Paul couldn't help but have a slightly disgusted look on his face as Richard and Till held hands over the table and flirted with each other right in front of him. And Chris and Oli couldn't help but notice Paul's expression and also the fact that after a while, he had already ordered many more drinks for himself than the others had. 

One thing that Richard brought up during their conversation was how Paul had stood up for him at the bar where Feeling B had played a few weeks ago. 

"We've all heard this story already," Till complained, "How many times have you told us now?" Richard looked embarrassed by Till's complaint. 

"Sorry, I didn't realize how much I had mentioned it. I just can't get over how cool it was of Paul to stick up for me like that." Till rolled his eyes. 

"Well I think it was very cool of Paul to do that too," Chris spoke up. 

"Yeah, so do I," Oli agreed to which Till shot Paul another dirty look. 'What the fuck is his problem?' Paul wondered.

Paul got tired of sitting there and having to watch Richard and Till together and deal with the looks Till was giving him so he told everyone at the table that he was gonna go up to one of the bars and over by the dance floor to see if he could find any women to talk to. As soon as he told them, he abruptly got up from the booth and walked away, not even giving them any time to respond. Chris could see the disappointment on Richard's face. The four of them continued to talk while Paul sat at a bar ordering more drinks for himself and not even trying to talk to any women. After some time, Chris and Oli could see Paul over at the bar, drowning in his own misery and alcohol, so Chris said he was gonna go check on him. 

After Chris left, Till complained again, "We're supposed to be celebrating your birthday and instead we gotta worry about your little friend?" Richard shot Till an angry look.

"You don't know what you're talking about Till. Paul's been going through some shit lately, he hasn't been himself. He's my one of my best friends and is now friends with Chris and Oli too. We're just looking out for him, what's wrong with that?" 

"Well he's not my friend, so I don't need to worry about him," Till rudely remarked. 

"What's your problem Till?" Richard whispered, "Why do have to be such a jerk sometimes?" Till just huffed and took a drink of his beer. Oli suddenly felt very awkward sitting at the table with the two of them and he found it a little unusual that they were arguing that way after only a month of dating. 

Chris sat next to Paul at the bar and Paul only gave him a quick glance and looked back down at his drink. "Is everything okay, Paul?" he asked him, sounding genuinely concerned, "You seem upset about something." 

"I'm fine," Paul replied flatly. 

"You don't seem fine. Is it making you upset to be here with Till?" 

"What are you talking about Chris? Why would that make me upset?" Before Chris could respond, Paul got up from his seat and said, "I'm gonna go out on the dance floor and flirt with some woman. See ya Chris, and don't worry about me. I told you I'm fine." As Paul walked away, Chris could clearly tell he wasn't fine. He was slurring his words and nearly stumbled as he headed for the dance floor. Chris went back to the table and told Richard it seemed as though something was bothering Paul and that he was worried about him. Richard looked over at where Paul was and saw him dancing and flirting with a couple women and watched as the two women had to grab Paul's arms and catch him after he nearly fell to the floor, which Paul and women seemed to find amusing but Richard wasn't amused. He was worried just as Chris was about why Paul decided to get drunk and act that way. 

"He's looks fine to me," Till said, "In fact he looks like he's having more fun than we are." Richard ignored Till's statement. 

"Maybe I should take him outside and talk to him or maybe I should just take him home now. We've been here a few hours and I think I've had enough to drink for tonight," Richard told the others. 

"Yeah, we should probably get going soon too," Chris agreed. 

"Oh come on you guys. Come on Richard!" Till exclaimed, "You guys are gonna cut Richard's birthday celebration short just because of Paul and whatever issues he's got going on tonight?" 

"We're not cutting anything short Till. We've been here for hours, we've hung out, we've talked, we've drank plenty. There's not really much else to do. And don't criticize me for worrying about Paul, like I said he's my friend," Richard replied, his frustration with Till increasing. "But thanks for inviting us all out here tonight, Chris. I really appreciate it. It was nice to hang out with all my friends at the same time." 

"No problem Reesh. I like when we all get the chance to hang out too." 

"So you're seriously just gonna leave now because you have to take Paul home?" Till asked Richard, sounding annoyed. "Who matters more to you Richard, your boyfriend or your neighbor?" Richard furrowed his eyebrows at Till while Chris and Oli awkwardly tried not to interfere in their little disagreement and Richard and Till spoke to each other as though they forgot the other two men were nearby and could hear.

"Why are you asking me to compare you two? You both matter to me. And you know Paul's more than just my neighbor." 

"And what else is he to you Richard? Because I'm beginning to think he may be more than just a friend to you." Richard huffed and shook his head. 

"Why do you always have to get so jealous of him? I've told you a million times that Paul's straight." 

"And if he wasn't? Then would things be different?" Till asked, "And you wanna know why I get jealous? Because you talk about him all the damn time and you spend more time with him than you do with me."

"That's because he lives right next door to me. You live outside of the city Till." 

"Yeah, sure that's why," Till said, sarcastically. Richard shook his head again. 

"I'm not gonna keep arguing with you. You know how many times I've told you're important to me and that Paul and I are just friends. If you can't believe that then I don't know what else to tell you. I'm gonna go grab Paul and drag him out to the car now," Richard laughed and told the other three men. 

"After you drop him off at his place do wanna meet up with me again and we can hang out a little longer?" Till asked Richard. 

"Um, I think I'm just gonna stay in for the night. I'll probably stay with Paul for a little bit and make sure he's alright." Till raised an eyebrow to him. 

"Stay with him!?" 

"Just until I make sure that he gets to sleep alright, that's all I meant. And then by that time I'll probably be too tired to do anything myself. In fact I'm already tired." Till shook his head in disappointment. "Look Till, I'll make it up to you, okay? We can hang out tomorrow night. We can go out or go to your place or maybe you could even come to my place. You've never been there yet. How does that sound?" Till hesitated and then agreed. 

"Okay I guess that sounds good. Text me tomorrow and let me know when you wanna get together, okay?" 

"Alright, I'll do that," Richard said, smiling a little and then he leaned over and tried to kiss Till but Till turned away which made Richard angry and embarrassed in front of his friends but he didn't let his feelings show. Instead he stood up to leave along with the others. 

Chris and Oli said goodbye to Richard and left. As Till was telling Richard goodbye, he noticed Paul watching them from the dance floor so he put his arm around Richard and pulled him close and gave him a passionate kiss just to make Paul jealous. Paul felt like a hundred knives were just stuck into his chest. And Richard was surprised by Till's sudden display of affection. 

"So does this mean you're not angry at me anymore for wanting to leave and take Paul home?" 

Till shrugged his shoulders. "I never said that. I just thought I'd give you a belated birthday kiss, that's all." Richard laughed and then he and Till finally told each other goodbye and Till left. Richard then made his way towards the dance floor so he could get Paul and take him home. 

"Hey Paul? I'm ready to go home now and you've clearly had more than enough to drink for one night out, so come on, let's go." Richard said calmly as he gently took Paul by the arm. Paul pulled his arm away, angrily. 

"Let go of me Reesh. I don't wanna go yet. I'm having fun with these two ladies here," Paul slurred his words as he and the two woman laughed. 

"Well I'm sorry Paul but I wanna go now so let's go, please," Richard said, now trying not to get too frustrated with his drunk friend. 

"I said I'm not ready Reesh. This lovely lady here already offered give me a ride home so don't worry about me. You can just take yourself home." Richard could tell that the women were just as drunk as Paul and there was no way he was gonna let one of them give Paul a ride. And plus he could tell there was something wrong with Paul so he wanted to get him out of the club and to Paul's apartment where he could try to talk to him in private. Though he also thought that maybe it would be best to wait and talk to him tomorrow since Paul was seeming to have trouble even speaking clearly or rationally tonight. He gently took a hold of Paul's arm again. 

"Come on Paul, let's go. I don't wanna argue with you here." Paul yanked his arm away from Richard harder this time. 

"I said no Richard! I'm not going! You can't tell me what to do. Just go away and leave me alone." Richard and the women both seemed surprised by Paul's outburst but Richard wasn't gonna give in to it. He grabbed Paul by the arm once again and much more roughly this time and raised his voice louder than the smaller man had. 

"And I said we are leaving! We're going right now! Do not argue with me Paul! And don't even try to speak another word because it's no use. Let's go! Now!" Paul looked shocked at the way Richard spoke to him as Richard pulled Paul away from the dance floor and practically dragged him out of the club and to his car. Paul didn't try to fight back or argue anymore. He was quite taken aback by Richard's roughness and tone of voice with him. It angered Paul a bit but a small part of him was also turned on by it. 

As they drove home, there was complete silence in the car other than Richard asking Paul only once, what was wrong, to which Paul didn't answer and instead just kept his head down, not able to look at the other man. But once they arrived at their building, Paul's somber attitude changed and he began laughing for no reason due to his drunkeness. He could barely make it up the stairs on his own so Richard had to put his arm around his waist and hold on to him as he helped him up the stairs so that Paul wouldn't fall. Paul leaned his head on Richard's shoulder as they went up the stairs and mumbled.

"Sorry I ruined your birthday celebration Reesh." 

"You didn't ruin anything. I had a good time," Richard said, not wanting Paul to feel bad. 

Once they reached Paul's door, Richard let go of Paul and told him to get out his key. Paul said he didn't remember where he put it and then he fell to the floor and started laughing again. Richard couldn't stop himself from laughing too even though he knew he shouldn't because he knew that Paul wasn't okay. Richard let Paul lie on the floor for a moment and then he reached into Paul's pocket to get out his key which made Paul jump and laugh even louder. Richard unlocked Paul's door and then managed to help Paul up and into his apartment.

Once inside, Paul said he had to use the bathroom to which Richard asked if he needed help standing. Paul just laughed and said no. After Paul stumbled out of the bathroom, Richard walked him straight to his bedroom and laid him down in his bed after lifting back the covers. Paul's body went limp with exhaustion as soon as his head hit the pillow. He finally stopped laughing and closed his eyes. Paul was wearing a t-shirt and jeans and Richard removed Paul's shoes and threw them on the floor and then he started to unbutton the smaller man's jeans. Paul's eyes shot open and he smiled. 

"What are you doing to me Reesh?" 

"I'm just taking your jeans off so you'll be more comfortable. Don't worry, I'm not gonna remove anything else." 

"That's okay, you can take off all my clothes if you want," Paul said, closing his eyes and relaxing again as he let Richard slide his pants off of him. Richard just laughed at that, thinking Paul was just making a joke. With Paul left in just his boxers and a t-shirt, Richard then covered him up and knew that Paul wasn't gonna be able to have a sensible conversation with him tonight so he decided he'd try to talk to him in the morning. He was kind of worried about leaving Paul alone all night though with how drunk and out of it he was so he decided that Paul probably wouldn't mind if he slept on his couch so he could make sure he was okay during the night. Plus he knew Paul would probably have a hangover in the morning so he figured he could be there to take care of him then too. 

Richard turned the lamp on next to Paul's bed so he could see. He went in Paul's bathroom and grabbed the small trashcan and set it next to the bed in case Paul would need to get sick and then he looked in Paul's closet and found an extra blanket and took one of Paul's extra pillows off of his bed and took both items into the living room and threw them on the couch. He went into the kitchen and got a bottle of water out of the fridge and then went back into the bedroom and told Paul he was putting the water on the nightstand for him in case he would need it during the night, even though he wasn't sure if Paul was even listening to him. He went to turn the lamp off but before he could, Paul opened his eyes and spoke softly. 

"Wait Reesh, don't leave me!" Richard's heart sank at how sad Paul sounded. 

"I'm not leaving Paul. I'm gonna crash on your couch if you don't mind so I can make sure you're okay tonight." Paul smiled. 

"Good! Can I have a good night kiss Reesh?" he asked sweetly. Richard laughed and couldn't refuse him. He bent down and kissed Paul on the forehead but before he could stand back up, Paul grabbed him by the shoulders, pulled him down and then wrapped his arms around him to hug him. Richard smiled and returned the hug and then stood back up. Paul looked disappointed. "That's it? I meant a kiss on the lips." Richard laughed again. 

"You're drunk Paul. You don't know what you're saying. You got your goodnight hug and kiss, now go to sleep," he said as he went to try to turn the lamp off again. 

"Wait Reesh, please! I wanna tell you a secret first," Paul pleaded. Richard sighed and kept standing over Paul. 

"Okay, what is it?" Richard asked.

"Come here, bend down so I can whisper it to you." Paul told him. Richard huffed and smiled, amused by the smaller man. 

"There's no one here but us Paul. You don't have to whisper." 

"Yes I do. I'm too embarrassed to say it too loudly." Richard sighed again and then bent down close to Paul's face. Paul looked into Richard's blue eyes and forgot what he was gonna say for a moment. He lifted his hand and placed it gently on one side of Richard's face. "You're eyes are so pretty," Paul said to him. Richard laughed quietly. 

"That's your secret?" 

"No! That's not what I was gonna say but I just noticed. Those white contacts you wear sometimes are cool and all but I really like your natural eyes. They're quite nice." Richard smiled and felt flattered as Paul finally let go of Richard's face and then lifted his head and spoke quietly into his ear. "You know, I've been kissed by a guy before. And I liked it. But I think if you kissed me, I'd like it even more." Paul laid his head back down on the bed and then stared up at Richard with no hesitation in his expression, probably due to his liquid courage. 

Richard looked back down at him with a blank expression and didn't know how to respond. He was a little shocked by what Paul just confessed. But then he wondered if he could really believe what Paul had just said. Was he even aware of what he was saying in his drunken state? Richard wondered. But even if he didn't realize the fact that he was confessing these things to Richard, it didn't mean that they weren't true. 

Richard didn't know what to say so he just stood back up. He certainly would've loved to kiss Paul in a normal situation, but not while Paul was drunk and probably would've never said those things if he hadn't been. Richard wasn't gonna take advantage of him. 

"Okay, good night Paulchen. I'm gonna get some sleep now and you should too. We can talk more tomorrow," Richard said, even though he wasn't sure if Paul would even remember the things he had told him once tomorrow came. 

"Okay, good night Reesh," was all Paul said and he didn't seem to mind Richard not responding to all he had just told him. He seemed too out of it to care. Richard watched Paul close his eyes and then smile which made him smile even though he was feeling a little confused. He finally turned off the light and went into the living room. 

He sat on the couch and took his shoes off and then sighed loudly, putting his elbows in his lap and his face in his hands. He didn't know how to take what Paul had just told him. He was beginning to wonder if maybe Paul wasn't as straight as he claimed to be. 'Paul's been kissed by a guy before? And he wants me to kiss him? Did he even know what he was saying? But just because he probably didn't mean to say those things, that's doesn't mean they weren't true.' Richard really hoped they were true. He would love to have the opportunity to kiss Paul at a time when the other man is sober. 

Richard then thought of Till and felt guilty. But he was feeling angry at Till too. Even though Richard knew that he had feelings for Paul, he had never given Till any reason to think that he and Paul were anything more than friends. He had been faithful and respectful to he and Till's relationship and had never let himself cross the line with Paul. Just because Richard may have developed an attraction for Paul before Till was even in the picture and just because he hung out with Paul as a friend, that didn't give Till the right to act so jealous and possessive with Richard and rude towards Paul. He always makes sure to spend time with Till and besides Paul has never done anything wrong to deserve for Till to talk about him the way he did at the club. 

There were several times when Richard sort of regretted ever getting involved with Till, especially when he knew he had feelings for someone else. He also didn't like the fact that he and Till had only been dating for a month and there already times when they wouldn't get along. And not just over Paul but there were other issues that they were having in their relationship also. Richard wished that he could talk to someone about that. But he didn't know how to because Chris and Paul both seemed a little leery about him getting involved with Till in the first place. Chris didn't want them to get involved because he knew that Richard liked Paul and he also knew that Till wasn't Richard's type and that things probably wouldn't work out between them, so Richard was afraid that if he said anything to Chris that Chris would just say, I told you so. 'But why did Paul seem to have reservations about me getting involved with Till?' Richard wondered. 

His head was beginning to hurt and he was becoming too tired to think anymore. After rubbing his eyes, he finally laid down on the couch with Paul's pillow and blanket. But sleep didn't come easy with all the thoughts running through his head. He laid on his back and stared up into darkness with eyes wide open. He wished that he could just break up with Till and make a move on Paul but he didn't think that was an option. Or at least he didn't think it was before hearing what Paul had just told him tonight. And what if he broke up with Till and then Paul turned him down? Then he'd be single and alone again. After racking his brain long enough, Richard finally grew exhausted enough to close his eyes and drift off into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know your hearts are probably breaking for Paul and so is mine, but very soon things will be changing ;)


	13. Finally Telling Someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate all the comments and kudos :)

Richard was woken in the morning by the sound of a painful moan coming from Paul's bedroom. He immediately got up to see what was wrong and found Paul hunched over the toilet in his bathroom. Paul heard Richard come in and turned around to look at him as he flushed the toilet.

"What are you doing here Reesh? Get out, you don't wanna see this." 

"You don't remember me bringing you home?" Richard asked as he knelt down next to Paul and gently rubbed circles on his back. "I told you I was gonna spend the night on your couch so I could make sure you were okay." Paul looked over at Richard gratefully. 

"You didn't have to do that." He slumped over towards Richard who caught the smaller man in his arms. Richard kept his arms around him and held him and Paul let him. "I feel like shit. I got drunk and acted like an idiot, didn't I?" 

"Well you did get pretty drunk. Do you even remember everything from last night?" 

"I remember a little of being at the club. I know I danced with some women. But I don't remember much after that. Oh god, I didn't do something really embarrassing or stupid, did I?" Paul looked up at Richard with a horrified expression. 

"No. We all hung out at the club and talked for a few hours, you drank a lot and danced with those women and then I brought you home. Then I helped put you in bed and we talked for a few minutes and then you went to sleep." 

"Oh no, what did I say when we talked? I know sometimes when I get drunk I tend to say some pretty crazy things. It's so embarrassing." Richard was disappointed when he realized that Paul didn't remember the stuff he had told him and that he may not of even meant the stuff he said. It could've just been the alcohol making him say those things. He didn't want Paul to feel ashamed or embarrassed about it so he lied to him. 

"No, you didn't say anything too unusual." 

"Good." 

"Why don't you rinse your mouth out and get cleaned up and dressed and I'll see if I can find anything in your kitchen for us to eat. You got anything for breakfast in there?" 

"I think there might be some eggs and bread." 

"Okay. I'm gonna go out there now. Let me help you up." Richard stood up and helped Paul stand. 

"Thanks for taking care of me Reesh. I really appreciate it. I hope I didn't mess up your birthday celebration." 

"No, you didn't mess anything up." Suddenly Paul became dizzy for a moment and swayed back and forth so he had to grab Richard's arm for support until he stilled and then let go of the other man. "Are you gonna be able to take a shower on your own Paul? Do you need help?" Richard asked him in a serious tone. 

"I'll be fine, I think I can handle it." 

"Alright, get cleaned up then and I'll see you in the kitchen."

After Richard left the bathroom Paul thought to himself, 'Wait. Did he just offer to help me take a shower? Holy shit, Paul! Why did you say no?' He shook his head and laughed at himself but it didn't matter anyways. He knew he would be too shy to do something like that with Richard. 

When he finally went into the kitchen, Richard was putting some scrambled eggs and toast on two plates for them and then he poured them some coffee. He took some pills for his headache and then sat down at the table and Richard joined him. 

"Thanks Reesh, you didn't have to do this." 

"You don't have to keep thanking me. I don't do anything that I don't want to do." Paul smiled gratefully and then slowly began eating his food. He still had a bit of nausea. 

After a while, Paul spoke up again. "So what are doing tonight? Got any plans?"

"Um, actually Till is coming over to my place tonight." 

"Oh," Paul said with a gloomy expression. The thought of having to deal with knowing that Till and Richard would be together in the apartment right next door to his tonight made him feel even sicker than he already did. 

"What's the matter Paul?" 

"Nothing, I'm fine," Paul replied with a small forced smile for Richard's sake. 

"Was something wrong last night?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, I mean was there a reason you felt the need to get drunk and then acted a little angry and frustrated with me when I was ready to go and tried to get you to leave?" Paul's mouth opened in surprise. 

"I got angry with you? I'm so sorry, I didn't know what I was doing. I can't really remember if something was wrong with me. I guess maybe I was just having a bad day or something." Paul looked down in sadness and shame and pushed his food around on his plate as if he couldn't eat anymore and Richard felt bad for him. 

"Are you doing anything this afternoon Paulchen?" 

"No, why?" Paul replied, looking hopefully up at the other man. 

"Maybe we can do something today. Maybe take a walk outside or if you don't feel like going out, we could stay here and watch some movies or something." Suddenly Paul felt a little better and Richard could tell by the way his face lit up. 

"Sure, I could probably go for a walk." 

"Okay, good! Let me go home real quick and get cleaned up and I'll be back here in a little bit." 

"Alright, I'll clean the kitchen up while I'm waiting." 

\------------

It was a nice day out and Paul and Richard took a short walk down the streets of Berlin and did some window shopping and then watched a movie at Paul's place and ate lunch together. But then Richard told Paul he had to go home to get ready for Till to come over. Paul tried his best not to let his disappointment show and acted like it didn't bother him. 

Later that evening, Paul was sitting on the couch, watching TV, and he could hear Till go into Richard's apartment. He could hear the sound of them talking and laughing and tried not to pay attention to it. But then after a while it occurred to him that he may eventually hear some sounds he definitely would not wanna hear at all. He thought about just turning the TV up louder or thought maybe he could put his earbuds in and listen to some loud music. But not only did he not wanna hear certain sounds but he also realized he couldn't stand the thought of being right next door while the other two men could be having sex. The thought of that killed him and made him feel like he was gonna get sick again. 

He then decided that he would go out. He had to get away, he just couldn't be that close to Richard's place while they were in there doing god knows what. He called Flake to ask if he and Jenny would wanna go out but they said they wouldn't have a babysitter for that night so they couldn't. He decided he would just go out on his own then, but where to? Just as he was contemplating where to go, he heard Till's voice and it made him remember some more things from last night. He remembered that Till was being rude and giving him dirty looks and then he remembered how Till had looked right at him when he kissed Richard and that infuriated Paul. 

He then decided he was gonna go to the S&M club and he was gonna do whatever he wanted to do while he was there and let go of all his inhibitions. He wasn't sure if he would get in without a member of the club but he hoped that maybe the people would remember that he was a friend of Richard's and let him in. He knew Richard probably wouldn't want him to go there on his own. He didn't even want Paul to leave his sight when they went there last time. But honestly, Paul didn't care what the other man thought. Richard was currently doing whatever he wanted with his shitty boyfriend right next door and Richard didn't own him, so why shouldn't Paul have the freedom to do whatever he wanted. He didn't waste one more minute and went into his bedroom to get dressed in the same clothes he wore to the club last time. He put the collar and some eyeliner on again and made sure he had his wallet and keys in his pocket and with one last look at himself in the mirror, he walked out of his apartment building and hailed a taxi. He didn't wanna take his own car in case he ended up drinking too much.

It was dark by the time he arrived at the entrance to the club. When he saw the man at the end of the hall, he was lucky that it was the same man from before and fortunately he recognized Paul and let him in. The woman at the desk remembered Paul from last time too and before he could enter the club, she told him how much he had to pay to get in. He then realized that Richard must have paid for him last time without Paul even knowing. 

Once in the club, he sat at the bar on the first level and ordered a drink. He had no idea what he planned on doing once he got there, he just knew that he had to get out of his apartment for the night. He looked around and spotted a few good looking women and was considering maybe trying to talk to one of them. He even considered going to watch a scene with someone in one of the rooms where sexual activity was permitted. Normally he would've never considered that but he was upset and needed to do something to get his mind off of Richard and Till. 

Just as he was battling in his mind with what he should do, a beautiful woman approached him and asked if he would like to go to one of the second level rooms with her. He hesitated for a moment but after taking one last shot of tequila to calm his nerves, he finally agreed. He was still incredibly nervous, even after getting a couple drinks in him and he didn't no if what he was about to do was against his better judgement but in this moment, he didn't care about anything anymore. He was gonna follow his impulses and do whatever felt good and not worry about the consequences. He got up from his seat and as the woman took his hand and began to lead him to the stairs to the second floor, he suddenly felt a strong hand grab his arm and stop him. 

"Hey, where are you going?" He and the woman both turned around to find Chris standing there with a confused and worried look on his face, with Oli standing behind him with the same look. 

"Hey Chris. I was just headed up to the second level."

Chris looked at the woman. "Excuse me miss, I'm sorry but I need to talk to my friend here. Could you please give us a few minutes?" 

"Sure," the woman said, looking a little confused as she walked away. 

"What are you doing Chris? I was in the middle of something," Paul said, sounding a little angry. 

"Yeah, I could see that. Where's Richard?" 

Paul huffed. "He's at home with Till. And why would you just assume he'd be with me? It's not like we're attached at the hip." 

"Actually, you two usually are. Does he know you're here?" 

Paul laughed. "Why would he need to know I'm here? He's probably too busy fucking Till right now to care where I am or what I'm doing." 

Chris frowned. "Oh, I see. So that's why you came here." Paul shook his head in frustration at Chris and then walked away to sit at the bar where he was sitting earlier and Chris and Oli followed him.

"Look Paul, I think I know what's going on but why don't we talk about it? You're clearly upset just like you were last night. Maybe it would make you feel better to talk about whatever's bothering you," Chris offered as he and Oli stood behind where Paul was seated. 

"I don't wanna talk about it!" Paul shouted more harshly than he meant to. "Look Chris, I'm sorry," he said more quietly, "I know you're just trying to help but I can't talk about what's bothering me, and certainly not with you." Oli looked at Chris and leaned over to whisper to him. 

"Why don't you let me try to talk to him? Maybe a gentler approach would help." Chris smiled at his boyfriend and nodded his head. 

"Okay, I'll hangout by the pool tables and wait."

"Alright," Oli replied as he and Chris gave each other a small kiss on the lips and then Oli sat next to Paul. 

When Chris walked away, he went over to the woman that had been with Paul and told her Paul wasn't feeling well and that he wouldn't be able to join her upstairs. 

"Okay, that's fine. Thanks for letting me know," the woman said with a smile but she still looked a little confused at whatever was going on. Chris and the woman went their separate ways and Oli began trying to talk to Paul. 

"Don't be mad at Chris. I know he can seem controlling sometimes but he means well. He's just looking out for you," Oli told him kindly. 

"I don't need him or anyone else to look out for me. I'm a grown man. Nothing bad is gonna happen to me just because I'm on my own." 

"I know you may think that Paul but you'd be surprised some of the things I've heard of that have happened to people in places similar to this, some of them my own friends. And you're especially vulnerable when you haven't been to places like this too often. Trust me Paul, I know what I'm talking about. I know you probably think I'm being ridiculous but bad things have actually happened in the past." Paul furrowed his eyebrows at Oli, not knowing whether to take what he was saying too seriously or not and also wondering what he could be talking about. But he didn't say anything else and instead just looked down and away from Oli. 

"So what made you decide to come here on your own tonight?" 

"I didn't have anyone to come here with." 

"So why did you wanna go out then instead of just staying at home? Just bored or did you need to get away for some reason?" Paul wanted so badly to tell Oli what was really going on. He didn't have anyone to talk to about what he was going through. Richard had his best friend Chris to talk to about his feelings for Paul but Paul wasn't comfortable telling Flake he had feelings for a man. He was afraid of what Flake would think. But keeping his thoughts and feelings for Richard inside for so long was starting to slowly eat away at him. He needed to talk to someone and get things off his chest. From what Paul had learned of Oli in the short amount of time he'd known him, he seemed like a very kind and trustworthy guy. And he also didn't seem as close to Richard as Chris was, so maybe Paul could trust Oli to keep his secret. Plus, he figured Oli would understand what he was going through since Oli was gay and was in love with a man. 

He then decided that whatever Oli asked him, he was going to be completely honest with him. He was very afraid of spilling his feelings to someone finally and also feared that maybe he'd regret it later, but right now that didn't matter. Right now, his thoughts were driving him crazy and he had to get them out in the open. 

"I wanted to go out because I could hear Richard and Till together next door." 

"You could hear them?" Oli asked with a worried and slightly disgusted look on his face and seemed to be misunderstanding what Paul said. 

"Oh. No! I mean I could just hear them talking but I knew if I stuck around that I'd probably hear some things I wouldn't wanna hear." 

"Now, is that just because most people wouldn't wanna hear their neighbors having sex or is it because it would've bothered you to hear Richard with another man?" Paul waited a few moments, biting his lip and fiddling his hands nervously, before he answered quietly.

"It would've bothered me. A lot." Oli nodded knowingly. 

"And why would've that bothered you so much? Is it because maybe you like Richard as more than just a friend?" Paul looked away in embarrassment and stayed silent for a moment before he looked back at Oli and spoke again. 

"Oli, can I trust you to keep whatever I tell you between the two of us only? You won't say anything to Richard or Chris or anyone else?" 

"You can trust me Paul. Whatever you say stays between us. I promise." Paul took a deep breath. 

"Okay, well I've never told anyone this, not even my close friends but....yeah, I....have feelings for Richard." As soon as Paul said those words out loud, his heart began racing as he waited for Oli's reaction but at the same time it felt like a huge relief to finally say that to someone. 

"Alright. Now we're getting somewhere," Oli said, not sounding too surprised. "So why do wanna keep this a secret?" 

"I've never had feelings for a man before, and no offense to you Oli, but I feel kind of ashamed and embarrassed about it." 

"No offense taken, and that's understandable. If you've went your whole life never feeling this way about a someone of the same sex before, it can probably feel a little scary now. I'm sure you've tried to deny your feelings many times but then realized they weren't gonna go away, right?" Paul nodded his head. 

"I'm afraid of what my family and friends would think of me and I'm also afraid that Richard won't feel the same way about me and besides, he's in a relationship already. And even if he wasn't and he did feel the same way and wanted to be with me, well....honestly that kind of scares me more than anything." Oli nodded again and looked as though he understood. 

"So the thought of actually being with a man scares you even more than having feelings for a man or being rejected by one does?" Paul nodded his head timidly. "Well, I tell you this Paul. First of all, I think Richard may feel the same way about you. You might not be able to tell but I can by the way he looks at you and acts around you. And second of all, I don't see his relationship with Till lasting much longer. According to Chris, Richard and Till are having some issues and their relationship isn't going as good as Richard's been trying to make it seem like it has." 

"Seriously?" Paul asked, looking surprised but also a little relieved. 

"Yep. So I wouldn't count on that lasting long." 

"But even if they do break up, I still don't think Richard likes me that way. He could get someone better than me." Oli looked puzzled. 

"Do you have low self-esteem or something Paul?" 

"Yeah." 

"Bad past relationship?" 

"Yep."

"I can relate to that. I think everyone has a couple bad relationships before they finally find the one person that ends up treating them better. Maybe Richard would be that person for you. God knows Richard's had his fair share of bad relationships. He could use a good guy like you in his life."

"I have no doubt that Richard would treat me well. I just don't know if I believe that he'd want me that way." 

"Stop it Paul, you're being too hard on yourself. You need to have more confidence. And as for your fear of actually being with a man, when you're in love with someone and they love you back and you're happy together, trust me, all those fears will go away once you begin to see that you can trust him. And when you're happy like I am, it doesn't matter what other people think. I think if you were in a relationship with Richard, you probably would be nervous about some things in the beginning but after a while, you would happier than you could ever imagine and you won't have any regrets. Richard's a good guy, I know he'd be good to you and wouldn't pressure you into anything if that's what you're worried about. And I'm sure you'd make him very happy too." Paul smiled at Oli. 

"Well thanks for saying all that and those are some nice thoughts but that's all they are are thoughts and not reality. The reality is that Richard is taken and has no idea how I feel about him and I can't know for sure how he feels about me either." 

"Just try to talk to him about it then." 

"I can't do that! I'm too afraid." 

"Why? I know he'd be understanding and won't judge you no matter if he feels the same way or not." 

"What if he doesn't feel the same way and then doesn't wanna be friends with me anymore once he knows my feelings for him?" 

"That's not gonna happen. You guys have become really close in the last couple months. I know he wouldn't wanna lose you as a friend no matter what. Just at least consider talking to him sometime soon." 

Paul sighed. "I'll consider it but I can't guarantee anything." 

The two of them sat in silence for a while, each drinking a beer. Oli wanted to sit with Paul a little longer in case there was anything else he needed to talk about. Paul appreciated Oli's silent company and the fact that he wasn't pressuring him into talking but instead was just there to listen and offer advice whenever Paul did feel like talking. Eventually Paul started talking again even though he was nervous about what he was going to say. 

"Can I ask you a personal question Oli?" 

"Sure, go ahead." 

"Have you known you liked men most of your life?" 

"Yeah, for as long as I can remember. So I'm sorry I can't relate to you on the whole being straight for years and then realizing later in life thing." 

"Um, well actually....I think I have been attracted to men most of my life. I just never let myself accept it. I didn't have a very open-minded family. But I've never had actual feelings for a man before, until Richard. But you see, I've always been attracted to women too. So, I guess maybe I'm bisexual?" Paul said as more of a question than a statement. "I don't know. I don't know what I am, honestly. But I do know that I like Richard very much. That's one thing I'm sure of. And another thing I'm sure of is that I'm confused. Very confused," Paul said, laughing nervously. 

"Well Paul I've never liked women, but you know, it hasn't been that many years since Richard started being with men. So he'd be able to relate to you more on that subject." 

"Really?" Paul asked surprised. "I know he has children and that he was married to a woman years ago but I always just assumed that maybe he was bi and had always been with men and woman in the past and figured that maybe one day he'd decided to be with men only." 

"No. He was always just with woman only until he finally came out of the closet probably less than ten years ago and then he started dating a man for the first time. I haven't known Richard his whole life but I found out most of that from Chris. You never knew that he was always straight until just recently?" 

"No, he never told me." 

"There's probably a lot of things you haven't learned about Richard yet because he might not think that you would understand because he thinks of you as a straight man. That and the fact that he's doesn't tend to trust people too easily." 

"I don't either." 

"Maybe both of you need to open up to each other more. Even if you can't tell him how you feel about him, that doesn't mean you guys can't tell each other personal things. There's probably things Richard would like to tell you but is nervous about what you would think too. If you guys are friends you should be able to talk to each other about anything, right?" Paul thought about what Oli was saying. Even though he and Richard hung out all the time, he still didn't know too much about the other man's past. Paul really wanted to be someone that Richard could rely on and tell his problems too. And he was really curious to know what issues Richard and Till were having in their relationship. 

"You're right Oli. Maybe I should try to let Richard know he can open up to me more." 

"And you can open up to him too." Paul looked at him nervously and sighed. 

"Yeah, I'm still considering that one." Oli laughed. 

"Can I ask you a personal question now Paul?"

"Sure, I guess." 

"So I've seen you at this club twice now. Does that mean you're interested in bdsm?" Paul smiled shyly. 

"Um, maybe....Okay, yes I am. It seems intriguing and exciting but kind of scary at the same time. I definitely know I don't wanna be into it as extremely as you are." Oli laughed louder that time. 

"You wouldn't have to be. In bdsm, everything is only done with consent. If you don't wanna do something, then you just simply don't have to. Both the dom and the sub have to agree on each thing they decide to do. Everything detail you witnessed during Chris and I's scene, we both consented to." Paul suddenly felt the urge to ask Oli more questions about bdsm. He felt more comfortable talking to someone who was just a casual friend about the subject, instead of the man who he actually wanted to participate in bdsm with. 

"So then is it possible for the sub to agree to do some things but not other things." 

"Oh course. With bdsm, you can be as extreme or as non-extreme as you choose. And if you're thinking that maybe there's a chance you might ever wanna get into this stuff with Richard, you can feel safe with him. I've watched him scene here plenty of times and also from what he's told me, I know he's more gentle and understanding than most." 

"Well that's good to know but I don't know if I'll ever get lucky enough to be with him in that way," Paul said, causing both of them to smile. 

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. I think if you walked up to Reesh and told him you wanted him to tie you up and whip you, he'd probably be more than willing." Oli and Paul both laughed in amusement and then Paul shocked Oli. 

"Actually, he already has done that." Oli's eyes grew wide and his mouth flew open. 

"What? What are you talking about?" Paul laughed again at Oli's reaction. 

"We were just messing around in one of the private rooms when we came here last time. It wasn't anything serious. He was just trying to teach me about how a scene works." Oli smirked and laughed again. 

"Surrrre he was. I'm sure it was nothing more than a boring informative lesson," he said sarcastically. "I bet the sexual tension in the room was so thick you could've cut it with a knife." Paul laughed. 

"I actually had to have him untie me quickly so I could run out the room, embarrassed. I didn't want him to notice how much it was getting to me." Paul's blushed as he stared into space past Oli's head with a ridiculous grin on his face at the memory of everything Richard had done to him in that room and how much it aroused him. Oli smiled amusingly at that look. 

"Man, you got it bad for him, don't you?" Paul looked down and mumbled something quietly in response. "What was that?" 

"I said, bad isn't a strong enough word," Paul replied as his face turned even redder. Oli raised his eyebrows. 

"Oh, so it's like that huh?" Paul's grin slowly faded and his expression turned more serious. 

"That's not all it's about though. It's not all physical. I'm not just attracted to him outwardly but I like the person he is inside too. I've got like....real, deep feelings for him." Oli's grin faded too. 

"You're gonna have to tell him that eventually Paul or else it's just gonna keep eating away at you. It's gotta be hard seeing him with Till." Paul nodded his head but then his sad look turned to curiosity again. 

"Can I ask you one more thing Oli?" Oli nodded his head. "When you and Chris were doing your scene, he kept whispering in your ear. What kind of things was he saying to you? You don't have to answer if it's too personal." 

"It's not too personal. He was just asking for my consent for each thing we were about to do. Even though we always discuss and agree on everything we're going to do beforehand, he still likes to keep making sure that I'm okay all thoughout the scene. He doesn't have to but it makes him feel better. He also whispers soothing words to calm me." Paul thought for a moment. 

"That's nice Oli, and considerate. Do all dom's do that sort of thing?" 

"No, but Reesh does if that's what you were really wondering." Paul blushed again and he smiled. 

"Well Oli, I think I should get going now, but thanks for talking to me and listening and for opening up to me. You know, I haven't been able to tell anyone about this and it's been killing me keeping it all inside." 

"You're welcome Paul and you can talk to me again anytime you need to. Do you feel any better now?" 

"Yeah, a lot better. I feel like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. And just so you know, I'm not mad at Chris for looking out for me. You guys are really great friends and you're an easy person to talk to, you know that?" 

"Oh, actually I have been told that before," Oli replied with a smirk. 

"Well, I should probably get going then. I probably should've never came here but I guess I'm glad I did because I got the chance to talk to someone." 

"You're welcome to hang out here with Chris and I if you'd like." 

"No, I think I'm just gonna go home and go to bed, with my earbuds in," Paul said and he and Oli laughed. 

"Alright Paul, well good luck with whatever you decide to do and I guess I'll see you around sometime." 

"Yeah, I'm sure you will. Tell Chris I said goodbye and thanks." 

"I'll do that. See ya Paul." 

"See ya Oli," Paul said as he got up from the bar and then left the club and took a taxi back home. 

When he arrived at his building, he noticed that Till's car was gone which he found a bit odd. He figured that Till would probably spend the night or at least stay longer than he had. It wasn't even that late yet. Paul assumed that Richard was probably in bed and anyways he still hadn't decided if he would ever get up the nerve to talk to him about how he felt. 

Once inside his apartment, he got changed and went straight to bed but had trouble sleeping. Even though his talk with Oli did make him feel much better, his mind was still too preoccupied with going over all the possible scenarios of how things could turn out if he told Richard his feelings. And unfortunately the possible bad outcomes were outweighing the good ones and by the time he fell asleep, he didn't feel like he'd ever be ready to tell Richard anything.


	14. Getting Closer

It was a Sunday and Paul decided to spend the day with his kids since he hadn't seen them in a while. By the time he got home that day it was already late evening. As soon as he went into his place he took his shoes off, took his wallet and keys out of his pocket and was ready to relax for the night when there was a knock at his door. When he opened the door and saw that it was Richard he said hi and let him in and then he noticed the worried look on Richard's face. 

"What wrong Reesh?" 

"Where have you been all day? I've been trying to get a hold of you." Paul took his phone out of his pocket and saw that he had missed a few texts from Richard. 

"I'm sorry. I was in the movie theater with my kids. I had my phone on silent. I never checked it until just now. Why? What's wrong?" Paul asked, concerned.

"Nothing really, I was just wanting to talk to you. Chris told me you were at the club last night." Paul's worried expression turned to relief. 

"Is that all Reesh? God, you scared me! By the look on your face I thought someone died or something." 

"Why did you go there alone Paul?" Richard asked, his worried expression not fading. Paul was puzzled at why Richard was acting like him going to the club on his own was such a big deal. 

"I don't know. I just felt like going out and I didn't have anyone to go with. Why does it matter?" 

"Paul, I don't want you to go there without me. Something could happen, especially if you drink too much." Now Paul was beginning to get a bit angry. What right did Richard have to tell him what to do? And if it wouldn't have been for Till occupying Richard's time, Paul wouldn't have had to go out on his own. 

"Maybe I wanted something to happen Richard. Did you ever think of that? You can't tell me what to do. I'm not your submissive and I'm not even your boyfriend, so you don't have any say in what I do." Richard was caught off guard by Paul raising his voice and the way he said what he said as though he resented the fact that he wasn't Richard's sub or his boyfriend. Paul caught the hurt look the other man gave him and immediately regretted what he said. "I'm sorry Reesh. I didn't mean to sound so rude. I shouldn't of said all that."

"No, I'm sorry. You're right. We're just friends and I have no right to tell you what to do. I just wanted to talk to you and see if you were okay, but now I've seen that you're alright and you can handle yourself and I'm just acting crazy so I'm gonna go now. See ya later Paul," Richard replied in a somber tone as he turned around and headed for Paul's door. 

"No wait Reesh! Don't go, please! I want us to talk." Richard hesitantly turned back around. 

"About what?" 

"I don't care, anything you wanna talk about. I just wanna hang out with you. Don't go." Richard's expression softened into a small smile. 

"Okay. Do you wanna go sit out on your balcony to talk? It's still nice out." 

"Sure, let me grab another chair to take out there," Paul replied, with a relieved smile on his face. 

Richard opened the sliding glass doors to Paul's balcony and as Paul was carrying the chair out, Richard asked, "Have you ever sat out here at night in the dark yet?" 

"No, sadly I haven't but I've been wanting to. I remember you telling me it's pretty at night." 

They made their way out to the balcony and after Richard slid the door shut, they each took a seat in the two chairs, side by side. 

"Wow, it is nice out here; the buildings, all the lights, the stars," Paul exclaimed as he looked around at the lights shining in all the windows in the distance and saw the stars glistening above him. 

"Yeah, everything's gorgeous out here," Richard agreed. Paul looked over at Richard when he spoke and the other man winked at him. Paul smiled shyly and felt his stomach doing flips at the fact the other man seemed to be refering to him and he was thankful that the darkness hid his flushed face. "So did you have fun with your kids?"

"Always," Paul replied, smiling.

They sat in silence for a few minutes just admiring the view until Paul finally spoke up. "Can I be honest about something Reesh?" 

"Of course." Paul couldn't look at Richard. 

"The reason I wanted to go out last night was because I didn't wanna hear you and Till....well, you know, doing stuff that I wouldn't wanna listen to." It took Richard a second to realize what Paul meant and then he laughed. 

"Oh I'm sorry Paul. I mean I'm sorry you felt the need to leave because you thought that, but Till and I didn't have sex last night." 

"Oh," Paul said, feeling embarrassed that he even brought up the subject. 

"Can I be honest with you now Paul?" 

"Yeah." 

"Till and I, we've never....um, w-we've never....had sex," Richard said and now he was the embarrassed one. 

"Oh. Well...why not?" Paul asked confused. "Wait, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to. It's none of my business."

"Well it's not that I don't wanna tell you why, it's just that the reason's kind of embarrassing and I don't think you'd understand." 

"Why wouldn't I understand?" 

"Because you're straight Paul. This a gay man issue," Richard replied, laughing nervously. Paul's mouth opened and he felt a little offended. 

"Oh come on Reesh, you can tell me. Just cause I'm straight that doesn't mean I'm stupid. I won't laugh or judge you. I promise." 

"I wasn't saying you're stupid. You just might not think this issue is as serious as I do." Richard could see that all he was doing was confusing Paul more with each thing he said so he decided to just tell him. "Okay Paul, if you really wanna know, neither of us wants to be the bottom," Richard told him, smiling, but Paul didn't smile or laugh. 

"Oh. Is it that important who the top and the bottom is? I mean like, one of you can't just make a compromise, or take turns or something?" Richard laughed at that so Paul did too. "What? I'm just asking an honest question." 

"I know, and maybe some men can do that, but Till has always been a top and refuses to be a bottom and as for me, well I had a bad experience years ago and I don't feel comfortable being a bottom anymore." Richard's expression and tone turned more serious. "I have to be the one in control, I just have to." 

"Oh okay. I understand what you're saying now, but Reesh, what happened to you? You worry me whenever you mention having a bad experience. Do you wanna talk about it?" Richard looked down and shook his head. 

"Not tonight Paul. I just wanna sit out here and relax tonight. I don't wanna think about the past right now. I'm sorry, I know you're trying to be a good friend and I appreciate it but I just don't wanna get into that story right now." 

"Okay, that's fine, I understand. We all have bad memories in our past that we don't like to talk about. But just remember that whenever you wanna talk to me about anything, you can. I'll be here to listen and I won't ever judge you." Richard smiled kindly at Paul. 

"I know Paulchen, thanks. The same goes for you too." Paul smiled back and then kept listening as Richard continued to open up about his relationship with Till.

"I mean Till and I, we've done other things if you know what I mean, just never that. At least not yet. I'm still hoping he'll change his mind someday and let me be in control. But unfortunately that's not our only issue. He gets jealous and possessive easily. He doesn't like that I have close guy friends that are gay. But funny enough, the guy he acts most jealous of is you, my only straight friend," Richard said laughing. Paul looked surprised. 

"Why would he be jealous of me? He does know I'm straight, right?" 

"Yes, he knows. But he doesn't like that we hang out so much and he's says I talk about you a lot. But I've told him a hundred times that there's nothing going on between us." Paul laughed nervously. 

"Why would he even think there would be anything going on between us? I mean he's being ridiculous, to think that you'd like me in that way." Richard tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders. 

"Well it's not that ridiculous Paul." Paul looked over at Richard and didn't know what to think by what he'd just said. "I mean it's not that crazy for Till to think that maybe it would be possible for me to like you as more than a friend. I mean you're an attractive man, and we do hang out all the time. But you're straight. So Till just needs to trust me and stop being so jealous all the time." Paul thought for a moment about what Richard had just said and wasn't sure how to take it. Was Richard trying to say that Paul being straight was the only reason why Till shouldn't worry and that if it weren't for that, then maybe Richard would like him as more than a friend? Paul wondered if when Richard gave him compliments, was he just being nice or was there more to that. Could Richard really like him that way? But Paul didn't have time to dwell on that thought for too long because Richard went on. 

"And one thing that sort of pisses me off is that whenever I mention bdsm or tell him that I've practiced being a dom, he laughs at me, almost like he's making fun of me. He even said he could never see me in that way, as a dom. Why the hell not? What did he mean by that? And then he also acts like he thinks it's stupid that my career is writing romance novels. And a lot of the things he's into aren't really my thing; hunting, fishing, things like that. I think we're just too different." Paul sat there listening as the other man went on and on about all the issues they were having and when he didn't think Richard was ever gonna stop to take a breath, he finally had to interrupt him. 

"Reesh! Can you stop for a minute? Can I say something?" Richard laughed quietly. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I was talking for a long time." 

"No, it's okay. I just wanted to ask you something. I hope I don't make you mad by saying this, but why are you even with him? He sounds kind of like....well to put it nicely, not that great of a boyfriend and not very compatible with you." Richard nodded. 

"I know, I agree with you. It's just that I don't like to give up so easily. I haven't been in a relationship in a long time and I was really hoping it could work. I don't like being single any more than you do Paul. And I mean....it's not all bad. Sometimes he's nice and says nice things. The first time he talked to me at the bar, he told me I was one of the most beautiful men he'd ever seen," Richard told Paul with a forced smile as though he wanted to hold out hope that their relationship could work out and that it wasn't all bad. Paul huffed loudly and laughed and Richard was confused by his reaction. 

"Reesh! That doesn't make him special just because he said you're beautiful. I mean that's obvious. Anyone with eyes can see you're beautiful." Richard's eyes lit up. 

"You think I'm beautiful?" 

Paul smiled. "You know you are." Richard smiled even bigger, clearly touched by the smaller man's compliment and then he shrugged his shoulders. 

"Yeah, I guess I'm not that bad." Paul looked shocked. 

"Not that bad? Are you serious? Do you own a mirror?" Richard laughed and couldn't help but blush. "You know, for someone who says that he's become more confident over the last few years, sometimes you don't seem too confident." Richard's smile disappeared and he looked ashamed. 

"I know, I try to be confident and strong but sometimes I fail. Sometimes I'm weak." Paul furrowed his eyebrows at Richard in disbelief. 

"Just because you don't feel completely confident all the time, that doesn't make you weak. That makes you human. I don't care how much you claim that your life and personality have improved in recent years. We all have a natural instinct to wanna be liked by people and to want someone to love us and to think were special and beautiful. And no matter how hard we try not to, sometimes we just can't help but to care what others think of us. It doesn't mean you're not a strong person." Richard looked at Paul with such adoration in his eyes and it felt as though Paul was reading his mind. But Paul's words left him speechless so all he could do was smile at him and show his appreciation for the smaller man with his actions. 

Richard stood up and scooted his chair closer to Paul's and then sat back down and looked over at him and the both of them just sat in silence and stared into each other's eyes. Paul was sure that the other man was about to kiss him with how close their faces were to one another but instead Richard just laid his head on Paul's shoulder and placed his hand on Paul's lap and squeezed his leg. 

"What would I ever do without you Paulchen?" Richard asked as he laid against Paul's side and stared straight ahead. Paul was deeply touched by that. 

He tried to move his arm so Richard lifted his head and got off of him for a moment but then Paul held his arm out and motioned for Richard to lay against him again and then he put his arm around Richard. He tilted his head and laid it on top of Richard's and said simply, "You won't ever have to find out." Richard smiled and had to fight back tears. He had never been treated so good by anyone ever in his life. His friends were good to him but this was different, because he didn't have feelings for his friends. 

Paul heard Richard inhale and take a deep breath and exhale shakily. But Paul didn't say anything to him about it and neither man spoke again for a while. Instead they just stayed in each other's arms, watching the stars, the lights and buildings surrounding them and listening to the few cars that went by along their street which was never that busy. Other than those few cars, there was mostly silence and Paul and Richard could've almost fell asleep outside on the balcony in one another's embrace. 

After a while, Richard needed to move and stretch so he sat up off of Paul. Both men smiled sleepily at each other. Richard stood up and stretched his arms out. 

"Well I hate to have to go now Paul but I probably should. It's getting late and you have to work tomorrow." 

"You don't have to go yet if you don't want to." 

"I know but I should. You need your rest for work."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." They walked back inside and Paul led Richard to his front door. 

"I'm sorry I was a little controlling with you earlier Paul. I'll try not act that way again." 

"No, that's fine. I don't mind actually. I mean I know I sounded angry at you but that was just because I'm not used to someone wanting to look out for me and protect me that way. But I realized I kinda like that. So don't stop being that way, okay?" Richard laughed. 

"Okay, I guess I won't then and besides I kind of like when you get mad at me. You're cute when you're angry." Paul smiled and blushed again. "Oh and Paul, I think I am gonna need to think and reconsider some things as far as my relationship with Till goes. I think I might have to have a talk with him about some of our issues, or maybe I might just have to end things with him," Richard said, looking defeated. 

"Well just do whatever makes you happy Reesh, whatever that may be. That's all I want is for you to be happy." Richard smiled and leaned forward and gave Paul a small hug and a kiss on the cheek. The way Paul was looking at Richard once he pulled away with hope and lust in his eyes as though he wanted more from the other man made Richard wonder if maybe Paul was starting to want more than just a friendship too. Paul was still claiming to be straight but Richard wasn't so sure if that was true anymore. He was beginning to think that maybe he should just take a chance and make a move on Paul just to see what would happen if he did. His feelings for the smaller man were growing stonger and it was getting harder and harder to keep it a secret from Paul or Till. That look in Paul's eyes made Richard want to give him what it seemed as though Paul may have wanted in that moment and it took all his strength not to grab Paul and kiss him passionately, but he knew there were some other things that he needed to take care of first before he could take that risk, so they told each other good night and Richard left.

After the things that Richard had revealed to Paul that night and the way they were becoming even closer gave Paul hope that maybe soon, he would finally have a chance at happiness with the man he wanted. Everyday after that he kept waiting for the day when Richard would tell him that he and Till had broken up. Now it wasn't that he was wishing for Richard's relationship to fail, it's just that Paul knew Richard wasn't happy with Till and and it didn't seem as though Till was treating him very good and Paul just wanted the best for him whether that meant he would end up with Richard or not. 

\------------

Two whole weeks went by without any changes and Paul was starting to give up hope. He was beginning to think that everything he and Richard had talked about that night on the balcony and all the feelings that he had built up and let grow for the other man was for nothing, that is until one Saturday night, when Till was at Richard's again and everything would change. 

Paul had heard Till arrive at Richard's that night so he turned on his TV and sat on his couch with his guitar in his arms and he began to play. But after a while, even over the sound of his TV and his guitar, he could still hear shouting. He stopped playing and turned down the volume on his TV. He couldn't make out what they were saying but it was clear that they were having a serious argument about something. After a few minutes, Paul then heard Richard's front door slam and heard loud footsteps going down the stairs out of the building and then a few moments later he heard the sound of a car pulling away. 

He quickly sat his guitar aside and went to look out the window to confirm that Till's car was gone and then he decided he was going to go check on Richard to make sure he was okay. He walked out of his apartment and knocked on the other man's door and waited for him to answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is gonna be really good!! ;)


	15. Don't Think, Just Do It

Richard swung his door open quickly. "I told you to go!" he shouted, and then his face softened when he realized it was Paul at the door. "Oh I'm sorry. I thought you were Till. Come in." Paul stepped inside and Richard shut the door and turned around to face the smaller man. 

"What's going on? What happened?" 

Richard took a deep breath and sighed. "I broke up with Till." 

"Why?" Paul asked, looking concerned. 

"Let's sit down and I'll explain." Both men took a seat on the couch and turned slightly to face each other. 

"He just wouldn't trust me. But I guess I can't really blame him. We were already arguing about other things and then somehow we got on the subject of him asking if I have feelings for someone and I couldn't lie to him. I told him I do." Paul's heart felt like it had stopped. Who did Richard have feelings for? He wanted it to be him but it was too hard for him to believe that could be true and if it wasn't him then that meant Richard had feelings for someone else and the thought of that made him feel sick to his stomach. "But I told him it doesn't matter because I could never be with this person. I told him he could trust me and that he didn't have to worry but he wouldn't believe me. He said some disrespectful things about this person and that pissed me off so I stood up for them which pissed him off, and then he told me that I can never see or speak to this person again. I told him I can't do that. He asked, 'You can't or you won't?' I said I won't and I told him things were never gonna work out between us and that it was over. He didn't wanna accept that and he kept arguing with me, so I told him that we were done and to get out. 

"I'm sorry Reesh, I really am. I know you wanted things to work with him." 

"Yeah, but now I see that it never would have, so I guess it's better that we ended things now than if our relationship would've gotten more serious later on and then we had to end things." Paul nodded in agreement with Richard and was dying to ask him a question but he didn't know if should. He decided to anyways. 

"But Reesh, who is it that you have feelings for?" Paul heart was pounding as he waited for the other man's answer. 

"I can't tell you that Paul," Richard said, looking down nervously. 

"Why not?" Paul asked, confused. "I won't judge you no matter who it is. Just tell me, please." 

"I don't want you to freak out or something." Richard said, still not able to look at Paul. 

"I won't freak out. Why would you think I'd freak out?" Richard waited a few moments and took a deep breath again and Paul thought it almost looked like Richard was shaking right before he finally answered. 

"Alright. I....I guess I can't keep this a secret from you anymore. It's you Paul," Richard said as he finally looked over at Paul and saw the shocked look on his face. "I'm sorry Paul, I can't help it! I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I know we're just friends and I know you would never want me that way. I'm sorry." 

While Richard kept rambling on, thinking Paul was going to be angry or disgusted, Paul sat there in shock and had drowned out the sound of Richard's voice. All he could hear were the first words that Richard said playing over and over in his head, 'It's you Paul.' He still couldn't believe it but he had to, because it was true. Richard said it himself. Richard was done with Till and now he just told Paul he had feelings for him. He told Till that he wouldn't stop seeing Paul. He chose him over Till. Now he finally has a chance with Richard. Everything he's been wanting can happen now. All he has to do is tell Richard he feels the same way. But what should he say? How should he say it? All it would take is a simple, 'I feel the same way' but Paul's mind went blank and he couldn't find the right words and he couldn't just spit them out. He was still in shock that something he's been wanting to happen for so long finally has, but at the same time, he was still afraid of being with a man. 

While Paul's head was spinning with ideas of what he should do, Richard sat there still trying to explain to Paul why the smaller man shouldn't be angry or worried about his feelings for him, especially when he had seen the look on Paul's face. "I'm not gonna try to make a move on you Paul, if you're worried about that. I know we're just friends. You don't have to feel uncomfortable around me. Please say that you won't stop being my friend. If you want to, I completely understand, but please don't. You're one of my best friends, it would kill me if you didn't wanna be around me anymore." 

"Reesh! Stop talking, please!"

"What?" 

"Please stop talking, just for a moment, please. Don't say another word." Richard looked over at the serious expression on Paul's face with an anxious expression of his own. He didn't know what to think. What was Paul about to say to him? Paul was speaking to himself in his head. 'Oh god Paul, just say something, just do something. Don't think, just do it!' All of a sudden, without hesitating for one more second, Paul leaned over and pressed his lips against Richard's. 

Paul began kissing him slowly and gently and Richard kissed back with the same amount of gentle force, because he couldn't believe what was happening. Richard then broke the kiss and backed away slightly so he could look into Paul's eyes. Paul was sitting there nervously yet calmly, waiting for more. Richard could see that Paul wanted that kiss to happen just as much as he did. Paul saw such a mixture of lust and confusion in Richard's eyes, as though he was thinking that he didn't know why this was happening, but he didn't care, he still wanted it to happen anyways. 

Richard leaned forward and put one hand on the back of Paul's neck and continued to kiss him once again but with more force. He temporarily lost control from the fact that Paul had actually just made a move on him and now he couldn't help but make a move on Paul in return. Their kiss soon turned more desperate. It was as if all the tension that had been building up between them in the last couple months was exploding all at once now and they couldn't stop it. Neither of them could believe that this was finally happening and that the other one wanted it too. They each became more aroused with every slow second that passed. 

When Richard tried to slip his tongue into Paul's mouth and Paul opened up for him and let him in, this ignitited a flame within Richard and right after he had started exploring the smaller man's mouth with his tongue, he gently pushed Paul backwards so that he was laying down on the couch, without breaking the kiss. Paul didn't know how to react so he just let Richard do whatever he wanted. Richard grabbed Paul's hands and lifted his arms above his head and pinned his wrists down and then deepened the kiss even more. 

Richard then slowly broke the kiss and stood up while both men continued panting. He grabbed Paul's legs and put them up on the couch and then he climbed on top of Paul and straddled his hips. He took a moment to stare down into Paul's half-lidded eyes and watched the smaller man lay there, willingly waiting for more, before he pinned Paul's wrists and bent down close to him again and began kissing him on his jaw, his neck and his throat. Paul's brain was sent soaring on a high that he couldn't come down from. The way Richard was kissing him and being forceful with him was giving Paul an indescribable rush. There was a heat coursing through his body which Richard's body on top of his was only making hotter.

But then Richard starting rubbing his lower half against Paul's and Paul could feel their erections beneath their jeans grinding up against each other. Paul had never felt another man's erection rubbing against his and god did it feel good and he didn't want it to stop but at the same time he suddenly he became afraid again. Where was this kiss leading to? What did Richard plan on doing with him next? Paul knew he wasn't ready to take things that far right now. He didn't even plan on the kiss happening today. Richard was moving too fast and Paul felt very overwhelmed. 

"Fuck Paul," Richard whispered close to Paul's ear. 

"Wait. Stop Richard. Stop!" Once Richard could finally make out what Paul was saying through the lust-filled cloud that was surrounding his brain, he finally sat up and let go of Paul's wrists and then looked down at him concerned. "I need to go," Paul said in a shaky voice, "Let me up please." Richard got off of Paul and let him stand up and was very worried that he had just made a huge mistake with him. He became even more worried when Paul began to head for the door. 

"Wait! Where are you going? Don't leave!" 

"I have to go. I have to think. I don't know what I'm doing." Paul walked out and quickly went back to his own apartment. Richard followed him and Paul slammed his front door in Richard's face right before Richard could catch up to him. But Richard tried to talk to him on the other side of the door anyways. 

"What are you doing Paul? What's wrong? Should I not have kissed you? I'm sorry....Wait! You kissed me first! Why did you kiss me Paul?" Paul stood with his back leaning against the door and was still panting silently as he listened to the other man. Then there was silence for a few moments. "Please talk to me Paul." 

"I'm scared Reesh!" 

"Scared of what?" Richard's tone of voice turned sweeter when he heard the fear in the smaller man's trembling voice. 

"Of my feelings. Of us kissing. Of what would've happened next if I didn't stop it." Richard felt terrible. 

"I'm so sorry Paul. I shouldn't have moved so fast. I shouldn't have got on top of you like that. I just lost control for a moment cause I was so surprised when you kissed me." 

"I'm afraid of what's gonna happen Reesh, of what people will think of me. I'm embarrassed, I'm ashamed of myself." Richard's heart was breaking. Why did Paul have to feel this way? Why was he denying himself what he really wanted? Richard knew it was obvious that Paul wanted him by the way he kissed him. Why did he have to be afraid of his feelings?

"Paulchen, you've done nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about. Fuck what other people think! I can feel that this is what you want. Am I wrong? Because this is what I want too. You don't have to be scared. I won't move that fast again. We can take things as slow as you want. I won't do anything you don't wanna do. Just please let me in so we can talk." 

"I need time to think. Can we please just talk tomorrow?" Richard's heart sank. He needed to see Paul now. He needed more of explaination for how Paul felt and why he kissed him. He needed to know if that kiss meant as much to Paul as it did to him and if Paul had the same feelings for him. It was killing him not to know all that for sure. 

"Okay Paul. If that's what you want. I'll be back here in the morning to talk to you." Richard waited for a few moments and when Paul didn't respond he finally went back to his own place. 

Paul went straight to bed and laid there with his face buried in his pillow, trying not to cry. He was so embarrassed. He wanted Richard more than anything, especially now that he knew Richard wanted him too, but there were so many things he was afraid of and he didn't know how to deal with all of his mixed emotions. 

Richard laid in his bed too and thought about everything that had just happened. "What the hell just happened?" he said to himself. He would've never expected Paul to kiss him like that. He had been so reluctant to tell Paul how he felt about him for all this time that they had known each other and now he finally had and even though Paul got scared and went home, he still hadn't rejected Richard, instead he kissed him and Richard was so incredibly relieved and glad about that. And he wanted him more than anything but the fear in Paul's voice broke his heart. 

In a way, he understood why Paul was afraid though. Richard figured Paul had probably been hiding his feelings because he was scared of what people would think of him if they knew he liked a man. And he assumed that he was probably also afraid of actually being with a man and everything that would mean he would have to experience for the first time. It wasn't too many years ago that he himself was going through those same feelings and fears. He knew exactly what Paul was going through but he was determined that when tomorrow came, he would do everything he could to ease Paul's fears and hesitation. He was gonna give Paul something that he never had when he first came out, someone kind and understanding to explain things to him and take their time with him. Whatever Paul was afraid of, he was going to make him feel better about it because he finally had the chance to be with the man he'd been wanting for so long and he wasn't gonna let that chance slip away. 

He laid there and thought about the way Paul kissed him. Paul was gentle with him and his lips were so soft. He regretted losing control and scaring Paul away. He was gonna make sure he wouldn't do that again the next time he saw him. Paul was so sweet, Richard thought. He loved everything about him. He wished he could be with him right now to hold him and kiss him and to reassure him that everything would be alright. He knew that if Paul would just give him a chance that they could be happy together. Tomorrow he would have to try to convince him that he could trust him and that he had nothing to be afraid of. This was the third time that Paul had ran away from him because he was embarrassed or afraid of something and Richard was gonna have to put a stop to that.

As Paul laid in bed he lifted his hand to his face and brushed his fingertips against his lips and could still taste Richard on them. God, he tasted so good. The way Richard handled him scared him at first because he wasn't expecting it but the more he thought about it, the more it turned him on. He liked that side of Richard. Paul was so used to being the one in control whenever he had been with women in the past but having someone strong overpower him that way sent shivers down his spine just thinking about it. And at least the other man was respectable enough to stop when Paul told him too. He appreciated that. He wished that he could be in Richard's arms right now with their lips against one another again. Why did he have to be so afraid? He hated himself right now. Why couldn't he just get over his fears and not care what others thought? If he could do that then maybe he could actually be happy again. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his phone making a noise. He picked it up from his nightstand and saw a text from Richard. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. I can put your fears to rest if you would just give me a chance to." 

"Tommorow," was all Paul texted back to him. He wasn't sure what he was gonna say to Richard tomorrow but he knew he couldn't keep running away from his feelings. He was gonna have to face them and be honest with Richard. Neither man got much sleep that night, but Richard was wide awake early the next morning and ready to talk to Paul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I've been dying to get to this chapter! I promise things will go better between them in the next chapter ;)


	16. Let's Do This

After texting Paul the next morning to make sure it was okay to come over, Richard knocked on his door and waited for him to answer. As soon as Paul did, Richard could tell how tired the smaller man was. His eyes looked as though he had just woke up and he yawned and then nervously forced a small smile for Richard's sake. Richard had to smile back though at how a tired Paul was also a cute Paul. Paul let him in. 

"Hi," Richard said first. 

"Hi." They awkwardly greeted each other before Paul closed his door. 

"You look tired," Richard remarked as they faced one another.

"Yeah, I barely slept last night," Paul said quietly. 

"Me too." 

"I'm making some coffee if you wanna come into the kitchen." 

"Okay." Richard followed him and then stood several feet away and watched as Paul reached up into one of his cabinets to take out two coffee mugs. He set them on the counter and then grabbed the coffee pot and began pouring the steaming liquid into the mugs. Richard could see how much Paul's hands were shaking as he did this and also the nervous look on his face. 

"You okay Paul?" Richard asked as Paul shakily set the coffee pot down, picked up one of the mugs and started to turned towards Richard. 

"Yeah," Paul replied but he didn't convince the other man. Richard walked over to him. 

"Hey, wait a minute," he said as he took the mug out of Paul's hand right before he would've either dropped it or let the coffee spill out of it. Paul didn't know what the other man was doing when he took the mug from him and set it down and then stood in front of him. "Come here," Richard told him as he opened his arms and then wrapped them around Paul's shoulders and pulled him into an embrace. Paul froze for a few moments until Richard said, "You don't have to be afraid," and then he took a deep breath and relaxed a bit against Richard's body and wrapped his arms around his lower back. "You don't have to be nervous around me. I'm sorry I got a little carried away yesterday. It's just that I've wanted you for so long and I expected you to reject me and then you kissed me like that and I was blown away," Richard continued, speaking in a soothing tone of voice as he rubbed circles on Paul's back with one hand. This caused Paul to melt into him as he wrapped his arms around Richard tighter and rested his head on his broad chest and felt completely safe in his arms now. He then wondered how he could ever be afraid of this feeling and wanna deny himself of it. He felt so good and contented and so wanted in his embrace. He loved how affectionate Richard always was with him. Affection was what he had been yearning for for so long. He thought he must of been crazy to ever wanna run away from this. 

"I'm sorry I ran away. I just had so many mixed emotions and I didn't know how to handle it. I'm just....confused." 

"I'm confused too," Richard said as he let go of Paul and took a step back to look at him. "I thought you were straight," he added, smiling. 

"I was until you came along," Paul replied with a small curve of his lips. Richard laughed but was also flattered by that comment. "No. Actually I've....I've been attracted to men before." 

"Really?" Richard asked, surprised and Paul timidly nodded. "Do you wanna take our coffee and go out on the balcony and talk? It's a beautiful morning." 

"Sure," Paul replied. 

"I think I better grab the mugs and you can open the door for me," Richard told him and they both smiled amusingly at that. Richard figured that maybe it would make Paul feel more comfortable and open to talking if they were outside where they could be seen and he wouldn't have to be afraid of Richard trying to jump his bones again. 

Once they sat down in the chairs that Paul had previously left on the balcony and took a few sips of their drinks, Richard started the conversation. "So why do you feel confused Paul?" Paul took a few moments to figure out how to put his thoughts into words and then took a deep breath before he spoke while staring down at the cup of coffee he held above his lap. 

"I....I feel good when I'm with you. And I definitely like you as more than a friend. I have for a while actually. And I wanna do what makes me feel good and what makes me happy but....but there's a lot of things I'm afraid of too, so I don't know what I should do." 

Richard spoke in a calm and reassuring voice. "Tell me all the things you're afraid of Paulchen and I'll do whatever I can to ease your fears and hesistation. Alright? Does that sound good?" Paul looked over at Richard and smiled appreciatively. 

"Okay. I guess I'll try to explain things to you the best I can." He took a moment to think again. "Well first of all, you said fuck what other people think but Reesh, I'm talking about people like my kids, and Flake who I've been friends with for over thirty years. What they think matters to me." 

"But Paul, they love you. If they love you, they'll accept you and be happy for you no matter what." Paul's expression turned more somber. 

"Yeah. I guess my mom probably didn't love me." 

"What?" Richard asked, wondering if he had heard him correctly. 

"My mom didn't accept me." 

"Your mom knows something about this?" 

"I don't speak to my mom much these days. But you see, when I was a senior in high school, in my science class we were working on a project and we had to be partnered up with someone of the teacher's choosing. The guy that was my partner was the most popular guy in school. All the girls wanted to date him and all the guys wanted to be like him, including me. One day after school, he came to my house so we could work on our project and we were in my room sitting on my bed. And as I looked up from my textbook and over at him to explain something, he leaned over and kissed me. And I liked it, a lot, and I kissed him back. And that's when I realized it wasn't admiration that I had been feeling towards him, it was a crush. I had been crushing on him the whole school year and I just didn't wanna admit it to myself. My parents were very closed-minded people and they taught me that being gay was wrong and absolutely forbidden. And I think growing up influenced by their beliefs is what has made it so hard for me to accept myself for the way I really am. And well unfortunately, just as we were kissing, my mom walked in and caught us." 

"Oh shit!" Richard exclaimed. 

"Yeah, that's exactly what I said when she walked in. Of course she kicked the boy out and told him never to come back. She even went as far as to go to the school to speak to the science teacher and told him to make sure that boy and I never worked on anything together again. After she kicked him out of our house, she told me that if she ever seen or heard of me doing something like that ever again, that she would tell my father and that he and the rest of my family would disown me. Needless to say I've never really been that close with my parents over the years." Richard looked as though he felt bad for the other man. 

"Man Paul, that's terrible. When I came out, my parents weren't thrilled but they eventually accepted it and they have no problems with it now. I'm sorry about that but I know your mother loves you. Like you said, she was probably just a very close-minded person and didn't know how to be okay with her son doing something she didn't approve of. She grew up in a different time. And she was probably just angry when she said that, it doesn't mean she didn't love you." Paul shrugged his shoulders and didn't seem to care either way. 

"Flake's the only person I've ever told that story too. Except that I just told him the boy kissed me and then my mom walked in. I left out the part about me liking it and kissing him back. After that, over the years, there were other times I was attracted to men but I never did anything with a man. I was too afraid of what would happen. And I never told anyone about my attraction to men. But I was always attracted to women too. When I met and married my wife, I was completely in love and happy with her. But you know, even though you're not the first man I've ever been attracted to, you are the first man I've ever had real feelings for." 

"You have feelings for me too Paul? I mean, it's not just a physical attraction?" Paul nodded his head. Richard smiled happily and could feel butterflies in his stomach. He finally had confirmation that his feelings for the smaller man were mutual. He took a moment to feel relieved and happy about that and then he continued with what they were previously discussing. "But I don't think you should be worried about the people who are in your life now. I mean I don't know your kids but Flake seems like a pretty open-minded person." 

"Yeah I guess he is, and my kids are too. I guess the more I think about it, they might be surprised or weirded out at first but I'm sure they'd accept it eventually. I guess maybe I'm being too paranoid when it comes to that fear." Richard smiled.

"I think you are too." Paul smiled back and looked like he was already feeling a little better. "Okay Paul, tell me your next fear."

Paul hesitated to reply then said, "It's embarrassing Reesh. I can't say it out loud." 

"You're afraid to have sex with a man, arent you?" Richard asked calmly and didn't seem at all embarrassed. "You're afraid of giving up control. You're afraid it will hurt or that you won't like it. Am I right?" Paul looked over at Richard with a red face. 

"Are you a mind reader Reesh?" he asked, laughing. 

"No. But I've been in your exact same spot not even ten years ago when I first realized I was gay. I was just as afraid as you and I had all these same fears and they were eventually unfounded. My family and friends didn't judge me. And sex with a man wasn't as bad as I was expecting, it was great actually, so great that I never wanted to be with a woman again," Richard said laughing. "Look Paul, I'm not assuming that you'll wanna be with me, but if you were with me, I wouldn't hurt you and I definitely wouldn't force you to do anything you don't wanna do. And I can promise you that I would make you love giving up control to me and I would also make every experience very pleasurable and good for you. I'm sure you'd be nervous the first time but I know you'll like it too. I'll make sure of that." 

Paul blushed and smiled nervously and had to look away from Richard. His words alone caused a surge of arousal to shoot through Paul's body and he could barely speak again or even take a breath. Richard noticed this and smirked. "I would be as gentle as possible with you Paul and if there were ever times when you didn't want me to be as gentle, well I could do that too. Whatever would make you feel good and safe." Richard's words were becoming too much for Paul to handle. "But wait, maybe I should've asked you something first. You know I've already told you that I like to be the one in control but would that be a problem for you?" Paul just shook his head while blushing, not able to speak. "So have I eased that fear at all for you Paulchen?" 

"Um, yeah, I think so, pretty much," he replied quickly, still not able to look over at Richard. 

"So what else then, anything else?" 

"Yeah, um, bdsm." 

"What about it? You know, if you think you'd be too uncomfortable getting into to all that, that's fine. Seriously. Paul if I had a chance to be with you in any way, I'd be so happy about that, I could care less about bdsm." 

"But....I am interested in it. Very interested. I wanna get into it." 

"Oh, well good." Richard said, looking pleasantly surprised. "I mean....I'm not saying you wanna participate it in with me but if you did, I can assure you that you'd be safe with me." Paul thought it was so cute how Richard had to keep pretending not to assume that Paul was wanting to do all this with him. As though it wasn't obvious that Paul wanted him and wanted to do all this with nobody but him. 

"But what if there's like a specific thing that you want me to do and I don't wanna do it?" Richard was glad when Paul finally made it clear that it was him that he wanted. 

"Paul, with bdsm, most things are discussed and negotiated beforehand. We wouldn't do anything unless we've both consented to it. I wouldn't pressure you into anything. Like I said, if you're ever not comfortable doing anything bdsm related, that's fine with me, but if you are, I can promise that I'll make it enjoyable for you. And bdsm doesn't always have to involve pain but if you ever want pain, I know how to inflict in a safe way. You can trust me when it comes to that. I've been doing that for years now." 

"I would trust you when it comes to that Reesh. I guess I feel better about that now too. It's just scary when you think about doing things you've never done before and that you don't know much about." 

"I know what you mean. I understand. But I could teach you everything you need to know," Richard said kindly. "Is there anything else?" 

"Maybe. But can I ask you something first?" 

"Of course." 

"What do you want to happen with me, with us? Please answer honestly." 

"Honestly? Well I wanna be in a relationship with you. A serious and committed one, hopefully, I mean if you would want that too. What do you want Paul?" 

"Well....I know that I wanna be with you too, but I wanna take things slow." Richard smiled and felt a mixture of excitement and relief wash over him at Paul saying those words, that he wants to be with Richard too. "There's probably gonna be some things that I won't be ready to do for a while. Do you think you'll be able to wait?" Richard set his mug down on the floor of the balcony and then turned towards Paul, took his mug and set it on the floor and then took both of Paul's hands into his own and looked him straight in the eyes with a serious expression. 

"Paul, if you would give me a chance, I would be so happy that I....I, well I can't even describe it in words. I've wanted you for so long. I promise I will wait as long as you need me to for you to be ready for anything that you may wanna do. You're worth the wait. I'll be patient and gentle and understanding and if there's anything you ever don't wanna do, I'll be fine with that, because I just wanna be with you and that's the only thing that matters to me, along with your happiness and your safety." Richard lifted Paul's hands to his lips and gently kissed his knuckles. Paul felt his eyes beginning to water as he watched the other man. The feeling that poured over him was overwhelming. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so excited and happy about anything. 

"Just one more thing though. If we start a relationship, I know we can't keep it a secret forever and I wouldn't wanna keep you a secret. But, well, do you think that just for a while, that I could have some time to get used to this myself first before I tell my family and friends?" Paul asked anxiously, worried that he would offend Richard. 

"Of course Paul, that would be fine. You don't have to tell anyone until you're ready." Paul was very grateful that the other man was respecting his wishes and was doing everything he could to make him feel safe and at ease. 

He smiled again as he took his hands out of Richard's and stood up and went over to the railing of the balcony. He turned around to face Richard and then learned against the railing with his elbows on top of it. He stood there for a few moments just staring at the other man in front of him and Richard was waiting in anticipation for what the smaller man was about to say or do. 

"Okay Reesh," Paul said with a huge smile that Richard hadn't seen in a while. "Let's see if we can make this work." A huge grin grew across Richard's face and he stood up and walked to stand right in front of Paul. His grin faded a little before he spoke. 

"I myself have one condition though." 

Paul raised an eyebrow at that. "Oh? What is it?" 

"Whenever something worries you or makes you feel afraid or embarrassed or ashamed, you can't runaway from me. You need to tell me how you're feeling so we can work through it together. Do you think you can agree to that?" Paul smiled and breathed a sigh of relief that Richard's condition was something he could handle. 

"I can do that Reesh." 

"Good," Richard replied, his big grin appearing again. "Then let's do this," he said softly. He put his hands on the railing between Paul's elbows and sides and moved closer to him as they stared into one another's eyes. He then moved over to the side of Paul's face and ghosted his lips over Paul's skin. Paul closed his eyes. "You're not gonna runaway now, are you baby?" he whispered against Paul's cheek. Paul swallowed hard and eagerly shook his head. He loved hearing Richard call him baby. His heart was racing but the sensation he was feeling, felt so good. Richard then laid the lightest kisses upon his temple, then slowly moved down to his jaw and as he did this, he could feel that all of Paul's tension and hesitation from before was now fading. Though once he placed his hands on Paul's sides and moved his lips down to his neck, he felt Paul shudder but when he looked up at him and saw that Paul's eyes were closed and noticed the blissful look on his face, he could tell that the smaller man was welcoming his touches. He then whispered in Paul's ear. "We're outside where people can see us. That doesn't make you uncomfortable?" Paul shook his head slowly. 

"There's no one here but you and I, so don't stop please," Paul spoke softly. Richard smiled at that and wrapped his arms around Paul's waist and continued kissing him on his neck and throat. Paul tilted his head back to give the other man better access which made Richard hum against Paul's skin in approval. Paul enjoyed the other man's hands and lips upon him and didn't resist one bit. 

Richard finally backed away to look into Paul's eyes. His hands stayed on Paul's hips while Paul wrapped his arms around Richard's neck. They hazily smiled at each other for a few moments and then something caught Richard's attention from the corner of his eye. He looked past Paul's head and down to the street and Paul saw the smile on Richard's face fade and then turn into a worried expression just as he could hear a car pulling away and driving off from nearby. 

"What is it Reesh?" Paul asked concerned as he turned around to see whatever it was that Richard had seen. 

"Till." 

"Huh?" 

"Till was sitting in his car watching us. I noticed him just as he started his car and drove away." 

"He was watching us?" Paul asked, even more concerned.

"I'm not sure, but he must of seen us if he was just sitting there. I saw him look up at me right before he drove away." 

"What do think he was doing here?" 

"I'm sure he probably came to try to talk to me to see if we could work things out. He actually texted me a couple times last night. I texted him back once and told him it was over and not to contact me anymore but he still texted a couple more times after that, saying that he knows we could work things out, so I just ignored him. I'm not trying to be mean but how many times should you have to tell someone the same thing before they leave you alone?" Paul looked down with a sad look on his face as though the thought of Till still texting Richard bothered him. 

"If he saw us then he probably thinks that all his suspicions were true, that there really was something going on between us before." 

"Oh well Paul. It doesn't really matter what he believes anymore. I'm with you and he's out of the picture. You're all that matters to me now." Paul smiled at that. "Maybe him seeing us was a good thing. Maybe he'll finally leave me alone now." 

"That's true," Paul agreed. 

"Why don't we go inside now where we can have some privacy." 

"Okay," Paul replied, not seeming nervous about being alone with Richard anymore. 

They stepped back into the kitchen and Paul rinsed the two coffee mugs out and as soon as he turned away from the sink, Richard wrapped his arms around his waist again so Paul wrapped his around Richard's neck once more. "Can I ask your permission to do something Paul?" 

"Okay," Paul replied, staring curiously back at the other man. 

"Can I give you a real, proper kiss now, on the lips?" Paul laughed quietly. 

"You can kiss me anytime you want Reesh. You don't have to ask for that." Richard smiled and then leaned in and softly met Paul's lips. 

The kiss started out slow and sensual and Richard made sure not to be too forceful but after a few moments of their almost teasingly slow kiss, Paul was the one to deepen it and he put his hand on the back of Richard's neck and pulled him in more to try to let the other man know that it was okay to be more aggressive with him. Richard got the point and licked Paul's lips, silently asking to be let in and Paul gladly submitted and opened up and let Richard explore the inside of his mouth with his warm and wet tongue and Richard pulled Paul's body closer to his at the same time. The kiss lasted until they both had to pull away breathlessly. But afterwards they continued to hold each other. Paul rested his head on Richard's shoulder, turning his face towards the other man's neck while he tried to catch his breath. Richard brought up one hand and put his fingers in the smaller man's short hair and tilted his own head down to kiss Paul on the forehead. Neither man needed to speak in that moment though because it wasn't necessary when each one knew what the other was thinking, that they were so relieved to finally be in each other's arms and as a couple instead of just friends. 

Eventually they ate some breakfast and then went into the living room and relaxed while watching TV on the couch. At first they just sat next to one another with their hands enterlaced on Richard's lap but after a while Paul got more comfortable and cuddled up to Richard's side with Richard's arm draped around the smaller man's shoulder. They shared a kiss every so often but Richard could tell how sleepy Paul was getting. Every time he'd glance down at him, Paul looked as though he could barely keep his eyes open. 

Richard had to get up to use the bathroom once and when he came back Paul was lying on the couch with his knees bent and his head on the arm of it and he was fast asleep. Richard stood there and watched him for a moment and thought about how lucky he felt. Just yesterday he was having a terrible day and was upset over his argument and break up with Till and now not even twenty four hours later he was feeling over the moon and like nothing could bring him down and it was all because of the man that was lying there in front of him. He was so glad he was finally getting the chance to be with him. 

Paul was sleeping so peacefully and Richard could hear the steady, quiet breaths that he took and he noticed his eyelids flutter a few times. He wondered if Paul was dreaming and if so, if his dream was about Richard. He didn't wanna have to wake him to get into the same position they were in before so instead he got on the couch and curled up behind the smaller man. He very gently laid his head on Paul's side and rested his hand on Paul's leg and closed his eyes and it didn't take long for him to be lulled to sleep by the quiet sounds of the TV and of Paul quietly breathing underneath him. 

After their short nap, they spent the rest of the day together but eventually Richard went home. Paul didn't want him to leave but he thought it was probably too soon for them to spend the night together. He could see on Richard's face that he didn't like the idea of going home either but they both knew that it was the best thing to do for now. Even though they'd already spent the night at each other's places before, things would be different now. Paul knew that if Richard slept in bed with him all night that they wouldn't be able to keep their hands off each other and that it might lead to other things and he didn't think he was quite ready for that yet so he let Richard go home. 

He suddenly realized how much of a problem it would probably become that the man he was now involved with lived right next door to him. He knew that they'd be over at each other's places every day and that it would probably be difficult for them to leave each other every night. And then he realized that this would probably cause things to move faster between them than they would with a couple who lived farther apart and couldn't visit each other every day. But the thought of that didn't really bother Paul or scare him anymore. Yes he was still nervous whenever he imagined how their first time together would be but he couldn't deny how badly he wanted Richard. He had been fantasizing about the man for over two months and now he couldn't believe that his fantasies would soon become reality. He knew that very soon, there would probably come a day when he won't be able to wait or resist Richard any longer. But he was excited about that, nervous but excited. 

He was also happy knowing that he would now have someone to be close to in every way, a partner and a lover who was also a friend. He was still a little in disbelief that all this was finally happening and when he thought about others finding out, he felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he didn't dwell on that thought because he didn't need to let anyone know right now. All he had to focus right now was he and Richard and how he couldn't wait to soon experience all the things that new couples experience. And to finally get the attention and affection that he's been craving for so long, and to be able to show someone just how good of a spouse he can be. When Paul went to bed that night he received a text from Richard that said, 'Good night baby'. Paul was beaming as he texted him back 'Good night' and a huge smile stayed on his face as both men went to sleep that night with thoughts of the other man on their minds and in their dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're finally together :) But this story's far from over! There's still gonna be many more chapters, a lot of smut and a little more drama ahead ;)


	17. Let Your Guard Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Get ready for a very long and smutty chapter!! I feel like I'm adding chapters too quickly but I can't help it. I just love writing :D

Several days later, it was nearing the end of the week and as soon as Paul got home from work that day he got cleaned up and went straight to Richard's. Ever since they decided to be a couple they couldn't stay away from each other, but they hadn't yet done anything more than kiss and cuddle.

At Richard's apartment they were on the couch watching a movie, but Paul was only pretending to pay attention to it. He had something else on his mind that had been bothering him for the last few days. Whenever Paul and Richard were together at each other's apartments, Paul felt completely comfortable around the other man, even at times when they would be extra touchy feeling or just be spending time sharing deep conversations with one another. He was even starting to feel more at ease with the thought of taking things further with Richard, physically. There were no issues when they were alone. But Paul still felt uneasy at the thought of going out with Richard in public as a couple. He knew he wouldn't have to worry about running into his family or friends because they didn't live in the same part of town but he was worried about himself and Richard going out and being seen as a gay couple to other people. 

He hated that he felt this way. He didn't want it to seem like he was embarrassed to be with Richard, because he wasn't. He was happy that he was with such a good guy, but he just couldn't help that he cared about other people's opinions, even the opinions of strangers. Even though he had always known that he was attracted to men, no one else ever knew. So he had never known what it was like to be seen as a gay man out in the world.

He was getting more anxious about this issue with the weekend being only a couple days away because he was afraid that Richard would want them to go out together and that the other man would show him affection in front of other people. He knew that if he talked to Richard about it that he would probably help Paul feel better about it just like he had with everything else but he was afraid to even bring it up to him cause didn't wanna offend Richard or make him think he didn't wanna be seen with him. So like usual, he kept his feelings inside and said nothing to the other man.

As he sat next to Richard, he didn't realize that he was staring off into space as these thoughts were running through his head.

"Hey Paul," Richard said as he observed the smaller man. "Whatcha thinkin about? You look as though you have something on your mind." Paul snapped out of his thoughts and looked over at Richard and forced a smile for the other man's sake.

"Oh, I'm just thinking about us."

"What about us?' Paul moved closer to Richard and shrugged his shoulders and smiled bigger.

"I was just thinking that I'd rather be making out with you than watching this movie." That wasn't a complete lie, but he wanted to reassure Richard that everything was alright. He also didn't wanna think about his annoying feelings of paranoia right now. He wanted to focus on how happy he was to be with Richard in this moment.

Richard grinned amusingly and agreed with Paul. He moved closer to the smaller man and put his hand softly on Paul's cheek and rubbed it with his thumb and then searched his eyes for a moment, just thinking about how lucky he felt right now. He then moved in closer and began kissing him slowly and Paul instantly forgot all his problems. He always loved the way Richard kissed him, whether it was a slow and sensual kiss or a deeper and more passionate one, either way made Paul become lost in each kiss and he would forget about everything except how happy he was to finally be with the man he wanted and how he never wanted to lose him or the warm feelings that Richard filled his heart, mind, body and soul with every time they touched or were simply just in each other's presence. Even the thought of the other man gave Paul an indescribable feeling.

Eventually their slow and gentle kisses turned into a heated make out session on Richard's couch. After their kisses had become more desperate and they began to lose their heads, Paul grabbed the front of Richard's shirt with his fists and then leaned backwards and laid himself down on the couch, pulling the other man down on top of him and Richard let him. Soon their tongues were battling for control over each other's mouths and their hands began roaming everywhere that they could possibly reach along one another's bodies.

It didn't take long for Paul to become aroused and he could feel himself growing hard. He was feeling so unbearably good that he couldn't stop himself from arching up his hips and grinding up against the other man. Richard was hard too and his first instinct was to grind against Paul also but when he heard a quiet moan slip from Paul's lips, he suddenly wondered what all this was gonna lead to. He broke the kiss and stopped moving and as both men continued panting, he pulled away from Paul just enough to ask him a question. 

"Wait Paul. What are we doing? What do you want to happen here, cause you just told me yesterday that you still weren't ready." Paul's expression turned to one of guilt and embarrassment. 

"I'm not. I'm sorry," he said softly. 

"That's fine Paul. You don't have to apologize. I just wanted to check before things went any further between us right now. Maybe we should slow down and take a break from what we were just doing. Maybe just watch some TV or something," Richard said in a way that reassured Paul he still didn't mind waiting. 

"Well you know Reesh, just because I'm not ready for sex that doesn't mean we can't do other things, like....like other things that would feel good," Paul said shyly as he stared up at the other man with innocent yet pleading eyes as Richard was still lying partially on top of him. Richard raised an eyebrow and there was a small curve of his lips. 

"What did you have in mind?" 

Paul smiled. "I don't know."

"You don't know or you don't wanna say?" 

"I don't know. What do you think we should do?" 

"Well Paul, I'd be happy to anything with you but I wanna know what you want, and what you'd be ready for and comfortable with at this point. We don't have to do anything if you don't want to." 

"No! I want to, I'm just not sure what." 

Richard smiled. "Hmm well, let's see. Let me think," he said as his eyes darted off in space as he thought intently for a few moments and then he looked back down at Paul with a sly smile on his face. "Um Paul, have you ever....fantasized about doing things with me?" Paul stared at Richard with a straight face for a moment and then he couldn't help but break out in laughter and Richard looked confused at that. "What's so funny?" 

"Nothing, it's just that I've only fantasized about you pretty much every day and night since we first met." Richard's mouth fell open and then turned into a big and flattered smile. 

"Seriously?" 

"Yeah." 

"Well I've fantasized about you many times too. So....what kind of things have you imagined us doing? Tell me, I wanna know. I'm very intrigued now." Of course Paul starting blushing and didn't wanna answer. "Oh come on Paul. At least just tell me one little fantasy. We don't have to do it, I just wanna know. Wait no, you know what? Tell me this instead. If we could do absolutely anything right here and now, what would you want that to be? Don't worry about how crazy or weird you think it sounds." 

Paul eyes roamed around for a minute and he suddenly looked as though an idea had popped into his head but yet he hesitated to say it out loud. "Come on baby," Richard said sweetly, "I know you've got an idea floating around in that head of yours. You don't have to be shy to talk to me about anything Paul. It's just you and me here and I'm not gonna laugh or judge you. It's doesn't matter how dirty or how simple it may be. Whatever it is, it's probably just gonna turn me on and make me want you even more." Richard whispered in in his ear, "Come on Paulchen. Just tell me and it'll be our little secret, okay?" Paul smiled and finally gave in. 

"Okay," he spoke quietly, "Um, well, that one time I spent the night here, when I woke up the next morning and saw you sitting at your desk with your glasses on," Paul stopped to laugh nervously. 

"Yeah, and?" 

"Well, I think you look sexy with your glasses on, but well I think you look sexy in everything though." Now Richard was the one blushing. "But anyways, I remember you saying that you could tell I was watching you. Well I was s-studying your body but I was also imagining doing some things with you. One thing I imagined was that I wanted to...." Paul's voice got even quieter, "to crawl over to you and kneel down in front of you as you sat on your chair and then I wanted to...." Paul lifted his head to whisper the rest in Richard's ear. He was too embarrassed to say it any other way. "And I kinda wanna do that now," he added as he pulled away from Richard's ear. Richard smiled but looked surprised. 

"So out of everything that we could possibly do right now, that's really what you would choose?" Paul nodded his head. "But why?" 

"It would make me feel good to make you feel good Reesh. Not that I'm assuming you'll like it. I'm not that confident," Paul added with a small laugh. Richard gently gripped Paul's chin with one hand and brought his face closer to the smaller man's. 

"I'm sure I would love it. But are you sure this it what you want, because you know you make me feel good just by being with me." Paul eagerly nodded his head again. "Okay, but would you mind if I threw in a few of my own ideas with this? I think you'll like what I have in mind. And if you don't, you can tell me no or to stop at anytime, okay?" 

"Okay. I'd actually prefer you to be in control and decide how to do this cause I don't know what the hell I'm doing," Paul said, making Richard laugh. "Oh but Reesh, there's one more thing I want, something I really want," Paul told him with a yearning in his eyes as he bit his lip and his guard was beginning to come down from the fact that Richard was encouraging him to open up more, and at the thought of what they were about to do. 

"I'll do anything for you," Richard said.

"Okay, um, I need you to tell me what to do. And if I don't do what you tell me or don't do it the way you want me to, I want you to get angry with me and be rough with me." Richard raised both eyebrows now. 

"Are you sure about that Paul?" 

"Completely sure. I'm giving my consent that from this point on, whenever we do anything together, I want you to take control and handle me however you see fit. I think I would like it that way and I know you would too," Paul said calmly. Richard smirked. 

"I can already see that you're starting to come out of your shell. And you're kinkier than I would've expected too Paulchen," Richard joked, making Paul laugh. "Okay baby, you stay right here and I'm gonna go gather some things. I'll be right back," Richard said as he got off the couch. 

Paul sat up and waited while the other man went into his bedroom and kitchen and then came back into the living room with a collar and a leash, and a bottle of water that he thought Paul might need once this was over. Richard went and sat in the chair at his computer desk and set the water on it. He put his glasses on and then he turned to face Paul and held the leash above his lap. He could see by the expression on the smaller man's face that he was beginning to get nervous. 

"Don't be nervous Paul. Remember you can stop this at anytime. I won't be mad or disappointed, alright?" Paul nodded his head. 

"Stand up and face me Paul." Paul got up and stood in front of the couch. "Now next, I want you to take your clothes off for me. But I want you to do it very slowly. Take your time so I can enjoy watching you." Paul could feel his body trembling and his heart thumping in his chest at Richard's order but he obeyed. He slowly removed his shirt and threw it on the couch and then without thinking, he quickly began to unbuckle his pants. "Slower baby," Richard told him. Paul slowly slid his jeans down and stepped out of them. And then he got really nervous when it was time to remove his underwear and Richard could tell. This was the first time that Richard would be seeing him naked. And he could already feel the other man eyeing him so intensely. "It's okay baby. It's only you and I here." He finally got up the nerve to slowly remove his underwear and once his erection sprung free and he stepped out of them, for a moment he got scared and considered stopping everything but when he saw the look on Richard's face, he changed his mind. 

Richard was watching him with such a strong desire burning in his eyes. It made Paul feel so wanted and so attractive. Richard then slowly shook his head in disbelief. "You are so fucking gorgeous," he told Paul as he stared at the smaller man's body and admired it, while licking his lips. Paul's stomach was doing flips and he didn't think it was possible to be any more aroused than he was right now. "Okay, now I want you to stay where you are and kneel down for me." 

Paul got down on his knees and sat still as Richard stood up. Richard removed his own shirt and threw it aside on the floor and then walked over to Paul with the collar and leash in his hands. He stopped in front of Paul and ordered him to look up. He reached down and put the collar around Paul's neck and then attached the leash to it. Then Richard took the end of the long leash into his hand and went and sat back down in his chair. 

"Okay Paul. Now get down on your hands and knees and slowly crawl to me." Paul hesitated only for a moment and then obeyed. As he crawled towards the other man, Richard pulled the leash towards himself and tugged on it a few times, just enough to let Paul know he was in charge. Though Richard knew, truthfully, that Paul was actually the one in control. He thought up this whole idea and he also had the power to stop everything at any time. But Richard knew it turned Paul on when he was a little aggressive with him and acted as though he was the one in control. 

Paul couldn't believe he was doing this but he didn't wanna stop now. A month ago he would've laughed at the thought of being pulled by a leash but now it felt so exhilarating to give up control and submit to someone like this. He loved this feeling. Paul stopped once he reached Richard. 

"Kneel again." Paul obeyed. Richard didn't remove the leash though, in case he wanted to do anything else with it. Paul stared up at Richard expectantly, waiting for the other man's next order. 

When Richard saw the smaller man looking up at him with those eyes and thought about the fact that Paul had wanted to do this, he almost lost it at how incredibly turned on he was, but he had to keep a controlled demeanor for Paul's sake. 

"You sure you wanna do this Paul?"

"Yes sir," Paul replied with a straight face and Richard could help but smile a little at that and become even more aroused and he was starting to feel an uncomfortable tightness in his jeans. His guard was starting to fall too. 

"You're making me so hard baby. Undo my pants and take my cock out." Paul looked a little scared but he soon obeyed. After he unzipped Richard's jeans, he reached inside his underwear and pulled out his cock. He was taken aback by the size of it and swallowed hard at the sight in front of his eyes. Richard sighed quietly when he felt Paul's hands touch his skin. "Just a minute baby." Richard stood up and pulled his jeans and underwear down a little then sat back down. 

"Before we go any further, I need to ask you something Paul. Would you feel more comfortable swallowing or not? You don't have to. Either way is fine with me. Coming on you would turn me on just as much." 

"I want to. I mean I wanna try at least." 

"Alright Paulchen, if that's what you want. Now I know you've never done this before but I'm sure you've had it done to you before, so you probably have some idea of what to do, right?" Paul nodded. "Okay. Hold it with one hand and start by licking the head for me baby." Paul did what he was told. 

After taking it in his hand, he twirled his tongue around the head first and then ran his hand up to the head and rubbed his thumb along the slit. Then he slid his tongue up the whole length as he licked underneath it. Richard was frozen as he watched Paul's every move. He put his hand at the base of it again and licked and sucked the head and then took more of the cock into his mouth, as much as he could. He couldn't take the whole thing yet but he got pretty close. Richard threw his head back. 

"Fuck Paul. I don't even need to tell you what to do. You already know what you're doing, don't you?" He looked back down at the smaller man in amazement and Paul felt so pleased with himself at Richard's praise. 

Once Paul went down as far as he could again with his hand still at the base, Richard instructed him again. "Suck your cheeks in and start bobbing up and down." It took Paul awhile but he finally got a rhythm down, moving his hand and mouth in unison. Richard threw his head back again in pleasure and then looked back down to watch Paul. He couldn't believe how good he was doing for his first time. "Oh my god Paul, you're so fucking good at this," Richard panted. 

Paul tried to take more of the cock into his mouth and Richard moaned which just encouraged Paul more. But then Paul went a little too far and gagged so he had to stop and take his mouth off of it for a moment. 

"Don't push yourself baby." Paul looked up with watery eyes and gave Richard an odd look as though he was asking for something. 

"It's okay sir, I can handle it," Paul said and then he tried to take the whole thing in his mouth once more, letting the head of Richard's cock hit the back of his throat this time and he gagged again. Richard couldn't understand why Paul was trying to do more than he could handle. 

"Try to restrict your throat Paul. You don't have to go so far though. Just do what you can handle." 

Paul had to cough a few times and then he looked up at Richard with that same pleading look again and said, "Please let me do what I want sir." And when he tried to push himself again, Richard finally figured out what Paul wanted. 

He grabbed Paul by the hair and yanked his head back and off of his cock. He leaned down close to his face and spoke in a stern voice. "You're not gonna do what you want. You're gonna do what I say. Do you hear me?" Paul purposely stayed silent. Richard spoke louder and tugged at Paul's hair again. "I said, do you hear me?" 

"Yes sir," Paul panted. 

"So this is want you want Paul? You think you can handle my whole cock? Okay then, let's see about that. Put your arms down at your sides. Right now." Paul immediately obeyed even though he didn't know what Richard was gonna do next. Richard took the leash and wrapped it around Paul's upper body, trapping and restraining him in a way so that Paul couldn't move his arms. Richard held the end of the leash with one hand and then grabbed Paul's head with the other hand and without warning, quickly pushed Paul's mouth back onto his cock and forced Paul to take a lot of it into his mouth. But he made sure he didn't go too far. He knew what he was doing and he wasn't gonna let Paul get hurt. He was only pretending to be rough to please Paul and turn him on. 

"Suck it and don't stop!" Richard ordered him as he held onto Paul's head and guided him up and down his cock. Paul continued to suck the best he could and when he moaned against Richard's cock, the vibration of it made Richard shudder in ecstasy and start to moan repeatedly. Paul was sucking him so good and the sounds that came from Paul was sending Richard over the edge. Richard sounds were arousing Paul even more too. He wished his arms weren't trapped so he move them to touch himself. 

"Look up at me baby, right now!" Richard panted as he was getting close and Paul opened his eyes wide towards the other man and had tears in them and his cheeks were hollowed. That did it for Richard. "Oh god, yes Paul! Fuck! Yes!" Richard shouted as he threw his head back and continued to moan and curse and yell Paul's name as he still gripped his hair. Paul knew Richard was about to come and he suddenly felt really nervous but he was determined to swallow. He wanted to know what Richard tasted like and he also wanted to please him as much as he could. 

Richard couldn't hold back any more and he went silent for a moment and his body shook as he started to come hard into Paul's mouth and then he cried out one last time as the last of his cum was swallowed up by the smaller man. He let go of Paul as soon as he could to let him breathe. Paul immediately had to cough again and then he was trying to catch his breath. Richard had to take a moment to sit back and catch his own breath but then he remembered Paul's well being was more important right now. 

After he quickly pulled his pants up and took off his glasses, he bent forward and unwrapped the leash from Paul and unhooked it from the collar. He removed the collar also and threw them aside on the floor. 

"Are you okay baby?" he asked as Paul sat on the floor with tears still in his eyes. "Come here baby. Sit in my lap," Richard said as he reached for Paul. Paul sat on the chair in between Richard's legs and turned his upper body sideways and fell against Richard's chest, still catching his breath. Richard wrapped his arms around him and kissed him on the top of his head. "Talk to me baby. Are you okay? Be honest. I hope I didn't go too far." 

"I'm fine Reesh," Paul replied with a raspy voice. 

"Here, take a drink." Richard said as he took the bottle of water off the desk and opened it for Paul. Once Paul took a couple drinks to sooth his throat and his breathing became normal again, he was finally able to speak more. He looked up at Richard with a big grin on his face. 

"You didn't hurt me at all. I liked it and I loved the way you acted with me." 

"Really?" Richard asked smiling and relieved. Paul nodded. "But what about when you swallowed. How did you like that? Be honest Paul." 

"I....didn't hate it?" Paul answered shyly and Richard laughed. 

"It's okay Paul. That takes some getting used to. You don't have to do it if you ever don't want to." 

"It was fine Reesh, really." Richard squeezed Paul in his arms and kissed the top of his head again.

"You did so good baby, a lot better than I would've expected for your first time. You made me feel so damn good." Paul smiled at Richard's praise and hoped that the other man wasn't lying just to make him feel better. Though Richard's previous moans certainly didn't sound like he was lying. 

"Look at me." Richard told Paul. Paul tilted his head up to Richard. Richard tipped Paul's chin up more and closed the distance between them. He gave Paul a deep and meaningful kiss and he could taste himself on the smaller man's soft lips. He tried to show his appreciation through the kiss but he still didn't feel like it was enough to thank Paul. So Richard slid his hand down between Paul's legs and could see and feel how hard he was when he wrapped his hand around him. "That really did turn you on, didn't it baby?" Paul looked up at Richard and nodded while blushing. This was the first time that Richard had touched him there. "Let's go in the bedroom so I can reward you for being such a good boy for me." Paul looked uneasy. 

"I'm still not ready for that Reesh." 

"Oh baby, I know. I didn't mean we would do that. We can do something else. I promise it's something that won't hurt you at all. It will only make you feel good. Will you trust me Paulchen?" Paul nodded and looked relieved. "Okay, let's go to my bedroom." 

Once they were in Richard's bedroom, he pulled back the covers on the bed and instructed Paul to lay on his stomach. Paul looked confused for a moment but he still obeyed. He figured Richard was gonna give him a blowjob or at least a handjob so he didn't know why he was lying on his stomach. Then he thought that maybe he was gonna give him a massage. He stretched out with his arms crossed over the pillow and the side of his face relaxed on his arms. 

Richard got undressed and then told Paul to spread his legs further apart. He got up on the bed and knelt behind Paul. He leaned forward and ran his hand smoothly up and down the smaller man's back. 

"Listen to me Paul. I promise that what I'm about to do will make you feel good. But if you don't like it or if it makes you feel uncomfortable, tell me and I'll stop, okay?" 

"Okay." Paul replied, feeling nervous yet excited about whatever Richard was about to do to him. 

"Now just relax and enjoy this." Richard caressed and lightly squeezed Paul's butt with both hands and then he bent down and lowered his head down in between Paul's legs. He spread Paul's cheeks and breathed his hot breath on him.

Paul could tell that Richard's mouth was close to him and then he finally realized what he was about to have done to him. He felt a little uncomfortable about it at first and almost stopped Richard but he was also very curious to see what it would feel like, so after a small amount of hesitation in his mind, he decided not to stop the other man. Richard could feel Paul tense up slightly. 

"Relax baby. You're gonna like this." Richard lowered himself more and began running his tongue in circles along Paul's hole. He could see how tight Paul was and that aroused him, thinking about how good it was going to feel whenever they finally did have sex. 

As soon as Paul felt Richard's wet tongue circling him, he sighed loudly at the sensation. Richard was pleased with that reaction and decided to go further. He stuck his tongue inside the hole as far as he could and circled around inside and Paul moaned so beautifully that it caused Richard to subconsciously moan too. 

He then took his tongue out and moved it down lower to lick the smaller man's balls. Paul continued to moan as his hands tightly gripped the sides of the pillow he rested on and he was absolutely loving this. It felt so wrong but so good to him at the same time. 

Richard licked back up and stuck his tongue inside again and started pushing it in and out continuously and that sent Paul to a whole new level of pleasure. He began moaning even louder and had to bury his face in the pillow to muffle his sounds so that everyone in their building wouldn't hear. He was embarrassed at the sounds he was making and how much he was enjoying this but he couldn't control it. It felt so unbelievable. The sensations he was feeling were indescribable and unlike anything he'd ever felt before. 

Richard stopped for a moment. "Do you like it baby? Do you want more?" 

"Oh god, please sir! Please don't stop what you were doing," Paul begged. Richard continued and Paul kept moaning and his reactions were making Richard feel as though he himself could come right there on the spot without even being touched. He was so happy with how much he was pleasing the smaller man. Paul was about to come without even having any stimulation on his cock.

"Oh god Reesh! Oh fuck, I'm gonna come." Richard stopped licking Paul and sat up. He roughly grabbed one of Paul's hips and flipped him onto his back. It happened so fast and Paul didn't know what the other man was doing but he knew he wanted Richard's mouth back on him. "Please Reesh. I need to come, please." 

"I've got you baby," Richard said as he gripped Paul's outer thighs and bent down. "Come in my mouth," he ordered right before he took Paul's entire cock into his mouth.

When Paul looked down and saw that Richard was completely naked and saw his lips wrapped around him, sucking and moving hard on his cock, it didn't take more than a minute for him to start coming into Richard's mouth. His whole body was writhing across the bed for a moment and then as he spilled into Richard, he went still and his hips arched up as he cried out the other man's name and then continued writhing around while he rode out his orgasm. Paul's hips dropped back down and Richard kept sucking even after Paul was finished until he was flinching and then he licked him clean and crawled up to lie down next to him. 

Paul's eyes were closed, his arms were up by his head and he was breathing hard. Richard curled up to him and wrapped his arm around his waist. He had grown partially hard again but he knew it was too soon to come again and right now he just wanted to focus on Paul. 

"Paul? Baby? Are you okay? Did you like that?" After a few moments, Paul finally opened his eyes halfway and turned his head towards Richard. 

"That was. Fucking. Incredible," he answered, still catching his breath. Richard grinned happily, satisfied with himself, and turned onto his back. He closed his eyes and sighed. 

"You're fucking incredible Paul." 

Once Paul finally regained his composure, he turned to snuggle up to Richard and put his head on his chest and draped his arm across his waist. Richard wrapped his arms around Paul. It felt so amazing to have the smaller man lying against him. He'd been wanting something like this for so long, someone who would be kind and sweet and not judge him, and who would trust him enough to submit to him and let him be in control. It made Richard feel safe to be in control, therefore Paul was now his safety. And now he had finally found everything he wanted and needed in this man who was in his arms.

Paul closed his eyes and sighed at how good it felt to lie against the other man's warm and naked body. He was so contented with the way Richard was holding him, how good he just made him feel and how he had treated him. He felt like Richard had just proved to him that he could trust him and feel safe with him when it came to sex. Neither one of them spoke for awhile, instead they just enjoyed each other's presence. 

Eventually they got dressed and left the bedroom. Richard cooked dinner for the both of them and they spent the rest of the evening together in a hazy state of blissfulness. They felt even closer now after what they had experienced together that day. And that experience made Paul feel more comfortable about taking the next step soon and giving himself completely to Richard. It also made him feel more comfortable and less embarrassed about his sexuality. He loved spending time with Richard and everything they did together and he knew he was never gonna want to give all this up, no matter what other people thought.


	18. Don't Ever Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys don't mind the long chapters :)

Paul wasn't aware that Richard already sensed his insecurities about them going out together in public as a couple. For one thing, Richard had the same insecurity years ago and when Richard mentioned them going out their first weekend as a couple and Paul looked nervous and then when Richard suggested that they stay in and watch movies instead and Paul looked relieved, it wasn't hard for him to tell what Paul was thinking. And he knew that it wasn't them going out together that worried Paul. They had went out many times as friends. It was them being seen as a couple that made him feel uneasy. 

But the second weekend since they had been together, Richard decided to take a chance and ask Paul if he would wanna go to a restaurant that wasn't far from where they lived. It wasn't a fancy restaurant, just the type of place that anyone could go to, friends, families and couples. Richard was glad when Paul said he would go and Paul appreciated that the other man wasn't pressuring him into anything since they had started dating.

As they walked to the restaurant that Friday evening, Richard had the urge to hold Paul's hand but he decided not to take that chance yet. He was just thankful that he had agreed to go out with him. The table they sat at was towards the back of the restaurant but there were still a good amount of people seated in the tables surrounding them. After they ordered their food and were waiting for it to arrive, Paul looked at Richard and smiled. 

"So, is this our first official date?" 

"No," Richard replied and Paul's smile turned into a frown. "If we're gonna go on an official date, I want it to be a place more special than this. You deserve better than this for a first date. I just brought you to this type of place tonight cause I thought you'd feel more comfortable in this environment for now." 

"Oh," was all Paul could say when he realized that Richard had figured him out. Paul felt a little guilty then and didn't know what else to say. Neither man spoke for a while. 

Paul looked around at all the people who sat nearby and noticed a young couple sitting across from them. Just as he glanced over at them, he saw them holding hands across the table and the man lifted the woman's hand and kissed the top of it and then the two of them gazed into each other's eyes and smiled. 

Paul looked back in front of himself and caught Richard watching the couple too with a bit of a sad expression on his face. Paul could sense some envy and longing in that look. Richard then tore his eyes off the couple and met Paul's gaze. He forced a smile for the smaller man and Paul could tell that Richard was trying not to let his envy show and was acting as though their lack of affection didn't bother him. Paul felt terribly guilty then. 'What the hell am I doing?' he thought to himself. 'How could I be afraid or ashamed to show people that I've got the greatest guy in my life?' He hated that Richard seemed sad and he blamed himself for that. 

Paul decided to stop being stupid and he put his hand on top of the table and held his palm out, facing up. He looked at Richard and motioned for the other man to take his hand. Richard looked a little surprised at first but he took Paul's hand. Then Richard was even more surprised when Paul leaned over the table and motioned for Richard to come closer to him. Richard leaned forward and Paul gave him a kiss. It was a small one but a meaningful one for Richard. It showed him that Paul wasn't afraid to be seen with him. When they pulled away from each other and Paul gave Richard the brightest and most unguarded grin, Richard couldn't help but grin back. His heart fluttered at that little gesture from the smaller man. Paul felt so good that he could change Richard's expression for the better. And the look of utter joy on the other man's face made that move so worth it to Paul. 

Once they settled back into their seats, they continued to hold hands and Paul looked around at the people who surrounded them. Most of them weren't even looking back at him and it made him feel as if no one was even aware that he and Richard were there, much less that they were sitting there holding hands. Then he noticed a older woman who sat at a table behind Richard, give him a brief and kind smile and then she looked away. Paul then realized how ridiculous he was being. Nobody cared that they were there or that they were two men who were together. The only one in the place who was even thinking about it was him. While they ate their food, their conversation flowed easily and Paul was glad he had decided to loosen up and stop worrying.

As they walked along the sidewalk back to their apartments, Richard finally decided to take a risk and try to hold Paul's hand and he was pleasantly surprised when Paul let him and then looked over and smiled at him, and it was real and easy smile, not a forced one. 

"So when are you gonna take me out on our first official date then?" Paul asked. 

"You want me to?" Richard asked, looking hopeful. Paul nodded his head, still smiling and Richard smiled back. "I'll start planning something soon then," Richard happily replied. 

As they walked up the stairs to the forth floor of their building, there was man who walked behind them and Richard started to take his hand out of Paul's because he didn't know if Paul would want them to show affection for each other in front of their other neighbors, but Paul wouldn't let him take his hand away. Instead Paul pulled Richard's hand closer to himself and squeezed it reassuringly. And then he glanced over at Richard and flashed him a smile. Richard felt so proud in that moment and he had to stop himself from grabbing Paul right there on the stairs and kissing him senseless. Once they reached their doors, the man continued on past them and didn't even look at them. 

They decided to go into Paul's apartment to spend a little more time together after their unofficial date. When Paul let Richard in, Richard had planned on kissing him but when Paul turned a light on, he was distracted by the acoustic guitar leaning against the couch. 

"You play acoustic guitar too?" 

"Yeah, why?" 

"No reason. You know, I used to play a little guitar when I was younger." 

"Really?" Paul asked, interested. 

"Yeah, I wanted to attend a music school when I was a teenager but my parents wouldn't let me so I got into sports instead. But I still ended up buying myself a guitar and playing it a little when I was young but as the years went by, I kind of abandoned my interest in it as I got into other things." 

"Oh, well would you like to try to play mine?" Paul asked. 

"Really, you'd let me?" 

"Sure, I trust you with my guitar, and that's not the only thing I trust you with," Paul added with a smirk and Richard looked over at him and smiled amusingly. 

Richard sat on Paul's couch and picked up the guitar. Paul stood next to him and watched as he tried to find the right cords. Richard began to play what Paul could recognize as Depeche Mode's Enjoy the Silence. Paul smiled right away. He was a fan of Depeche Mode also. But then they both had to try not to laugh when Richard hit a wrong cord and couldn't figure the next cords out. Paul bent down in front of him and gently took Richard's fingers and placed them on the right cords. Richard stared at Paul instead of looking down at the guitar. 

"Okay, now try it," Paul said as he looked up and caught the other man staring at him. Richard tried to play again and it sounded right that time. "That's good," Paul praised him, "You haven't lost your touch." Richard smiled at the compliment and after a while he stopped playing and looked back down at Paul who was still kneeling in front of him. 

"Can I confess something to you Paul?" Richard asked with a serious look. 

"Uh yeah, sure," Paul replied, a little worried. Richard hesitated to find the right words before he spoke softly while looking into Paul's eyes.

"I can't remember the last time that I felt this happy. And I can't remember the last time someone made me feel safe the way you do, like maybe I actually won't get hurt this time. It's not easy for me to trust people Paul, especially other men. But when I'm with you, I don't feel the need to protect myself from you. I haven't felt this way with someone in....well like ever. I usually assume that the person I'm with is gonna hurt me sooner or later, either physically or emotionally, but I don't get that vibe from you. Maybe it's because I can sense that you've been hurt before too and that you wouldn't do that to someone else. Am I right about that?" Paul tried to fight the tears that he could feel surfacing behind his eyes as he nodded and smiled softly at Richard. He felt such a overwhelming feeling of love and trust coming from the other man and he reciprocated that feeling but he was he too speechless to express that to Richard. 

"My heart's wide open for you right now Paulchen. Please be careful with it." Paul let out a quiet breath that he didn't realize he had been holding. He took the guitar out of Richard's lap and set it on the floor out of their way and then Richard put his hand's on the smaller man's arms and pulled him up to sit next to him on the couch. Richard then placed his hand on the back of Paul's neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss. His lips eventually trailed down to Paul's throat and Paul hummed in pleasure as they both became aroused. 

After a few moments, Paul pulled away to speak. "Reesh?" he whispered. 

"Yes baby," Richard answered as he rested his forehead against Paul's. 

"I'm ready." Richard pulled back to search Paul's eyes. 

"What?" 

"I-I said I'm ready." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes. I'm sure," Paul replied a little louder so that Richard would know he meant it. 

"What are you ready for though Paul?" Richard asked teasingly with a smirk, even though he knew exactly what Paul meant. 

"You know Reesh," Paul replied, smiling and blushing. 

"Tell me Paul. I wanna hear you say it." 

Paul blushed some more and then he whispered, "I want you to fuck me." Paul looked down in embarrassment for a moment and then looked back up to see the other man's reaction. Richard couldn't even smile at that, he was too turned on. 

He pressed their forehead's together again and looked deep into the smaller man's eyes as he whispered, "Get in the bedroom then baby. I'm gonna give you what you want." Paul quickly got up and led the way and Richard quickly followed behind him.

Once they entered Paul's bedroom, Paul turned a dim lamp on next to his bed and then turned around to face the other man and looked lost and afraid. Richard knew he was gonna have to take control and give Paul some guidance, but he preferred it that way. He stepped closer to Paul and started to pull on the hem of his shirt. Paul lifted his arms and let Richard remove it and then he let him unbuckle his belt and jeans and let them drop to the floor before stepping out of them. It felt so good to have Richard undress him, even if was causing his body to shake nervously. 

"Lay down on your back baby," Richard instructed him once Paul was naked. Paul pulled back the covers and laid down and watched in anticipation as Richard undressed himself. Then Richard looked worried for a moment and asked him, "Wait Paul, do you have-" 

"Yeah," Paul whispered, interrupting Richard as he pointed to the nightstand next to his bed. Richard looked surprised and when he opened the drawer on the nightstand and saw lube and condoms, he tilted his head towards Paul and smiled. 

"Have you been preparing for this night?" Paul nodded and smiled shyly. Richard set aside what they needed and climbed on the bed to talk to Paul first. He laid next to him and propped himself up on one elbow. 

"Are you nervous Paul?" Paul didn't answer at first, he just looked down at his chest. "Talk to me baby. Do you still wanna do this?" 

"Yes, I want to. I'm just really nervous." Richard let his fingertips gently trail along Paul's chest and he began to kiss him on the neck as he spoke in a low and soothing voice in between kisses. 

"There's nothing to be nervous about baby. I'm gonna be careful with you and make you feel good, alright? You don't have to call me sir tonight. I'm just Reesh right now okay? I'm just the guy that you've been friends with for months, the guy that cares about you more than anything and won't let anything bad happen to you. You don't have to worry or even think about anything tonight. Just relax and let yourself feel. Let me make you feel good. Let me take care of you." Richard let his hand slide down and wrap around Paul's cock. Paul was already aroused before but now Richard's words, his hand stroking him and his mouth on his neck, brought Paul's erection fully to life. "Are you ready now baby?" Richard whispered into his ear. 

"Yes." Paul whispered back with his eyes closed as he laid back and enjoyed the pleasure the other man's was giving him before they had even really begun. 

Richard turned around to grab the lube and condoms and then knelt between Paul's legs. He spread some lube on his fingers and then spoke again. "I'm gonna try to make this part as easy as possible for you. It might burn a little at first but soon it'll feel good, okay?" Paul nodded his head hesitantly as he watched the other man. "Bend your knees and spread your legs for me." Paul obeyed and Richard rested one hand on Paul's thigh and started to prepare Paul with his other hand. He took one finger and slowly circled it around Paul's hole. Paul flinched a little at the feel of it. Then Richard slowly and gently let his finger enter and felt Paul tense up. "Take a deep breath in and then slowly let it out." 

As Paul breathed out, Richard let his finger slide in further and tried to moved it around a little. "Oh baby you're so tight, you're gonna feel so good." He told Paul to breathe in and out again and then he added a second finger and Paul tensed up even more. Paul couldn't feel anything but an uncomfortable burn and he was waiting for the moment when this would feel good. "Relax baby, I'm gonna try to open you up." Richard began scissoring his fingers and as he did, he bent down and took Paul's cock into his mouth and starting sucking him to distract him from the discomfort. He knew it worked when he heard Paul moan. Once he felt like Paul was opened up enough he sat up to look at him and then he curled his fingers and touched that special spot inside of him. As soon as he did that, he saw Paul's head roll back and his hips arch up as he let out a loud moan. 

"That's it baby. Yeah, that feels good doesn't it?" Richard keep massaging the same spot until he had Paul moaning over and over and writhing around on the bed, his fists tightly gripping the sheets. 

"Please Reesh! Please!" Paul begged. 

"Tell me exactly what you want baby." 

"Oh god Reesh please! I'm gonna come if you don't stop." 

"Don't come yet. Tell me what you want baby. Say it now," Richard ordered as he kept teasing Paul with his fingers inside of him. 

"I want. Your cock inside me," Paul panted. 

"Good boy." Richard finally removed his fingers and put on a condom and some lube on himself. He then slowly began to slide into Paul and could see that it was difficult for him to handle. He leaned over Paul and tried to soothe him while he kept trying to work his way into him. 

"Oh baby, you're trembling. Calm down, it's okay. You'll feel good in a minute." Paul tried to take a deep breath again and let it out. He put his hands on Richard's back and couldn't help but hold him tight and dig his nails into him to try to get through it. Richard didn't mind. He loved Paul's tight grip on him. He put his face close to Paul's. "That's it baby. Hold on to me. Shh, shh, it's okay. I'm almost all the way in." He kissed Paul lightly on his jaw and neck and keep whispering soothing words to relax him as Paul stared at him with his eyes and mouth wide open. 

Once Richard was finally in as deep as he could go, he gave Paul a moment to adjust his position until he was as comfortable as he could be. Paul relaxed a little but he needed Richard to move, he need some kind of friction. "I'm gonna move now Paul." Paul nodded his head and looked up helplessly at Richard who hovered right above him. 

Richard held on to Paul's hip with one hand and leaned on his other elbow and cupped one side of Paul's face with that hand and began moving. He started out slow to let Paul get used to it then began to thrust a little faster. Paul felt good now. He felt so good. He thought Richard's mouth on his cock and his fingers inside him before was good but this sensation was something else entirely. And he couldn't do anything but feel it and enjoy it and moan uncontrollably as Richard's cock thrusted deep inside him. 

"Oh god Reesh. Yes! Oh that feels so good." 

"I know baby. I told I'd make you feel good, didn't I?" 

"Harder Reesh. Please! Don't stop." Paul tried to lift his hips so he could thrust back against the other man and Richard was so turned on by how much Paul was getting into it now that he was feeling good. 

"Yes baby," Richard replied. He took his hand that was on Paul's hip and tried to help him lift his hips up higher so he could penetrate him deeper. Then he started thrusting into him harder and faster. Paul could now feel Richard hitting his prostate and he cried out in pleasure and so did Richard from how deep he was hitting him. "Oh fuck yes Paul. It feels so fucking good like this. Oh god, you're so tight. It feels so good to be inside you." Richard kept thrusting and listening to the beautiful sounds that came from Paul while he spoke to him. "Do you know how long I've wanted you like this Paul? I imagined this so many times." 

Paul couldn't answer or even pay attention to the other man's questions. His ability to think right now was gone. All he could do was feel the unusual sensation of Richard moving inside of him. And he wasn't even aware of the sounds he was making but Richard was and it was arousing him so much he could barely take it anymore. He knew he was gonna come soon but he wanted to make sure Paul was satisfied first. He moved his hand from Paul's hip and wrapped it around the smaller man's cock. He began stroking him in time with his thrusts and Paul couldn't take it anymore. It felt too good to handle.

"Do you wanna come now my sweet baby?" Richard asked him. 

"Yes! Please!" Paul answered while moaning. 

"Come for me then baby. Come right now." It didn't take more than a few moments for Paul's head to roll back again as he began moaning Richard's name and cursing repeatedly and he started to come. Richard took that opportunity to suck on Paul's neck as he began to feel his cum spilling over his hand onto both of their abdomens. Before Paul's orgasm had even ended, Richard was already coming inside of him. He couldn't wait any longer, especially once he heard Paul moaning his name. Richard's body jerked and his face was nuzzled in Paul's neck as he came hard inside of him while moaning his name. 

He rode out his orgasm and then his body went limp from pleasure and he tried not to put all his weight on Paul but he stayed on top of him for a few moments until he could slow his breathing. Richard finally looked up at the other man and found Paul looking down at him with a blissful smile on his face. He had to smile back at Paul's reaction. 

"So I take it by the smile on your face that you liked that?" Paul couldn't yet speak so he just nodded his head. "So that means you'll wanna do this again?" Paul laughed and nodded his head again. Richard gave him a slow and deep kiss on the lips and let his tongue explore Paul's mouth for a while and Paul moaned quietly into the kiss.

He finally sat up off of Paul and threw away the condom and washed his hands then brought back a towel from Paul's bathroom to clean him off with. He threw it on the floor and laid back under the covers next to Paul. Paul immediately snuggled up to him with his head on Richard's chest and his arm across his waist. This was becoming their favorite position to lie in. Richard held Paul tight for a few moments and then put a hand under Paul's chin and lifted it up towards himself. 

"Hey, look at me." Paul looked up with hazy eyes. "Any regrets?" 

"Yes," Paul replied. Richard frowned and Paul smiled. "That we didn't do this sooner and that I didn't tell you how I felt about you sooner." Richard smiled, relieved, and he ran his hand gently down Paul's cheek as Paul kept staring adoringly into Richard's blue eyes. 

"That doesn't matter now. We're together now and we still have all the time in the world to enjoy each other." Paul nodded in agreement and rested his head back down on Richard's chest. "Did it hurt too bad?" 

"No. The pleasure made the little bit of discomfort worth it in the end." Richard smiled, amused by Paul's response. 

"Is there anything else you want or need?" Richard asked. Paul laughed quietly. 

"You're too sweet Reesh. Just hold me. That's all I need right now." 

"Okay Paulchen. That's all I want right now too." Paul loved how warm Richard's body was and he almost drifted off to sleep and then he thought of something. 

"Oh wait Reesh, just one more thing please." 

"Anything you want."

"Will you....stay here tonight?" Richard didn't even have to hesitate to answer. 

"Of course I will. I'd love to." This would be the first time they would spend the night together as a couple with both of them sleeping in bed together. Richard reached one arm over to the nightstand and turned off the lamp. Neither one spoke again after that. 

Paul laid there for a while and thought of what just happened. It seemed so long ago since the first time he dreamed of this happening with Richard. He couldn't believe it finally had, that he'd actually just had sex with a man. But that thought didn't make him feel uncomfortable, ashamed, embarrassed or regretful. He loved every minute of it. Why would he wanna change anything when he was currently feeling so happy about everything? Soon Paul's mind grew tired and he decided to just stop thinking and to enjoy Richard's arms around him. After that, it didn't take long for both of them to fall asleep in each other's embrace.

A few hours later, Richard woke up and the first thing he noticed was that Paul wasn't lying on him anymore and wasn't even in bed. He felt a panicked feeling for a moment but then he remembered that he was in Paul's apartment. Paul couldn't run away from his own place, could he? He then heard and saw Paul come out of the bathroom and breathed a sigh of relief. Paul gave him a small smile as he got back in bed and curled up next to Richard. 

"Are you okay baby?" Richard asked him.

"I'm better than okay." 

Richard smiled. "I mean do you feel alright? Are you sore or anything? Be honest." 

"A little. But it's okay, I'm fine." 

"Where are you sore?" Paul blushed and smiled. 

"Where do you think Reesh? And my thighs are a little sore too." 

"Probably from having your legs up and open for so long. It'll get easier over time. You'll get more used to it and you won't be as sore." 

"Maybe I want you to make me sore Reesh. Did you ever think of that? Maybe I like the pain," Paul said with a sly smile and Richard laughed. 

"Turn onto your stomach and I'll massage you where it hurts."

"You don't have to do that. I'm fine." 

"Turn on your stomach Paul," Richard repeated, not taking no for an answer. Paul smiled and sighed but still he obeyed. He lied on his stomach and turned his head towards the other man. Richard turned onto his side and massaged Paul's butt and outer thighs first and then he slid his hand between Paul's legs and rubbed his inner thighs. He moved his hand close in between Paul's cheeks and gently rubbed but didn't touch him where he knew it may hurt or be too sensitive. 

"Reesh?" Paul said quietly as a question as he stared into the other man's eyes. 

"Yes baby." Paul didn't say anything at first and looked nervous. "What is it Paul?" Richard asked curiously. 

"Can I confess something to you now?" 

"Yeah, of course. You know you can tell me anything." 

"I'm falling for you Reesh," Paul replied quietly. "I'm falling so hard and I can't stop," he whispered, "I can't help it when you're so good to me." Richard smiled and his heart felt so full and the feeling was so overwhelming. 

"Do you wanna stop Paul?" 

"No." 

"Then don't," Richard said and then he nuzzled his face into Paul's neck. "Don't stop then baby. Please don't ever stop falling for me," he whispered against Paul's skin and Paul shivered at Richard's warm breath touching him. 

Richard kept massaging the smaller man and giving him light kisses on his lips and the side of his face. Paul felt like he was in heaven right now. He quickly closed his eyes and fell asleep. Richard could tell Paul was asleep by his breathing. He pulled the cover up higher onto both of them and then put his hand back on Paul's thigh closest to him and fell into a peaceful sleep in that position with his face still nestled against Paul's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hesitate to leave a comment if you feel like it. Comments give me the confidence and motivation to keep writing :)


	19. Reasons

Paul woke up and the first thing he laid eyes on was Richard who was still nuzzled up next to him. He smiled and sighed at the sight and the memory of all that happened last night. He had to move away from the other man to stretch and when he did, Richard woke up and smiled right away too. 

"Morning gorgeous," Richard said, sleepily. 

Paul huffed. "You're the gorgeous one." 

"You think so?" Richard asked, seeming pleasantly surprised. Paul nodded. Richard tended to give compliments more than Paul did. It wasn't that Paul wasn't thinking about the nice things he thought of Richard, he just wasn't as brave as Richard was to express them out in the open all the time. He was still getting used to the fact that he was dating a man for the first time so sometimes he felt awkward telling Richard how much he liked his looks or personality. So whenever he did speak up to give the other man a compliment, Richard very much appreciated it and was flattered. 

"What'd you wanna do today Paulchen?" Before Paul could respond, Richard's phone made a noise. He got up out of bed, completely naked, to take his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. There was a little bit of sunlight shining through the curtains which let Paul get a good view of the other man's body, and he quite enjoyed watching that view. 

Richard looked up from his phone. "Chris wants to know if I wanna meet him and Oli at the gym they go to sometimes, in a couple hours. It's not too far from here. He said I can ask you to come along too. You wanna go or are you still sore?" 

"I'm fine. Maybe I could just spot you if I don't feel like doing much myself." 

"So is that a yes then?" 

"Are you gonna wear a wear a shirt that shows off your muscles and let me watch you lift weights?" Paul asked nonchalantly and Richard laughed and blushed. 

"Um, sure, if that's what you want." 

"Okay, then yes." Richard laughed again and texted Chris back. "Hey Reesh, have you told them about us yet?" 

"No, I wasn't sure if you'd want me too." 

"We can tell them when we see them at the gym." 

"Really, you want to?" 

"Yeah, we might as well. They're our friends and I think they'll be happy for us." 

Richard smiled. "I know they will be, especially Chris. He's known for a long time that I have feelings for you." 

Paul laughed. "I told Oli a long time ago that I had feelings for you." 

"Seriously? I wonder if they ever told each other what they knew?" Paul shrugged. "I guess they won't be too shocked when we tell them then. I kinda wanna take a shower and get cleaned up before we go though." 

"Wanna take a shower here?" Paul asked, waggling his eyebrows. 

"Will you join me?" 

"Um, sure, if that's what you want," Paul said, mocking Richard's words from before. 

"Okay, then yes," Richard replied, smiling and mocking Paul in return. 

As they were getting ready to walk to the bathroom, Richard paused to look at Paul and smiled. "Hey, you know you got a hickey on your neck? Sorry about that." 

"Do I?" Paul asked as he lifted his hand to touch his neck. He went into the bathroom to look in the mirror and Richard stood behind him. When Paul saw the spot on his neck he smiled brightly and Richard thought he almost seemed proud of it. "Don't be sorry," Paul said as turned around to face the other man. "I like it," he said still smiling. "It shows that somebody wanted me." Richard laughed a little at Paul's words but in a way they made him feel a sort of sad for Paul too. He shouldn't need a hickey for people to think that he'd be wanted by someone. 

Once they were together in the shower they tried washing themselves at first but got distracted by each other's wet and naked bodies so Richard couldn't stop himself from pinning the smaller man against one wall but Paul didn't mind. They kissed while they stroked one another to completion and then they finally managed to wash and dry each other off. Richard went home and changed into his gym shorts and a white tank top and then they headed to the gym in Richard's car.

When they arrived at the gym, Paul noticed it was rather large. They had to walk through a couple different sections before they could find Chris and Oli. Chris was lifting weights on a bench press and Oli was spotting him. They stopped and Chris sat up when he heard Oli greet them. 

"Hey, you guys ready to lift some weights?" Chris asked. 

"Uh yeah, definitely, but we kinda have something we wanted to tell you guys first," Richard replied. 

"Oh, what is it?" Chris asked as he and Oli waited with curious faces. Richard looked over at Paul and they both smiled and then he put his arm around Paul's waist and squeezed him closer before he spoke. 

"We're together now." Chris grinned wide but didn't look surprised at all and Oli's face lit up as he looked directly at Paul. 

"I knew it would happen sooner or later," Chris remarked, knowingly. "That's good to hear. You guys were meant for each other." 

"Thanks Chris," Richard said, grateful for his friend's support. 

Oli walked up to Paul and hugged him. "I'm so happy for you Paul." Paul just stood there and let Oli hug him as he beamed over their support and how good it felt to let people know he'd finally found someone he was happy with and not have to feel ashamed of it. Oli turned towards Richard then. "Oh and I'm happy for you too Reesh. It's just that I know how much Paul wanted this and I was really hoping he'd have the nerve to let you know how he felt." Richard nodded and smiled in appreciation and then he glanced over at Paul and winked which sent shivers down Paul's spine like always. 

Richard went to the bench press beside Chris's and he and Paul took turns on it. Once when Paul was standing behind Richard, spotting him, a man walked by and said hi to Paul and had a brief, friendly conversation with him. After the man walked away, Richard sat up immediately and asked who it was. 

"Oh it was just a guy I work with." 

"Oh," Richard said with an unreadable expression. Paul laughed. 

"What? You're not jealous, are you?" 

"No," Richard replied, sounding offended but Paul could sense a little jealously so he bent down to whisper in the other man's ear. 

"Don't worry Reeshie," he spoke sweetly, "I don't care about any other men. I only belong to you." 

"Damn right you do!" Richard teased, trying to sound serious but he couldn't the hide smile on his face and it only caused Paul to laugh.

After the four of them worked out and talked for a while, Paul asked Richard if he was ready to go soon. "Why, have you had enough of a workout already?" Richard asked. 

Paul leaned over and whispered in Richard's ear again. "I was thinkin maybe we could go home and get a different kind of workout, like maybe you could tie me up and whip me and show me who I belong to." Paul pulled away with the filthiest smirk plastered across his face. Richard look shocked but aroused. 

"Okay yeah, we can go now." Paul laughed. "But Paul, there's kind of something important I've been wanting to talk to you about first before we get into all that," Richard said, seriously. 

"Oh. Should I be worried?" 

"No, no. It's nothing to worry about." Richard pulled Paul down to sit on the bench next to him and spoke quietly so that no one would hear their conversation. "I just think that now that we've had sex, I want you to be prepared and ready before we rush into bdsm. I mean I know I put you on a leash that one day but that's nothing compared to some of the stuff we could get into in the future. There's still some things you need to know before we ever do anything like that, such as safewords and rules. And I've also been kind of curious about your reasons for wanting to get into it." 

"My reasons?" Paul whispered. 

"Yeah, I mean I know you said you found it all intriguing but there's gotta be more to it than that, like why you're so interested in being my submissive. You've never been in a submissive position before." 

"Oh," Paul said looking down, "Okay, yeah. We can talk." Paul felt uneasy. He knew if he told Richard his reasons that he'd probably ask questions and he didn't like talking about his past. Because it was exactly that, the past. And he wanted to let it go and move on and be happy again. 

Richard put his arm around Paul. "I just wanna make sure you know what you're getting into before we start experimenting and that you won't regret anything later on. But don't worry, we will get into all that eventually. Trust me, I'm very interested in doing a lot of different things with you and to you." Paul looked up at the other man and smiled shyly. "But we don't have to rush things you know. We've got the rest of our lives. We just slept together for the first time last night. I just wanna enjoy every minute of every new thing we do together and not move faster than we need to." Paul stopped listening to Richard's last words because he couldn't hear anything else after Richard pretty much just said that he wanted to be with Paul for the rest of their lives. His heart starting beating faster at that thought, but it made him feel happy. "You know Paul, this will be something new for me too."

"What will?" 

"Well I haven't been involved in bsdm in a relationship since I was with my ex-boyfriend years ago, except I was his sub. Since we broke up, I haven't used bdsm in any other relationships and the only people I've domed with were at the club and I wasn't involved with any of them outside the club. So you'd be the first person who's my boyfriend and my sub." 

"Does that like....worry you or make you nervous?" Paul asked. 

"No," Richard answered honestly. "I think it'll be good, and exciting. I'll get to dominate you in the bedroom or at the club and then be a good boyfriend to you the rest of the time. That's all I've ever wanted. I just didn't think I'd ever get it." Paul smiled and kissed Richard on the cheek. 

"Let's go home now so we can talk." 

Richard laughed. "Yeah, you just wanna get the talk over with so we can do something more fun afterwards." Paul huffed and pretended to be offended.

"Well can you blame me? I'm just an innocent guy who came here to workout and nothing else and then you gotta be sitting here in your form fitting tank top, lookin all tanned and sweaty, telling me you wanna do things to me. It's all you fault Reesh." Richard started laughing loudly and several people in the gym looked over at them. 

"What's so funny?" Chris asked as he and Oli stood at their bench smiling at how cute their two friends were together.

"Oh nothing, it's not a suitable conversation for this place," Richard teased them. "We're gonna get out of here now. I hope you guys don't mind." 

"No, that's fine," Chris replied. "You guys were nice enough to hangout with us for a while. You two lovebirds should get out of here and have fun." The four of them told each other goodbye and then Richard and Paul each went to their own apartment to get cleaned up and changed again and then Paul went to Richard's place to talk and hangout some more.

After they ate lunch, they sat on the couch in the living room and Richard started the conversation. "So, why do you think you're so interested in bdsm? And don't be afraid to tell me anything. I wanna know everything you're thinking." Paul hesitated and made a small noise of complaint. 

"You're gonna think my reason's stupid Reesh." 

"Why would I think that?" 

"I think my reason is stupid." 

Richard laughed. "I promise I won't. Just tell me baby." 

Paul sighed. "Okay. It's kind of hard to explain but I guess the only way I can really explain it is that, my ex-wife fucked me up mentally. She pretty much just abandoned me and our marriage years before it even ended. Not only did she cheat on me for years but she was so manipulative. She would treat me horribly and then whenever I would try to leave her she would tell me lies to convince me to stay, but yet she didn't even want me, she wanted other men, plural. That doesn't even make sense but that's what she did. She did the most obviously wrong things to me where anyone else would've divorced her in an instant, but not me. Reesh! I knew she had sex with other men in our own bed while I was at work and I would still sleep in that bed! Because I wanted to sleep next to her. I would have to try to close my eyes and go to sleep every night, thinking about that, but still I stayed. Because I literally thought I couldn't live without her. I thought I loved her too much to leave but I think it was more the idea of who I wished she could be that I loved. But that wasn't her. She wasn't a good person and I just couldn't accept that. I kept thinking there was something wrong with me but there wasn't. It was her that was choosing to hurt me even though I did nothing to deserve it. 

She fucked my head up so much that it got to the point where I thought I would die if she left. And it was crazy that I even cared, because she was already gone most of the time anyways and even when she was there, she wasn't really there, not emotionally anyways. For the last couple years we were together, she never gave me any attention no matter how good I was to her and kept loving her no matter what she did to me. I was desperate and lonely and just plain pathetic. And I still am in a way." Paul realized his last words came out the wrong way and he looked at the other man apologetically but Richard didn't look offended. He looked engaged and interested in Paul's story. "I'm sorry Reesh. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I'm not with you cause I'm desperate and lonely. I'm with you because you're a great person." Richard smiled softly and waved his hand in the air as though it wasn't a big deal. 

"Oh it's fine Paul. I know you didn't mean it that way. Go on." 

Paul continued, "Well, so maybe I'm completely wrong about this because I'm not an expert on bdsm but it just seems like it's the dom's job to take care of the sub and shower them with attention and affection. And whether that comes in the form of something pleasurable or painful, fuck I don't care! Attention is attention and I need it. No, I crave it. It's been missing from my life for so long and I feel like I long for it just as much I would long for air if that was taken away from me too. My ex-wife and I were together for many years and for most of those years our relationship was good and satisfying. But then she slowly started to change and a lot of things started lacking. I don't know why, honestly. Maybe we grew apart. Or maybe she was that way the whole time and it just took me years to notice. But when things did change, I felt like something I needed to survive was being taken away from me. And I don't mean her, but just all the good things you have when you're happy in a relationship. And yeah, I know I could've went out and cheated on her like she did on me and found somewhere else to get all that from but I'm just not that type of guy. I'm not a cheater and it was too hard for me to leave someone that I had been with for twenty years. It felt impossible. 

But eventually she left me and I did survive. And now I just wanna let go of what I had with her and move on. Maybe this sounds stupid but all I want and need now is just for someone to smother me with attention and affection and pleasure, and pain, so I can feel, instead of being numb like I've been for the last few years. I'm so fucking numb that pain would be a sweet relief. I want someone to take away my emotional pain and replace it with something else, something that will make me feel better. Well not just better, but alive. You wanted to know why I like being submissive to you? Because it feels good, simple as that. When I let you take control and do what you tell me, when you say I'm gorgeous or call me baby, it relaxes me and takes my stress away. It's makes me feel safe and free to let go and be myself. It turns me on, not just physically but emotionally, if that makes any sense. I never thought I would like to be submissive for anyone but now that I've tried it, I love it. It makes me feel like I'm special or something, and I might not be but it's nice to atleast feel like I am. That's all I've wished for for a long time is to feel safe and loved and like I can trust someone for once. 

But I don't just wanna recieve all that. I wanna give all that to someone too, just as much. I may not have been the perfect husband but I know I was a really good one and a lot better than she deserved. I wanna show someone who actually deserves it, just how good of a spouse I can be. I wanna give someone all of myself and all the love and trust I have to give and I want that someone to appreciate it and love me for it and never wanna leave me, simply because of how good I am to them. All I've needed is just for someone to let me do all that, for someone to love me and hold on to me and never let me go." Paul exhaled loudly and realized he had been talking for a really long time without stopping. He was surprised at himself and a little embarrassed that he revealed as much of his feelings as he did. But he felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He'd been wishing he could tell someone all that.

He glanced over at Richard who looked sad, as though he felt sorry for Paul. "I don't need your pity Reesh. I just need all that other stuff I said, for someone to shower me with love and let me love them in return."

"It's not pity that's on my face Paulchen, it's understanding. I've felt everything that you're feeling. Come here baby," Richard said, holding his arms open. "I just wanna hold you so bad right now. Come here." Paul was surprised and relieved but he didn't know why. He should've known that Richard would be sweet to him, he always was. He scooted over and fell heavy into Richard's embrace and laid his head on his chest. He felt like he could finally let go of all the pain and hurt from his past that he had kept bottled up inside for so long. "I wanna give you all that Paul. I will give you all of that. And not because you're asking for it, but because I really wanna give you all those things." 

"Why though?" Paul asked, his voice sounding broken. 

"Because you're the most amazing, sweet, funny, caring, real, honest, and crazy in the best way, guy I've ever known and you deserve all that. Because you ARE special. I can't even believe you're mine. And I'm never ever gonna let you go, not unless you tell me to. And even then, I'd still fight for you. But Paul. While I would love to recieve everything you wanna give to me and if you do give me all that, of course I'll enjoy it and appreciate you for it, but you don't need to do anything to make me wanna be with you or give you attention and affection. I'd give you everything you want, willingly, and I don't expect anything in return. Because I like you for who you are, not for what you can do for me." 

Paul looked up at Richard in disbelief. "Not to sound like we're in a movie or something but seriously Reesh, where the fuck have you been all my life?" Richard laughed and hugged Paul tighter. 

Paul moved from Richard's side and climbed onto his lap, straddling his hips. Richard just watched and let him do what he wanted. Paul reached up and put his hands through Richard's hair and smiled at him, then he wrapped his arms around his neck and leaned against his chest. Richard wrapped his arms around Paul's waist and leaned his head on Paul's head. 

"I love that you're so open with me," Richard told him. 

"I've always been an open person but I usually don't talk about my feelings with people. I only do that with you." 

"Why's that?" Richard asked. 

"I don't know. I guess it's because you make me feel safe." 

"Good, because you are safe with me." 

"You're safe with me too, you know." 

"I know." 

Paul pulled back to look at Richard. "Reesh? Do you think you'll ever be able to tell me what happened in your past? You've said a few times that something bad happened to you. You can tell me, you know." 

"I know baby." 

"Is it hard for you to talk about it or to think about it?"

"I don't think it's that it's hard to talk about. It's just that I've been to counseling and talked about it a lot already, and now I feel like I've mostly healed and moved on, so I just don't like to dredge things up from the past that don't matter anymore." 

"Are you afraid that if you bring up things from the past that you'll go backwards with your healing and become like depressed or scared again or something?" 

"Maybe, I don't know," Richard said looking down. "I think it's just that I wanna move on, like you want to." 

"Okay, I understand. I won't keep pressuring you about it." 

"It's fine, you're not pressuring me. Look, I'll tell you something so you don't have to keep wondering but I don't want to get into the details right now." 

"Okay," Paul said looking at Richard curiously, waiting to hear what he'd say. 

"My ex-boyfriend I was with a few years ago, he was physically and mentally abusive. I got hurt at a sex club we used to go to and he wasn't there to protect me. And after that happened, he started treating me even worse. I didn't feel like I could leave him, just like you felt with your ex, but eventually I was abandoned by him too, just as you were, and it took a lot of time and work to recover from everything I went through with him, but I did. And now I'm happy with you." Paul looked worried and sad the whole time Richard spoke, but he smiled a little at knowing Richard was happy now because of him. "And that's why I wanna do everything in my power to make sure I treat you well and that I'm the complete opposite of him." 

"You are Reesh! You are. And I'm so sorry about what you went through." Paul rubbed the side of Richard's face with his hand and looked sympathetic. 

"Paul, I know you're really interested in experimenting with bdsm right away and I don't wanna disappoint you but I'd prefer if we waited until next weekend since you have work tommorrow. I don't want you to be too sore at work." 

"Alright, whatever you think is best." Richard smiled and kissed Paul for that. Paul was a bit disappointed that they wouldn't be experimenting with anything too serious that day but after what Richard just revealed to him, he didn't wanna push things so he decided to trust Richard's judgement. 

"You know Reesh, after my wife and I divorced, I went and got tested since I knew she had been with several men and wasn't sure if they'd used protection, and I was clean, just so you know." 

"Oh, well that's good. I actually got tested after the last person I was with at the club too. Well I've always got tested every so often since I've been going there. I mean I always used protection though, but I just wanted to be on the safe side, given that I didn't know some of the people I was with too well." 

"So....we've both been tested and you were clean too?" Paul asked.

"Yeah," Richard replied and a smile slowly grew upon Paul's face. "What?" Richard asked, puzzled by Paul's expression. "Oh, I know what you're thinking," he finally realized, smiling. Paul nodded.

Richard's face turned serious again. "Paul? What we have together is serious now, right?"

"Well yeah, of course. I mean it is to me anyways."

Richard smiled. "It is to me too. We don't have to use protection then if you ever don't want to but if you want to, we still can. I wanna make things as easy and comfortable as possible for you." 

Paul blushed and said, "I think we could try it without sometime. Maybe." 

"Okay baby, whatever you want. Just let me know next time." 

"When will next time be?" Paul asked, hopefully. 

"Right now if you want." 

Paul perked up. "But I thought you said we should wait until next weekend?" 

"I meant for like tying you up or whipping you and things like that. Doesn't mean we can't have sex just like we did yesterday." 

"Oh," Paul said, smiling. 

"You want to? We don't have to." Richard asked.

"I think I want to." 

"You think or you know?" 

"I want to but I'm still nervous." 

"That's okay, you can feel nervous, but you know I'll take care of you again." Paul nodded. 

"Hey Reesh, you know how you told me last night that you had imagined us being together for so long? Well, I did too. Even after we had only known each other for a couple days." 

"Really?" Richard asked, surprised but flattered. 

"Yeah. Remember that night we went to the Watergate club and you were staring at me from across the room?" 

"Yeah," Richard laughed, "I'm sorry about that." 

"I'm not. That night after I got home was the first time I ever fantasized about you." Richard's eyes grew wide. 

"What did you imagine happening?" Paul shrugged his shoulders and looked embarrassed. "Come on Paul, you were the one that brought it up. You have to tell me now, I'm too curious." Paul laughed nervously. 

"I don't know, not anything that special. I just imagined you lying next to me and then crawling on top of me and looking down at me the way you did at the club except I pictured you with....with those white contacts you wear sometimes." 

Richard grinned. "You like those?" 

"I love those, but I love your natural eyes too. And then I lied there and wondered whether you would be gentle or rough with me." 

"And which would've you preferred?" 

Paul shrugged again. "Maybe a little of both." 

"Did you touch yourself Paul?" Richard asked, speaking softly. Paul looked down and stayed silent. "Answer me." 

"Yes." 

"Did you come?" 

"Yes." Richard closed his eyes, dropped his head back and took a deep breath. He looked back at Paul with lustful eyes. 

"Look at me Paul." Paul looked up just as Richard grabbed his hips and started making him move slowly against himself. "What were you thinking of the moment you came?" 

"That my hand was your hand and that you were thrusting into me at the same time." Richard breathed deeply again, incredibly turned on. He unbuckled the smaller man's pants quickly and reached his hand inside and wrapped it around Paul's erection. Paul moaned. 

"What else did you imagine? Tell me. Please." 

"I imagined you kissing and licking and maybe even biting me all over my body." 

"Like this?" Richard leaned forward and began sucking on Paul's throat and then he bit him but not too hard. Paul gasped quietly and Richard pulled away to look at him. "You like that?" Paul nodded eagerly. "What about this?" Richard lifted Paul's shirt and licked his nipple and sucked on it, causing Paul to arch his back and throw his head back to moan, and then he bit it and Paul jumped and gasped even louder. 

"Oh my god Reesh," Paul whispered. He was sure now that Richard's words and actions would be the death of him someday.

"You like that baby?" 

"Take me to your bedroom please," Paul whispered again. 

"Okay. Hold on tight." 

"What?" Paul asked, tilting his head back down to glance at the other man. 

"Wrap your arms and legs around me and hold on." Paul did just as Richard stood up, holding the smaller man in his arms. He carried him to his bedroom and Paul giggled the whole way. He had never been carried before. He felt a little silly but also aroused at the same time, being held and carried by Richard's strong arms. Richard then laid Paul on the bed and made love to him and they stayed in bed together for the rest of the day.


	20. Protect Me Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI: It's now the beginning of September in this story so Paul and Richard have known each other for three months and have been dating for three weeks.

When the next weekend came, Richard kept his word about he and Paul experimenting in the bedroom. As they sat on Richard's couch together on a Friday night, Richard looked over at Paul and smiled. "You ready?" Paul smiled and nodded. 

Then Richard's expression turned serious and Paul felt a little fear course through him, but it was a feeling he liked as long as it was caused by Richard. "Kneel in front of me Paul. Right now." Paul immediately obeyed. 

He and Richard had already discussed things during the last week. They went over the rules and agreed on safewords and Richard told him that whenever there are times they decide to involve bdsm, that things would be very different then whenever they make love, to which Richard also asked Paul a dozen times whether he thought he could handle that and Paul answered back a dozen times that he was willing to do whatever the other man ordered him to do and would take whatever was given to him. They also agreed not to use a condom for the first time tonight. Paul didn't know if he would like it but he wanted to find out. 

He had been waiting for this moment for so long ever since Richard first told him he was into bdsm. He had imagined so many different fantasies so when Richard asked him a few days ago what he was most interested in doing, he couldn't decide. After discussing different options of what they could do, Richard decided that he didn't wanna do anything too extreme with Paul this first time so Paul suggested that Richard give him a light punishment.

"A punishment for what?" Richard asked. "You've never disobeyed yet." But then Paul reminded him of how he had went to the club by himself that one night, even though he knew Richard wouldn't want him to. Paul told him that the night Richard had been a little angry at him for going there, that after Richard went home, he fantasized about being spanked for what he did. Of course that interested Richard and inspired him to come up with a plan of what they would do on this night. 

So now Paul sat kneeling in front of the other man, waiting for his orders that he didn't yet know what they would be. And yes he was nervous but he had to admit that he really did love this. Kneeling in front of anyone else would just make him feel ridiculous but kneeling in front of Richard always made him feel so oddly safe and protected. Sometimes he wondered if it was similar to when a small child sits on their parent's foot and wraps their arms around their parent's leg and wants to be carried around by them that way.

"Listen to me Paul. Right now you will only answer my questions. But once we're in my bedroom you may speak whenever you need to. What are you to call me from this moment until the moment we are finished?" 

"Sir." 

"Good boy. Now what the three most important rules of bdsm?" 

"Safe, sane, and consensual." 

"And we will both follow those rules at all times, won't we?" 

"Yes Sir." 

"What are your safewords?" 

"Yellow and red." 

"What will you use them for?" 

"Yellow is when I want you to wait or slow down. Red is when I want you to stop." 

"Good, baby. That's exactly right. Now I'm only going to give you a light punishment for you going to the club without me. But in a way, it's also a reward because it's what you want, now isn't it?" 

"Yes sir." 

"But what will happen if don't call me Sir or if you don't do something I tell you to do while we're in the bedroom?" 

"You'll give me a harsher punishment. One that I won't enjoy Sir." 

"And what happens if you do obey all my orders?" 

"You'll make me feel good and you'll allow me to come." 

"That's correct. Good boy. Now listen because I'm gonna give you your first orders. First, you're going to go into the bedroom and take off all your clothes. Then you're going to get on the bed and prepare yourself for me." Paul's eyes grew wide and he suddenly looked very nervous. "Don't worry baby. You can do it. I know you can. Prepare yourself exactly the way I would prepare you. Can you do that for me?" Richard started to feel a little worried for Paul when he saw the look on his face. He normally didn't get worried with other subs if they were uneasy about something. They had their safewords, knew they could use them at anytime and that was enough. But things were different with Paul because he was also Richard's boyfriend and he had deep feelings for him. "Look Paul, I won't make you do it yourself if it makes you too uncomfortable but it'll make me very proud if you would atleast try it." 

"Okay. I'll try it Sir." 

"Good boy. After you've prepared yourself, if you're able to or even if you're not, lay on your stomach, stretch your arms above your head and do not touch yourself anymore. Now stand up and go and get ready for me baby." 

"Yes Sir." Paul nodded timidly and walked to the bedroom. Richard waited several minutes to give Paul the time he needed and then he went in the bedroom also.

When he entered and saw Paul stretched out just the way he told him with his head turned towards Richard and eyes that held a little fear and anticipation in them as he stared at the other man, Richard wanted more than ever to take care of Paul and prove to him that he could trust him. He didn't speak at all at first, he just let Paul watch him while he undressed. Then he opened the drawer of his nightstand and took out some metal handcuffs and handcuffed Paul's wrists to the bars of the headboard. Paul smiled at that. 

He climbed on the bed behind Paul and kneeled with his legs spread slightly, hovering over Paul's legs. The room was dimly lit by the lamp just the way they both liked it. It set the mood but was still bright enough for them to see each other, which was what they wanted. Richard lifted Paul's hips and pulled his butt up in the air, told him to spread his legs, then put one hand on Paul's back and pushed it down, encourging him to arch his back more and Paul obeyed without hesitation, the side of his face pushed against the pillow. Then Richard could finally see that Paul had actually prepared himself. When he took a look at Paul's hole, all wet and open for him, he was strongly turned on by that. He rubbed a finger against his hole. 

"Good job baby. I'm so proud of you." Paul shuddered at Richard's praise and the finger that circled him gently. Richard took one hand and rubbed one of Paul's cheeks and held Paul's hip with his other hand to hold him in place for what he was about to do. "What are you being punished for Paul?" 

"For going to the club without you Sir." 

"I'm gonna spank you now Paul. I'm gonna hit you ten times. I want you take it the best you can. If you can handle that then I'm gonna try something else too. I want you to count after each hit, okay?" 

"Yes Sir." Without another warning, Richard lifted the hand that was on Paul's butt, swung it back high and then brought it down fast and slapped Paul's cheek roughly. Paul flinched but didn't make more than a quiet whimper of a sound at first, then he quickly remembered his orders. "One." Richard continued and by the time Paul got to ten, he was panting. It didn't hurt terribly bad at all but it definitely stung. It also made him rock hard now that another one of his fantasies had finally came true. 

"Are you okay so far Paul?" 

"Yes Sir." Richard got off the bed and told Paul to look away from him and Paul wondered why. But it was because Richard didn't want Paul to see what was coming. He only wanted him to listen and feel. Then Paul heard something that sounded like a belt sliding out of belt loops from Richard's jeans perhaps. He suddenly felt scared and aroused at the same time. 

Before Richard spoke again, he took the time to appreciate the image in front of him. The man he cared about so deeply was giving all of himself and submitting so easily to him. He wondered how he could ever get his lucky to have the man he wanted, want him so badly in return and in every way possible. Eventually he snapped out of his thoughts and continued with what he was about to do.

"I'm gonna try something else Paul. Remember you can use your safewords at anytime, alright?"

"Yes Sir." 

"I want you to count after each hit again. I'm gonna hit you fifteen times, unless I don't think you can handle that many hits. Try your best to keep your ass in the air. If you forget to count or stay up in the air, I'll add some extra hits and you'll have to accept it. Do you understand?" 

"Yes Sir." 

"I'm not gonna go easy on you Paul so get ready." As Richard stood next to the bed, Paul heard the belt whip through the air and then felt it land harshly on his skin and he flinched and cried out but not too loudly at first. It hurt more than being spanked but he could still handle this, or atleast he thought he could. He kept counting like he was supposed to but as the hits continued, it became more difficult to keep his composure. He had his eyes shut tightly and his teeth were clenched as he tried to count out loud. By the time he got to nine it was almost too much. Richard was hitting a lot harder then he expected. When he cried out the number ten and it sounded like a very pained moan, Richard became concerned. 

"Remember you're allowed to use your safewords. I won't be disappointed Paul." Paul stayed silent so Richard continued. When Richard hit him the eleventh time, Paul was shaking and almost lost his balance and nearly fell over. 

"Sorry Sir! Eleven! Sorry!" 

"That's okay baby. I think you've had enough now. And don't argue with me," Richard said just as Paul was about to open his mouth to tell him he could take the last four hits. "I said I would go to fifteen only if I thought you could handle it. And well, you probably could but I can't. I think you've had enough. Have you learned your lesson Paul?" 

"Yes Sir." 

"Tell me what you've learned." 

"Not to go to that club without you, because you know what's best for me and I should trust you." 

"Good boy." Richard dropped his belt on the floor and kneeled behind Paul again and ran his hands up and down his sides to soothe him. "It's okay baby. You're doing so good. You deserve to be rewarded now. Did it turn you on when I hit you?" 

"Yes sir, very much." 

"Let me see." Richard reached one hand around the smaller man and touched his cock and Paul moaned. "Oh baby, you're dripping already before you were even touched. You're such a good boy for me. I'm gonna make you feel so good." He put both hands back on Paul's hips and held on tight. 

"Now Paul, I want you to try to come from your prostate only, only from feeling me thrust inside you. If you can keep being a good boy just like you have been so far, while I'm fucking you, then I'll touch you again and let you come from your cock. Can you be a good boy for me and do as I say?" 

"Yes sir. I'll do my best to make you happy." 

Richard smiled. "You already make me happy just by existing baby. All this is just icing on the cake. And I won't like you or care about you any less no matter how you do, okay?" 

"Yes Sir. Thank you." 

Richard began to push his cock into Paul. He also had a plan for what he was gonna do next. The first time they had sex, he knew he needed to be sweet and gentle with Paul. But now Paul was more used to having sex and he could sense that the smaller man wanted more. Yes, Richard thought to himself, things were gonna be a little different this time. This time he was gonna give Paul what he had really wanted all along. 

Once he let Paul get comfortable with him inside, he checked with him one last time. "Are you ready for me baby? Are you ready to get what you earned?"

"Yes Sir. Please." At that, Richard began thrusting slow at first. He would pull out almost all the way and then thrust back into Paul roughly, as far as he could go, over and over, and he had Paul crying out already. 

"Can you take this baby? Can you take my cock slamming into you this way?" 

"Yes! Sir!" Paul could barely speak with how hard he was being pounded into, especially when Richard was hitting that exact right spot inside of him. 

"Am I hurting you Paul? You sure you can take it? Cause if you think you can, I'll get even rougher and go even deeper with you." 

"I fucking love it Sir. It feels so good. Please do whatever you want to me. I can take it. I need it Sir, please!" 

"Yes baby, whatever you want. But don't put your face in the pillow. I wanna hear all the sounds you make for me." Richard started pounding even harder and faster and deeper against Paul's prostate until the smaller man's body was trembling with pleasure and he would've fell over if it wasn't for Richard's hands grabbing his hips harshly. Paul knew he'd have bruises tomorrow but he didn't care. It was more than worth it. 

"Who do you belong to Paul?"

"You Sir." 

"That's right baby, you're all mine and only mine. And you better remember that the next time another man or woman talks to you or tries to hit on you. You hear me Paul? Answer me now!" 

"Yes Sir! I'm all yours. Only yours." 

"Who do you obey?" 

"You Sir."

"Who's the only person who can make you feel this way, who can fuck you this good?" 

"You Sir. Only you." Paul was getting pounded so hard now that he was beginning to see stars. He could barely answer the other man's questions anymore. All he could do was moan and grip the bars of the headboard so tight and let the side of his face be pushed into the pillow. All this felt like such a good mixture of pleasure and pain and he was so close to coming but he hadn't been given permission so he had to try so hard to stop himself. Richard could tell though that Paul was getting close. 

"Are you ready to come only from my cock pounding into you Paul?" 

"Yes Sir, please! I need to come." 

"Come for me baby." With those words, Paul stopped holding back for fear that he would be punished instead of rewarded and he let himself go. He concentrated on the feeling of the head of Richard's cock hitting that special spot and in mere moments after the other man's order, he was cursing loudly as he came. 

"Fuck yes! Fuck yes!" He kept shouting over and over. He couldn't believe how strong this type of orgasm could be. But now more than ever, with how good he was feeling, he needed his cock to be touched. It had been so hard for so long and now it was aching. He was thankful that he was handcuffed or else he would've been breaking the rules and touching himself. 

When Richard heard how much Paul was loving this and had felt Paul's hole tighten around his cock, he almost came before he was ready to but he managed to control himself. "That's right baby. You're such a good boy. You're obeying me so well. Who's the only person who can make you feel like I just did? Who do you belong to?" Richard asked again as he kept thrusting into Paul's now sensitive hole. 

"You Sir." Paul mumbled quietly and panted. Richard could see the smaller man was exhausted and about to reach the point where he couldn't take anymore and he was getting too close himself. 

"Good boy." He reached one hand around and grabbed Paul's cock and started stroking him fast and hard. "You can come again baby. Let yourself go. You've been so good for me." And with those words and Richard's grip on him, Paul was crying out and about to come once more. His cock thrusted into Richard's hand at the same time that Richard was claiming what was his from behind and was ready to come into the smaller man himself.

Paul couldn't even form words at this point, only sounds. He was enjoying all this so much; the pleasure, the pain, the way Richard was dominating him and yet taking care of him at the same time, the things he was saying to him and the way he said it. This was exactly what Paul had been needing, for the other man not to hold back, and Richard knew this now too.

And when Richard felt Paul's cock pulsating and felt the warm liquid pour over his hand and onto the sheets, that was enough to send him over the edge. "You're all mine Paul! Only fucking mine!" He leaned over Paul and his body jerked as he let himself go and spilled into the smaller man and then he slid out and collasped next to him on his side. 

Paul was almost out of it but he could still feel the other man come inside of him and he thought it felt good. Weird, but good. He couldn't hold himself up now and he fell over also, facing Richard, both of them panting hard. 

"Sorry Paul. Forgot. I was holding you. Up." Paul just nodded with his eyes closed and couldn't speak. 

Once they calmed down, Paul said, "Uncuff me please." 

"Yes baby, of course." Richard quickly got up to get the key and removed the handcuffs and rubbed Paul's wrists. "Are you alright baby? Was that too much?" Paul just smiled brightly with his eyes still closed and shook his head. They were both sweaty and the bed was a mess. "We should take a shower and get cleaned up before we go to sleep Paul." Paul mumbled something not understandable and then whined. 

"Sleep first." 

Richard laughed. "I'll help you baby. Come on, get up." 

Paul was sore and he slowly tried to get out of bed with Richard's help and they took a shower together. Richard laughed when Paul leaned back against the shower wall and almost feel asleep standing up. "Did I wear you out babe?" Paul nodded his head. 

Richard washed himself quickly then washed Paul but his smile disappeared when he began touching the smaller man's sensitive areas and Paul shouted, "Ouch!" 

"I'm so sorry baby! Are you okay? I'm trying to be gentle with you now. Was I too rough Paul? Does it hurt very badly?" A grin grew wide across Paul's face. 

"It hurts so fucking good," he moaned softly. Richard shook his head and had to laugh again. Everytime he was afraid he had went too far, Paul showed him how much he enjoyed it and he felt relieved. 

After Richard dried them both off, he wrapped a towel around the smaller man and leaned him against the wall and told him he'd be back in a few minutes. He changed the sheets on the bed and then helped a tired Paul walk back to the bedroom, turned off the lamp and they both climbed in bed. 

Paul was close to being passed out on his back but Richard wanted to give him the love and affection he knew he needed before they went to sleep. He leaned over Paul and started giving him light kisses on his temple, his cheek, his jaw and his lips, then moved down to his neck and shoulders, anywhere that wasn't covered by the blankets. Paul loved how Richard could go from being so rough with him one minute to being so sweet to him the next..

"Was that good for you Paul?" 

"It was so amazing. I think I blacked out for a minute." Richard laughed. "Did I do good Reesh?" 

"You did so good! You were so good for me! You obeyed me and you made me feel so unbelievable. But remember baby, you're good enough for me no matter how you do in the bedroom, okay?" Paul turned on his side and snuggled up to the other man, causing Richard to lay on his back and wrap his arms around Paul. 

"Okay. Thanks Reesh." 

"You don't have to thank me for that." 

"No, I mean thank you for giving me everything I could ever want or need." 

Richard smiled. "Oh. Well it's my pleasure. Let me kiss you good night baby." Paul looked up and they gave each other a slow and lazy but sensual and loving kiss and when it was over they stared at one another for a few moments in silence. Both of them were thinking of how much they trusted each other and even more so after the experience they just shared. But they didn't need to say it out loud because the trust could be felt between them and through the way they looked at each other. 

"Good night Paulchen. Get some rest now baby. You deserve it." 

"Good night Reesh." Paul felt the urge to say 'I love you' after he said good night but he was afraid of what the other man would think and wondered whether he felt the same. They had mentioned the word, love, before in their discussions, of how they each wanted to give their partner love or to be loved. They told each other many times how much they cared about each other and how their relationship was serious now, but neither one had yet come right out and said those three little words. Paul didn't have the nerve to do it quite yet. This night had just gone so well and he didn't wanna ruin it. Plus he knew he'd have plenty more chances to say it in the future and maybe he'd even get lucky and Richard would say it first soon. Instead he laid his head back on Richard's chest and listened to his beating heart. 

He really was in love. In love with a man. 'But who cares if it's with a man?' he thought. He's actually in love for the first time in so long. He had feared many times that he would never find love again and now he finally had. If he wasn't so tired and sore, he would feel like running to the balcony and yelling at the top of his lungs how happy he was. Richard wasn't perfect and Paul knew that. He had issues and a troubled past but Paul didn't want a perfect man because he wasn't perfect either. All he needed was someone who was perfect for him and Richard was. 

"Reesh?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Will you protect me always?" Richard furrowed his eyebrows and wondered why Paul would ask that. 

"Oh course baby. I'd kill for you. I'd even die for you." 

"I'd do the same for you." Paul felt Richard's heart beat faster when he said that. 

"Well hopefully neither of us will ever have to do that. Now go to sleep baby." Paul closed his eyes and it wasn't long before they were both passed out from their exhausting night.

\------------

Paul had to spend most of the next day alone, but he didn't mind because he knew Richard would be coming over that night. Richard had already made plans to spend the day with his daughter after she had asked him to since they hadn't seen each other in a while. Richard invited Paul to come along but Paul wasn't sure if he was ready to be introduced to his boyfriend's daughter so he told Richard maybe next time. 

It was now evening and Paul sat on his couch to relax and watch TV and try to wait patiently until the other man would arrive to spend time with him. They didn't make any special plans but any time they got to spend together, especially on the weekends when Paul didn't have to get up for work the next morning, was special to him no matter what they were doing. But it was hard for him to think of anything other than Richard to pass the time when every time he sat down and felt sore it just reminded him of all they did last night and the bruises and red marks he could see on himself this morning that made him feel happy, which was so weird but that's really how he felt. 

Paul heard his phone recieve a text and he smiled when he saw it was from Richard. 

"Hey baby. I miss you. I'm just getting ready to have dinner at this restaurant we're at. My daughter is in the bathroom so I thought I'd see what you were doing." 

"Miss you too. Just watching TV, trying to keep my mind occupied until you get here tonight." 

"Shouldn't be too much longer. We just gotta order our food and eat and then she said she'll probably take a taxi back home so I won't have to drive her all the way back to her place. I'll be back there to spend some time with you as soon as we're done here. I can't wait to see you!" 

"Me too. But take your time and have fun with your daughter. And then hurry your perfect little ass over here and come have fun with me!" 

"Lol. Okay baby. I'll do that." 

Just then, there was a knock at Paul's door. "Someone's knocking. I'm gonna go now." 

"Okay. Who is it?" 

"I don't know. I haven't answered it yet. See you soon Reesh." 

"Okay baby. See ya tonight." 

Paul stood up and put his phone in his back pocket and went to answer the door. He looked through the peephole and saw a man with his side turned towards the door and wearing a black hoodie with the hood on his head, so Paul wasn't able to see his face. He was a little leery to open the door for a moment but then he thought he was just being silly. Obviously the man had a reason for coming here. Maybe it's someone he knows or someone who needs something. They're probably trying to find someone else's apartment. And it's not like this was a dangerous part of town. Without any further hesitation, he opened the door just a little. 

Before Paul could even blink, the rather large man quickly turned around and pushed his way into the door, knocking Paul to the ground. Paul had a totally shocked look on his face as he stared up at the man who he could now see was wearing a ski mask. 

"What the fuck? Who are you? What are you doing?" Paul shouted. The man quickly shut Paul's door and locked it. 

"Shut the fuck up!" The man told him in a deep voice. "I've got a gun in my pocket. If you scream for help, I won't hesitate to shoot you dead!" Okay, at first Paul was shocked but now he was terrified. And he was really regretting opening his door and so carelessly letting this maniac in. 

"What do you want?" Paul asked, making sure not to yell. 

"Don't move!" The man told him. Then the man took Paul's couch and quite easily pushed it against the door to make it more difficult for Paul to try to get away. "Listen you little piece of shit!" The man continued while Paul sat on his living room floor, stunned. "I'm here for a reason. And you are going to do every fucking thing I tell you to do until I accomplish what I came here to do. If you disobey me, I will have to kill you. You will not yell or try anything funny. Do you understand me?" What else could Paul do but nod. His life was being threatened. So that's what he did. 

He was shocked, confused, afraid, and he felt so stupid and angry at himself for opening the door. But then again, maybe if he hadn't the man would've still forced his way in. He said he came here for a reason so most likely he would've gotten in one way or another. But what could he want with Paul? He had no enemies, well not that he knew of anyways. And of course he had to obey and wasn't gonna yell when the man claimed to have a gun. Richard was gone and the other apartments on his floor weren't as close as Richard's place was to his so he knew no one would be able to hear what was going on in here. Fuck! How was he gonna get out of this? The man said he'd kill him if he didn't obey but maybe he'd kill him even if he did obey. His phone was in his pocket but it would be too noticable if he tried to take it out and call for help. But wait! Richard would be here soon. Well not that soon but eventually. And maybe he could save him. But wait, No! If Richard shows up, his life will be in danger too. 'Oh god! I can't let anything happen to Richard!' Paul thought to himself, 'I have to find a way to get out of this before he comes here.' 

"So where's your little boyfriend Richard?" the man asked.

'Oh no! What the fuck? How does he know Reesh? Who is this guy?' 

"Who's Richard?" Paul naively asked, thinking he could fool the guy into believing he didn't know who Richard was, for Richard's sake and maybe even his own sake too. Then the man laughed, a low and deep chuckle, a creepy and haunting sound that sent shivers down Paul spine. He wanted this guy out of here and now! 

"I know Richard and you know him too and I know you guys are together. So don't fucking lie to me!" 

Something was starting to click in Paul's mind. A tall and muscular man, a deep voice, he knows that he and Richard are together. There's only one person this could be that would have a reason to wanna do something to him. Till. "Oh shit," Paul said quietly to himself. 'But would Till really do this? Was he really a bad enough guy to be able to threaten or hurt someone?' he wondered. But then again, Paul never really know Till that well. Hell, even Richard never knew him that well. They only dated for seven weeks. And Paul knew that cause he counted and kept hoping they wouldn't last that long. Then he remembered why they broke up, because of Richard's feelings for him. He remembered the way Till stormed out of Richard's that night and then the way Till watched them while they were together on the balcony the next morning. 'Oh shit. Maybe he really would do this.' 

"Please Till! You don't have to do this! We can work all this out, okay? Richard and I are just friends. Please don't do this!" 

"What the fuck are you talking about? Who's Till? Just shut the fuck up like I told you and listen to what I tell you to do!" Okay. Now Paul was really confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me :/ :D


	21. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains subjects that may be troubling for some people. But it won't be anything too graphic.

"Who are you then?" Paul asked, confused. 

"You don't need to know that. Give me your phone." The man held out his hand and Paul knew there was nothing he could do in that moment other then hand over his phone, so he did, and he assumed the man wanted it so that he couldn't call for help. But then the man started looking through Paul's phone. He laughed when he read Paul's most recent texts. 

"So, Richard's gonna be bringing his perfect little ass over here soon?" 

'Fuck,' Paul thought to himself and he began pleading with the man. "Please! I'll do whatever you want, just don't involve Richard. Don't let him come in here, please!"

"I might make a deal with you so just shut up and listen. I've known who Richard is for years. Has he ever told you anything about something that happened at a club he went to years ago?" Paul slowly began to stand up and the man started towards him. "What are you doing? I told you not to move!" 

"I'm just gonna sit on the chair instead of the floor while I listen to you." The man let him. "Yes, Richard told me something happened to him a few years ago at a club but he didn't tell me the details." 

The man huffed as he stood several feet in front of where Paul sat. "It figures he wouldn't wanna tell his boyfriend how big of a slut he was and probably still is." Paul furrowed his eyebrows and had to fight the urge to get up and punch the man in the face.

"What are you talking about?" 

"It doesn't matter. All you need to know is that your boyfriend is responsible for ruining lives, so I'm gonna screw with yours in return." 

"So you wanna get revenge on him for something? Whatever you think Richard did, I'm sure it wasn't intentional. He's a good man." 

The man huffed again. "A good man? Just stop talking. This is what you're gonna do. And you're either gonna comply or I'll let Richard in here when he shows up. If you agree to go along with my plan willingly, I'll send him a text pretending to be you, telling him that you're not feeling well and you would prefer him not to come over tonight. But if you wanna fight me on this, that's fine too. Only if you decide to do that, I'll send him a text telling him to come right in and then he'll have to be involved in the fun we're going to have here. So what's it gonna be? Do what I say or let your precious 'Reesh' get hurt?" Paul didn't like the way the man referred to whatever he had in mind as 'fun' but he couldn't let Richard get hurt. 

"Okay. Tell me what you want me to do and then you can tell Richard not to stop by here tonight," Paul told the man anxiously and the man smiled gladly. 

"We're gonna go to your bedroom and you're going to take off all your clothes and then lay on the bed for me." Paul looked shocked and felt like he was about to start panicking. 

"What? Why? W-Why would you want me to do that?" 

"Why do you think?" the man replied with an evil smile. "I'm gonna have my way with you. And it will devastate poor Richard, which is exactly what I want." 

"This isn't gonna solve anything. It's not gonna make you stop being angry at him for whatever you think he did." 

"I don't care. I'm not trying to solve anything. I just want revenge and I figure the best way to get back at him is to hurt the man he cares about. Just like he did to me. Now get in the bedroom right now or I'm gonna send Richard over here right away and don't forget I have a gun." 

"How do I even know you really have a gun? You haven't showed me yet," Paul said, angrily. The man started texting on Paul's phone. 

"Alright, if that's the way you want it. I'll let Richard know you need him over here ASAP."

"Wait! Wait, no! I'll do it! Okay, I'll do it! I'll let you rape me you sick freak!" 

"It won't be rape!" the man spat back. "You're agreeing to it. It's not rape when someone agrees to go along with it! You got that? I'm not a rapist! I'm just getting justice for someone." 

Paul laughed. "You're crazy if you think this is what you call consensual sex! And you're crazy if you think all this is gonna right whatever wrong you supposedly think Richard is reponsible for." 

"Just shut up and let's get on with this!"

"Send Richard a text telling him not to come over first and I will." The man started texting on Paul's phone while Paul sat in his chair and felt nauseous at the thought of what was about to happen. But the thought of anything bad happening to the man he loved was worse. 

"There. The text is sent," the man said as he put the phone in his back pocket.

"Show me the phone so I can know if you're telling the truth." 

"No! I'm not gonna give you a chance to grab it out of my hand and call for help. Get in the bedroom now or I'll send him a text saying you changed your mind." Paul's face was red with anger and fear as he reluctantly stood up and walked to his bedroom with the man following behind him.

\------------

Richard and his daughter Khira Li sat in the restaurant, eating their meals. "So dad, the last time I talked to you on the phone you said you were dating someone new. What'd you say his name was, Paul?" 

Richard nodded. "Yeah, we've only been dating a few weeks but we were friends for months before that." 

"So is it serious?" Richard nodded again and grinned brightly. "Wow, it must be. Your whole face lit up just from me mentioning him," Khira Li said, smiling in return. 

"Yeah, he's a pretty great guy. Actually he's kind of perfect. I mean he's got a past just like all of us but he's really special to me. He's got a great personality, he plays guitar and works at a music store and gives lessons, and he even likes my books!"

"Aww. Well I'm so happy for you. You also said you guys are neighbors though. Does that complicate things? Because I mean you guys probably see each other a lot. Just make sure you don't spend too much time together and end up getting sick of each other too soon," Khira Li warned jokingly. 

Richard laughed. "Oh we're definitely not sick of each other yet. We're still in that stage where we can't stand to be away from the other and can barely keep our hands off each other." Khira Li's mouth dropped open and then she mocked disgust. 

"Eww dad! Your daughter doesn't wanna hear about that!" Richard laughed and she eventually joined in the laughter too.

"Oh come on. I'm just trying to get you back for all the times I had to hear you discussing different boys with your friends when you were growing up. Now you know how I felt," Richard told her and she rolled her eyes and laughed again. 

"So why didn't he come along to have dinner with us tonight? I wouldn't have minded if you would've invited him." 

"I know. I did invite him actually but he was too nervous to meet you just yet. He said maybe next time. He's still trying to used to the fact that we're even dating. He hasn't even told his friends or family yet. You see, he's sort of new to all this." 

"New to what?" Khira Li asked, puzzled. 

"Well you see, I'm the first man he's ever dated." Richard's daughter looked surprised. 

"Oh dad, did you convert a straight guy?" 

Richard laughed again. "No! I didn't convert anyone. He knew he was attracted to men for years, he just never dated one. He was with his ex-wife for twenty years. He's been divorced for less than a year. And well....well maybe I shouldn't be telling you all his personal business." 

"It's okay, you can trust me dad. Whatever you say here is just between us." Richard smiled knowing that his children were some of the very few people in his life who he could actually trust. 

"Well, his marriage ended badly and not because of him. His ex didn't treat him very well. So he has a hard time trusting anyone, but yet he trusts me," Richard explained, his face lighting up slightly once more. 

"Sounds a bit like you. You've had bad past relationships, especially your ex from a few years ago. And you don't trust many people either, especially the men you get involved with. Do you trust him?" Richard's expression turned more serious and he stared into space past his daughter's head. 

"I trust him in a way I've never trusted any man before. I can't explain why but I just feel so safe with him." 

"Aww. That's so good dad! That's what you need. You've needed someone like that in your life for a long time." 

"I know, and the best part is that he says he feels safe with me also. And that's a big deal with what his ex-wife put him through. He knows I would never hurt him like that. God Khira, I just care about him so much! I don't know why but I just feel like I wanna do everything in my power to protect him and prove to him that he can keep trusting me. Maybe it's because of what I went through or what he went through, I don't know." 

"It sounds like you're in love with him," Khira Li said, smiling kindly at her father. 

Richard nodded. "I am." 

"Have you told him yet? Has he told you?" 

"No. But I plan on telling him tonight. And I'm pretty sure he'll say it back. Atleast I hope he will," Richard said with a nervous laugh. 

"He will dad," his daughter assured him as she patted his hand above the the table and they smiled at one another. "Now let's hurry and finish eating so you can get to his place and tell him how you feel." 

"Okay, let's. Not that I'm in a hurry to leave you or anything! But it's just...." 

"That's fine, I know what you mean. We'll have plenty more chances to hang out in the future and hopefully your new guy will join us someday soon. I can't wait to meet the man that's making you this happy and causing you to have this goofy smile on your face at just the mere mention of his name," she said, causing them both to laugh.

\------------

Once in Paul's bedroom, the man turned on the light switch for the bright light on the ceiling. "I wanna be able to see you while we play this little game. Now strip for me and lay down on your back so I can watch your pretty face while we're having fun." Paul felt like he was going to get sick right there but regardless, he had to comply. 

Once he was naked, he laid on the bed and stared up at the man and was repulsed by the smirk on his face. He felt so embarrassed that some crazy stranger was seeing him naked.

"Oh come on, don't pretend you're not gonna enjoy this just a little. I've seen you and Richard at that S&M club together. So either you like pain or you enjoy inflicting it so this situation should be fun for you." 

Paul looked shocked. "How long have you been stalking us?" The man ignored his question.

"Tell me, do you dominate Richard or does he control you? I know he used to be a sub but then I heard from some people at the club he goes to now that he's a dom now." 

"Who cares!? Just shut up and let's get this over with before I get sick." This was the most frightened Paul had ever been in his life but he was more afraid for Richard than himself so he just wanted this experience to hurry and end so that hopefully this guy would just get out of there before Richard showed up. 

"You better not get sick on me!" the man shouted right before he climbed on top on Paul. 

As he unbuttoned his pants, Paul was shaking and he almost wished that the man would just shoot him instead, but he knew that would devastate Richard even more than this so he felt like he had no other choice but to try to suffer through it. 

As the man hovered over Paul with his pants unbuttoned, he put two fingers in front of Paul's face. "Open your mouth and suck my fingers so I can prepare you and don't bite or you'll regret it." Paul's eyes grew wide. 

"You're not gonna use lube or a condom? Come on, I'm letting you do this. Do you have to be that cruel?" 

"Yes, I do. Now open your mouth." Paul did and when the man stuck his fingers in his mouth, Paul gagged uncontrollably. The man quickly pulled his fingers out and then began to prepare Paul and not gently. 

Paul whimpered and almost started to cry in horror at the situation that he felt he couldn't escape from. He couldn't help but squirm and kick his legs to try to resist the attack and he had to grab the sheets on both sides to stop himself from fighting back because he knew it would only make the situation worse if he made the man angry. 

"Stop moving! I'm being nice by doing this the easy way but if you want I can tie you up and gag you instead....but then maybe you'd like it better that way." Paul shook his head furiously and tried to calm down. Then the man took his dick out of his pants and put it in front of Paul's mouth and told him to get him ready and Paul began to panic again. 

"No. No! That isn't necessary. Just let me use my hand or something," Paul pleaded in a shaky voice, trying not to cry again. 

"Do it! Now! I can still text Richard again you know," the man said shoving himself against the smaller man. Paul opened his mouth and the man shoved himself inside and thrusted a few times. This was the most disgusting and horrible thing Paul had ever experienced. The whole time he was being violated, he closed his eyes and tried to drown out the sounds of the man's voice and tried not to focus on what he was being forced to do in that moment but instead tried to think of a better solution, a way to get out of this. 

A million thoughts were running through his head and he thought about that fact that the man still hadn't proved he actually had a gun and then he realized that he hadn't heard his phone receive a text back after the man claimed to have told Richard not to come over. He knew that if Richard received that text not long after they had just discussed him coming over, that Richard would be worried and would text back to see what was wrong or atleast to say okay and that he would see Paul tomorrow. Suddenly Paul realized that the attacker was probably just lying about sending the text and maybe the gun too and there was still a chance that he could let Richard into his apartment even after he raped him. Paul had to do something and he needed to do it fast before things went any further. 

The man lowered himself down over Paul's hips again and as he did, he said something that pushed the smaller man too far. "You know after I have my way with you, your boyfriend is never going to wanna touch you again. You're gonna be ruined for him. He won't want you anymore." Just as Paul heard those words and felt the head of the man's cock touch him, he sat up quickly with a terrified look on his face. 

"I'm gonna get sick! Move!" Paul shouted. The man quickly backed away and Paul hunched over to the side and threw up on the floor next to his bed. 

"Oh fuck! You're disgusting! I told you not to get sick you little shit!" 

In the split second that the man had moved off of him, Paul saw his opportunity. He grabbed the lamp on his night stand and pulled it roughly with all his strength, yanking the cord out of the outlet. Before the man had time to respond, Paul moved back in the front of him. First he lifted his leg and kicked the man hard right where it counted and as soon as the man cried out and his mouth flew open in shock, Paul took the lamp and hit him over the head with it, causing the man to lose his balance and fall over on the bed but unfortunately it didn't knock him out. 

Paul dropped the lamp on the floor and ran out of the room to head towards the kitchen. He knew the man would catch up to him before he would have time to push the couch away from his front door and run out of his apartment so he thought he had a better chance of making it out to the balcony where he could yell for help outside. Maybe if the man thought people out on the street would see what was happening and that he could get caught, maybe he atleast wouldn't shoot, if he did indeed have a gun. 

Paul reached the kitchen and could hear the man running behind him. He grabbed a knife out of his knife rack on his way to the glass doors that lead out to his balcony but right before he could slide the doors open, the man demanded in a stern voice, "Stop right there or I'll shoot!" Paul froze and slowly turned around to find his attacker pointing a pistol at him. "Drop the knife and sit in that chair," the man ordered him, pointing to one of Paul's chairs at his kitchen table. Paul let the knife slip from his hand and hit the floor and then he let a breath out, feeling defeated and went to sit in the chair. 

"You just made things worse for yourself and Richard. You do realize that, right?" Paul sighed and pouted in the chair, feeling as though there was no way out of this anymore and realized he may have just put Richard's life in more danger now. 

The man kept pointing the gun at Paul and ordered him to put his hands behind the chair. "I'm gonna have to tie your wrists and ankles to the chair now. I'm gonna sit the gun on the table while I do, where you can't reach it of course. If you try to move or stop me from restaining you, I'll grab that gun faster than you can blink and shoot you right in the head and and then I'll wait for Richard to arrive and do the same to him." Paul stared up at him in defeat while he stayed silent and didn't move. The man pulled some zip ties out of the front pocket of his hoodie and proceeded to tie the smaller man to the chair. 

Paul still felt so embarrassed by the state he was in, being naked and vulnerable to the other man's control over him. But he didn't really care about all that anymore. All he could think of was the moment when Richard would soon arrive and wondered what he would think once he saw what was going on and what would happen to him.

After he finished, he picked up the gun again and said, "Good boy." Paul shuddered in disgust at hearing the man say something that Richard liked to say to him. 

"Don't call me that, you psycho!" 

"Shut up or I'll have to gag you too!" Paul gritted his teeth in anger and waited to see what the man would do next. And the man did what Paul was dreading and began to text Richard. 

After he pushed send, he read the text aloud. "I have a surprise for you Reesh. Once you get here you can just come right in. And then come into the kitchen so you can see your surprise." 

"You fucker! You never even sent him that other text before. You had no intention of sparing him, did you?" The man just laughed, amused by Paul's distressed state. 

A few moments later, Paul's phone received a text and the man read it to him in a sweet, teasing tone of voice. "A surprise? I like the sound of that! I'll be there in about five minutes baby." The man huffed. "Baby? Reesh? You two make me sick. Boy am I gonna be glad when gets here. Only five more minutes!" Paul began to freak out and shake his head again, knowing that Richard was on his way. 

"No! Please! You can't do this! This is crazy! You're a crazy maniac! You're not gonna get away with this!" 

"I thought I told you to shut up!" 

"Look! I haven't seen your face and I have no idea who you are. If you just leave now, you'll never be found out. You've already managed to torment me and that will upset Richard just like you wanted. You've done enough. But if you shoot us you won't get away with it. You'll be caught and sent to prison for murder! Is that really what you want?" 

"You ever heard of something called a silencer? I won't get caught. I've been planning this for months ever since I finally found out where Richard lives. I've been wanting to get revenge on him for years and now that I finally have the chance, I'm not gonna ruin it. When Richard walks in that door and sees the both of us, it will be the perfect moment I've been waiting for for so long." 

"It won't work! You won't get away with this!" 

"Shut up! I said shut the fuck up!" The man walked out of the kitchen quickly and came back a minute later with one of Paul's t-shirts. He put the gun back in his pocket so he could rip the shirt into pieces and then he took one piece and tied it around Paul's face, covering his mouth, and then pulled it so tight that it was practically in between Paul's teeth and gagging him so he couldn't speak. Paul made sounds of complaint but it didn't help. The man just stood back and looked at him and laughed. 

Then he left the room again and Paul heard a noise which sounded like the attacker was pushing the couch away from the front door and probably unlocking it so Richard would be able to walk right in like the text told him to. Paul began to sob. He couldn't hold back anymore. The man he loved more than anything was gonna walk in that door at any moment and find him tied to the chair and see the attacker with a gun in his hand. And what if the man really did decide to kill them? He wasn't even worried about himself at this point, he just couldn't stand the thought of Richard being shot and possibly raped or tortured by the man first. 

When the man returned to the kitchen, he looked at Paul with a annoyed expression. "Stop fucking crying. It isn't going to change anything. If you wouldn't have threw up and fought against me and just let me do what I intended, I might not of harmed Richard." Paul's body trembled and he began to sob even harder. He wished he would've just let the man do what he wanted and made him happy. If Richard got hurt now, he was going to feel like it was all his fault. But then the man added, "But then again, maybe I still would've hurt him," then he started to laugh and it was the most sinister sound Paul had ever heard and it made him think that maybe it wouldn't have mattered what he did after all. This guy was completely out of his mind and he was gonna get his revenge like he had intended all along, no matter what Paul had done to try to stop him. 

He never felt more hopeless in his entire life than he felt right then. There was literally nothing he could do now to stop Richard from getting hurt. He thought of what he and Richard had just told each other last night, that they would always protect one another. Only now he couldn't and if there would be any chance that he would survive this and Richard ended up hurt or worse, he knew he would never forgive himself for as long as he lived, for opening his door and letting the man push his way in. He also thought about how this would devastate their children and that made him feel even more terrible.

Suddenly Paul heard his front door open and it snapped him out of crying and an intense feeling of fear shot through his whole body. He looked up the man with wide eyes and the man went and stood in front of a wall off to the side where Richard wouldn't be able to see him right away whenever he walked into the kitchen. 

"Paul? Where are you baby?" Richard asked and Paul's heart sank at the sound of excitement and amusement in Richard's voice. When Richard didn't get a response he walked to the kitchen like the text had told him to. When he walked in and saw Paul in the chair, naked, tied up and gagged, their eyes met and Richard was definitely shocked by the disturbing image. For a split second he thought maybe Paul had decided to act out one of his crazy fantasies but when he saw the tears streaming down the smaller man's face and the complete terror in his eyes, he knew something was horribly wrong. 

"What's going on Paul?" he asked as he started to run towards him. The man quickly stepped out where Richard could see him and pointed the gun at him. 

"Stay away from him or he's dead! Stand back, over there. I'm not gonna let you help him. He needs to suffer and you need to watch." Richard looked even more shocked and confused but he obeyed the man's order and didn't wanna risk Paul's life. Richard stood on one side of the kitchen, facing the doors to the balcony and the man stood with his back to the doors, facing Richard. There was only the table between them. Paul was in the chair which sat between the two other men. 

Richard yelled at the man. "What did you do to him you son of a bitch? If you touched him I'll kill you!" 

"Oh I did," the man replied and Richard almost jumped over the table but then the man added teasingly, "But don't worry, things didn't go too far." As if he cared about Richard's feelings. Richard looked over at Paul with such sympathy and sadness and Paul dropped his head down. He felt so ashamed and helpless. He hated that Richard had to see him this way. 

"Who are you? What do you want?" Richard asked impatiently. 

"Well. At first I was considering just having a little fun with your precious little lover here and then leaving. That's why I'm wearing the mask, so I wouldn't be identified. But he was stupid and decided to try to fight back so now I've had to change my plans. And with what I intend to do now, well I guess it doesn't really matter if you know who I am. Because I highly doubt either of you will be capable of telling anyone who I am once I get through with the both of you." 

Paul's heart began pounding and his chest was heaving in and out as he turned his head back and forth to look at Richard and the other man. This wasn't a good thing. Yes, he wanted to know who this man was but he knew it was never a good thing when an attacker decides to remove their mask. And it most likely meant that he and Richard weren't going to make it out of there alive and that's why the man wasn't worried about revealing himself anymore. Richard watched in curiosity as the man slowly pulled off his mask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The man's identity and the reason why he wants revenge on Richard will be revealed in the next chapter ;)


	22. Surviving

After the attacker took off his mask and stuck it in the front pocket of his hoodie, he stared straight at Richard. "I came here to get revenge on you," he told him.

Richard furrowed his brows, trying to figure out if he recognized him or knew him from somewhere. "You're that guy that hit on Paul that one night at that gay bar we went to, aren't you?" Paul recognized the man also. He was the man from that night Richard took Paul to a gay bar and the man had tried to buy Paul a drink so Richard had to pretend to be Paul's boyfriend so that he would leave him alone. 

The man looked angry. "Yes. My name is Fredrik and I was the guy at that bar that night, and that's the first time I had seen you after several years." 

"You knew me before that?" Richard asked, confused, and wondering what this guy wanted revenge on him for.

"Yes!" the man replied, raising his voice. "You really don't remember who I am Richard? Try imagining me with hair. I didn't shave my head back then. Imagine seeing me in a courtroom." Richard thought for a moment and then his eyes grew wider and he finally remembered where he knew the man from and the other man could tell. "That's right Richard. I used to sit in that courtroom everyday and watch while you would sit on the witness stand and falsely accuse my boyfriend. He's sitting in prison right now because of what you said he did to you at the club that night." Now Richard was even more angry than he already had been. 

"Falsely accused him?! I accused him of it cause it's what he did. And he sitting in prison right now because he was guilty. He raped me! You're boyfriend is a rapist and rotting in prison is what he deserves!" Paul looked at Richard, shocked when he heard what he said. Richard was raped. That must've been what happened to him at a club years ago. And Paul realized that must've been why Richard was always so worried about him going to that club alone. He was trying to prevent Paul from getting hurt the way he did. 

The man was furious now and almost looked as though he was trembling with the disdain he had towards Richard and what he just said. He lifted his gun and pointed it at Richard and Paul started panicking again. "Don't call him that! He didn't rape you, you wanted it!" the man shouted. 

Richard didn't seem too afraid but he was only trying to hide his fear for Paul's sake. "It's okay baby, calm down. Everything's gonna be alright." he told Paul, trying to calm him. 

"Shut up! Don't talk to him! And do you seriously think everything's gonna be alright for you here? I'm pointing a gun at you for god's sake! And you two aren't gonna get out of this. Not after all the trouble you've cause my boyfriend and I. You're gonna pay Richard! And so is you little pathetic boyfriend. He was already stupid enough once to think he could get away from me. How do you think you guys are gonna get yourselves out of this now? Out of this mess that you caused! This is all your fault Richard. You deserve this!" 

"You know what happened and what your boyfriend really did. You heard the whole story in the courtroom, you just don't wanna accept the truth. My boyfriend at that time sent me to the club to scene with your boyfriend and his friend, just like he always sent me there to scene with different men. He got paid to let people perform scenes with me but there wasn't supposed to be any actual sex involved. But after our scene was over that night, your boyfriend and his friend chose to take me into that room where they were supposed to do my aftercare and instead they chose to rape me! You just can't admit or accept that your precious boyfriend was a sick fucking rapist! And they beat me too. You saw all those bruises on me in the courtroom. You know you did. You know everything I'm saying is true." The man just kept shaking his head in denial.

"No! Those bruises were from the scene. You consented to it. To everything! The sex was consensual!" 

Richard shook his head also. "It wasn't. I know it's hard for you to accept that the man you love would do all that but that's no excuse for what you're putting us through right now. If you wanted revenge why didn't you just come find me? Paul has nothing to do with this. And there's one thing I don't get. You've obviously been stalking us for a while but how come you never tried to come after the man I was dating a few weeks ago. Paul and I weren't even dating when you saw us that night at the bar. We were just pretending." 

"Yeah, I did see you with that other man a few times but I thought maybe he was just some guy you were seeing on the side, after all, you were always a slut. I saw you and Paul together more often and I could tell by the way you two acted together that he was the one who was more important to you, like when I followed you two up the stairs of your building last weekend and saw you holding hands and saw the way you smiled at each other and it disgusted me. You don't deserve happiness when you took my chance at happiness away. You two didn't even notice me, did you? Didn't know that your stalker was right behind you that day?" The man laughed and Richard and Paul looked at each other in surprise and shock. They did see a man behind them last weekend when they were returning home from going out to that restaurant together that evening. He'd been wearing a baseball cap and they didn't even bother to look right at his face to see who he was. But how could they have known it was a crazy man who was following them?

"And I knew hurting him would be the thing that would affect you the greatest. I wanted to hurt the man you care about just like you did to me. You're the reason we're not together right now. I had been hoping that I would find you someday ever since the trial ended. I knew I planned on getting revenge on you from the moment the judge read the guilty verdict. God, I was so glad when I finally saw you at the bar that night. I finally got the opportunity to start following you to find out where you lived and that's when I started coming up with my plan on exactly what I was gonna do to get you back and make you suffer like my boyfriend and I have had to suffer because of you." 

"Why would wanna defend a man like that? He wasn't a good person. Why is he worth you screwing up your own life this way?" 

"I'm not gonna screw up anything! I'm gonna put a bullet in both of your heads with this gun which has a silencer on it and then I'm gonna leave. And there will no evidence and no one will ever know I did it," the man said with confidence. 

"Your fingerprints are all over the place!" 

"I've never been in trouble for anything before. My fingerprints aren't on file. They won't have any suspects to match them to." 

"If you wanna hurt me then why can't you fight with me like a real man? Why do need to hide behind that gun like a coward? Put that gun down and let Paul go and we can see if you've got the guts to really fight me. Come on, I'll even be nice and let you have the first punch." Richard was trying to think quick, trying to come up with some sort of plan of how he could get him and Paul out of this situation alive. But so far all he could come up with was to try to talk the man out of what he intended to do. If it came down to it, Richard knew he wouldn't hesitate to throw himself in front of the man he loves and take a bullet for him if the man decided to point the gun at Paul, but he knew if things went that far that the man would most likely just shoot and kill Paul right after he killed Richard. He had to think of something, had to do something and quick. Anything that would get the gun out the man's hand and get him away from Paul. Richard just couldn't let anything happen to Paul. He didn't deserve any of this, he had nothing to do with it. And Richard suddenly felt very guilty, as though Paul's suffering at the moment was in a way, because of Richard himself, because of the whole horrible situation he was involved in years ago, that dangerous club he used to go to and the type of people he used to be associated with. If it wasn't for all that happening years ago, Paul would be safe and okay right now. 

Richard then decided that he needed to move the table which was between him and the attacker so that he could try to tackle him. But how would he do that without risking the gun going off? Luckily the man was still pointing the gun at him and not at Paul and he was still managing to keep the man talking but Richard knew that if the man would choose to point the gun at Paul and threaten him, he would have to stop thinking and just act then. But the man hadn't yet done that and Richard really hoped that he wouldn't. 

"Oh stop trying to talk your way out of this. Do you really think I'd be stupid enough to set my gun down and fight you? You'd probably just try to grab the gun and shoot me." 

"No I wouldn't. I don't want any guns involved here, honestly. Let's just fight like men. Come on, look, I'll move the table so you can try to hit me. Or punch me or kick me or whatever you want. I mean it. Just let me move this table and you'll see." Richard began to scoot the table out of the way slowly and then realized that was a bad idea when the man got angry. 

The man put the gun in his pocket but only long enough to grab the kitchen table out of Richard's hands to pick it up and throw it in the air, away from them all and it flipped and landed upside down on the floor across the room. Richard and Paul both watched in shock as it hit the floor loudly and then the man quickly pulled his gun out and pointed it at Richard again, causing Richard to jump back when he was sure the man was finally going to pull the trigger now. Paul flinched in his chair and tried to scream at the sight but he couldn't very well with the piece of cloth in his mouth.

"Oh don't worry Richard. I'm not gonna shoot you yet. I'm gonna shoot Paul first so that you can watch, so you can realize what you've really done and that this all your fault. So you can go through the pain I've had to go through of losing someone important." Then the man did what Richard had been dreading and pointed the gun at Paul. Richard felt his heart stop for a minute. "Say goodbye to your precious little Paul." 

Just as soon as the man stepped closer to Paul and pushed the end of the gun right against his temple and Paul's muffled screams rang out, Richard's adrenaline kicked in and he charged toward the man with his arms straight out in front of him. Richard took off with so much strength and force, caused partly by anger and partly by fear, and once his feet left the floor, his body couldn't stop once it came in contact with the other man. The gun flew out of the man's hand and landed on the kitchen floor behind Paul and it went off, the bullet hitting a wall but not harming anyone. 

As that happened, Richard had managed to push the man right through the glass doors, causing them to shatter and let Richard and the man through them and they continued out onto the balcony and Richard kept pushing the man back hard and it was all happening so fast that the other man literally had no time to stop it before his back was pushed against the railing of the balcony and then it broke, causing the man to go flying to the ground below but Richard pulled back and caught himself just in time before he would've went over the edge along with the other man. The man had fallen from four floors and hit the ground hard and was immediately knocked unconscious and there were some people on the street who began to scream in shock and horror. Richard just stared down at the man from the balcony where he himself still stood. He felt a mixture of shock and relief that he and Paul were safe from the attacker now. 

Paul had witnessed both men fly through the broken glass doors and heard a sound which he thought might of been the balcony breaking and he lost it then. When he heard the people on the street begin to scream, he assumed Richard may have fell off the balcony too and feared that he was now lying on the ground, dead. That sent him into shock and right after he screamed Richard's name from thinking the man he loved had just died, he partially blacked out and couldn't hear or see anything else at that point. 

Several neighbors nearby came out on their balconies to see what was going on once they heard all the commotion outside. "What happened?" a neighbor man yelled to Richard. 

"He attacked my boyfriend in his apartment. He had a gun," Richard yelled back to the man. 

"Oh my god! Should I call for help?" 

"Yes! We need help, please!" The man ran inside to call the police and Richard ran back in to check on Paul and to get him free from his restraints.

Everything that was happening to Paul was a blur from that point on. He could just barely sense that someone had removed the cloth from around his mouth and cut his restraints. Then the person was gone shortly and Paul slid out of his chair and onto the floor, losing all the feeling and control he had left inside his body. The person returned with a blanket and wrapped it around his still naked and trembling body. They pulled him to his feet and sat him somewhere that he thought might of been the couch but he didn't know for sure. All he remembered after that was someone holding him in their arms and speaking softly to him some words which he couldn't make out in the state he was in. Then the person let go of him to answer a loud knock at the door. 

Paul finally started to come to and things were a little clearer but still a little foggy. He could tell that a policeman was trying to ask him a bunch of questions but when he didn't answer, he heard the person next to him speaking for him, or so he guessed. He wasn't paying attention to their words and barely their voice but he knew it was a man. The policeman got right in his face to try to pull him out of his shocked state. 

"Paul! Sir! Please listen to me! I just need you to answer a couple important questions before I can let you go. Were you injured? Do you need to go to the hospital to get checked out? Did the man rape you or hurt you physically?" Paul understood the questions enough to keep furiously shaking his head no to all of them. The last thing he wanted was to have to go to the hospital. He just wanted this horrible situation to be over with. All he cared about right now was knowing what happened to Richard. Was he okay or was he dead, all because he wanted to save his life? Then the policeman said something that woke him up a little more. 

"I just need you to answer one more question for me Paul. Did this man here push your attacker off the balcony in self-defense? I just need to hear your confirmation that this was self-defense and then I can let you both go." Paul looked puzzled for a minute and then he looked next to him to see what man the police officer was referring to and then he saw him. It was Richard. He wasn't dead! Richard saved him and he was still alive. Paul's mouth opened and all he could do was just stare at Richard in shock while Richard started back at him with a mixture of emotions including sympathy, confusion and relief. 

Richard could tell Paul was still a little out of if and figured that maybe it was just now hitting the smaller man that they had both actually survived their terrifying ordeal. Paul nodded to the police officer and the officer knew that was the best answer he was gonna get out of him so he accepted it. Richard pulled Paul close to himself again and held him while the officer explained to Richard that Paul would have to leave and go stay somewhere else so that they could conduct their investigation at the apartment. Richard told them that Paul would able to go home with him. 

Another police officer came in and told the other one who had been questioning them that the attacker hadn't died but was seriously injured and still unconscious. He told Richard and Paul that the man would be taken to the hospital and that if and when he recovered, he would be transferred to a jail to await his trial for all the offenses he'd commited that night. Richard was a little disappointed to hear the man was alive but he thanked the officers and then asked if they could keep an eye on Paul while Richard went and gathered some of his things to take over to his place. Richard leaned Paul against one arm of the couch to rest. 

He entered Paul's room to grab a duffle bag out of his closet and went around to gather some of Paul's stuff that he would need to stay with him; clothes, pajamas, his toothbrush and other personal items. He tried to avoid the sickening scene he had discovered when he entered Paul's room earlier to get a blanket to cover him up with; the blankets on the bed messed up, the broken lamp on the floor and the sight and smell of the vomit on the floor. Richard felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart when he thought of all the horror Paul must've went through before he got he got to his place. He put the strap of the bag over his shoulder and went back into the living room and grabbed Paul's acoustic guitar and threw the strap of it across the same arm also, incase Paul would want it. He knew how important music was to him. Then with Richard's other hand, he pulled Paul up off the couch, telling him to come with him and also telling the police to keep them updated on everything and then he guided Paul out the front door and took him over to his apartment. 

He set Paul's stuff aside and got him something to drink and then sat Paul on the couch next to him and tried to speak to him. He asked him if he was okay but Paul didn't answer him, he just stared off into space in silence. It was obvious that he was still a bit in shock. Richard tried to explain to Paul that he was gonna be staying with him for a while and told him he'd take care of him and that everything was gonna be fine now but he wasn't sure if Paul understood anything he was saying, yet he still continued to keep saying certain things to him to try to reassure the smaller man that he was safe now. 

"Do you wanna go to bed now Paulchen? You can sleep now if you'd like. You're okay now. You don't have to do anything except rest and relax now, okay baby?" Richard spoke softly and soothingly. 

"Brush my teeth. Need to brush my teeth," Paul whispered. Richard looked at him a little oddly. 

"That isn't nescessary Paul. Let's just go to bed." 

"Brush my teeth. Brush my teeth," Paul kept repeating a little louder and now Richard had some sort of idea of why Paul wanted to and the thought made him feel sick. 

He took Paul into the bathroom, blanket still wrapped around him, and helped him brush his teeth and rinse his mouth out then he asked him again if he was ready to go to bed. He could see Paul just barely nod his head as he still couldn't look directly into Richard's eyes, so he took him into his bedroom. He helped Paul into his pajamas and then laid him down on the bed and got changed himself and lied next to him, under the covers. Paul was on his back and Richard laid on his side, facing Paul in the dark. 

As he laid next to him in silence, he wasn't sure whether he should try to touch him in the dark to comfort him. He didn't want him to freak out. He wanted to know exactly what happened to Paul but he was too afraid to ask. He didn't know if Paul would even want to talk about it and Richard was also kind of afraid of what he would he hear if Paul did decide to tell him. He assumed the worst when he found him naked but he was greatly relieved when Paul told the policeman he wasn't raped, though if was still possible that some other things almost as bad might of happened to him. 

He could tell Paul wasn't asleep. He had spent enough nights with him now to recognize the way he sounded when he was asleep but atleast he was lying still and calm and didn't seem to be shaking anymore. 

"Paul? Baby? Do you wanna talk?" Richard whispered to him. He could see the smaller man shake his head in the dark. "Okay, that's fine, but just know that if you ever want to, you can. I'll be here to listen. Do you want me to hold you?" Paul shook his head again and Richard's heart sank. That lunatic had scared Paul so much to the point where he didn't even wanna be held by the man he felt safest with. "Okay, that's fine too baby. But just know that I'm here and I'm not gonna leave your side. You're with me Paul, nothing's gonna happen to you now. Just try to close your eyes and get some sleep and I'll still be here when you wake up, okay?" There was no reaction from Paul then so Richard just kept staring and thinking while he hoped the other man would soon be able to relax and get some sleep, though he knew he himself probably wouldn't get much tonight. 

Richard lied there and thought about the guilt he felt inside. He knew the man was the one who stalked them and decided to show up at Paul's to do everything he did but he still couldn't help but feel responsible for bringing that crazy man into Paul's life. He felt sick to his stomach over that fact and was also afraid of how Paul would handle all this whenever he came out of his shock. Would he ever recover and heal from what he experienced tonight? Would he blame Richard or be angry with him and not wanna stay at his place or even be in his life anymore? Did he still trust Richard? Would he ever let the other man touch him again? Would he blame himself? How long would it take for Paul to feel normal and get back to living a normal life again after this?

Richard planned on calling Paul's work on Monday and hoped they would let him have some time off to heal mentally. It took Richard a long time to recover from what he went through himself years ago so he knew Paul would probably have a hard time dealing too and would probably struggle with some things but he was determined to be there for him through it all. He would also have to find out if Paul would want any of his friends or family to know what happened to him or if he'd feel more comfortable to just keep it between the two of them.

He kept lying there and thinking for what seemed like forever about thoughts that did nothing but stress him out and made it impossible for him to sleep. He wondered what thoughts must be going through Paul's head right now. His eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness and he could now see that the smaller man's eyes were closed, then a few moments later he could hear Paul's even breathing and he was so glad that Paul was actually able to fall asleep. 

He wanted so badly to reach out and take Paul's hand or wrap an arm around him but he didn't wanna wake him up or scare him. When he had been holding him earlier before the police arrived, Paul felt tense in his arms and he could tell he was so out of it then so he didn't know if Paul even knew what was going on around him, but since they spoke to the police, Paul seemed a little more alert and he said he didn't wanna be held so Richard didn't wanna make a wrong move by touching him and traumatizing him even more. 

He still didn't even know for sure what had happened to Paul but obviously something went wrong in the bedroom and the attacker had also mentioned something while they were in the kitchen, about his initial plan being to just have fun with Paul. It made Richard's skin crawl to think what he must've meant by that. His stomach was now in knots and his thoughts were running wild but knowing that Paul was now safe and sleeping next to him, relaxed him a little. 

If Paul wouldn't have been involved in what happened tonight, Richard would probably be traumatized over what happened to himself; seeing a gun pointed at him, having to be reminded of the terrible thing that happened in his past, those memories he tried so hard to move on from, and then having to push a man through glass and off a balcony, almost taking a person's life in self defense. He felt like he might of got some minor cuts himself from the glass doors but luckily the attacker had to take most of it, seeing as he was the one who broke through the doors first before Richard followed. But he hadn't noticed if he felt any physical pain yet, only emotional. And he wasn't worried about himself right now anyways, only about the man he loved who now lied in front of him. Soon Richard's mind grew exhausted and sleep overtook him too.

\------------

A few hours later, Richard was awoken by the sound of Paul yelling for someone to help. Richard could tell that Paul was still next to him but it was completely dark in the room so he wasn't sure what was happening. He was barely awake and still traumatized over what happened so for a moment he assumed that maybe Paul really was in danger once again. 

He turned to the side of his bed to flip the lamp on and then he turned back towards Paul in panic, expecting to find him hurt or to find an intruder in his bedroom, but all he found was Paul still asleep on his back, flailing his arms in the air and still crying out for help with his eyes closed. 

"Paul! Paul! Wake up!" Richard shouted not too loudly while he shook the smaller man's body to wake him up. 

When Paul finally jumped and opened his eyes wide to stare up at the other man, Richard told him he was having a nightmare, and Paul felt relief wash over him for a moment as he slumped back into the bed. He was glad that the images he was just witnessing weren't reality; an attacker raping him in his bed while Richard's lifeless body laid shot and bloodied next to him. But then he realized that his memories of what happened last night were reality and he felt terrified at that thought. Richard hovered over Paul, waiting to see what his next reaction would be and Paul sat up quickly and threw his arms around Richard's neck and buried his head in his chest. 

"Help me Reesh, please help," Paul softly spoke in a raspy voice which was filled with fear. Richard wrapped his arms tightly around the smaller man and held him for a few minutes, swaying him gently back and forth and whispering words of reassurance in his ear to calm him. He kept repeating to Paul that he was safe now and that everything was gonna be okay. Richard felt so bad for him but at the same time, it felt so good to have the smaller man in his arms this way. 

After a while, he got Paul to lay down again, still in Richard's arms and against his broad chest. Richard left the lamp on this time so that if they woke up again they would both be able to see that the other was next to them and that they were okay.

"Please don't leave me Reesh," Paul whispered. 

"I'll never leave you baby. Never." Richard rubbed soothing circles along Paul's back, kissed him on the top of his head a few times, and shushed him back to sleep. 

It took Richard a long time to go back to sleep. Paul had his fingers fisted into Richard's t-shirt so tight against his chest, it was too light in the room, and the thoughts of last night wouldn't get out of his head. But he did relax a little at realizing the fact that he and Paul hadn't lost each other and the man he loved was here with him now, in his arms, and had told Richard not to leave him. He hated that Paul had to feel so afraid yet he was thankful that Paul needed him instead of telling him to go away.

After a couple more hours of lying there listening to the other man breathe softly and making sure he didn't have anymore nightmares, Richard finally drifted off into a restless sleep himself.


	23. I Love You

The next morning, Richard awoke first and he stayed in bed to watch Paul sleep and just kept thinking of everything he was still worried about until the smaller man finally woke up. The both of them lied there for awhile, staring into one another's eyes and feeling grateful that they still had each other until Richard broke the silence. 

"Do you feel like talking about anything baby?" Paul just shook his head and Richard could tell he was still traumatized. "Okay, but just know that if or when you're ever ready to, you can talk to me anytime. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." Paul just snuggled up to the other man more but still didn't speak, and Richard held him tighter and kissed him on the head. "You want some breakfast?" Paul shook his head once again. "You've gotta eat something baby, I'm not gonna let you starve. Let me take care of you." 

"Not hungry," Paul finally whispered, the first words he'd spoken since the few he spoke last night. 

"Alright Paul, I won't force you to eat. But if you don't mind baby, I'd like to take a quick shower and get cleaned up and then I'm gonna make some breakfast for myself, and I'll make a little extra for you just in case you change your mind. Is it alright if I leave you in bed while I go take a shower?" Paul nodded but when Richard got out of bed, Paul looked nervous, as though he didn't want the other man to go away even for a short time. "Do you wanna come with?" Richard asked him but Paul shook his head no. 

After Richard came out the bathroom, he brought Paul's bag to him that held his clothes and personal items in it. He told Paul he was going into the kitchen to make breakfast and that he was more than welcome to join him. Paul nodded but didn't get out of bed. Richard reluctantly left the bedroom and as soon as he started getting the pots and pans around to cook with, he heard the shower water running. Paul wanted to wash up, just not with him apparently, Richard thought. 

Paul showered and dressed as quickly as he could. He didn't feel safe when he wasn't close to the other man. When he was finished, he entered the kitchen and smelled the bacon and eggs cooking. Richard heard him enter and smiled at him but Paul just looked uncomfortable standing there. 

"Have a seat at the table baby. It's almost done." But instead of sitting at the table, Paul surprised Richard and went right up to him and kneeled down on the kitchen floor, resting on his calves, and wrapped his arms around the other man's leg closest to him. Richard looked down at him, a bit shocked and puzzled, while he kept cooking. "Um....whatya doin down there baby?" 

"Makes me feel safe," Paul replied softly. Richard tried not to let Paul hear the shaky breath that slipped from his lips at the smaller man's answer. He felt so bad for Paul so he decided not to question it and just let him do whatever he needed to do to feel safe. 

When the food was done, Paul stood up and they silently ate at the table. Neither one had enough of an appetite to finish all the food that was made so Richard put the rest away in the refrigerator for another time and then Paul let the other man take his hand and lead him into the living room. 

Once Richard sat on the couch, instead of Paul taking a seat next to him, he kneeled next to Richard's feet on the floor again and then rested his head on the couch by Richard's knees. 

"You comfortable down there baby?" Paul nodded. "You know if you sit up here beside me I can hold you if you'd like." Paul shook his head. 

"Sorry Reesh. Feel safer when I do this." 

"Okay, that's fine. No need to apologize." Richard soothingly ran his fingers through the smaller man's short hair and wondered what was going on in his head. He wasn't sure why it made Paul feel safer to kneel to him and act this way but if it made Paul feel better, he wasn't gonna question him about it, but there was one thing he wanted to ask him. "Paul? Do you want me to let anyone know what happened and that you're okay?" Paul thought for a few moments. 

"Only Chris and Oli for now. Don't wanna worry anyone else yet," he replied.

The both of them ended up dozing off for a short nap and when Richard woke, he found that Paul was now lying on the couch, still asleep, with his head in the other man's lap. He smiled and tried not move too much or make too much noise so that he wouldn't wake him. 

He picked up his cell phone from the end table next to him and after he put it on silent, he texted Chris and gave him a rough summary of what had happened. Chris already knew what happened to Richard at the club years ago. He would've rather talked to him over the phone or told him in person but he didn't wanna wake Paul and he also didn't feel they were ready for any company just yet. Chris texted back and by the things he said, he was clearly shocked and angry but relieved that both his friends were safe now. Richard also told him how worried he was for Paul now and how Paul wasn't speaking much. Chris told him not to get discouraged and that he was sure Paul would come around eventually and get back to his normal self soon. He also told him that maybe Oli could try to call and talk to him sometime since they seemed to have formed a close friendship and Richard told him he would appreciate any help he could get with Paul's recovery. He also thanked Chris for being the one to help him recover from his own ordeal in the past to which Chris replied that a thank you wasn't necessary and that he was just grateful that Richard had worked hard to heal from his past and that he knew that with some help, Paul would heal someday too and become stronger for all they'd experienced last night, just like Richard had become stronger over the last couple years. 

After they finished texting, Richard's phone buzzed again. He answered it quickly and tried to speak quietly to prevent from waking the smaller man who's head still rested on him. It was one of the police officers from last night. They said that they had retrieved Paul's phone from the attacker's pocket but that the screen was cracked and it wouldn't turn on. Richard told him he would come by to pick it up sometime in the next few days and he made a mental note to himself to remember to go online and order a new screen and battery so that Paul would be able to use his phone when he got it back. The officer also told him that the attacker was still unconscious and that he would probably be in the hospital for quite some time to recover before he would be taken to jail. Apparently the man had sustained some major injuries and many broken bones from his fall but Richard didn't feel the least bit bad about that. In fact he would've felt better if the man would've just died when he fell. Yes, Richard would've then had to live for the rest of his life knowing that he had taken someone's life but if that's what would've been necessary to save the life of the man he loved, then he would've gladly been willing to live with that thought for the rest of his life. 

Richard made sure to call Paul's work to let them know that Paul had had a serious incident happen at his place and he didn't wanna give them too many details out of respect for Paul's privacy but he told them enough for them to understand that even though Paul wasn't physically hurt, he would still need some time to recover mentally and emotionally. Thankfully Paul's boss understood and said he could take as much time as he needed to get better.

Richard also made a call to their landlord and explained what had happened, leaving out certain personal details. The landlord was horrified to hear what happened to his tenants and in his building. He said he would send some people to Paul's place later to board up the opening where the glass doors had been broken through and that he would also send some workers there sometime in the next couple weeks to replace the doors and fix the broken balcony so that Paul could get back into his own place as soon as possible, but Richard told him it wouldn't be necessary for him to rush to get it all fixed. He didn't know if Paul would want the landlord to know about their relationship so Richard just explained to him that he and Paul were close friends and that he thought it would be best if Paul stayed with him for a while to recover and that it was even possible Paul may never wanna go back to his own place, not with the bad memories he would now have there. The landlord understood and said he would give Paul a few weeks to decide what he wanted to do and that if he decided not to move back there that maybe he could ignore the six month lease and not charge Paul any money for leaving early. Richard was grateful for that but said he'd be willing to pay any amount or do whatever was necessary for Paul to be able to do whatever made him feel safest, even if that meant Paul giving up his apartment and staying with him permanantly. He didn't know if Paul would be ready to move in with him for good and make that kind of commitment this soon in their relationship but he knew he himself wouldn't mind Paul living with him forever, after all he was in love with him, but he still wasn't sure if Paul felt the same way about him. That was one subject he'd have to discuss with Paul sometime once he was feeling better.

\------------

Over the next couple days, Paul still hadn't spoken much and and was staying in bed a lot, though he wasn't getting much sleep due to nightmares and Richard was feeling even more concerned for him but was also stressed out himself. He'd went through a bad experience that night too and he needed Paul to go back to his old self again, not just for the smaller man's sake but for Richard's own sake also. He needed Paul just as much as Paul needed him. 

One evening while they were sitting on the couch watching TV, Richard texted Oli and asked if he'd do him a favor and call Paul on Richard's phone and try to talk to him. When Oli did, Richard told Paul who it was and handed him the phone and then he went into his bedroom to give Paul some privacy. And he really hoped that Oli would be able to convince Paul to open up more. 

On the phone, Oli told Paul that he knew he was hurting and afraid but that Richard was feeling the same way and that he needed Paul too. He told Paul that he and Richard should be leaning on each other during this time and trying to heal together. Just then Paul felt a little guilty. He'd been so immersed in his own emotions that he didn't even take the time to think of what Richard must be going through. After Oli told him how glad he was that he was alright and to just take things slow with Richard but not to shut him out, Paul knew he was right, so after he got off the phone he tried to decide what move he should make next. He needed to either try to open up to Richard more and maybe talk a little, or he at least needed to let Richard know that he still had Paul and that he still trusted him. Because he did trust the other man completely, after all, Richard had saved his life, but he had just been feeling tense and awkward and scared of everything after what happened. But he knew he didn't blame Richard and if he wasn't ready to talk then he at least needed to show Richard how he felt. When he hung up the phone, he noticed he heard the shower running. 

Richard had just stepped into the shower and was letting the warm water run over his shoulders while he tried to relax more and think less. Some of the thoughts that had been running through his head the past few days were how he still felt partly responsible for everything and that he hoped Paul would be able to get better and return to his normal self someday. Not only had Paul not talked much lately but he also kept refusing Richard's affection other than when Paul would let Richard hold him in bed with their pajamas still on or sit next to him on the couch or kneel next to his legs from time to time and they'd also exchange a few light kisses every so often but Paul always seemed hesitant and tense when they did. Richard wanted so badly to be able to give Paul the affection that he knew the smaller man needed but was probably just too afraid to receive now, and not in a sexual way but just for comfort alone. He wanted Paul to feel just as safe with him as he had before and he needed to know that Paul still trusted him. 

All of sudden, Richard heard Paul walk into the bathroom and then Paul was pulling back the shower curtain to join him. Richard smiled at him but Paul just looked nervous as he stood there naked and trembling. Richard took a chance and slowly wrapped his arms around the smaller man's waist and held him gently but then Paul wrapped his arms around Richard and pulled him closer and tighter. It was clear that he was tense and he needed Richard to calm him and ease some of that tension. Richard didn't plan on doing anything sexual with him. He didn't know if it would be too soon for Paul so he just decided to show him as much affection as he could without crossing the line.

But after he held Paul for a few minutes while rubbing soothing circles on his back and whispering to him that everything was gonna be alright, he soon felt Paul's erection pressing against his own thigh. He pulled away slightly to look Paul in the eyes. 

"We don't have to do anything you're not ready for baby. I can just wash you and hold you if you want." 

Paul pulled Richard against him again and rested his head on his shoulder while he spoke. "It's not that I was in the mood or expecting anything when I came in here, it's just that the way you're treating me and talking to me and the way you've been taking care of me for the past few days, well Reesh I....I just can't help but want you. And just so you know, I do still trust you and I'm not afraid of you, I'm just still remembering everything bad that happened and that's what's been making me seem sort of scared and shy around you, but it's not you. You make me feel safe. But I need you to show me that I'm safe with you Reesh. Please help me forget all my bad memories for a while." 

"H-How do you want me to do that Paul?" Paul pulled back to look at Richard. 

"You know Reesh. You know what I'm asking. Touch me, make me feel good again, drown out my bad thoughts just for a little while. I know it won't fix things permanently. I know I need to talk you or someone about what I went through but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. So for now, just please help me this way." Richard looked down at Paul with sympathy in his eyes. He was so glad to hear that the smaller man still trusted him and felt safe with him but he didn't know if this was the right thing to do so soon after what Paul had went though just days ago. He wanted to kiss him and hold him and cuddle him but he was afraid anything more than that may trigger Paul and scare him even more than he already was. 

Paul saw Richard hesistating and took the other man's reaction the wrong way. He looked up at Richard with hurt in his eyes as he remembered something the attacker had told him. "Unless you don't want me anymore," he said in a shaky voice. Richard furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at why Paul would say that or even think that. 

"Oh baby, of course I still want you, I could never not want you. I just wanna make sure this is really want you want. I don't wanna push too far and make you uncomfortable or afraid." 

"You won't Reesh. I know you won't hurt me. Just please help me." Richard searched in Paul's eyes some more. "But it's okay if you're not ready. You've been through a lot too. I understand if you're not read-" Before Paul could even finish his sentence, Richard was lifting his chin and gently kissing him. When Paul opened up and gave Richard's tongue entrance and moaned softly, that turned Richard on and he knew this was what Paul needed and so did he. 

Their kiss grew heated and then Richard was pressing their bodies and erections together again. He slowly guided Paul over to one wall of the shower and leaned him against it and began kissing and nuzzling his neck. He backed up enough to reach down and wrap one hand around Paul's length and start stroking him and Paul began to do the same to him. Richard stopped kissing his neck to look up at him. 

"You don't have to do that baby, just let me take care of you." 

"I want to Reesh. I really do, please let me." Richard smiled.

"Okay. But if you wanna stop all this at anytime, just tell me and we can." Paul moaned again when Richard started to stroke him faster. 

"Why would I wanna do that? You feel so good," he panted. 

Richard went back to kissing and nuzzling Paul's neck again and he moaned when Paul's hand sped up. He whispered into Paul's ear over and over that he was safe and that he'd never hurt him, and how badly he wanted him and that was all it took to send Paul over the edge first and Richard followed right after. 

They washed and dried each other off and then lied in bed together and Paul let Richard hold him. After several minutes of silence, Paul spoke up. "Reesh?" 

"Yes baby." 

"I think I wanna tell you everything that happened before you got there that night." Richard glanced down at Paul and tilted his chin up so Paul would look at him. 

"You know you don't have to if you don't want to. I'm not gonna pressure you to do anything you're not comfortable with." 

"I know but I wanna tell you. I....I need to tell somebody." Tears were beginning to well up in the smaller man's eyes. 

"Okay baby, I understand. You can tell me. I'll be here to listen and hold you while you do, okay?" Paul nodded but didn't speak right away and looked anxious. "It's okay Paulchen. Go ahead, tell me what happened baby." 

Paul finally spoke and after a while he had told Richard most every detail of what the attacker said and did to him before Richard got there, including how the man told Paul that Richard wouldn't want him anymore. By the end of it all, Paul was shaking and sobbing silently in the other man's arms. Richard soothed him by rocking him gently and kissing him on his temple. 

"It's okay. I've got you baby, I've got you," he kept softly repeating against the smaller man's skin. Richard tried to stay calm for Paul's sake but inside he had the urge to go to the hospital where the man was to end his life once and for all but he knew he had to keep those thoughts to himself. 

Once Paul calmed down, he also admitted that he was afraid that everytime Richard might do something in the future that was similar to something that the attacker had said or done to him that night, that he might be triggered or feel uncomfortable with it. Richard let him know that it was normal and okay to have those feelings and fears and he promised him that they could take things as slow as Paul needed in order for them to hopefully someday get back to where they were before this mess happened. He also promised Paul that he would do everything in his power to replace his bad memories with good ones and get him to where nothing that Richard said or did to him would ever make Paul uncomfortable or remind him of that crazy man again. He needed to prove to the smaller man that he would always be safe with him and could trust him. Paul already knew in his heart that those things were true but he still needed to be shown that they were in order to heal and try get back to his normal self and not feel afraid of the memories from that night. Richard also reassured Paul once more that there was nothing that could ever happen that would make him not want Paul anymore and Paul managed to smile just a little at that and it was the first time he'd smiled in days which gave Richard some hope. Richard even suggested to Paul that maybe if he ever felt up to it that he could help him find some counseling if he ever thought he needed it and told him how he went to counseling after what happened to him and it helped. He was surprised but glad when Paul said he might consider it some time.

Paul felt like a weight was lifted off his shoulders after he revealed everything to the other man and he felt much better. He thought about the fact that he was still a little curious to know what all happened to Richard that night at the club years ago when he was hurt and he wanted to know how it happened and how anyone could let that happen to the precious man he loved. He felt angry and sick inside everytime he thought about it, but he knew now wasn't the time to make Richard have to discuss his past. Not right after Paul just revealed what happened to him. They'd had enough stress and horror stories to deal with for one night. And Paul knew that if Richard ever wanted to open up about it more someday that he would, only if he was ready, and Paul wasn't gonna pressure him.

Richard was glad that Paul was finally able to open up to him and what happened in the shower confirmed that he hadn't lost Paul in that way and he was grateful and relieved for all of that. He would have to remember to thank Oli sometime for whatever he said to get through to Paul. But at the same time, he was feeling terrible about what Paul had to go through that night and he still felt so guilty over everything. He wasn't sure whether or not he should talk to Paul about that. He didn't wanna put even more stress on him and make Paul feel like he had to worry about him. 

After their talk, it didn't take either of them long to fall asleep in each other's arms. A couple hours later, Paul woke up in a dark room. It was now night time and the first thing he noticed was that Richard was no longer in bed with him. He sat up and looked around and tried to listen to figure out where the other man could be. Then he heard some faint noises coming from the bathroom. When he listened a bit longer he realized what the sounds were, but no it couldn't be, could it? 

He turned the bedside lamp on and got out of bed and walked to the bathroom and stood outside the closed door. He quietly pressed his ear against the door and confirmed that his suspicions were right. Richard was crying, no he was sobbing. And he sounded as though he was trying not to be too loud for fear that Paul may hear him but Paul could tell that he was crying hard and having trouble holding back. Paul had never seen or heard Richard cry before and had never even seen him get that emotional about anything. He even managed to stay calm and keep his composure when was trying to bargain with the attacker. But Paul could understand why Richard would be so upset. 

Richard had been through a lot too and hearing what Paul went through may have been too much for him to take. Paul figured that Richard was probably just as afraid as he was for how things would go in the future and he was probably having feelings of guilt over what happened since he was the one that the man wanted revenge against, just like Paul was feeling guilty for opening the door for the man that night and not being more careful. Richard had done so much for Paul in the last few days to help him and comfort him. He got him to open up and listened to him and Paul knew that if he did manage to recover, it would be all thanks to Richard. Then he thought and realized in that moment that he had never even thanked the other man for saving his life and risking his own in the process and for being there for him ever since. He needed to get Richard out of the bathroom so he could hold him and tell him everything he needed to say; how grateful he was, how it wasn't the other man's fault, and how they would be okay in the future and that they would get through it together. It was Paul's turn now to give comfort back to the other man, so he gently knocked on the door. 

"Reesh? Are you okay? Open up baby, let me in or come out of there so we can talk." He heard Richard try to quiet down and hide his sobbing but he could still hear the shaky breathes he took. Richard wouldn't come out though but Paul was determined not to give up on him just like Richard hadn't given up on Paul. "Reesh baby, come on." There was still no response from the other man. "Richard Kruspe, if you don't open this door right now I'm gonna break it down," Paul said sternly. He heard what sounded like a quiet laugh from the other side of the door. "Did you just laugh Reesh?" 

"No." Paul silently laughed at that. 

"Just come out here baby. Please, I need you!" Finally Richard opened the door and stood in front of Paul with red, puffy eyes and a concerned expression. 

"What do you need Paul? Are you okay?" 

"Yes I'm fine. I was just trying to get you to come out here." Richard sighed and looked down and then walked past Paul to go back into the bedroom and sit on the side of the bed. Paul sat next to him and put his arm around him. 

"What's got you so upset Reesh? I could hear you crying." Richard still had his head down and looked embarrassed. 

"I just feel so guilty Paul. Everything that happened is my fault. That guy did all that to you because of me." 

"Oh Reesh, just stop that now! You know you're not responsible for what that maniac did to us. You couldn't help what happened to you at that club years ago and you couldn't help that that guy wouldn't accept the crime his boyfriend committed and came up with his stupid plan to hurt us." 

"I know what you're saying is true and logical but I just can't help but feel terrible everytime I think of what you had to go through." 

"I feel the same way everytime I think of what you had to go through years ago. But that wasn't my fault and what happened a few days ago wasn't your fault either. You know Reesh, I am the one who opened my door for that man that night and I'm the one who handed over my phone to him, which he ended up texting you with to tell you to come in. You think I don't feel guilty about that? Because I do." Richard finally looked over at the smaller man.

"Oh Paul, don't blame yourself. You didn't know what he was gonna do when you answered the door and you had to give him your phone, he had a gun." 

"Exactly Reesh! I couldn't control what he did and neither could you! Look, I'll make you a deal. If you never blame yourself for what happened again, then I'll never blame myself again, okay?" Richard took a deep breath and hesitated for a few moments. 

"I can try but I can't promise that I won't ever feel guilty again. I'm sorry but I can't help the way I feel." Paul gave Richard a small smile. 

"Okay, if you'll at least try not to blame yourself anymore, then I'll try too." Richard returned the smile only for a moment and then his expression turned somber again and Paul could see tears forming in the other man's eyes right before he started crying uncontrollably again. Paul faced him so he could wrap both arms around him and hold him.

"It's okay Reesh, please don't cry. I hate to see you sad and hurting like this." Richard held Paul tightly and responded in a broken and trembling voice while he continued crying. 

"I'm so sorry baby, it's just that I keep thinking about when I walked in and found you tied to that chair and the fact that I could've lost you. That would've killed me Paul! I can't live without you." 

"But you didn't lose me! I'm fine. I survived. We both did. We're here, together, and nothing and no one can ever change that, you hear me? I'm not going anywhere, ever. You can't get rid of me, you're stuck with me for life so just accept it Reesh!" Richard pulled back to find Paul smiling his beautiful smile and he couldn't help but smile back. 

"Oh Paul, you're acting more like your old self again." 

"It's because of you. You've been there for me and you're helping me to heal. I know it may not seem like it but I really am starting to feel better and safer than I did a few days ago. And how could I not act happy when I'm with you?" Richard started crying again and grabbed Paul and held him. 

"If I ever lost you Paul, I would die. I love you baby. I love you so fucking much." Paul pulled back with a surprised expression and tears in his eyes while he stared at Richard. 

"You really mean that?" 

Richard nodded. "I've never been this in love or happy with anyone before. And I should've told you sooner but I'm so thankful that I still have the opportunity to tell you now. I love you Paul."

"Oh Reesh," Paul whispered, "I love you too. I'm so in love with you. I have been for a while but I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same." 

"How could you even think that? Isn't it obvious by the way I treat you? And with the way you treat me, how could I not fall in love with you?" 

"I know but it's just everything that happened in my last relationship, it's just hard for me to believe that anyone could really love me." Richard frowned with sympathy. 

"Well believe it baby because it's true. And you can't get rid of me either, okay?" 

Paul laughed, "Okay. I wouldn't want to anyways." 

"Let's lay down and go back to sleep now baby. I need to hold you." Paul smiled and nodded. 

Richard went back to the bathroom to wipe his eyes and then they lied down under the covers together. Paul laid against Richard's chest with the other man's strong arms wrapped tightly around him, protecting him and loving him and he never felt as safe and contented as he did right then. He was so happy to know that Richard was in love with him too. Before they closed their eyes to try to get some sleep, Richard asked Paul for a kiss and Paul happily obliged him with one which was deep and slow and lasted for minutes. Paul finally broke the kiss and spoke softly. 

"You know why I love you so much Reesh? You know why I'm still here right now?" 

"Hmm?" 

"Because you saved me. Haven't you realized that? You saved my life that night. You think you were the reason I was hurt? No Reesh. You're the reason I'm still alive. You're the bravest person I've ever known. Not only did you survive what happened to you before but when my life was in danger, you took serious action to save me. If that night wouldn't have been so terrifying and if I wouldn't have thought you got hurt when I heard the balcony break, I would've thought that the way you pushed that guy and his gun away from me and hurled him through those glass doors was the sexiest thing I'd ever witnessed." Richard had to laugh at that. 

"You found it sexy that I almost killed someone for you?" 

"Well hell yeah I did! You being protective over me is very sexy. And I'm happy to hear you laughing again." 

"Well I thought it was pretty hot when you punched that guy at that one bar that night when he called me a name." Paul blushed and they both laughed but then Richard's smile slowly faded. "I promise I'll always protect you from now on Paul." 

"I know you will and I'll do the same for you." 

"But that night....I'm sorry I wasn't there sooner, I'm sorry that-" 

"Stop Reesh! No more apologies tonight. You did nothing wrong. Let's try to get some sleep now." 

"Alright. I love you Paulchen. Good night." 

"Good night Reesh. I love you too, so much. Thanks for saving my life." Richard fell asleep with a smile on his face and Paul soon followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are still enjoying this story :)


	24. Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The words in Richard's poem in this chapter are lyrics from the Emigrate song, Hypothetical :)

When Paul opened his eyes the next morning, the covers were pulled down halfway and he found Richard awake and propped up on one elbow and staring down at the smaller man's chest while he ran his fingers gently along his chest and abdomen. Richard didn't realize Paul was awake until he heard him make a sound. 

"Mmmm. This is a nice way to wake up." Richard looked up, a bit surprised.

"How long have you been awake?" he asked Paul. 

"Like five seconds. How long have you been awake?" Richard glanced at the clock behind Paul. 

"I don't know, maybe thirty minutes." 

"Thirty minutes? What've you been doing that whole time, just watching me?" 

Richard smiled and nodded. "Just watching you and thinking." 

"About what?" Richard shrugged his shoulders. 

"Just about how much I love you and...." 

"And what?" Richard stayed silent. "Tell me Reesh. What were you gonna say?" 

"I don't wanna make you upset." 

"Make me upset? Well now you're worrying me. Now you have to tell me." 

"It's nothing to worry about, I just don't want you to feel pressured." Paul looked confused so Richard had to explain. "I was just thinking how I can't wait to make love to you again, but only if and when you're ready." Paul smiled and his eyes lit up in a way Richard hadn't seen in a while. 

"Why would that make me upset? It makes me happy to know that you still want me that way." 

"Of course I still want you that way." Richard continued running his hand up and down his upper body. "Look at how gorgeous you are. How could I not want you? Especially with how much I love you." Paul smiled and blushed. "But Paul, I just want you to know that if you ever do feel you're ready for us to make love again, we can take things slow. I'll be as gentle and loving as I can with you so that you won't feel anxious or uncomfortable and if you happen to be reminded of certain things and you wanna stop, we can. I won't make you do anything you don't wanna do. We don't have to use anything like handcuffs or belts or leashes or any of that stuff and you don't have to call me sir or obey me or anything like that. I'm fine with not including bdsm in our sex life anymore. Just being able to make love to you in any way would make me very happy." Paul frowned and furrowed his brows and clearly wasn't pleased with what he was hearing. 

"No Reesh!" 

"What, did I say something wrong?" 

"Yes! I wanna do all that stuff. I wanna keep doing what we were doing before and continue to try different things. I love when you dominate me Reesh. I don't want that to stop, unless you do. Do you not like doing all that anymore?" 

"Yes Paul, I love it. I just thought after the bad experience you had last weekend, that involving bdsm would trigger you or something and bring back bad memories." 

"Not when I'm doing that stuff with you Reesh. I know I'm safe with you. I know you wouldn't hurt me. I'm not gonna let that evil man ruin our fun." Richard smiled. 

"So you mean you want us to keep trying new things and going further with the whole dom/sub thing?" 

"Yes. Actually, there's something I've been wanting to tell you even since before last weekend, but I'm afraid you won't be open to it." 

"Baby I'd be open to trying anything with you. What is it? I promise I won't get mad or judge you even if I'm not interested in it." 

"Okay, but don't just agree to it to make me happy. I want you to be honest with me and tell me how you really feel about it." 

"Alright, I'll be honest." 

"Well, I'm pretty sure we're both still interested in using bdsm in the bedroom, right?"

"Right," Richard replied, curiously wondering what was coming next. 

"Well....I was thinking maybe sometimes, only sometimes, that maybe we could do certain things....outside the bedroom." 

Richard was grinning wide. "Why do you look so nervous Paul? Were you thinking I'd say no?" 

"Wait, so are you saying you would be interested in that? I mean I'm not talking about doing anything too extreme and not all the time. But a long time ago when you first told me about your secret sex life, you said you were only interested in bdsm during sex and not as a lifestyle." 

"Yeah, but some of my thoughts on certain things have changed a little now that I'm with someone I love. And well, what kind of things were you wanting to do? I mean you don't mean you wanna be my slave or something, do you?" 

Paul laughed. "Of course not! I don't want you to control my every move or thought or do anything too crazy. I just meant like, maybe we could....Well I don't really know exactly what we could do Reesh. I'm not the expert on bdsm, you are!" Richard laughed. Paul fingers fidgeted with the sheets while he continued to try to explain. "I just know that whenever I kneel to you or you tell me what to do, even outside the bedroom, it's make me feel safe, especially these last few days, and not to mention aroused at times too. Maybe that would seem crazy to some people but when you dominate me, it gives me a high that I can't explain." Richard kept smiling at him but said nothing. "Well say something Reesh! Tell me what you think. Tell me if I'm crazy." 

"You're not crazy. I feel the same way and I think I have a few things in mind that we could do outside the bedroom that wouldn't be going too far." Paul looked relieved. 

"So you think you would like it as much as I would?" 

"I'd like doing anything that involves you baby. But I guess we won't know how we feel about it until we try it, now will we?" Paul nodded in agreement. 

Richard leaned down and gave Paul a deep and passionate kiss. When he pulled away, Paul asked, "Will you make love to me tonight?" Richard searched in the smaller man's eyes. 

"Are you sure you'll be ready?" 

"Yes, I'm sure. I need you to show me how much I can trust you. Replace my bad thoughts with good ones like you said." 

"Yes baby, I did say that and I will. You won't be thinking of anyone but me tonight." 

"So you will? You'll make love to me tonight?" 

Richard nodded. "I'd love to and I can't wait," he whispered while smiling and then continued kissing Paul on the lips until he trailed the kisses down to his neck. 

"Continue doing that and I won't be able to wait until tonight." Richard laughed and pulled back. 

"Sorry. Did you have something special in mind for us tonight? Like something specific you were interested in us trying?" Paul shrugged and smirked. 

"I might have a few ideas. I've always got some kind of dirty thoughts or fantasies running through my head when I'm around you or even just from thinking of you." Richard's mouth opened and he pretended to be shocked. 

"You're just a naughty boy, aren't you?" Paul laughed and blushed again. 

"So what if I am? Are you gonna punish me for it?" 

"I might have to later," Richard said right before he began sucking on Paul's throat, causing him to moan. He pulled away causing a noise of complaint from the smaller man. "I thought you said you wanted to wait until tonight." Paul frowned but nodded. "And actually I was kind of thinking of something we could do this afternoon." 

"Oh yeah, what's that?" Paul asked, interested. 

"Well first of all, I was gonna make a quick stop at the police station to pick up your phone." Paul looked scared. 

"I'm going with you, right?" 

"Of course, I said we could go do something together. But that wasn't all I had planned." Paul breathed a sigh of relief. 

"Okay, good." 

"Paul? Are you afraid for me to leave you here alone?" Paul just looked down in embarrassment and swallowed hard. "It's okay baby, I understand. I won't leave you here alone. But I do hope that someday you won't feel afraid anymore. Just so you know, that man is still unconscious and as soon as he's well enough to be sent to jail, he'll be put away for a very long time. So you don't have to worry about him anymore." 

"I know," Paul said softly and Richard kissed him on the forehead. 

"But I was also thinking that after we get your phone back, maybe we could have lunch somewhere and maybe take a walk somewhere. I think it's supposed to be pretty nice out today. Unless you don't feel like you're ready to get out and do all that yet." 

"No, I'd actually really like that. It'd be nice to finally go out and get some fresh air. I'm usually used to going to work everyday but I haven't been out in a while after what happened. Not that I've minded being cooped up in here with you though! I just mean that it'll be nice for us both to get out together." 

Richard smiled. "I know what you mean Paul. And as long as I'm with you I'm happy, whether we're in here or out somewhere. And hey, maybe if you do alright when we go out today, maybe this Saturday we could finally go out on that official date I've been planning for us." 

"That'd be really nice Reesh. We've been dating for about a month now. It's about time we go on a real date! And I think it's about time I do something else important soon too. Now that our relationship is serious and we're in love, I think it's only right that I do it," Paul said, looking serious.

"Do what?" 

"I....I think I'm ready to tell Flake and my children that we're together and I'll probably tell Flake what happened last weekend too, but I don't think it's necessary to tell my kids that. I don't wanna freak them out and plus, finding out their father's dating a man will probably be more than enough for them to handle right now." Richard looked surprised. 

"You're really gonna tell them soon?" 

"Well yeah, don't you think I should? Or do think it's a bad idea?" 

"No, I think you should. I was just afraid that...." 

"Afraid of what?" 

"Well....that maybe you'd never want them to know about me," Richard replied with a sad expression. 

"Oh Reesh. I love you. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by you, you know. I just wanted to make sure that what we had was serious and was gonna last before I sprung that on them. I just really hope that they'll accept me, and you." 

"I'm sure they will baby. You've said before that they're pretty open-minded people and they love you, so I'm pretty confident they'll be okay with it. But don't get discouraged if it takes them a while. It took my children a while to get used to the fact that their dad was gay but once they had some time to think about it, they were very accepting. In fact, the last time I spoke to my daughter, she said she'd like to meet the man that's made her father so happy." Paul smiled.

"I'd like to meet her too. I might be setting my hopes too high here but maybe if or when my children accept our relationship, maybe we and all of our kids could get together to meet and hang out someday." 

"That'd be really cool Paul, but right now I think you should just focus on telling them first and then we'll handle whatever comes after that, together." Paul smiled gratefully and placed his hand over Richard's which lay on the smaller man's chest. 

"I think I'll probably go see my kids sometime this weekend or maybe next week to try to tell them and then I was thinking maybe I could invite Flake over here on Friday to speak with him in person if you wouldn't mind." 

"Of course I don't mind. Your friends and family are welcome over here anytime." 

"Thanks Reesh. I really appreciate you letting me stay here and the way you've been taking care of me."

"I love taking care of you baby and I want you here. Actually that reminds me of something else I've been wanting to discuss with you. I spoke with our landlord a couple days ago. Don't worry, I didn't give him too many personal details but I did have to tell him what happened."

"I understand, that's fine. What did he say?" 

"He said that he would have your place fixed as soon as possible in case you wanna go back there but he also said that if you're not comfortable going back, that he wouldn't charge you a fee for breaking the lease." 

"Oh, okay," Paul replied softly with an unreadable expression while looking down. 

"Hey, look at me baby. That's not all I was gonna say." Richard lifted Paul's chin and waited until the smaller man could meet his eyes. "I wanted to tell you that you're welcome to stay here as long as you'd like. In fact to be honest with you, I wouldn't mind if you moved all your stuff in and stayed here with me for good." Paul's eyes opened wider. 

"Seriously Reesh? You don't think it's too soon?" 

"I don't. Do you?" 

"No, but it's just that I don't wanna intrude on your space. I mean because you've been used to living on your own for years. I don't want you to let me move in just to be nice or because you feel like you have to." Richard frowned and tilted his head. 

"Oh come on Paul, don't be ridiculous. I know I don't have to let you stay here and I'm not doing it to be nice. I want you to live with me, that is if you want to. Because you don't have to if you don't want to but just so you know, I love having you here and it would make me very happy if you stayed with me permanently. But if you're not ready for that, that's fine too. I may be a little disappointed but I'll understand." Richard smiled and Paul smiled back. 

"I'd love to live with you too Reesh." But just as Richard was about to get excited Paul added, "But....if you wouldn't mind, do you think maybe I could have a few weeks to think about it before I move the rest of my stuff over here and give up my place? Just so we can both give ourselves time to see how this goes. I don't wanna rush into anything too soon, not when our relationship is going so well. I just want it to keep going well." 

"I completely understand and I agree. We don't have to rush things. We've got the rest of our lives to be together." Paul smiled his bright smile. He got butterflies every time Richard said things like that. "God you're so gorgeous when you smile like that baby." Paul turned on his side to snuggle up to the other man and wrapped an arm around his waist. 

"You're the gorgeous one. And you're beautiful, sexy, amazing and I love you so much." Richard smiled at that and wrapped his arm around the smaller man and pulled him closer. 

"I love you too baby. Why don't we take a shower together and then we can get ready for our day?" 

"Ooh, I like the sound of that." Both men laughed and finally forced themselves to get out of bed. 

Their afternoon out together went well. There were a few times Richard could tell Paul seemed anxious or nervous and knew he was probably thinking of bad memories but then Richard would squeeze his hand or wrap an arm around him and Paul would seem okay again. 

Once they arrived back home and got comfortable on the couch, Richard asked, "So baby, tell me what you had in mind for us this evening?" Paul smiled nervously. 

"I'm afraid you'll laugh at me or think it's stupid." 

"I promise I won't. Just tell me baby, tell me everything you had in mind." Paul sighed and hesitated for a moment then finally spoke.

"Well, first I....I wanted you to read something to me, something from one of your books," he said softly. 

"You want me to read to you?" Richard asked, puzzled but smiling and atleast he didn't seem like he thought it was stupid like Paul had feared. Paul just smiled and nodded then he got up and walked over to Richard's bookshelf and brought back his book of poetry. He sat down and skimmed through the pages until he landed on a specific poem which he had previously read once before when he first came up with this fantasy in his head. He handed the book to Richard and pointed to the page. When Richard saw which poem it was, he said, "Oh Paul, baby you are a dirty boy, arent you?" Paul laughed just as his face turned red. 

"You don't have to do it Reesh." 

"No I want to, I want to very much. But did you want me to do anything to you while I'm reading it to you?" 

"That's up to you, either while you're reading it or after." Richard smirked. 

"Well is this all or was there more you were wanting to do?" 

"Oh, there's more." Richard laughed. "That one novel of yours I was reading that one day, well it kind of got me curious about something I've heard of before." 

"Oh, what's that?" 

"I want you to....to ch-choke me," Paul said so quietly but Richard still heard and he looked surprised. 

"You mean like breath play?" 

"Yeah." 

"That can be dangerous, you know." 

"Have you ever done it to someone before?" 

"Yeah, I've done it several times." 

"So then you would know what you're doing?" 

"Yeah, but it can still be dangerous even when the person knows what they're doing." 

"I trust you though. But that's okay, we don't have to do it if you don't want to," Paul said, looking a little disappointed. 

"No, I didn't say I wasn't going to, I just want you to be aware of the risks." 

"Are you afraid you'll hurt me?" 

"No! I would never let you get hurt. It's just that I'm more cautious with you than I've ever been with anyone I've done this type of stuff with in the past. Probably because I love you." Paul smiled at that. "You really think you'd like it though? You know it can be scary and can get to the point where you feel as though you're gonna black out?" 

"I wanna experience it Reesh." 

"Okay. We can do it but only on one condition." 

"Okay, what's that?" 

"You have to do exactly what I tell you so that you won't get hurt. It's gotta be done the way I feel it's safest." 

"Okay. You know what's best Reesh." Richard laughed. 

"I just wanna keep you safe over everything else. But I also wanna make you feel good and fulfill your fantasies." 

"But is it something you're into also? I mean I want you to enjoy it doing it to me too. If you don't think you will, then we don't have to." Richard smiled and moved closer to Paul on the couch. As they were facing each other, he cupped one side of Paul's face and spoke softly to him. 

"Oh baby, you have no idea how much I'm gonna enjoy it. Every time you reveal one of you fantasies to me, it always surprises me but it also turns me on. And not just the thought of what I'm gonna be doing to you and the fact that I love dominating you, but also because of how much you trust me. Just knowing you trust me enough to try all these things with me turns me on. And you think I'm simply just fulfilling your fantasies? Don't forget Paul, I've been into all this for years. And I've enjoyed it for years. Don't you remember me telling you that when someone lets me control them, it makes me feel alive and that I need it? I feel so lucky to have found someone who's not only willing to let me do all this stuff to them but also someone who I love and who loves me back. This is exactly what I've always wanted. So you're making my dreams come true also, Paul." Paul was touched by the other man's words so he leaned forward and kissed him. 

Richard broke the kiss when they needed air and then whispered, "Yes baby, I know exactly what I'm gonna do to you tonight to please both of us. If you'll let me, I'd like to take control of you now." Paul's breath hitched and he felt as though he was gonna come right on the spot from what Richard just said and they way he said it. 

"Yes Sir," Paul whispered back. Richard closed his eyes for a moment and breathed deep as the other man aroused him too.

"Okay baby, but I need to make sure you know some things before we begin. Kneel to me so I can tell you." Without any hesitation, Paul got down on the floor right away and kneeled by Richard's feet. He loved the feeling he got when he did that and he loved it even more when he was praised for obeying. 

Richard looked down at him with lidded eyes and put his fingers in his hair. "Look at you, all submissive and pliant for me. You're so beautiful this way. I could never get enough of you like this." Paul closed his eyes and hummed at the praise. "Now open your eyes and listen to me Paul. You've got your safewords Red and Yellow but if at anytime you want me to stop or slow down just tell me to stop and I will immediately. Anything you say will be enough, I'm not gonna push you too far. And you can call me Sir or Master or whatever you'd like but if you ever just wanna call me Reesh, that's fine too. Only do what you're comfortable with and if something makes you uncomfortable, you need to let me know, okay?" 

"Yes Sir, but....I can call you Master?" Richard smiled and nodded. 

"I've never preferred that word in the past but for some reason when I think of that word coming from your lips, it does something to me that I can't explain." 

Paul smiled. "Okay. I guess I'll call you whatever feels right in the moment." 

"Alright baby. Let's go to the bedroom now."

Once in the bedroom, both their clothes were quickly shed and Paul lied on his back upon the bed while Richard went around the room and gathered everything they needed. The room was dimly lit and Paul loved watching the other man's muscles flex underneath his smooth skin as he walked around the room. Richard caught Paul staring at him and noticed he looked a little timid. He stood at the side of the bed and leaned over him and brushed his fingers through Paul's hair again. He knew that gesture comforted Paul whenever he did it. 

"Are you okay baby? You look nervous." 

"I'm....I am....just a little." 

"That's okay baby but you don't have to be. Just remember you're safe with me and we can stop this at anytime, okay?" Paul nodded and as he looked up into Richard eyes, he thought of something. 

"Reesh....Sorry, I mean Sir, I forgot something." 

"Remember I said you can call me what you want, but what did you forget?" 

"I was thinking that maybe, well you don't have to but, could you wear those white contacts while you make love to me?" Richard smiled wide. 

"Of course I can." Richard began kissing Paul's throat and whispered, "Wow, you are a dirty, dirty little boy, aren't you? Master's naughty boy." He bit Paul's throat and then licked the same spot afterwards while Paul cried out.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me come before we've even started." 

"Oh no you won't! You're not gonna come until I give you permission to come. You hear me?" 

"Yes Master Richard," Paul whispered. Richard backed away and stood up straight. 

"Fuck Paul, what are you doing to me? Now you're gonna make me come too soon." He shook his head and laughed quietly and then continued gathering what he needed. 

Once Richard walked away, Paul couldn't help but smile and feel pleased with himself at the effect he had on the other man. 

A few minutes later Richard came back and leaned over the smaller man again and Paul could see that he had the contacts in and that was all it took to bring his partial erection to full life. He also noticed a pair of handcuffs in his hand. 

"I'm gonna restrain you Paul because when I begin choking you, it's gonna be your instinct to wanna stop me but if you wanna get the full effect of breath play then I'm gonna have to do it without any interruptions." Richard noticed the way Paul was admiring his eyes and seemed to be aroused by them. "You like that baby?" Paul nodded but couldn't speak. 

Richard got on the bed and kneeled between the smaller man's legs and began preparing him. Once he had Paul moaning and writhing on the bed, he knew he was ready. After he ran his slick fingers over his own erection, he wiped his hands on a towel he had set nearby. Before he began, he wanted to reassure Paul one last time. He leaned over him and began kissing and licking him all down his body, starting behind his ear and trailing down to his waist and he spoke between kisses. 

"Remember Paul, I love you and I'll keep you safe. Just trust me and don't fight it, try to enjoy it. I'm gonna start out slow and then grip your throat tighter until the point where you're seeing stars and about to black out. When I let go I'm gonna let you come and your orgasm is most likely gonna be stronger than usual because of the euphoria of having your air cut off. Don't be afraid to let yourself go then. Yell or moan as loud as you want. It's just me and you here right now. But Paul once I begin, it will be difficult for you to speak so I need to know right now if this is still want you want." 

"Yes Sir. I want this, please." Richard sucked each one of Paul's nipples and made him jerk and moan then he sat up and smiled before he grabbed his book off the nightstand. Once he had it opened to the right page he held it with one hand and steadied himself with that hand on the bed next to Paul's head. He began to read in a low voice and as he did Paul lost himself in the words and Richard's voice. 

He had this beautiful man hovering over him, arousing him with Richard's own words that he wrote and then those eyes burning right into Paul's soul as he spoke. Paul chest heaved up and down while he was trying his best not to come too early and he hadn't even been touched yet. 

As Richard read the poem, he placed his other hand lightly across Paul's throat but didn't apply any pressure yet. But the way his hand was cupped lightly under Paul's chin and his fingers spread out across his throat was enough to turn them both on.

[I've got these hands to hold you, this mouth will chew and swell. Like butterflies inside you, perfuming what you sell. I know that I am reaching that churning, burning heart. I see the sweat is beading from what I pull apart. Oh, you don't know what I'm gonna do to you. You've got the hands to be tied, slip out from skin so cold. I've got the folds to be blind. Let's see what you like most. I cannot break the fever, the pounding of your soul. My little love receiver, you make me lose control. Oh, you don't know what I'm gonna do to you.] 

All of a sudden Richard threw the book on the floor, causing Paul to flinch, and then he began pushing the head of his cock into the smaller man. Paul tried to breathe evenly until Richard was fully inside him. He told Paul to take a deep breathe in and out. 

"Relax baby. I won't hurt you." Once Paul seemed calm, Richard began to move and at the same time he began to tighten his grip around Paul's neck and wrapped his other hand around Paul's cock but only stroked him slowly at this point. Paul was nervous but aroused at the same time and he hoped he wouldn't come before he was allowed to. 

Richard sped up his thrusts and his hand which stroked Paul and kept letting the grip around his neck get tighter and tighter. Then as they stared into each other's eyes, Richard began panting out words as he fucked him which nearly sent Paul over the edge too soon. 

"You belong to me and only me Paul. No one else is ever going to touch you this way again. You're mine, you got that? No one will ever hurt you, I won't let it happen. You're not allowed to think of anyone but me while I'm fucking you. Anytime I fuck you or touch you or do anything to you, you'll only see me, you'll only think of me. You won't think bad thoughts ever again. You'll only enjoy this, enjoy me, MY hand around your cock, MY hard cock pounding into you, MY hand around your neck. No one else will give you orders, you'll obey no one but me, I'm the only one who can tell you you're a good boy, MY good boy! I'm the only one that can touch you, that can fuck you. I'm the one who's gonna love you no matter what, you hear me? I'll never stop loving you or wanting you." Richard could see the effect he was having on the smaller man and he knew he was choking him to the point where he would need to let go in a few moments. If he let it go on any longer, he'd be risking Paul's safety. 

Paul's eyes were open wide, too wide, and his restrained hands were gripping the bars on the headboard. His body began to writhe uncontrollably and Richard could also feel Paul kicking his legs and feel his precome dripping over his fingers and he knew it was time. 

Paul couldn't think straight at this point, or breath well either. Richard was definitely cutting off his air like a pro and he was feeling the effects. There was a little pain but good pain which was mixed with the pleasure of Richard's hands on him and his cock hitting that special spot inside of him at the same time. He was beginning to see nothing but darkness behind his eyes and just as he began to feel slightly afraid and was sure he was about to pass out, Richard finally took all the pressure off his throat and sped up the hand on his cock even more. 

"Let yourself go baby, let yourself go. Come for me!" Richard ordered and Paul let out the loudest and most beautiful moan Richard had ever heard and it aroused him more than ever and now he was close himself as he felt Paul clench around his own cock. "That's it baby, that's it, moan loud for me." 

Paul was having the most intense orgasm he'd ever experienced in his life and to say it felt amazing was an understatement. The euphoria of being choked and having his breath taken away for that short amount of time combined with the sensations he was feeling on and in his body now were indescribable and he didn't want the feeling to end but there was no stopping it. He was spilling over Richard's hand and then Richard was coming hard inside of him and crying out Paul's name until he collapsed on top of him. 

After a few moments, he realized how hard Paul was breathing so he let himself slide out of Paul and lied next to him. "Are you okay baby?" 

"Yes. So good. So good," Paul panted with his eyes closed. Richard smiled and then reached down by the side of the bed and grabbed the towel to clean Paul and his own hand. He threw it back on the floor and then removed the handcuffs. He rubbed Paul's wrists and then laid on his side and snuggled up to the smaller man while he let him catch his breath. He planted kisses all over his face and neck and also rubbed his neck gently until Paul seemed calm and relaxed. 

"You good baby?" Richard checked once more. Paul turned and laid his head on Richard's chest and they both wrapped their arms around one another. 

"Love you so much Reesh. That was amazing." 

"Yes it was baby. The sounds that came from you and the look on your face was the hottest sight I've ever seen. It took all my willpower not to come before you." Paul began laughing. "What's so funny baby?" 

"Nothing, that was just incredible. I've never felt anything like that before. I thought I was gonna pass out and then all of a sudden I was feeling the strongest climax of my life," he said still laughing and Richard began to laugh too as he could feel the smaller man shaking in his arms. His laughter was contagious. 

"Paul, are you laughing cause you're happy or what?" 

"Yes Reesh! I'm so happy. That felt so good." 

"Okay, I'm just making sure I didn't kill some of your brain cells when I choked you and it made you delirious or something." Both men started laughing even harder. "Oh my god Paul, I love hearing you laugh. I'm so glad that you're gonna be okay after what you went though." 

"Did you think there was a chance I wouldn't be?" 

"No, I knew you'd get back to your usual self eventually. I knew I was gonna make sure of that." Paul squeezed Richard tighter and kissed him on the chest to show his appreciation.

"Thanks Reesh, for everything." 

"I'd do anything for you." 

"Good, then can you do one more thing?" 

"Sure, what?" 

"Hand me that glass of water you on the table behind you. My throat's a little sore." 

"Oh I'm sorry baby," Richard said as he handed him the water. 

"Don't be! I'm not. I loved what you did to me. And all that stuff you said to me too. It really helped me to feel safe and not wanna think of anything bad. All I could think of was how good you were making me feel." Richard set the water back on the nightstand and then held the man he loved tighter, just as Paul yawned loudly. 

"Did I wear you out baby?" 

"Mmmm." Richard laughed at his response. 

"You wore me out too. Let's take a short nap and then we can order some take out for a late dinner." 

"Mmmm," Paul responded again and then he tilted his head up to give Richard a long and lazy kiss before they both went to sleep. "Love you Reesh, I mean Master Richard." 

Richard laughed again as he replied, "Love you too my kinky little Paulchen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm no expert on breath play and my portrayal of it in this chapter is completely fictional so don't try this at home unless you really know what you're doing ;)


	25. A Weight Lifted and Stress Faded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short and sweet chapter but the next one will be more exciting ;)

Richard thought Paul seemed like he was getting better but early Friday morning, he woke up in terror after another nightmare. At first, Richard just held him for a while but once Paul calmed down, he couldn't get him to speak. He tried asking him what it was about and what he needed to make him feel better but Paul just stayed silent and seemed frustrated. So he came up with a plan of how he could try to ease Paul's stress and make him feel safe. Flake was supposed to come over later in the evening but Paul was currently in no state to talk to him. 

"Hey baby, I want you to do something for me. Will you trust me?" Paul nodded. Richard got out bed and got dressed and then helped the smaller man dress in some comfortable clothes and told him to kneel by the bed. He went to his closet and came back out with a leash and a collar which he put around Paul's neck. Paul gave him a quizzical look. Richard ran his fingers through the smaller man's hair and then ran a hand down the side of his face to sooth him. 

"Just trust me baby, okay? You don't have to speak, just do what I tell you. Don't worry about anything, just listen and obey, alright?" Paul nodded again as stared up at the other man while on his knees in front of him. He knew he should feel odd in this position but for some reason which he couldn't explain, he felt so safe. 

Richard took hold of the end of the leash and walked Paul on his hands and knees to the kitchen and had him sit by the stove. He came back with a soft mat for him to sit on so his knees wouldn't get sore. Then he began to make breakfast for them and Paul seemed content just to watch and relax next to Richard's feet. The other man spoke to him a bit while he cooked, but Paul said nothing. 

Richard put some food on one plate and set it on the table then he took the leash and led Paul to kneel by it while he himself sat in a chair. He put some food on a fork and held it in front of the smaller man's mouth, to which Paul responded with confusion again. 

"Open," Richard ordered him and he kept holding the food there until Paul finally took it. At first Paul felt weird and embarrassed but after a few bites, his expression changed to one of gratitude and adoration. He knew what the other man was trying to do, that this was the type of thing Paul needed to feel comforted and grounded and so far it was working. 

Once they were both fed, Richard walked Paul into the living room and sat him on the mat in front of the couch. He walked away for a moment then came back with Paul's acoustic guitar. He sat on the couch, moved the leash behind Paul out of his way, then handed him the guitar. 

"Play something for me baby." Paul raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth and was ready to ask what he should play but Richard put a finger over Paul's lips. "Don't speak, just play. Play any song you want." Paul looked down and thought for a few moments and then began playing the song Richard had tried to play for him a couple weeks ago. 

When Richard heard the beginning notes of Depeche Mode's Enjoy the Silence, he smiled and said, "You can play that perfectly, unlike some other people around here." Paul laughed quietly and continued playing, but he was shocked when he got to the chorus and Richard began to sing. Paul's mouth fell open, his eyes grew wider and he even faltered on a couple notes when he heard the sound but he quickly managed to get back on track. Richard's voice was soft, raw and calming instead of bold and refined, but it was beautiful, the most beautiful sound Paul could've possibly heard in that moment. 

["All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms. Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm."] Paul's face lit up afterwards with the brightest eyes and smile while Richard laughed nervously. This was exactly what Paul needed. His stress and memories of the nightmare were slowly fading away and were replaced by feelings of being safe and loved and relaxed. 

He stopped playing when Richard bent down to kiss him. Richard placed his hand firmly on the back of Paul's neck and pulled him closer until their lips met, softly. The kiss started out sweet and chaste but once each man could feel the mutual love and understanding flowing between them, it grew deeper and more passionate. Richard broke the kiss just long enough to quickly set the guitar out of the way, remove Paul's leash and pull him up onto the couch. He eased the smaller man back and laid halfway on top of him and continued kissing and holding him but he never let it go further than that. He took Paul's hands and placed them still on his own sides and whispered in his ear. 

"All I wanna do right now is just kiss you and hold you and show you how special you are to me. I love you so much. I'd do anything to make you feel better." Paul moved his hands to cup Richard's face. He stared into his blue eyes and then nodded and smiled knowingly as though letting him know he understood and that he was thankful for what the other man was doing for him. "There's that gorgeous smile I love," Richard remarked. Paul pulled Richard's face closer to his. He lightly kissed the other man on his forehead and then the tip of his nose which got a small laugh out of Richard. They continued to lay in each other's arms while they watched TV. 

A couple hours later, they finally rose to shower and get ready for the day and then they ate lunch while sitting next to one another on the couch. 

"You feeling better baby?" Richard asked as he glanced over at the smaller man. 

"Much better, thanks to you." They both smiled. 

"Are you sure you're ready to talk to Flake later and tell him everything? He'd probably understand if you asked him to wait until another day." 

"No, I wanna talk to him today and get it over with. It's been weighing on me, keeping stuff from my longest friend. I think it'll relieve my stress even more to get it all out in the open. Plus he's probably worried, wondering what on earth I need to tell him. When I texted him the other day and told him I needed to talk to him about some important things, he begged me to tell him over the phone. I think he was worried there was something wrong and was also puzzled as to why I wanted him to come here to your place to talk but I let him know that everything was alright now and that I just preferred to speak to him in person. But I don't know if that did anything to ease his concern, so it'd probably be best if I get our discussion over with as soon as possible to put both our minds at ease." 

"You're probably right. I'm sure you'll feel much better once you're able to stop keeping things from your best friend." 

"I just hope he'll be understanding and accept me, and us." Richard placed his hand over Paul's on his lap. 

"I'm sure he will baby. Don't worry yourself about it. Everything will turn out fine. And just remember no matter what happens, I'll be here for you and love you through it all." Paul set their empty plates on the coffee table so that he could snuggle up to Richard. 

"You're the best boyfriend Reesh. I feel so lucky to have you. And you can sing too!" 

Richard laughed at that and said, "Only a little," as he wrapped his arms around Paul.

Later that evening, there was a knock at the door and it caused Paul to jump in his seat as he gave Richard a fearful look. It was the first time they'd had a visitor since the incident. 

"It's probably just Flake, Paul. It's five minutes til six. You told him to be here at six, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Paul was only a little relieved but still nervous about everything he planned on telling his friend. Richard got up to answer the door. "Make sure you look through the peephole first! Make sure it's him!" Paul warned Richard as he walked to the door. 

"I know, I will." Once Richard confirmed it was Flake, he opened the door and let him in as he greeted him. Flake gave him a quick hello in return but had a look of panic on his face as he walked past Richard and moved closer to Paul who was now standing in front of the couch. 

"Paul! Why are the glass doors and balcony at your place, broken? I noticed it when I was parking. What happened?" 

"That's one of the things I wanted to tell you about but take a seat first. And calm down, I'm fine." Flake sat on the recliner next to one end of the couch, while Paul and Richard each sat at opposite ends of the couch. 

"Are you sure you want me here when you tell him?" Richard leaned over and whispered to Paul. 

"Yeah, I need you here." 

"Okay," Richard replied with a smile while Flake wondered what all the whispering was about and was getting anxious to find out what was going on. 

Paul began to tell the story of what happened to him and Richard that night with Richard speaking up whenever Paul would have difficulty talking about certain things. They didn't feel it was necessary to tell him every detail of what happened, like all the details from Richard's past and the entire reason why the man wanted revenge. And they also told him that the reason why the man thought hurting Paul would hurt Richard was because he had stalked them and could tell they were close friends. They weren't ready to tell him the truth about that yet until they got this story out of the way first. Flake sat there with a look of shock and horror on his face the whole time. Once they finished, he finally had the chance to respond. 

"That's crazy! But I'm so glad you guys are okay. And thank you Richard, for saving Paul's life and for letting him stay here." 

"He would've done the same for me," was all Richard said to that. 

"So are you doing alright now Paul?" Flake asked, still concerned. 

"Yeah, I'm getting through it with Reesh's help. But there's something else I have to tell you too." 

"Oh god, what now?" 

"No, it's nothing bad. It's just something I've been sort of....putting off telling you about but now I'm ready to get everything out in the open," Paul said nervously. Richard wanted to scoot closer to the smaller man and take his hand to comfort him and let him know he was there for him, but he didn't wanna make Paul or Flake uncomfortable, so he sat still and silent and watched both men while they all waited for Paul to explain. 

"Well just hurry up and tell me. The look on your face is freaking me out. What is it?" 

Paul hesitated to get the right words out for a while until Flake started complaining again so he finally spoke. "Me and Richard...." 

"Yeah? What about you and Richard?" 

"We're....we're together now," Paul said so quietly, it was barely audible. 

"You're what?" Flake asked, thinking he was pretty sure of what he heard but thought he might've heard wrong. 

"We're together. We're a couple now." Paul looked down and swallowed hard after the words finally slipped from his lips and his face was red with embarrassment. Richard just sat there awkwardly as he listened to their conversation and felt slightly embarrassed too but not as much as Paul. After all, Flake already knew he was gay and Flake wasn't his close friend. 

"Oh," Flake said as he began to grin. 

"Oh? Oh? That's all you're gonna say?" Paul glanced up and asked right before he buried his face in one hand, not able to handle how uncomfortable he felt after just revealing to his friend of over thirty years that not only was he interested in men but he was also dating and living with the one who sat right next to him, the one who he'd told Flake was his friend for the past several months. 

"Well I wasn't expecting to hear that when I came here today but I have to say, honestly, that I'm not really that surprised."

"What? What's that supposed to mean?" Paul looked up in confusion. 

"Well first of all, there were times when you mentioned certain men over the years for whatever reason and the look you would get when you talked about them, well I kinda always had a feeling and it made me wonder." Paul buried his face in both hands briefly and then looked back up again. 

"Why didn't you ever say anything to me?" 

"I don't know. I guess I just didn't wanna make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, kinda like I can tell you are now. I figured I would just wait until you were ready to tell me on your own." 

"Well thanks a lot for waiting for me to come to you Flake. It only took me over fifty years to finally come out," Paul said as they all laughed. 

"And also, I can understand why you would fall for Richard if you are attracted to men," Flake added. Richard looked surprised and complimented by that.

"Why thank you Flake!" 

Flake huffed a laugh. "What I meant by that was that Richard saved your life, so I can see why you'd fall for him, because of that." 

"Oh, I see what you're saying and yes I'm very grateful to Reesh for that and that did make me fall for him even more, but that's not what made me want to be with him. Flake we've....we've been dating for a month now." 

"Oh! Wow, okay. Wait! A month? Why'd you wait so long to tell me?" 

"I was afraid of what'd you think of me," Paul replied timidly. 

"You should've known I wouldn't judge you. It's not like I'm homophobic or something and besides, you're my best friend." 

"I know, you're right. I was just nervous."

"That's okay Paulchen. And I guess I should've known you two would end up together sooner or later anyways. Jenny and I could both see it months ago." Paul and Richard both looked at Flake, confused. 

"Could see what?" Richard asked. 

"The way you two acted around each other and looked at one another. Sorry if you guys were trying to hide it, but it was actually pretty obvious now that I think about it." Paul and Richard looked at each other and laughed and were surprised that others could see what was between them before even they realized it. "But I didn't wanna bring it up without being sure that it was true. Didn't wanna offend you Paul." 

"I understand. It doesn't matter now anyways. Luckily we both finally realized our feelings for each other," Paul told him as he glanced over at Richard and smiled. 

"So all I really wanna know now Paul is, are you happy?" Paul reached over and took Richard's hand which was on the other man's own lap and interlaced their fingers and squeezed his hand. They exchanged a smile again before Paul looked back to Flake. 

"This is the happiest I've been in years. Can't even remember the last time I felt this happy to be honest with you." Flake grinned back at them both. 

"Well I'm glad to hear that. Not to bring up your past Paul, but Richard, Paul was in a really bad place in his life before he moved in next door and met you. I already noticed a big change in him when you guys became friends but now he seems happier than I've ever seen him. And if that's because of you, then I'm happy for both of you and wish you two the best." 

"Thanks Flake!" both of the other men replied in unison. Richard nodded at Paul knowingly as if to say, 'See, I told you so.' 

"I hope you don't mind if I ask though, but how serious is your relationship at this point? I mean because you're already staying with him. Are you gonna keep living together permanently?" 

"Well, we're still taking the time to decide that part," Richard answered, "We don't wanna rush things." 

"But we are very much in love though," Paul added. 

"Really?" Flake asked, pleasantly surprised. 

"Yep," Richard replied as he moved closer to the smaller man, putting an arm around his shoulder and squeezing his body close enough to plant a kiss on his cheek. Flake huffed and mocked disgust. 

"Alright, I believe you. You don't have to show me." Paul and Richard laughed. "Do you guys mind if I tell Jenny? She'll be so happy for you Paul. You know how badly she's wanted you to find someone again." 

"Sure, you can tell her about Richard and I. But if you tell her about what that man did to us, could you leave out the worst details. There's no need to worry her mind too much." 

"Of course, I'll spare her the details." 

"So enough about us," Paul said, "Do you have plans with Jenny tonight?" 

"No, she took the kids to visit her mother. They won't be home until later tonight." 

Paul leaned over and whispered something in Richard's ear, to which the other man responded, "Of course baby. Ask him." Paul turned to his friend again. 

"Would you like to stay for dinner? Richard's making lasagna." 

"Um, are you sure? I don't wanna intrude." 

"You won't be or else we wouldn't of asked." 

"Well sure then, I'd love to. But....do you let Richard cook all the meals?" 

"Mmm....he mostly does but he says he likes to. I offer from time to time but he likes to cook so I let him. Though I did tell him I plan on buying all the groceries from now on and helping out with other things to make up for all he's done for me." Richard smiled and rolled his eyes at that. "But why do you ask?" 

"Oh, no reason. I just always thought you'd be the woman of the relationship, Paulchen," Flake remarked teasingly. Paul's mouth opened wide and he got up and lunged towards Flake to try to punch him in the arm which turned into Flake trying to fight back with the smaller man, which caused all three men to breakout in laughter. Richard stood up. 

"Well, while you two kids are playing, mother's gonna go into the kitchen and get supper started. 

"Okay mother," Flake teased back. 

"Yes mother. Let me know if you need any help," Paul chimed in as he tried to get Flake in a headlock. 

Richard looked at Paul and pointed directly at him and before he turned to head towards the kitchen said, "That's Master to you!" As he walked away, Paul and Flake's mouths both flew open.

"Did he seriously just say what I think he said?" Flake asked, trying to keep a straight face. Paul finally left Flake alone and sat back on the couch, laughing with a red face. He just nodded in reply. "Oh brother, I don't even wanna know," Flake said while he shook his head. Paul threw a palm over his flustered face while they both continued laughing. 

Later that night, Paul and Richard laid in bed, wrapped up in each other's arms. 

"So do you feel better after getting all that off your chest with Flake?" 

"Yes, a hundred times better! Thanks for being there for me. Though I have to admit, I still feel incredibly nervous every time I think of telling my kids." 

"Well just don't worry about that right now baby. You still have some time before you have to do that. Think only good thoughts as you fall asleep tonight." 

"Like what?" 

"Like our date tomorrow night." Paul gasped and glanced up at the other man as though he had almost forgotten. 

"I'm so excited Reesh. I can't wait!" 

"Me too baby." Richard fell asleep that night with thoughts of his special plans for tomorrow night on his mind. 

Paul wondered where Richard would take him. The other man hadn't given him any hints. He wondered if they would go out to a fancy restaurant, which wasn't really Paul's thing but he would be appreciative if that's where they ended up. Or maybe they would go to the club for the first time as a couple, though a sex club wasn't really first date material, Paul thought and laughed amusingly to himself. It didn't really matter where they went though, he would just be happy and content to go anywhere with the man he loved. Paul's ideas of what their date would be like ran through his head until he fell into a peaceful slumber and managed to sleep the whole night through without any nightmares.


	26. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The place where Paul and Richard go for their date in this chapter is an actual place in Berlin but I made up a few small details about the place for the purpose of the story ;)

Paul and Richard had just got off the train and were walking hand in hand to the place where Richard planned for them to go on their date. They didn't wanna drive one of their own cars in case they decided to drink. Richard still hadn't told Paul where they were going but they were both dressed casually, with Richard in a dark blue button down, Paul in a black one and both of them in black jeans. He told Paul that their destination wasn't fancy but said it was beautiful. The weather had also been decent that day so far. The sun was shining a little and it was cool out but at least it wasn't cold. They came up on a parking lot where a good amount of cars were parked and Paul spotted a sign which he read out loud. 

"Viktoriapark." 

"Yeah. Have you ever been here?" 

"No, but I've heard of it." 

"Really? You've lived in Berlin your whole life and you've never been here? I used to bring my kids here sometimes when they were little. But that's good you've never been cause now you'll get to experience it for the first time with me." Richard smiled as he looked over at Paul who squeezed his hand and smiled back at him. 

He led him first to a spot which had a large waterfall that cascaded over rocks and had a cathedral style statue behind it and woods surrounding it. 

"Wow, this place is beautiful," Paul agreed. 

"Not as beautiful as you baby," Richard said, causing Paul to blush. "Let's go sit down over there and look at it." 

They went to take a seat on a big rock that was near the end of the waterfall. There were a good amount of people there, given that it was a Saturday evening, but it wasn't too congested. As Paul sat down, he stared up at the waterfall and admired it while Richard took a seat next to him on the same rock and put his arm around the smaller man and kissed him on the temple. Paul looked over at him and smiled. 

"This place is really nice Reesh. I never knew you could be so romantic." 

"You didn't? Well I can be, that is if you like that about me." 

"I like it very much. I like your romantic side, your dominant side, your sweet side and your bossy side." Richard laughed at that last comment. "I love every side of you Reesh." 

"I love you baby." They began to kiss for a while and by the time they pulled away from each other, they noticed there were a few people staring but they didn't care. "Let's go walk to another area of the park. There's something I want you to see," Richard said as he stood up and held out his hand for Paul to take. 

He led him to an area of the park which was on a hill where you could look out and see a expansive view of the city. And the sun was just starting to set which made for a beautiful view. There were a few other people around but they were a good distance from them and they weren't paying any attention to the two men. 

"Reesh, this is awesome, and so gorgeous." Richard stood behind Paul and wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. Paul placed his arms over the other man's. 

"I'm glad you like it. I didn't wanna take you just anywhere. It had to be somewhere special," Richard said right before he kissed the smaller man on the cheek. Paul turned his head to give the other man a proper kiss, parting his lips and letting Richard in to explore with his tongue slowly and sensually. Paul's knees grew weak and he was grateful for the fact that Richard was holding on to him. He felt like he was in heaven in Richard's arms with their lips against one another while they stood high above Berlin in the glow of the sun. After the kiss ended, they stayed there and watched the sun set for a while. 

"Are you ready to get something to eat? There's a biergarten about five minutes from here and right next to it is a nice restaurant. Nothing too fancy but it's nice." 

"Sure, let's go eat." 

They made their way to the biergarten area and then Richard led him to the nearby restaurant and held the door open for him. A maitre d' approached them and told them it would be about a ten minute wait. They sat and waited on a bench and then were finally seated at a booth towards the back of the restaurant. Paul liked that the restaurant was slightly darkened which made it feel more romantic and intimate. 

As they started to look at their menus, a young waiter came to ask them what they would like to drink. They ordered some wine and as the waiter walked away, both of them noticed the sly grin he gave Paul. 

"What was that all about?" Richard asked. 

"I don't know but he looks sort of familiar but I'm not sure where I know him from. I think I might of given him a guitar lesson once or something." 

"Oh," Richard replied nonchalantly and Paul smirked at the way Richard was purposely trying not to show his jealousy. 

When the waiter returned with their drinks, he took their orders and smiled directly at Paul once again before he walked away. Richard tried to ignore the fact that the guy kept smiling at Paul as though he didn't even see Richard there with him. 

"So is this place alright? I didn't wanna take you anywhere too upscale because I know that's not your style and it's not really mine either, but I didn't want it to be too casual either." 

"It's perfect Reesh. You did good." Richard smiled and they continued to make small talk until their meals arrived. Paul ordered a steak and potatoes and Richard ordered the grilled chicken with salad on the side. 

The young man set their plates on the table and said, "There you go gentlemen. Let me know if you need anything." As he walked away that time, he winked at Paul. Richard's mouth fell open and Paul just laughed it off. 

"It's okay Reesh, he probably just recognizes me from somewhere or something. He's just being friendly. Probably trying to get a good tip." 

"Well he won't get a good tip from me! He was flirting with you Paul. Can't he see you're here with your boyfriend?" Richard pouted and Paul tilted his head and smiled as he reached across the table and took the other man's hand. 

"Oh Reesh, are you jealous?" 

"Yeah, I'm jealous! He's flirting with my boyfriend right in front of my face. You're my Paulchen and no one else's." Paul laughed. "But I don't blame him. I mean, I'd probably flirt with you too if I was your waiter." 

"Oh baby, don't worry. You have nothing to worry about. I only have eyes for you," Paul said as he squeezed Richard's hand. 

"I know, I trust you. But I still don't like it." Paul smiled and shook his head and then they finally dug into their food. But as Paul began to cut into his steak, he was disappointed with it. 

"Shit." 

"What's wrong?" Richard asked, concerned by Paul's reaction to his food. 

"I said I wanted my steak well-done and it's a little pink but it's alright. It's not that bad I guess. I'll eat it." 

"Wait Paul, let me see it." Richard scooted Paul's plate closer to himself and took a look at the steak. "That's not even close to well-done. Don't worry, I'll call the waiter over here and tell him." 

"No Reesh, you have to do that! It's fine. I can eat it." 

"No Paul, it's not what you ordered." Paul started to open his mouth to protest again but Richard cut him off. "No Paul. I'm gonna make sure you get what you ordered and that's final. Don't argue with me." 

"Yes Sir," Paul replied with a small smirk and Richard smiled amusingly. 

When they spotted the waiter nearby, Richard called him over. "Excuse me Sir." The man approached the table. 

"Yes, how can I help you?" 

"Well my boyfriend here ordered his steak well-done and it's pink. Could you please take it and make sure it gets cooked thoroughly this time?" Richard asked in a stern tone of voice. 

"Yes Sir, I'll make sure it gets done properly this time and have it back to you as soon as possible." 

The waiter was flustered and sounded nervous, probably due to Richard's attitude, but before he could walk away Richard added, "Oh and young man?" The waiter turned back around. "When you bring my boyfriend's steak back, I would appreciate it if you didn't wink at him again." The man's face turned red and he swallowed hard as he nodded eagerly and then walked away carrying the plate of steak. Paul sat there stunned with his eyes and mouth wide opened and Richard continued to eat his own food as though nothing happened. 

"Reesh!" 

"What?" Richard asked, not looking up from his plate. 

"Did you seriously just say that to him?" Richard finally looked up at the smaller man. 

"Yeah I did. You got a problem with that Paul?" Richard replied firmly but Paul could sense the teasing in his tone. 

"No Sir," Paul teased back. 

"Good boy. I'm the only one that can wink at you and the only one that can look at you that way and don't you forget it," he said as he winked at Paul and then continued eating. Paul tried to smile and be amused by that but he was having trouble doing that when all he could think about was the feeling of arousal that shot through him because of the other man's words and actions. 

"I'm sorry your food didn't turn out right. I was hoping this place would be good."

"No, it's fine Reesh, really. It's no big deal. This place is great and it's been an incredible date so far. Thank you for all this." Richard just smiled and nodded in response.

When the waiter finally returned with Paul's food, he set the plate in front of him and without even looking up at either man, he said, "There you are Sir. A steak, well-done this time," and then he quickly walked away with a red face. 

Once he was out of earshot, Paul and Richard looked at each other and couldn't resist laughing. Paul shook his head and said, "Poor guy." 

They ate their food and eventually started talking about other topics not related to Richard embarrassing the waiter and then by the time they were finished, the waiter brought the bill. After he walked away, Paul went to reach for it but Richard slapped his hand before he could touch it which sent another signal to Paul below his belt. 

"Hey now! You don't need to look at it. I'll take care of it. Tonight is my treat baby." 

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I want to." 

"Okay," Paul replied softly and didn't try to argue further as he felt intimidated yet turned on by the other man at the same time. 

After they paid and got up to leave, Richard asked Paul if he wanted to check out the biergarten for a while before they left. Paul just nodded but didn't speak and Richard thought he seemed uncomfortable for some reason but he didn't know why. Earlier, Paul seemed to think the whole thing with the waiter was funny so he hoped Paul wasn't mad at him for the way he acted. 

When they went out to the biergarten, they took a seat at one of the long benches where many other people were seated. There was a band playing under a tent nearby and they ordered and drank a couple beers while they listened to the music. Richard noticed Paul was quiet so he asked him if everything was alright. 

"Yeah, everything's fine. This date had been really nice Reesh." But his voice sounded uneasy when he replied so Richard wasn't convinced he was telling the truth but he decided not to ask him about it until they were somewhere where other people weren't around. What Richard didn't realize was that Paul had become aroused by the other man's dominant behavior in the restaurant and was now sporting a partial erection and was thankful for the darkness outside. But Richard did notice Paul fidgeting in his seat. 

Once they finished their beers he asked, "Do you wanna go somewhere more quiet, away from all these people? We can go take a short walk in the woods that were near the waterfall if you'd like to." 

"Sure. That sounds good." Paul was relieved for the offer. 

They made their way to the woods in the mostly darkened area which was only lit by dim streetlights. Then they came upon a trail which led into the woods and had small lights that went along the sidewalk between the trees. Richard took Paul's hand and could feel that his palm was sweaty even though it was rather cool outside and he still wasn't speaking much. 

When they first started their walk down the trail, there were several other couples who walked by them but when they reached a spot where the trail broke off into two paths, Richard saw that one path looked more private and empty of visitors to the park so he told Paul he wanted to go in that direction. Once they made their way down the path and Richard made sure that there was no one around he pulled Paul aside and walked him a little ways into the woods and then pushed his back gently against a tree and placed his hands on the smaller man's upper arms. 

"What are you doing Reesh?" Paul asked curiously. Richard leaned forward and kissed him passionately. As he pulled away, he could see that Paul's eyes were lidded and there was a small smile that he could just barely see in the dark. 

"Is something wrong Paul? You seem....I don't know, a little off or something."

"I'm fine. I was just trying to act normal when we were around other people." 

"Act normal? What do you mean?" Richard asked with a puzzled expression. Paul took a deep breath and then looked down as he had a hard time meeting the other man's eyes in the dark while they stood nose to nose in this private spot in the woods. 

"I....I got turned on. So I was trying not to show that I was flustered." Richard still looked a bit confused. 

"Turned on by what?" 

"By you, and the way you were acting." He finally lifted his head to meet the other man's gaze. "Sticking up for me with the waiter to make sure I got what I ordered, getting jealous over him winking at me and telling him not to do it again, and then telling me what to do and slapping my hand. You don't what it does to me when you act that way." Richard grinned wide. 

"Oh yes I do. And that's exactly why I do it." Richard rested his forehead against the smaller man's and looked directly into his eyes as he spoke softly. "I know what I'm doing to you, the way I'm getting to you." He moved his head to whisper in Paul's ear. "And I'm not gonna stop." Paul pushed his head back against the tree while he closed his eyes and sighed shakily in arousal. 

"Reesh please. Don't do this to me when were in public. There's people around," Paul whispered back. Richard pulled away and looked around at their surroundings. 

"I don't see anyone here but you and I." He moved closer to Paul again. "Are you hard for me baby? Huh? Did I make you hard?" 

"Reesh please!" Richard pushed the front of his body against the smaller man's and could feel his erection.

"Yes you are baby. You are hard for me, aren't you?" Paul sighed loudly again as he could feel the other man's erection pressed against his own just as Richard started to nip at his ear and then moved lower to kiss and suck different spots on his neck. 

"Oh god. Please Reesh, please."

"Please what baby? Tell master what you want," Richard whispered. 

"Oh god! Fuck! Please take me home." Richard grinned again as he stepped away and took Paul's hand. 

"Let's go home baby. I'm gonna make love to you." 

They quickly made their way out of the woods but they didn't have the patience to wait for the next train that would take them back so they got into one of the taxis that were already lined up in the parking lot waiting for customers. 

As the taxi started down the road, Richard leaned over and placed one hand on Paul's leg then slid it up a little too close to his groin, causing him to flinch. Paul tried to express his frustration with the other man's actions but couldn't stop himself from laughing quietly.

"Reesh, stop! Not in front of the driver," he whispered. 

"I'm sorry baby, I just can't help myself around you," Richard whispered in his ear and then before he pulled away, he nipped the top of his ear at the same time as he brushed his hand over Paul's erection. That caused Paul to uncontrollably let a quiet moan slip from his lips. Richard finally removed his hand and pulled away from the smaller man. He leaned his head back against the seat and grinned from ear to ear and was quite pleased with himself and the effect he had on Paul. 

After they arrived at their apartment building and paid the driver, they literally ran up the stairs to the forth floor and couldn't wait to get behind closed doors and have it be just the two of them without the company or spying eyes of others. 

Richard fumbled with his keys and as soon as he got his door unlocked, they couldn't even make it to the bedroom. He immediately pushed Paul down on the couch and climbed on top of him in the dark. They started making out and grinding against one another. Then Richard abruptly pulled away. 

"What are you doing Reesh? Don't stop!" 

"I know Paul but wait. I wanna make this more special. It is our date night after all." 

"Oh come on. It's already special enough just from us being here together. I don't wanna use anything tonight like handcuffs or any of that. I just want you." 

"I know baby, me too. That's not what I meant though. Just hold on for a minute. I'll be right back." Richard got off of Paul and went to his bedroom to get something. Paul sighed loudly in frustration. He needed Richard on him and in him and right now! 

Richard came back out with something in each hand. He went over to the front of the TV and first set a bottle of lube on the floor and then he laid a big plush rug out on the floor which he had stored away in one of his closets. He took a small remote out of the drawer on the TV stand and turned on the electric fireplace which was part of the TV stand. The artificial fire lit up the otherwise dark room and made for a romantic scene. He went back over to Paul and took him by the hand to pull him up off the couch. 

"Get down here baby. I'm gonna make love to you in front of the fire. No handcuffs, no whips, no chains, just you and I. That's all that matters right now." 

Before they laid on the rug they began rushing to undress one another as quickly as possible. By the time Richard's clothes were removed, Paul was still having trouble getting his own shirt unbuttoned so Richard yanked the smaller man's hands away and then grabbed the middle of his shirt and ripped it open, sending buttons flying through the air. Paul gasped and just stood there in awe as he let the other man remove his clothes in record time. As soon as they were both naked, Paul wrapped his arms around Richard's neck and began kissing him frantically. Richard eased the smaller man onto the rug on his back without breaking the kiss. 

Once they were on the floor with Richard kneeling between Paul's legs, he pinned his wrists above his head and continued to kiss him desperately on the lips and then he trailed kisses down Paul's whole body and as he moved down lower, he ran his hands down his arms and his smooth sides. He took Paul's whole length into his warm mouth and sucked until he was moaning and seconds away from coming. 

"Stop Reesh! I don't wanna come yet. I want you in me, now!" Richard wasted no time obeying his boyfriend's wishes and he prepared him as fast as he could without hurting him. By the time he was done, they were both so eager for Richard to be inside Paul that by the time they joined together, both men let out a loud relieved breath simultaneously.

As soon as Paul was adjusted to the feeling, Richard began to move, slowly at first and then faster and he paused for a moment to lift one of Paul's legs over his shoulder so that he could thrust into him deeper and hit his prostate more directly. He held on tightly to the smaller man's hips and began to thrust hard but slow and when Paul felt that sensation of Richard hitting him in just the right spot and with his leg in the air, he nearly came right then but Richard stopped him. 

"Don't come yet baby. Just feel me inside of you for a while. Enjoy it." Richard kept speaking sweet words to Paul while he made love to him slowly which only turned Paul on more and kept sending him closer and closer to the edge. 

"Please Reesh! I need to come. Oh god, it feels so good! I can't take it anymore!" Richard decided not to torture him any longer so he sped up and gave his permission. 

"Okay baby. Come for me. Come on baby." As he pounded into Paul harder and faster, both of their cries grew louder. "Fuck! You feel so good Paul." 

Paul's head titled back, his eyes clenched shut and his hands fisted into the plush rug as the sensation of his oncoming orgasm overwhelmed him. Then he cried out Richard's name over and over along with some curses as he came all over his own abdomen without his cock ever even being touched. 

Richard felt Paul tighten around him and that, along with the way Paul was screaming his name, was more than enough to make him come hard inside the smaller man. As he let himself go, he kept repeating to Paul how much he loved him. 

Once he finished riding out his orgasm and slowly came down from his high, he finally pulled out of Paul and laid next to him. He turned behind himself to grab one of his socks off the floor and used it to wipe Paul's stomach and then he threw it back on the floor. He lifted a sated and panting Paul who still had his eyes closed and pulled him against own chest and held him there until they were both passed out in no time at all.

Richard woke up in the middle of the night and thought he should turn the electric fireplace off but he had to first gently lift Paul off of himself and lay him back against the rug so that he could reach the remote. But as he eased Paul back, he paused to stare at him. He leaned down closer to him to lightly trail kisses down his face along his temple, his cheek and his jaw. For some reason, in that moment, he couldn't help but think about how much he loved this precious man that he had lying next to him, and how much he just wanted to protect him. As he watched his eyelashes flutter as he slept, he brushed his hand against Paul's cheek and suddenly got the feeling that he wished he could just shrink Paul and put him in his pocket so that he could keep him safe there forever. That thought made him laugh which woke Paul. The smaller man squinted his sleepy eyes and stared up at Richard curiously and wondered why he the other man was awake in the middle of the night and watching him. 

"What's going on Reesh?" he asked in a raspy voice. 

"Nothing baby, everything's fine. I was just watching you. Go back to sleep Paulchen." 

"Okay," Paul whispered as he closed his eyes again. 

Richard smiled and turned the fireplace off and then snuggled up against Paul's side. 

"Love you Reesh." 

"Love you baby."


	27. Candlelight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken me longer than usual to update. I've been busy with life lately and I also made the crazy decision to start a new story in another fandom lol. But I'm gonna try my best to update this story once a week. Thank you guys for all your nice comments! They really do mean a lot to me and they motivate me and make me love writing even more. Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Richard was sitting at home on a Sunday evening, waiting for Paul to return from going out to dinner with his kids. Paul had decided to tell his kids about Richard sooner than later so he wouldn't have to keep worrying about it. Richard was nervous for him, especially when he saw how anxious Paul was before he left. He was afraid Paul might even chicken out and not tell them after all, but he hoped he would be able to get it over with so that would be one less thing for them to worry about and they could finally move on with their lives and their relationship once everything was out in the open. But he also hoped that Paul's kids would take the news alright. He didn't wanna see the man he loves get hurt. 

Paul finally came home and when he walked in, the expression on his face was unreadable. "Hey baby, how'd it go?" Richard motioned for Paul to sit next to him on the couch. Once he took a seat, he shrugged his shoulders and forced a small smile. 

"Went better than I was afraid it might have." 

"Well that's good, isn't it?" Paul just nodded. "What's the matter Paul? What'd they say?" Richard leaned over and put his arm around Paul and pulled him close to his side. Paul took a deep breath before speaking. 

"Well, both off them seemed a little shocked when I first told them and I gotta admit, it made me feel embarrassed and uneasy. I just wanted them to accept me and not look at me any differently. But then the shock seemed to wear off a bit after some time passed and things felt less awkward. Surprisingly, my son was the one that took it the best. I thought maybe he'd judge me because he's a guy and I'm dating a guy, but he said it was the twenty first century and that it wasn't that big of a deal these days and he just wanted me to be happy." 

"Well, that's good. What about your daughter?" 

Paul sighed. "Well, when Emil asked her if she agreed that they just wanted me to be happy, she nodded her head and smiled a little but I could tell it wasn't genuine. I could tell by her face and body language until the time I left that she was having a hard time accepting it. But I don't know if it was more the fact that I said I was dating a man or that I said I was dating anyone. I mean because my ex-wife is her mother and our divorce was really hard on her and you're the first person I've dated seriously since her mother and I separated. So it's a lot for her to accept." 

"Well that makes sense Paul and I understand. I'm sure every kid has a hard time hearing that their divorced parent is seeing someone new and I'm sure she's also trying to deal with the shock of finding out her dad's with a man, but I'm sure after some more time passes, she'll get more used to the idea and hopefully be more accepting. My daughter had a hard time accepting that I was gay when she first found out but now she's completely fine with it. So just give your daughter time, she'll come around eventually." 

"I hope so, I don't wanna hurt her." 

"Oh baby, you're not hurting anyone." He kissed Paul on the cheek. "You're just living your life and trying to be happy. And I'm sure she wants her dad to be happy." Paul just nodded and looked down with a sad demeanor and Richard felt terrible for him. "I'm sorry Paul." Paul looked up, confused. 

"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything." 

"I feel like I'm the cause of all this stress you've been going through lately. First, having to deal with being violated and having your life threatened by that man and now you're having to tell your friends and family about me and you're afraid of being judged for it, and that's all because of me. All of it." 

"Oh stop Reesh! I thought we agreed we weren't gonna blame ourselves for all that stuff that happened anymore. And telling people about you isn't a bad thing. Yes, it's nerve-racking but it's not bad thing when I'm lucky enough to tell people that I've finally found someone to love and be happy with." 

"That's nice Paul but you know what I'm saying is true. If it wasn't for you dating me, you wouldn't be experiencing all the stress and turmoil you've had to go through for the last week." Paul huffed and turned towards Richard so he could take the other man's face into his hands. 

"Richard, just stop!" Richard's eyes opened a little wider when he heard Paul use his actual name. "If it weren't for you I also wouldn't be experiencing all the happiness and love and excitement I have for all these weeks since we've been together. I wouldn't know what it was like to feel so safe and loved and at peace every night when I fall asleep in your arms. I wouldn't change anything that's happened recently if I meant I had to give all that up too. I'd go through it all over again. It'd be worth it to have the love and trust that we've built up between us now because of everything we've been through together." A grin slowly spread across Richard's face and grew bigger when Paul smiled back at him. "I mean think about it Reesh, if all that wouldn't have happened would we have told each other we loved one another yet? Would we be living together right now?" 

"You've got a good point there Paulchen. I guess some good has come from enduring all this stress," Richard replied quietly. They shared a kiss and Paul finally let go of him. 

"Yeah and I'm glad that I've finally told the people most important to me about you and got that off my chest so now I can just relax and enjoy being with you out in the open." 

"I'm glad for that too." 

"I've also decided that I'm gonna go back to work in a few days." 

Richard frowned. "What? No! You can't do that. I've gotten so used to you being here with me all day. What am I gonna do without you?" 

Paul laughed. "You're gonna get back to your writing which I've been distracting you from since I've been here." 

"Okay, I guess you're right. I have been neglecting my work, but every minute with you has made it so worth it. But are you sure you're ready to go back?" 

"Yes, I'll be fine. I'm already doing a lot better, mentally, than I was a week ago and in a few days I'll be even better, so don't worry. Plus I like my job so at least it's not like I have to go back to something stressful. Music relaxes me so it'll be good to get back to selling instruments and giving people lessons." 

"Yeah, that's true. I'm glad you like your job. But even though I can tell you're doing a lot better, I still know that this week has been hard for you and I knew today would make it even harder so I decided I was gonna surprise you with something when you got home that'll relax you a little." Paul perked up and his eyes opened wider. 

"Really? Well where's my surprise?" He began to look around the living room to see if he noticed anything special. 

"Well actually, I've got a couple surprises for you tonight and the first one is in the bathroom, so follow me." Richard stood up and held his hand out for the smaller man to take. Paul raised one brow and gave him a puzzled look yet he stood to take his hand and followed him anyways.

When Paul entered the bathroom right after Richard, he found a bubble bath surrounded by a few candles. The blush that appeared on his cheeks and the huge smile on his face was immediate. 

"Reesh," he spoke softly, "This is so sweet of you. You didn't have to do this." 

"I wanted to baby. Do you like it?" Paul nodded and his smile was all the answer Richard needed. "Let me help you get undressed and you can get in." 

"Aren't you gonna get in with me?" Paul asked hopefully while Richard helped him remove his clothes. 

"No baby, I'm gonna bathe you." Paul stood naked in front of Richard and stared up at him, baffled, with the curve of a smile starting to form. 

"You're gonna bathe me?" 

"Well yeah," Richard said as though it was something so natural. "You're gonna lay in the tub and I'm gonna sit on the side of it and wash your whole body. How's that sound? Will you let me take care of you baby?" Richard asked in such a soft, and sensual voice that Paul couldn't resist. 

He nodded and wrapped his arms around Richard's neck and pressed their bodies closer together. He whispered in his ear, "You're too much," and then licked a stripe up Richard's throat at the same time he pressed his partial erection against him. Richard sucked in a breath unexpectedly and backed away from the smaller man. 

"It's not time for that just yet baby. I've got other plans for that after this." Paul's initial sigh of complaint caused by Richard backing up turned into a pleased sigh and his eyes closed in arousal when he heard that. He opened them to find Richard smirking at his reaction then Richard pointed to the tub. "Get in Paul." Paul obeyed while Richard took his hand to help him in the tub. 

He lowered himself and laid back until just his head was above the water. Richard sat on the side and rolled up his sleeves. He watched Paul, letting him soak for a while before he washed him. Paul breathed deeply as he dropped his head back and closed his eyes. 

"I'm gonna have to repay you for all this someday Reesh. You're always doing nice things for me. It's about time you let me do something nice for you." 

"Just you being here with me everyday is enough babe." Paul opened his eyes and smiled kindly and stared into Richard's blue ones looking back at him. 

"Yeah, but I mean I wanna really do something for you." 

"Like what?" 

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe give you a bath or plan a date for us, or maybe give you a massage." Richard's ears perked up at that. 

"A massage?" 

"Yeah."

"I'll think about it sometime Paul." Paul tilted his head and almost frowned but he decided against it and instead smiled and nodded. He didn't wanna push Richard. He knew the other man's feelings about needing to be the one in control and being afraid to give up control to someone else because of things he went through with his ex and also when he was hurt at the club while he was subbing, but sometimes Paul had to admit to himself that that bothered him. He knew Richard trusted him so Paul didn't understand why he couldn't make an exception just for him and let him take a little of the control every now and then. But he didn't let Richard know he felt that way. He didn't wanna upset him or pressure him into things he wouldn't be comfortable with, so every now and then he'd just try to gently bring up the subject but still Richard wouldn't budge. He just couldn't get over the fears he had that were caused by his past. But Paul was determined to not give up on changing that someday. He decided to drop it for now, but not for good. Richard was beautiful and Paul knew from the moment he fell for him that not only did he want the other man to do things to him but he wanted to do things to Richard too. And really, who could blame him? Richard was the most sexy and gorgeous man he'd ever laid eyes on. 

"So baby, since you're gonna go back to work in a few days, was there anything special you were wanting to go out and do with the rest of your time off?" Paul grinned mischievously and Richard shot him a leery glance. "Should I be afraid by that smile on your face? You've already got something in mind, don't you?" 

"Maybe," Paul said in a sly way. "All the stuff we've managed to make it through lately has got me feeling brave." 

"Uh oh! A brave Paul? That sounds like trouble." Paul laughed wickedly. "I'm almost afraid to ask but what'd you have in mind?" Paul hesitated for a few moments before he could finally say it. 

"Take me to the club, rent that private room on the third floor that was like a dungeon, and....and scene with me." Richard's brow flew up as though he didn't know whether Paul was really sure about what he was saying he wanted. "And I'm not talking about some mock scene like that one night when we were just messing around there. I'm talking a real, official scene and I don't want you to go lightly on me. I want you to give me everything you've got. And I don't wanna decide what we do either. I'm gonna leave that up to you. You're the expert on all that so I trust that you'll be able to come up with the perfect scene for us and that you won't go too far. I'm giving you my consent Master Richard. Do whatever you wanna do to me." 

Richard couldn't believe what he was hearing. Paul was gonna grant his ultimate wish of a fantasy he'd dreamed of for so long, since that very first day he told Paul he goes to a sex club and since the time he tied him up in that dark room and gave him just a taste of what it could be like if Paul was his sub. That thought made his cock twitch and he knew he was gonna need to hurry and get this bath done so he could get Paul out of it and in his bed. 

Paul saw the hazy look of lust that filled Richard's eyes as he looked down at him sternly, so he knew that meant Richard was game but he just had to tease him anyways. He looked up at the other man with the most innocent eyes and said, "I mean unless....that doesn't interest you. Then we don't have to." Richard quickly closed the distance between the them and grabbed Paul by the back of the neck to pull him into a desperate and passionate kiss. He pulled away from the smaller man breathlessly to gaze into his eyes. 

"Of course I want to," he replied in a raspy tone with just as much lust in his voice as there was in his eyes. Paul swallowed hard and couldn't speak now with the way the other man was staring him down. "Let me wash you now baby so we can move on to your next surprise." Paul could only nod in agreement. 

Even though Richard was eager to get to what he had planned for Paul in the bedroom, he decided to take his time washing him because he needed him to be relaxed for what they were about to possibly do next. Paul closed his eyes and let his mind go blank while Richard slowly and torturously rubbed soap over every inch of his body with his bare hands. The way Richard's fingers were running all over all his skin sent shivers throughout him even though the water was as warm as could be. By the time he finished, Paul was almost asleep.

"Baby, open your eyes, were finished now." He had to help Paul to stand up and get out of the tub so he could dry him off. He sat him on the side of the tub and told him to wait there for a few minutes so he could get the next surprise ready and then he would come back for him.

When everything was ready, Richard led Paul into the bedroom. Paul's sleepy eyes immediately opened wide at the sight in front of him. All the lights were off and the room was filled with dozens of lit candles on every surface. Richard could see the smaller man's expression in the glow of the candlelight. Paul glanced over at him as his mouth fell open mouth and he was speechless. Richard smiled and led him to the bed. He instructed Paul to lay on top of the covers and then undressed himself and joined him on the bed. He turned on his side to face Paul. 

"Listen Paul. I wanted you to be relaxed but I also need you to be aware of what I'm asking you because I need to know whether you'll agree to what I'm about to suggest." Paul, who was lying on his back, looked up at Richard with a serious and slightly worried expression. "Don't worry baby. I'm just gonna suggest an idea that I have in mind and if you're not comfortable with it, we don't have to do it. I'll be happy just to make love to you or try anything else you may wanna try if you're not interested in my idea, okay?" 

"Okay," Paul replied hesitantly, wondering what in the world Richard was about to say. 

"Have you ever heard of wax play?" Paul eyes opened almost fearfully wide and Richard laughed. "Okay, I'm gonna assume by your reaction that you have and that you most likely aren't interested in it?" 

Paul took a deep breath. "I never said that. I just think it seems kind of scary. Isn't that where someone pours hot candle wax on someone else's skin?" 

"Yes, but it's not as scary as you might think. How about I explain to you how it all works and then if it still scares you, we don't even have to talk about it anymore and I'll be fine with that, alright baby?" 

"It doesn't really scare me, I just said it seems kind of scary when I think of the whole idea of it, but to honest with you, it actually kind of intrigues me too. I might be interested in it," Paul confessed with a smile. 

"Really?" Richard asked, pleased to hear that. Paul nodded. "Well let me explain it to you and you might even be more open to the idea." 

"Okay, go ahead." Richard ran his fingertips lightly along Paul's upper body while he spoke. 

"The candles on the table behind me are called paraffin candles. The wax doesn't burn as hot as regular candles, they burn at a temperature that's safe to use on skin. It'll feel hot but it won't actually cause any permanent burns to your skin. You may be a bit red after the wax is removed but it'll fade. Now, what I would do first is rub some body oil all over your skin. That'll help the wax come off easily when we're done. And since the candles are pillar candles, they have a little open area on top where the wax builds up and stays there until it's poured out. I'll hold the candle high above you before I let it drip on you. The longer it takes for it to hit your skin, the cooler it will be. I'd probably only pour it on certain parts of your body; mainly your chest, your stomach and your thighs. I won't let it touch any sensitive areas unless you want me to. And if you don't mind, I'd prefer to handcuff and blindfold you. I don't want you to flinch and accidently touch the wax with your hands and blindfolding you will intensify the whole experience. You won't know where on your body you'll feel the sensation and heat of the wax next, unless you'd be more comfortable with me letting you know where I'm gonna do it next." Richard finished and there was a brief silence between them. "So, what do you think Paul?" 

"Well, all that information does make me feel a little better about it." After some more silence Paul finally decided. "Can we just try it....like just a little, before we go too far with it? And tell me where you're gonna pour it before you do." 

"Of course baby. Whatever you want." 

"Okay, let's just try it first," Paul said timidly. Richard cupped Paul's face and looked deep into his eyes. 

"We don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it." 

"No, I want to." 

"You know I'd never let you get hurt baby, don't you?" 

"Yes Reesh. I trust you and I really am interested in trying it, I'm just a little nervous is all." 

"Don't be nervous. I'll keep you safe." Richard smiled and gave Paul a quick peck on the lips before he got up to get what he needed. 

First he sat next to Paul and took his time rubbing some oil all over his smooth skin and giving him a few kisses while he was at it, which Paul very much enjoyed. The small noises of pleasure that came from him aroused Richard and he couldn't wait to go further to see what kind of sounds he could pull from him next. Paul couldn't help but laugh nervously when Richard placed a blindfold around him. It was the first time they had ever done that.

After handcuffing and blindfolding Paul, he took one of the pillar candles off his nightstand which was already lit and held it above Paul's abdomen. "Okay baby, get ready. I'm gonna pour just a really small amount on your stomach. And remember we can slow down or stop if you need to." 

"Okay," Paul replied shakily and tried to stay calm. Richard held the candle an arm's length above Paul and slowly tipped it over until a small bit of wax poured out and then tipped it back up. When the wax hit Paul, it burned but not terribly bad, but still he instinctively gasped and arched his back off the bed for a moment but when he dropped back down, he sighed in relief. "That wasn't so bad. In fact it....it was sorta nice. I like how it feels Reesh," he said, sounding proud of himself. 

"Good baby, but that was only a little bit of wax. Do you want me to try more? How about on your chest this time?" 

"Uh, o-okay. Yeah. You can try a little more I guess." 

"Okay baby, here it comes." This time Richard poured a larger amount on his chest and it really stung Paul when some wax dripped over onto one nipple but it was good sting; painful but pleasurable at the same time. When the stinging, heated sensation shot through his insides and trailed down to his groin, he gasped louder and arched up again. "Reesh!" 

"Are you alright baby? Do you want me to stop?" 

"No! Don't stop! I kinda like it. I mean, I kinda like it a lot." Richard looked pleasantly surprised. 

"Really baby? You really like the way it feels?" Richard asked, even though he already knew the answer to that when he saw how hard Paul's cock had grown in just the last few moments. 

"I do." Paul beamed and starting squirming restlessly. 

"Gettin a little excited Paulchen?" Richard asked, amused by the smaller man's reaction. 

"Yes. Do it again Sir, please!" Richard's amusement switched to arousal at Paul's words. Apparently they'd just discovered another kink of Paul's and that made Richard very, very pleased. Finding out what kind of things Paul liked and knowing that he was the one that would get to fulfill Paul's needs were what ultimately fulfilled him.

"Okay Paul, I will but I wanna go further with this. I'm not gonna tell you when or where I'm gonna do it anymore and I also wanna do something else to you while we do the wax play, something I know you'll enjoy. Is that alright? Do you trust me?"

"Yes Sir, please! Just make me feel good again. Do whatever you want with me Master." A heated feeling coursed though Richard's body and made him shudder and he had to will himself to keep his composure and follow through with his plan instead of just fucking Paul right into the mattress at that moment.

Suddenly, Paul heard the pop of a cap. "Spread your legs for me baby." He could sense the want in Richard's voice. He spread his legs and seconds later, he felt Richard's lube covered finger circling his hole. His breath sped up in arousal and when Richard pushed his finger in, he tensed up. "Relax baby, you're gonna feel so good in a minute." Paul eventually relaxed and soon Richard had two fingers in him. Then he curled those fingers and rubbed across the right spot and a loud, pleasured moan escaped from Paul's lips. "That's it baby. Such a good boy for me." 

Paul expected Richard to stretch him so that he could put something other than his fingers in him but that didn't happen. Richard just kept massaging his prostate and wouldn't stop. Paul was getting close and couldn't hold back his moans as he writhed around atop the covers. 

"You can come if you want baby. Come as many times as you want on my fingers." And that was all the permission Paul needed in order to let himself go. He was moaning softly as he rocked on the fingers inside him and then all of sudden he cried out when he felt the candle wax hit his chest and drip down his abdomen. At first the shock of it delayed his oncoming climax but once he felt the burn of the hot liquid and the heat rolling through him from head to toe and pooling in his lower abdomen, the sensation of it only strengthened his orgasm when it finally happened. It was so strong that Paul couldn't even make a sound while the heat of his orgasm washed over him. 

"Beautiful baby, just beautiful," Richard said breathlessly as he watched Paul come from nothing but his fingers. The sight of the smaller man arching up and squirming on his fingers, his skin glistening from the oil and dripping with wax, his mouth open while he was blindfolded and his hands tightly gripping the bars of the headboard he was restrained to, nearly overwhelmed Richard. The way Paul was reacting and how good he was clearly feeling and the noises he was making or wasn't able to make; that was all because of Richard and it made him feel so satisfied he could've came just from watching Paul but no, he planned on doing more than that very soon but for now, just for a bit longer, this was about making Paul feel good and forgetting his stress and worries. 

He poured some more hot wax on his chest and when he dripped it on his thighs, Paul came a couple more times from his prostate. "Good boy," Richard continued praising his submissiveness. Then he decided to pull out his last trick to get Paul to beg for him before finally putting him out of his misery, a misery the smaller man was obviously loving. 

He stopped moving his fingers for a moment so he could concentrate on what he was about to do. He reached over to the nightstand to take something out of a glass, a glass filled with something that Paul hadn't noticed in the dark before they began. Seconds after Paul was dealing with the sensation of some hot wax the other man had just poured on his chest, he arched high off the bed when a freezing ice cube was laid between his pecks and let go to slide down his upper body. He gasped loudly. 

"Fuck Reesh! Fuck!" 

"Shh shh, you're okay baby." 

The mixture of the intense heat and then intense cold on his skin was too much and he didn't know how to handle it but at the same time it was so fucking amazing and incredible and he wanted more, more, more. "Please Sir! Please, please, please, please!" 

"What baby? Tell master what you want." 

"Again, again, again!" Richard picked up the candle off the night stand and dripped the wax on him then quickly traded the candle for an ice cube again but right before he let go of the ice, he start rubbing Paul's prostate again. Paul gasped and jumped again and then he was coming once more. "Yes Sir! Oh god, yes Sir! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes...." Paul continued crying out and it was the hottest sight and sounds Richard had ever witnessed and he had officially reached his own breaking point. "Fuck me Sir! Please fuck me, I need more, please!" Richard didn't need to be told twice. 

He removed his fingers from Paul which of course caused the smaller man to whine in complaint. But it was an exhausted whine and Richard knew Paul had had enough of all the torture too and now it was time to finally give him what they'd both been waiting for before Paul soon wouldn't even be able to function anymore. 

First he reached up and removed Paul's blindfold because he wanted them to be able to watch each other as they fucked. He kneeled between Paul's legs and then used his slick fingers to coat his own erection and entered Paul as slow and patiently as was possible for how badly he wanted and needed the smaller man and now! Once Richard was finally as far inside of Paul as he could go, he stilled for a moment to let Paul get adjusted to him but Paul couldn't wait any longer. He was already sensitive inside from all they just previously did, so he continued his pleas which almost sounded like sobs now. 

"Please fuck me! Just please!" Richard finally grabbed Paul's outer thighs and started thrusting slowly but it didn't take him long to realize that wasn't gonna do it for either one of them, not with how close they both were. So he began to pound into him, short and quick little thrusts, but hard ones and Paul knew Richard's fingers digging into him roughly would leave bruises but that thought only turned him on even more. "Yes master, that's it. That's what I need. Don't you dare slow down!" Paul panted. Richard stared down into Paul's half-lidded eyes caused by his multiple orgasms with his own dark eyes which didn't even seem blue to Paul anymore. 

"Are you giving me orders now Paul?" Richard asked in a voice deeper than his normal one. 

"So what if I am?" Paul challenged him dangerously. Richard was so incredibly turned on by Paul's bossy side that he didn't even respond to that with words. Instead he took one hand and ran his fingers through the still unhardened wax and water down Paul's chest and then grabbed his cock and started stroking and pulling and with the hot and cold substances covering Paul's cock now and being rubbed over the head of it by Richard's thumb, it caused him to come in no time. His eyes were shut tightly and he cursed at the intense feeling of it all while he came and his cum spurted out over his body to mix with the other liquids there. He was a mess yet he never felt better.

Richard removed his hand from Paul's cock so he could grip both of the smaller man's hips and thrust into him a few more times deeply until he was filling him with his own release. He dropped his head back and moaned out Paul's name numerous times while he came and then he hovered over him with one hand laid on the bed by Paul's head and kept moving inside him slowly while he rode out his lingering orgasm. The way Paul was staring up at him now and watching him could've almost made him come again.

He eventually pulled out of Paul, removed his handcuffs, and laid next to him. After they both calmed down and their breathing slowed a bit, Richard panted out, "Shower. Change covers. Sleep." But Paul was so completely relaxed and sated now that he didn't wanna move.

"Not yet Reesh. Let's just lay here a little longer, please. Just a little longer." Richard couldn't refuse the man he loves when he begged anything of him. 

"Okay baby, a little longer." Richard snuggled up close to Paul and kissed him everywhere he could reach.

"So fucking amazing," Paul whispered as the other man's lips trailed up and down his face. 

"Yes it was baby. Love you so fucking much." 

"I love you too Reesh, more than ever." 

A little longer turned into them falling asleep for a few hours with Paul still on his back and Richard curled up against his side. They woke late in the night and finally dragged their bodies out of bed so they could get themselves and the bed cleaned up. They were still in their own little afterglow with the memories of all that happened between them before they fell asleep and if they weren't so utterly exhausted, they probably would've made love again but by the time they blew all the candles out and hit the bed, they were out like lights with Paul draped over Richard's chest and their arms wrapped around one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm no expert on wax play so don't try this at home unless you really know what you're doing!


	28. The Dungeon

Paul and Richard went to the club the next evening and were currently making their way upstairs to the private room Richard rented on the third floor. They wore the same attire that they had the first time they went there together; black leather pants and boots, shirtless and with make up around their eyes and Richard with a white contact in only one eye, though this time they were both covered in black leather jackets since the weather was much cooler out now. And Paul wore a real, black leather collar now with a metal ring in front, instead of the cloth one he wore before. He knew that when they'd entered the club and walked through it and people glanced at them, that they would probably assume Paul was Richard's Sub, but it didn't bother him for people to know that. He was proud and happy for everyone to see that he belonged to Richard and no one else. He also just couldn't enough of that wild look on Richard and he intended to take full advantage of the opportunity to enjoy it this time, unlike the last time when he had to hide his feelings for the other man. Richard had a bag with him that had some items in it which he planned to use for their scene. 

"Are you sure you didn't need a drink first Paul, to loosen you up?" he asked as they walked side by side with his arm around Paul. 

"I'm sure. I'd rather be aware of everything we do." 

"Okay baby." 

When they reached the dungeon like room and stepped inside, it was only dimly lit with one light hanging from the middle of the ceiling which gave the room a gloomy and slightly creepy atmosphere but Paul liked it, in fact this setting turned him on. It made the situation seem more forbidden and wrong, yet so right. Richard shut the door behind them and locked it and then set his bag on the floor and took both of their jackets off and set them on a table with items on it against one wall. 

He looked at Paul and asked, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" 

"Yes," Paul answered with a small smile. 

"Okay then Paul, strip and kneel in front of me," Richard ordered with a more stern tone of voice as he pointed to a mat which lay out flat in front of him on the cement floor. Paul immediately obeyed without hesitation like the eager little Sub that he was. And he was already hard just from the anticipation of the whole situation and Richard was pleased when he saw that. Once he undressed and kneeled, he put his hands behind his back and his head down out of respect for his Dom and Richard was blown away by the sight in front of him. He took a step closer to Paul and lifted his chin. 

"Look at me Paul." Paul raised his eyes to meet the other man's. When Richard touched him and looked down at him, he noticed the smaller man was shaking. "Are you okay? You're trembling," he asked with slight concern. 

"I'm fine Sir." Richard cupped both sides of his jaw firmly with one hand and looked directly into his eyes. 

"Don't lie to me Paul. I need to know how you're really feeling." Paul opened his mouth and hesitated for a moment before speaking. 

"I'm a little nervous. But in a good way," Paul admitted softly. 

"What's making you feel nervous?" 

"Not knowing what you're gonna do to me." Richard thought about that for a second and removed his hand from Paul. 

"Oh that's right. This is the first time we haven't discussed what we we're gonna do first, isn't it?" Paul nodded. "Do you want me to tell you what I'm gonna do to you?" 

"No Sir." 

"Why not? Wouldn't it make you make you feel more at ease?" 

"I don't wanna feel at ease Sir. The fear of the unknown excites me. It turns me on." Richard smiled at Paul's honesty. He knelt down on the floor in front of Paul and cupped both sides of his face. 

"I want you remember something throughout this whole scene, alright?" Paul nodded again, waiting for what that would be. "You're safe with me. And also, don't be afraid to use your safewords if you need to, okay?" Paul let out a little breath of relief and then smiled shyly and nodded. He really hoped he wouldn't have to use them. He wanted to be able to make it through the whole scene so they could share in this experience together completely. Richard let go of his face.

"May I touch you before we begin Sir?" he asked. Richard raised a brow at that then smiled. 

"Yes baby," he replied even though he wasn't sure why and where Paul wanted to touch him. Paul reached out with one hand and gently caressed the side of Richard's face briefly, rubbing the other man's cheek with his thumb and searching in his eyes while Richard watched him curiously. He placed both of his hands on Richard's broad chest. He ran them up and down his smooth skin and stared at Richard with lust and want in his eyes. He leaned forward and began to suck on one of Richard's nipples while he rolled the other one between his fingers. Richard was caught off guard by that and felt his cock twitch and he had to intake a sharp breath when Paul's lips and tongue played with his nipple. He'd never let Paul do that to him before. In fact, he realized there were a lot of intimate gestures that he had never let Paul do to him yet, due to his insecurities that stemmed from his past. But he had to admit, he did like the way it felt and Paul became aware of that when Richard let a quiet moan slip past his lips. Paul pulled back and dropped his hands back down to his sides and had a proud smile on his face from knowing he was able to make Richard feel good. 

"I'm sorry Sir, I just could resist doing that and getting the chance to touch you. You're just too sexy." Richard blushed and grinned wider until he laughed quietly which made Paul smile bigger. Did he really just cause Richard to blush? he thought to himself. 

Richard gave Paul a deep and loving kiss and said, "Okay, let's get started," before he stood up again. "During the scene, you may speak when you want to and make as many sounds as you'd like, because frankly it turns me on when you do. I've never understood why some Doms want their Subs to stay silent. But make sure you speak to me with respect; 'Please Sir, thank you Sir,' if you have a question or concern, speak up politely and don't forget to always call me Sir or Master. Do you understand Paul?" 

"Yes Sir, but may I ask a question?" 

"Yes, you may." 

"What will happen if I don't follow those rules, like for example if I forget to call you Sir or Master?" Richard tilted his head to the side curiously. 

"Do you plan on disobeying me Paul?" 

"No Sir. I've just always wondered what the consequences would be if I accidently slipped up and did something incorrectly because it's never happened before." Richard lifted his hand and splayed his fingers out around Paul's neck but didn't apply any pressure.

"Test me and you'll find out." Paul stared blankly at him but didn't speak. He bit his lip and felt fear mixed with arousal shoot through him at Richard's challenge. 

There were black leather shackles hanging above Paul's head which were attached to two chains that hung from the ceiling. There were also ropes hanging from the ceiling in a different part of the room but Richard felt the shackles would be be more comfortable on Paul's wrists than the rope would be. 

"Raise your arms." He secured the shackles around Paul's wrists. "Do they feel okay? Not too tight?" 

"They're fine Sir." 

Richard bent down and took a blindfold out of his bag and placed it over Paul's eyes then stood up and took a step back to admire the sight of his love once again. Just this picture in front of him alone was making him hard already. Paul heard him take a deep breath. Paul liked the blindfold on him every now and then during their times together because with his sight taken away, it made all his other senses, like touch, stronger and made him feel everything more intensely.

"Listen to me Paul. My goal here is for you to reach subspace. Do you remember when we discussed that before? If you experience physical pain for long enough, the pain may turn into pleasure and it can make you feel high and may even cause you to feel like you're floating." 

"Yes Sir." 

"But it may not happen since you're fairly new to all this. But I wanna try my best to give you the best experience possible tonight." 

"Thank you Sir. I'd like that." Richard smiled. 

"I'm gonna warm you up first with a flogger to try to get you into a different state of mind. I'll start out lightly and then I may go harder on you. When I feel you're ready for what I have planned after that then we'll move on to the next step. But I'm not gonna tell you what I'll be using on you so you won't know until you feel it. That's why I wanted you to be blindfolded." 

Richard took a flogger out of his bag. He had went to a shop a couple weeks ago and bought some items that he knew he'd probably wanna use with Paul someday. He felt more comfortable using new tools on Paul that he would keep for their personal use in the future instead of using the ones that the club was willing to provide. 

"You ready Paul?" A million butterflies fluttered in Paul's stomach but he was ready and willing to receive all that Richard would give him. 

"Yes Sir." 

Richard lightly switched back and forth between brushing the leather fringe ends of the flogger across Paul's chest and back and then swatting him lightly with it as he walked circles around the kneeling figure. 

"Tell me Paul, have you been a good boy or a bad boy for me today?"

"A good boy, Sir."

"You're always good for me, aren't you?" 

"Sometimes I can be bad too, Sir." Richard smirked at that.

"Do you like being a bad boy for me sometimes?" 

"Yes Sir, very much."

"You know how much I love this baby? Seeing you like this? Doing this to you?" Richard asked seductively as he panted slightly from his arousal and exertion. He gradually built up the amount of strength he let out through his wrists and began to flog him harder and harder until Paul was eventually panting and gritting his teeth and every once in a while, crying out softly. "Tell me how it feels Paul? Be honest," Richard ordered. 

"It hurts a little Sir but it feels good at the same time." 

"I wanna get you to a state where you'll feel so good, you won't even feel the pain over the pleasure." With those words, he began to hit Paul even harder and faster and Paul wondered how Richard's arm hadn't fell off yet. "How's it feel now? I can tell it's starting to affect you more." Paul's voice was shakier this time when he responded. 

"The sting feels good but I still feel the pain of it Reesh." Richard stopped immediately and dropped the flogger on the floor next to him. 

"What'd you call me?" Richard asked and Paul could hear the seriousness in his voice and it alarmed him. He didn't know what to expect next. 

Richard wondered if Paul's slip up was an accident or if Paul called him that purposely because the smaller man was known for causing trouble in the bedroom just to get a rise out of the other man. It was no secret that Paul enjoyed causing Richard to act more dominant and forceful with him and he liked to be punished too. And Richard could tell that Paul was still in a clear head space so he had to of realized what he just said. 

"I-I'm sorry Sir! It was an accident, I didn't mean to. Please don't punish me!" The emotion in Paul's voice sounded honest and he really was nervous about what the other man would do now. Richard shook his head.

"It's too late Paul. How could you forget so soon? We've barely just gotten started and you've already disobeyed me. Now I have to decide what I'm gonna do about that." 

"Please Sir, no! I'm truly sorry. It won't happen again, I promise." 

"Oh I know it won't happen again. Not after I punish you." 

"No Sir, please!" Paul pleaded and begged not to be punished and continued to do so as Richard walked over to the table full of items and picked up the handle of a long leather whip. He swung it back through the air behind him and then forward and let the end of the whip slap the cold, hard cement floor. When Paul heard the crack of the whip, that shut him up real quick. 

"DO NOT SPEAK RIGHT NOW! YOU WILL ONLY LISTEN!" And not another sound came out of Paul's mouth other than his short breaths of terror and anticipation that filled the quiet room as his chest heaved up and down. Now he was afraid for real and he was worried that his arousal would disappear until there was nothing but fear left in him. Would Richard seriously whip him? he wondered. Would he really hurt him that way? Paul sure hoped he wouldn't go that far. The last thing he wanted was to have to use his safeword.

Richard swung the whip through the air and let it hit the floor a couple more times and each time he let it hit closer and closer to where Paul was, just inches away from making contact with him, and he yelled at him some more as he did. 

"YOU WILL NOT DISOBEY ME AGAIN! IF YOU DO, I'LL END THIS ALL RIGHT NOW AND WE'LL LEAVE HERE. YOU GOT THAT PAUL?" 

"Yes Sir!" Paul's voice trembled and he wasn't faking his emotions. For the first time sinced he'd been dating Richard, he actually felt a little afraid of him. He knew he could trust him but at the same time he wondered if maybe Richard's idea of taking things too far was different than his. What if he over estimated Paul's limits? 

"But I'm still gonna punish you now for disobeying me." 

"Please Sir!" 

"No more arguing with me Paul!" Fear and adrenaline coursed through Paul's whole body but he wasn't aware that Richard had already placed the whip back on the table. He would never hurt Paul that way, he just wanted to scare him because he knew that deep down inside, that was what Paul craved and needed. And plus he didn't wanna risk Paul having to use his safeword. He planned on making it through this scene and having it be an enjoyable and unforgettable experience for both of them. So instead, he took the key to the shackles off the table and removed them from Paul's hands which confused and scared Paul at the same time. What was gonna happen to him now? 

Richard pulled Paul up by his shoulders and pushed him over to the bed in the room. He made him bend over the side of it. 

"Keep your arms by your sides and don't move! I should beat your ass until it's red and bruised for you breaking the rules." Once Paul realized that he was only gonna be spanked and not whipped, he felt relief wash over him but also felt ashamed for ever doubting Richard. He should've know he could trust him not to go too far. 

Richard put a hand on the back of Paul's head and roughly pushed the side of his face into the mattress. Paul smirked with excitement. He loved being spanked. Richard caught a glimpse of that smirk and right then he knew that this was all a part of Paul's plan. No matter how hard Richard tried to be the one in control of the situation, somehow Paul always gained that control back. He loved pushing Richard's buttons, but maybe secretly, a small part of Richard loved being pushed by this little troublemaker that he adored. 

"Do it then!" Paul shouted. 

"What'd you just say to me?" 

"I said, DO IT MASTER! Beat my ass until it's red and raw with your handprints all over it." He heard Richard growl, he literally growled right before his hand came down and made harsh contact with the smaller man's skin and the force of it pushed Paul against the mattress harder every time. 

"COUNT TO TWENTY! NOW!" 

'Oh no, twenty?' Paul thought to himself. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea of his. But he knew there was only one way to get out of this now and that one way just wasn't an option for him. "ONE!" he yelled after the first slap and by the time he got to ten he was screaming in pain but at the same time, the burning and stinging sensations he was feeling were going straight from his backside right to the front of him where it counted most and boy did that feel good. He was now hard as a rock as his erection rubbed against the mattress over and over. 

"Is this what you wanted? Do you like this? Do you like when I prove to you who's in charge here and let you know I'm not gonna put up with your shit! That I won't let you get away with disrespecting me!" 

"Yes Master! Please punish me. Show me my place," Paul panted out in between screams. Richard's hand was burning now and Paul's reaction was making him grow painfully hard in his leather pants and he knew as soon as he was done punishing Paul, he was gonna have to atleast unzip them to relieve some of the pressure. 

After the twenty hits were over, Richard grabbed him by the arms and pushed him back over to the mat onto his knees and restrained his wrists again. He unzipped his pants and palmed himself for a second to get some sort of relief. 

"Okay Paul, we're gonna try this again. You think you can obey me this time?" 

"Yes Master, I promise. I won't disappoint you again." 

"You didn't disappoint me Paul," Richard said and for a moment, Paul could hear the change in the tone of his voice go from Master Richard to Reesh and he knew he meant those words. Paul's heart was filled with such love and trust after Richard's little display of dominance that he felt like grinning but he stopped himself, he didn't wanna ruin the serious mood. 

Richard continued flogging him all over his body once more and if Paul thought the other man was using all his strength before, he was wrong. It hurt. A lot! Paul was screaming after a while. He couldn't help it, the pain was too strong. 

"Don't focus on the pain Paul. Let your mind wander somewhere else. Ignore the pain and focus on the pleasure of the soft leather stinging your skin. Focus only on the pleasure baby. Just let yourself go. You're doing so good for me." 

Paul struggled and for a minute, he didn't think he was gonna make it through the pain but then after a few minutes, something happened. Something Paul didn't think he'd be lucky enough to experience. After being flogged so hard for long enough, the pain sent a signal to his brain and the chemicals in his brain were being affected. A wave of endorphins washed over his mind and body and suddenly, he no longer felt pain, only pleasure and he felt like Richard said he would, like he was high and floating on air. When his upper body slumped forward, but of course he didn't fall because of the restraints, and his screams turned into pleasured moans, Richard could tell it had happened; Paul had reached subspace. He began flogging him more lightly with less and less force until he was only brushing the fringed ends over Paul's skin again. 

"That's it baby. Just let go. You're doing so good baby, I'm so proud of you." 

Richard could see now that Paul's whole body was red and marked all over, but it wouldn't be permanent of course. And he figured Paul wouldn't mind one bit and he was right. Paul loved to be marked by the man he loved and belonged to and it was worth it to get to feel the way he was feeling right now.

Richard set the flogger aside and got a couple more items out of his bag. Paul was completely silent now and his body was totally relaxed and pliant for his Master's next plan. 

Richard knelt in front of him and spoke softly in his ear. "Spread your legs wider for me baby." Paul could hear Richard's voice but his mind was foggy and he couldn't quite comprehend the order so Richard helped him to spread his legs. He poured some lube on his fingers and then reached behind Paul to prepare him, which awoke Paul from his groggy state just a bit. He moaned while Richard's fingers slid in and out of him and opened him up. Richard slicked up the prostate massager which he held in his other hand and then spread Paul and slowly pushed it inside him. Even though Richard couldn't see Paul's eyes under the blindfold, he noticed his posture become more alert as he straightened his back. 

"Just breathe in and out Paul," Richard told him in a calm and soothing voice.

Paul felt a long and thick object entering him but he knew right away that it wasn't Richard. It felt a little cold and really smooth, but it still felt good. "Just relax baby, you're okay. It won't hurt. You're not gonna feel any more pain tonight, only pleasure, okay?" 

"Yes Master," Paul whispered. And he believed Richard because whatever the other man had just stuck inside him was making him feel full and amazing already, especially when it was all the way in and Richard began to slide it in and out of him and he was moaning softly in pleasure as his body rocked up and down on it. But then, unbeknownst to Paul, Richard pressed a button on a small remote with his other hand and it caused the round end of the object that was inside him to start moving in slow circles and it rubbed against his prostate over and over until he was a writhing and moaning mess and if it wasn't for being restrained, he would've collapsed forward into Richard's arms. 

"Fuck!" Paul cried out in surprise. Richard had to hold on to Paul's hip with his other hand to keep him from moving too much. 

"That's it baby, moan for me. That feels so good, doesn't it?"

"Yes Master! Thank you Master!" 

"It's my pleasure baby. Now if you think that feels amazing, just wait until you feel this." Richard pressed two more buttons on the remote; one sped up the rotation of the end of the massager and the other caused the entire thing to vibrate. And Paul lost it then. He cried out in ecstasy, at first yelling curses but eventually he couldn't even make out any actual words and it just turned into noises and mumbling. This was literally the most incredible sensation he'd ever felt in his life. He slumped forward into Richard's arms and buried his face in the crook of his neck. Richard wrapped one arm around him and held him while his other hand was still sliding the massager into Paul. Richard kissed, licked and bit Paul on the neck as Paul came from his prostate for the first time that night. And Richard biting him only made his orgasm more intense. 

Richard shut off the massager but kept it in him. Even after Paul came, he continued to cry out. "Oh Fuck, Master! Oh God!" 

"I know my precious baby, I know. That's feels good, doesn't it?" Paul nodded tiredly. 

"Thank you Master. Thank you. Love you. So Much," Paul said breathlessly and Richard smiled. 

"Love you too baby. You want more?" Paul thought for a moment. 

"Don't know if I can handle more Sir." 

"You can handle it baby, I know you can. Take a couple deep breaths. I wanna give you some more of this and then I'm gonna take you to the bed and make love to you and if you're a good boy for me, I'll let you come from your cock while I'm inside you." That got Paul's attention. As good as this thing in him felt, he couldn't wait to have Richard in him instead. 

"Yes Sir, I'll be a good boy for you." 

Richard removed Paul's blindfold so they could look into each others eyes. Once Paul took a couple deep breaths and calmed down, Richard pressed the buttons again. Paul's lidded eyes shut tightly and his head bent back uncontrollably as another intense orgasm hit him. Richard held Paul and kissed him slowly from his temple to his jaw then down to his throat and collarbone while Paul moaned against him. While he whispered words of encouragement in Paul's ear, he sucked his earlobe and nipped the side of his ear which only caused Paul to moan louder. 

After he'd came multiple times and Richard was close to coming in his pants just from watching, he finally ended the scene and was ready to get Paul into the bed nearby. After removing the massager from Paul and cleaning it off with a rag he had in his bag, he removed Paul's shackles. Paul instantly wrapped his arms around Richard's neck and clung to him and he was still groggy in his afterglow and still partially in a subspace state of mind. Richard helped him stand and walked him over to the bed and gently laid him down. 

He undressed and joined Paul in the bed, laying on his side. He turned the smaller man onto his side and pulled Paul's back against his own chest and wrapped one arm around his waist. Paul could feel how hard Richard was as his erection pressed against him. They laid there for a while with Richard just holding Paul and kissing the side of his face and neck softly. 

"How was the scene for you baby? How'd it make you feel?" Richard spoke softly so as not to disrupt the relaxed state they were in now, in the silent and almost dark room. 

"That was the most amazing feeling I've ever felt Reesh. I felt like I was flying for a few minutes there. I think I even forgot where we were. All I was aware of and could remember was that you were there with me, making me feel good, and that I was safe with you." Paul replied, sounding as though he was in awe, and Richard smiled at that. Those were the two most important things he wanted to make Paul feel during the scene, good and safe, and he accomplished that. 

"I had you really scared there a couple times though, didn't I?"

"Yeah. But I liked it." Richard laughed.

"I figured you would."

After a few minutes of silence, Paul asked, "Weren't you gonna make love to me Reesh?" and he felt the other man smile against his skin. 

"Yes baby, I will. I'm just enjoying holding you in my arms for a while first. Is that alright?" 

"Yes, that's fine, but it's just that I've been wanting you inside me for so long and I need some relief so bad it's beginning to feel painful and I'm too tired to beg so please don't make me beg." Richard laughed again.

"Don't worry, I won't make you beg." Richard paused for a moment, "Well, maybe I will a just a little. Maybe if you beg just for a moment, really nicely, then I might give you what you want." 

Paul huffed, "What I want? Isn't it what you want too?" 

"Well yeah, of course. But I can't let you know how badly I want you right now or else I wouldn't get to hear you beg, now would I?" Paul attempted to laugh but he was too exhaused but he was still amused by the other man's teasing. 

"Please fuck me Master," he pleaded softly, his voice and body drained of all energy. "Please stick your big cock inside my tight little hole Master." When he didn't hear a response from the other man, he turned his head back to look at him. Richard was propped up on one elbow and his eyes were blown wide with arousal and Paul could feel the head of Richard's cock was leaking precome against his skin. Yeah, it was obvious in the way Richard was staring at him that he wanted him now and very badly. 

Richard leaned forward and crushed their lips together until their tongues were fighting each other. He lifted Paul's leg and slowly pushed his cock inside him. They had to stop kissing so they could breath while he pushed his way in. 

Once he was in entirely and Paul was adjusted to him, he held onto Paul's hip and started to thrust into him. Then he slid his hand up Paul's side and wrapped it around his waist and held him close against his chest while he fucked him and the whole time, Paul watched him with his head turned, stealing a chaste kiss from him every so often.

Richard whispered sweet words into Paul's ear while he made love to him slowly and lovingly. He wanted to take his time to show Paul just how much he was worth to him. He told the smaller man how special he was to him and how he loved him more than he's ever loved anyone. He told him how proud he was for how well Paul handled the scene and repeated over and over that Paul was his good boy. Paul turned his head back in front of himself and leaned it back against Richard's shoulder and closed his eyes while he listened to the other man's words and focused on Richard moving inside him and hitting that magic spot that was a little sensitive now but yet felt so good. 

Richard reached his hand lower past the smaller man's waist and took Paul's cock into his own hand and stoked him slowly. As Paul began to moan, Richard couldn't resist speeding up his hand and his thrusts and at that point, it didn't take either of them much longer to come. Paul cried out Richard's name as he spilled over his hand and onto the bed and right after, Richard was reaching his own release inside Paul. He sucked on the space between Paul's neck and shoulder while he came and moaned his name and Paul felt Richard's lips vibrating against his skin. With the position they were were lying in already, they didn't have to move, so Richard continued holding Paul tightly in his arms and kept kissing his neck and ear until they fell into a sated and blissful sleep.

Richard had set an alarm on his phone since he knew they might fall asleep and the club closes at one in the morning. When his alarm went off at midnight, he reached behind him and down to his pants on the floor to take his phone out of his pocket and the loud sound didn't even wake Paul, so Richard had to wake him. He gently shook his arm. 

"Wake up baby, it's time to go home." Paul moaned in complaint and pushed Richard's hand away. "Come on Paulchen, this place is gonna close soon. We gotta get cleaned up and get out of here before they do. The faster we get out of here, the sooner we can get home and hold each other in our own comfy bed and go to sleep again." Paul sighed and then finally conceded when he heard Richard mention going home to sleep in their bed. 

There was a small bathroom attached to each room at the club for the use of the people using the room. They took a shower together and dressed and then Richard quickly cleaned up the room and put all his stuff back into the bag he brought with him and they managed to get out right before the club closed. 

Paul fell asleep on the car ride home and Richard looked over and smiled at him, amused. He definitely wore his man out and he was wore out himself but he had to force himself to stay awake long enough to make it home. 

As soon as they got into their apartment, they sleepily undressed and hit the bed and resumed their previous position, with Richard spooning Paul. Richard fell asleep first and Paul could tell because he could hear and feel his even breathing against his own back. A few hours ago, when Paul felt the high and the intense euphoria of everything he'd just experienced in that dungeon, he was sure that that was the best feeling he'd ever felt, but he realized now that he was wrong. Being wrapped up in Richard's tight and loving embrace now, feeling the other man's hot breath on the back of his neck, knowing how much this man loved him and how much he could truly trust him and be safe with him always; no, he was wrong. This feeling that he was experiencing right now was actually the best feeling in the world to him.


	29. Rewards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short and sweet but the next chapter will be longer and will be important for the development of the story and some things that will be happening later. Hope you enjoy :)

The morning after their scene, Paul woke up with marks and bruises all over him and he felt sick. Richard said it was called Sub drop, which is something Subs might experience after a scene that can cause symptoms like nausea and fatigue and he was hoping it wouldn't happen to Paul. He was afraid it would make Paul wanna shy away from bdsm or be pissed at him, but the way that Richard took care of him over the days following the scene only made him love and appreciate Richard even more and he said a brief bit of sickness was worth it to experience everything he felt during the scene. But they both decided it would be best if Paul took the rest of the week off and gave himself time to recover and let his marks fade. 

\------------

The following Sunday morning, the day before Paul would go back to work, he wanted to do something nice for Richard to reward him for the way he'd been taking care of him for the last couple of weeks. When Richard woke up that morning, the sunlight was shining through the curtains, brightening up the room, and he could see that Paul wasn't in bed but he could hear some noise coming from the kitchen. He laid there for a few minutes and wondered what he was up to until Paul entered the bedroom, naked and carrying a tray with a plate full of food on it; eggs, bacon, toast, fruit and two cups of coffee. A big grin spread across Richard's face as he sat up and let Paul set the tray over his lap. 

"You cooked me breakfast, naked? Man, I wish I could've been in the kitchen to witness that." Paul smiled and then laid next to Richard on top of the covers. He stretched out on his side and propped himself up on one elbow and watched the other man. 

"I thought about waking you with a different type of surprise but you were sleeping so peacefully so I decided to let you sleep a little longer while I made breakfast and then figured I'd do the other thing I had in mind after we're finished eating." Richard stared at Paul for a moment with a look of lust in his eyes. 

"Well thank you so much for this baby but how am I supposed to concentrate on eating breakfast when I got a sexy, naked man lying next to me, watching me and tempting me with ideas of what he's gonna do to me next? You're making me hard already, this tray's gonna get uncomfortable on my lap." Paul just laughed and stole some food off Richard's plate. 

As Richard began to eat he asked Paul, "So what's all this for; the breakfast in bed and the promises of what will come afterwards?" Paul shrugged. 

"You've just been such a good boyfriend to me, especially these last couple weeks, so I felt like doing something nice for you. Is that alright with you?" 

"Of course Paul." 

"Really? You won't mind if I do things for you sometimes too, like the way you're always doing things for me?" 

"No, I don't mind. Why would I?" 

"Well, it's just that when you gave me a bath that one day and I told you I'd like to do things like that for you sometimes, you said you'd have to think about it. And I know you always like to be the one in control. I don't wanna do the wrong thing and upset you." Richard tilted his head towards the smaller man and smiled appreciatively. He lightly brushed his fingers down one side of Paul's face. 

"You're too sweet baby. And no, you could never upset me Paulchen. I think you're smart enough to know what types of things would be going too far with me because of my whole control issue. But even if you ever made a mistake, I'm not gonna get mad at you. I love you too much." Paul leaned over and kissed Richard on the cheek. 

"Good, because I plan on doing many more nice things for you in the future so you better just get used to this." Richard laughed. 

"Oh I'm sure I'd have no problem with getting used to breakfast in bed." 

"Well breakfast won't be the only thing you'll be getting in bed, so let's hurry and eat this food so you can see what I mean by that," Paul said with a smirk. Richard hurriedly stuffed some food into his mouth and Paul laughed and then helped him clear his plate. 

When they we're finished, Richard set the tray on the nightstand next to him and as he turned back around, the smaller man was crawling under the covers. Richard's breath hitched when he felt Paul lower himself between his legs and take his whole length into his mouth.

\------------

On Monday morning, Paul was back at work. Right before his lunch break, he was sitting behind the sales counter of the music store with a female co-worker when a delivery man walked through the front door and approached the counter with a bouquet of flowers. Paul's co-worker's eyes grew wide at the sight as she gasped and asked, "Are those for me?" 

"Special delivery for a Paul Landers?" The delivery guy announced as he gave Paul a questioning look. Paul looked shocked and so did the woman next to him as she glanced over at him. 

"For me?" he asked in disbelief. The other man smiled and nodded as he set the flowers on the counter and then he gave a nod of goodbye to Paul and the woman before he walked back out the door. 

As Paul took the card out that was in the bouquet to read it, his co-worker smiled and asked, "Who are those from Paul? You got a new love in your life?" Paul smiled brightly and his eyes lit up when he saw that the card had Richard's name on it but he didn't read the whole thing yet. When he realized the woman next to him was watching him and waiting for an answer, his face turned red. 

"Um, I'm gonna take my lunch break now. I'm gonna go sit these in the other room real quick." Paul got up and headed towards the room where he gives his guitar lessons. As he walked away, he tried to ignore her smirk that he caught a glimpse of and the look of curiosity in her eyes that was burning a hole in his back. 

"Okay, avoid the question for now but later you're gonna tell me all about who those flowers are from before this day's over with Paulchen!" she yelled at him as he disappeared into the other room. Paul just laughed as he shut the door behind himself and he was thankful there weren't many customers in the store to witness him blushing like a giddy schoolgirl with a crush. 

No one had ever sent him flowers and he would've never thought that he'd care to receive them. One part of him wanted to laugh in embarrassment at the fact that he's a man and his boyfriend just sent him flowers to his work. And he would've thought it should make him feel ridiculous, only it didn't, not one bit. The other part of him couldn't deny how good it felt to have the man he loves do something so sweet like that for him. He sat down at the desk in the room and laid the flowers on top of the desk and began to read the card. 

"To my dear Paulchen: These flowers are just a small way for me to let you know how much I love and miss you. I hope you're having a good first day back at work and I can't wait to see you later! Love, Reesh." Paul was smiling so much now that his face hurt. He had to text Richard.

"Hey Reesh! I hope you're not too busy but I just wanted to say thank you so much for the beautiful flowers. I love them and I love you." 

A few minutes later as he began to eat his lunch, he got a text back. "I'm so glad you like them. I didn't cause you any embarrassment, did I? I wanted to do something nice for you but I was just hoping you wouldn't get mad at me for sending you flowers in front of your co-workers." 

Paul texted back. "I'm not mad at all. I gotta admit though, I did blush quite a lot but in a good way. And you didn't cause me any embarrassment, only now one of the women I work with wants me to tell her all about you later." 

"Are you going to? Because I'll understand if you're not comfortable doing that." 

"Of course I'm going to! And I'm gonna tell her how lucky I am to have you in my life." 

"Seriously Paul? You're gonna tell your co-workers about me?" Even though it was a text, Paul could almost hear the hope and happiness in Richard's words.

"Yep. And I'm also gonna reward you later for the flowers." 

"It makes me so happy that you wanna tell people about me! And just so you know baby, I don't expect anything from you but I really do appreciate that you wanna love me back and find ways to show me you love me. And any reward that you wanna give will mean a lot to me but I might wanna reward you later also. But only if you're a good boy. Are you gonna be a good boy for me Paul?" Paul smiled at Richard's sweet text, until he read the last part which caused him to swallow hard and feel his cock move beneath his jeans. 

"Yes Reesh, I will but you can't talk to me that way when I'm at work. You're making me hard while I'm sitting here in the lesson room and I gotta another lesson in about thirty minutes from now." Paul tried to concentrate on finishing his lunch until he read the next text he received.

"You don't tell me what I can and can't do. I tell you what to do. You understand that? Are you alone right now Paul?" Paul sighed and laughed at the same time. 

"Shit Reesh! You aren't seriously doing this to me right now," he whispered to himself. He thought about Richard's intentions for a moment then he looked around to make sure he was alone, even though he knew he was. He got up and locked the door to the lesson room and then he went into the small bathroom that was connected to the room and locked that door behind him also. He took a deep breath and thought, 'Am I really gonna do this at work?' and then he decided on a reply. "Yes. I'm alone in the bathroom with the door locked." 

"Good boy! That's just what I wanted to hear. Now unbutton your jeans, reach your hand inside and touch yourself for me Paul. Do it right now." Paul took another deep breath as he got ready to obey Richard's order. As he stood in front of the sink and watched himself in the mirror, he pushed his free hand underneath his underwear and palmed his warm erection. He had to bite his lip to keep from making a sound. "Are you doing as I told you Paul?" 

"Yes Sir." 

"Wrap your hand around yourself now and stroke, but very slowly." 

"Yes Sir." Paul tilted his head back and closed his eyes as he complied. He began to pant quietly as his arousal grew stronger. 

"How hard are you for me baby?" He had to look back down to read his phone and text back again. 

"So hard Sir." 

"Are you leaking yet?" 

"Yes Sir." 

"Now stop touching yourself Paul and button your jeans back up." 

Paul furrowed his brows at the phone in disbelief and whispered "What?" out loud and then texted the same thing to Richard. He had to wait impatiently for a while for the next text. 

"You know what I said. Stop touching yourself now. And don't you dare even think of touching yourself again for the rest of the day. Understand? I want you to be hard and aroused the rest of your workday so you'll be good and ready for me when you get home. I wanna have you begging for release." Paul whined in complaint and shook his head. 

'Seriously Reesh?' he thought to himself. But then he had to laugh at how hilariously cruel Richard was being. But he knew that if he obeyed, it'd be worth it when he got home so he did just as Richard told him to. 

"Did you obey my command?" 

"Yes Master." 

"Good boy. Now get back to work and whenever you may feel your arousal start to fade during the rest of the day, just read through these texts again, okay?" 

"Yes Master." 

"I'll see you later baby. Keep being a good boy for me." 

"What if I don't wanna be a good boy for you Master? What if I wanna be a bad boy?" Paul laughed after he sent the text when he imagined Richard's reaction to reading it. Two could play at this game. 

"Then I won't reward you. You'll have to be punished." 

"Well I've got a secret for you Sir; I love being threatened with a punishment. It just turns me on even more." 

"That's no secret Paul. But I've got a secret for you that you may not be aware of. It turns me on when you disobey me." Paul had a sly smile on his face after he read the text. Yeah, Richard might like to pretend that he wants a well-behaved, submissive pet, but Paul had a hunch that the other man may actually prefer his sub mouthy and rebellious. He liked to have someone he could whip into shape. 

"Well, I gotta get back to work now. I may choose to be a good boy and obey your orders, or I may not. And I may or may not obey you later. I haven't decided yet. Love you Reesh. See ya later." Paul smiled smugly as he tried to get himself under control before he exited the bathroom and got ready for his next guitar lesson he would be teaching. Just as he sat back down at the desk and finally composed himself, Richard sent him one last text. 

"Love you too, Paul. Oh, and if you get any free time the rest of the afternoon, you might wanna practice using your safewords." Paul laughed loudly and hoped that when his student arrived, they wouldn't notice how much Richard just screwed with his mind and body. 

\------------

When Paul got home from work, as soon as he walked through the door, Richard, who had been sitting at his computer desk and typing, quickly spun around in his chair to face the smaller man. Paul thought he looked sexy as hell in his black slacks, a white shirt that fit his muscles snuggly and those damn Clark Kent glasses. Richard had a serious look on his face as he pointed and curled two fingers towards Paul and motioned for him to come closer. As soon as Paul reached him and stood in front of him, looking at the other man curiously, Richard ordered him to strip. Just as Paul was about to quickly comply, he changed his mind and paused.

"Make me," he challenged Richard as he gazed down at him.

Richard looked up at him sternly as his jaw clenched and then he swiftly moved into action. He stood up and roughly yanked Paul's jeans and underwear down and then forced his arms up in the air and lifted his shirt off of him. He was so turned on at that point that he decided to remove his own clothes too.

As he sat back down on the chair, he scooted himself to the edge of it so he could then pull Paul down and force him to lay his midsection across Richard's lap and let the rest of his body be bent over Richard's legs. Paul was taken aback by the other man's strength as he manhandled him. He told Paul to start counting as he began to spank the mouthiness out of the smaller man. The friction of their lower bodies rubbing against each other each time Richard's hand came down hard on Paul's backside was a welcome relief given the fact that they had been hard for hours just thinking about one another. 

After Richard spanked Paul twenty times, he told him to never talk back to his Master or challenge him again and that Richard was the only one who could give orders. Paul replied with a "Yes Master," and promised to be a good boy from now on, even though both men knew he fully intended to break that promise sometime. 

And now that Paul's arousal was becoming painful and had reached it's limit and had all it could take, he began pleading for the other man to fuck him. Richard was right when he said he'd have him begging for release. He stood both of them up, bent the smaller man over the desk, prepared him and then fucked him hard until Paul was screaming and lying boneless atop the desk. Paul liked to challenge the other man but he knew it was worth it in the end to eventually submit and let Richard have his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so Richard's last text and what he did when Paul got home was just him being playful and them having fun, but soon there will be just a little more drama and some more serious things happening (good and bad) ;) As of right now, I'm pretty sure there's gonna be 36 or 37 chapters to this story, as long as my brain will stop thinking of more ideas :D


	30. Losing All Inhibition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for all the comments and kudos :)

The next weekend, Paul and Richard were in the mood to go to the club again but not for another scene. They just wanted to go out somewhere and have a couple drinks. But as they sat at the bar and Paul looked over and saw how hot Richard was looking and once he got a couple drinks in him and loosened up, he was in the mood to do more than just hang out on the first level and listen to the music. 

"Let's go watch a scene," Paul told him. 

Richard raised an eyebrow at Paul and then right before taking a sip of his own drink asked, "You mean like one where we just sit and watch?"

"No, I mean one where we can do more than just watch." Richard nearly spit out his drink when he heard Paul's reply. 

"You're kidding, right?" he asked as he looked over at Paul but could tell by the disappointed and slightly flustered look on the smaller man's face that he wasn't kidding.

"We don't have to. It was just a suggestion." 

"No, I never said I didn't want to. I just didn't know if you were serious or if that was the alcohol talking." 

"I'm not even buzzed yet Reesh." Richard tipped his beer bottle back and finished off the last of it then stood up from the bar and held his hand out for Paul. 

"I'm in then. Let's go." Paul was surprised the other man was actually interested in his idea but stunned as he was, he took Richard's hand and began to follow him up the stairs to the second floor. 

"Wait Reesh!" They stopped halfway up the stairs and when Richard turned back, he thought Paul looked nervous. This was his idea and now he was gonna back out? But there was a small part of Paul that wasn't actually expecting Richard to agree to it. "W-What are we gonna do while we watch?" 

"Well, anything except actual intercourse is allowed." 

"That doesn't answer my question." 

Richard leaned towards Paul to whisper in his ear, "Whatever we want. Whatever feels right." Richard's breath in his ear made Paul shiver and he felt himself growing hard already and all he could do was nod. "You still wanna do this? We don't have to." 

"Yes, I want to," Paul answered softly. 

The room they entered at random had a scene going on between two men and a woman. The woman and the smaller man of the two were tied to the ceiling by ropes around their wrists and the larger man was flogging them both, while also teasing them and touching different parts of their body with his hands and mouth. Now Richard wasn't sexually attracted to women anymore, but it didn't turn him off or anything that that. He could get into this scene, escpecially given the fact that it involved two men who were both good looking along with the woman. 

The room was mostly darkened where people were spread out on couches and chairs that surrounded the area where the scene was happening and there was only one dim light shining above the scene. So Paul couldn't really see exactly what everyone was doing but he could certainly hear that things were happening in the dark along with the sexual sounds coming from the scene. He did feel a bit uncomfortable with the whole situation but was also excited about the fact that he and his boyfriend were about to experience something exciting and new together. 

They found an open spot on a long leather couch and the light coming from the scene made it so that they could see who and what was closest to them. There were two women kissing and fondling one another at the other end of the couch, so they were too busy to look up at the two men. Richard surprised Paul by pushing him down roughly and sat next to him and began kissing him heatedly while sliding his hands underneath his shirt. 

As he trailed kisses down Paul's neck he whispered to him, "I don't even care about what's going on in this room. That's not what's got me turned on. It's that you would even wanna do something like this with me. A brave Paul with no inhibitions is fucking hot." 

"I just trust you so much Reesh. I'd be willing to do anything with you," Paul whispered back. Those words aroused Richard even more so he pinched Paul's nipples and got a silent gasp out of him, He took his hands out from Paul's shirt to rub one up and down his thigh and then rubbed the other hand hand across Paul's erection over his pants. That sent a jolt of adrenaline through Paul which caused him to become even more fearless. 

He grabbed Richard hands and put them by his sides and then pushed the other man's shoulders back against the couch to let him know he was gonna take some of the control for a while. It was Richard's turn to gasp now as he could feel and see Paul get down on his knees in front of him as he started to undo Richard's pants. So not only did Paul decide to take him to a second level room but now he was gonna go down on him in a room full of people? Richard couldn't remember if or when he'd ever felt this hot and turned on in his whole life. Paul didn't even give the other man time to get used to what was happening, he just took Richard's hardened cock out of his jeans and as he held the base of it with one hand and squeezed his other hand against Richard's thigh, he began to lick the slit under the head. Richard's head flopped back on the couch behind him, and he couldn't hold back what he was feeling. 

"Oh god, Paul," he whispered and he wasn't even sure if Paul could hear him over the club music coming from the first level that they could still hear pounding into the room they were currently in, but that didn't stop him from continuing. "Your mouth baby, your fucking mouth." After all the blowjobs Paul had given the other man over the last couple months and everything Richard had taught him, he was now becoming a little expert with his mouth and was even getting better at deep throating. 

Paul licked up the underside, sucked the head, and eventually took the whole length into his mouth and bobbed and sucked some more for a while as Richard put his fingers in Paul's short hair and got closer and closer to coming undone at the hands (and mouth) of the smaller man. And it was difficult for him to resist pushing Paul's head down as far as possible until he would choke, but when Paul reached inside Richard's jeans to cup and lightly squeeze his balls and then let the head of Richard's cock hit the back of his throat and began to swallow, that was all Richard needed to start coming down Paul's throat. 

He couldn't stop the soft moan that escaped his lips as Paul swallowed all that he gave and licked him clean afterwards. Neither of them were being as vocal as usual because of the fact that they were in a room full of strangers but that didn't make the experience they just shared feel any less incredible. Paul slid back up onto the couch and even though Richard was sated, he still had enough energy left to attack Paul's mouth to taste himself. 

"Will you let me please you now?" Richard felt he better make sure that was what Paul wanted before he risked making a wrong move with him with everyone else around. 

"Yes please," Paul replied with so much want and desire in his voice. 

"Yes please, what?" Richard challenged. Paul grinned and felt butterflies from Richard's dominant behavior.

"Please, Sir." 

"Good boy," Richard said as he went down on Paul, but he didn't get down on his knees. Instead he remained seated next to the smaller man and bent his upper body to reach his mouth down to Paul's erection after taking it out of his pants. He stroked it for several seconds before he took it into his mouth and began pleasing Paul with every little trick he knew. 

Both men felt some movement on the couch so Richard raised his eyes up to look next to Paul. He saw that the two women, who he had to admit even to his gay self were rather hot, had been watching them while they touched each other. He wasn't sure how to feel about that but then he glanced up at Paul and saw that he had noticed too. Now he very curious about how this made Paul feel. He wanted to know if it was turning him on even more because after all, Paul was still attracted to women. And no, it wouldn't make Richard jealous if Paul was turned on by that, he knew he could trust him. But it actually might even arouse he himself more to know Paul was enjoying having two women watch him while a man was also sucking him off. 

He let go of Paul to sit up and ask him, "Is that turning you on baby? You like it when people are watching you?" Paul looked at Richard and hesitated to answer as though he didn't wanna offend him. "It's okay baby, you can be honest with me. I know it turns me on to have people watching us." Paul smiled shyly and nodded his head in agreement. Richard slid his hand around the front of Paul's neck but in a gentle and loving way and kissed him passionately then said, "You don't have to be afraid to feel or enjoy anything with me Paul. Don't be ashamed of it. I'm just as kinky as you, remember?" he asked smiling and Paul quietly laughed. 

"Could you please get back to what you were doing, Sir? I need some relief so bad now that it hurts," Paul panted out breathlessly.

"One one condition. While I'm sucking you, I want you to watch those women. Don't take your eyes off them no matter what, okay? I wanna see what it does to you while they're watching you get off." As hot as that sounded to Paul, he also thought it might make him feel a little awkward too but he still obeyed. 

"Yes, Sir." Richard continued what he was previously doing but slid down to the floor on his knees this time and tilted his eyes up every so often so he could watch Paul's reaction. 

As Paul stared at the woman, he could tell by their expressions that they didn't mind one bit, in fact he thought it seemed as though that aroused them even more. And that did turn him on too but as he began to feel a warm sensation pooling at the base of his spine and he knew he was getting closer, for some reason he couldn't reach his climax just yet, something just didn't feel right. The only thing that felt right was to look down at Richard, the man he loved, the sexiest man he'd ever seen and the only one he really wanted to be watching as he came. 

Richard looked up briefly and saw that Paul had disobeyed but when he saw the way Paul was looking at him with such lust and love in his eyes, he wasn't gonna complain. Paul put one hand in Richard's hair to keep him in place and to make sure Richard wouldn't stop because of Paul not doing what he was told to. But Richard didn't plan on stopping now, not when he'd seen the look in Paul's eyes as he stared down at him and he also liked the way it felt when Paul held his head there. Paul bit the back of his other hand to stifle a moan as his cock pulsed in the heat of Richard's mouth and he spilled down his throat. 

For Richard, knowing that Paul had needed to watch him in order to get off, made his heart swell. He got back up on the couch next to him and cupped his face and stared into his lidded eyes and parted mouth and said, "I love you so fucking much." 

"I love you t-" Paul tried to reply but his words were cut off when Richard smashed their lips together once again. After the kiss ended, they continued to stare closely at one another for a few moments. They didn't speak, just stared and to them it was if they were the only ones in the room and they weren't even paying attention to everything that was occuring around them. 

Just as they were putting themselves together and getting ready to leave, the scene was ending. That's funny, the whole bdsm scene had just played out right in front of them and they forgot all about it and didn't even watch because they were too enamoured with each other and what was going on between them. 

As they were making their way through the first level to leave, they were stopped by a woman's voice. "Hey, you two!" They both turned to find the two women that were just in that room, smiling at them. 

'Oh god, are they going to wanna have a foursome or something?' Paul wondered. Because he didn't know if he'd be into that and most likely, his gay boyfriend wouldn't be. 

The taller brunette spoke first. "We just wanted to tell you guys that what we saw in there between you two was hotter than any scene we've ever watched and trust me, we've watched a lot of them." 

The smaller blonde added, "Yeah, you two looked so in love and that's what made it so sexy. You make us want our relationship to be more like that." Paul and Richard smiled at the women and then at each other. 

"Just treat each other with love and respect and trust one another and you guys can have what we have," Richard said. The two woman put their arms around each other and smiled and said thank you and then walked away. 

"Um, that was kind of weird, but actually really nice I guess," Paul commented. 

"You mean what they just said or what we just did?" 

"What they said was nice. What we just did, well....that was something else," Paul replied with a smirk. 

"I thought it was like the hottest fucking thing we've ever done, if I'm being honest," Richard said and Paul laughed. 

"Yeah, it was. But knowing us, I'm sure we'll think of something even hotter to try in the future. We always seem to out do ourselves." 

"Yeah, our ideas never fail to impress," Richard said, causing them both to laugh. 

\------------

As they began to drive down the road in Richard's car, Paul realized they weren't heading home. "Where are you taking me to Reesh?" 

"It's a surprise. Just be patient and you'll see." It was late and dark out so Paul had no idea where they could be going but he knew it'd probably be somewhere good, like usual. 

After driving for awhile, they finally arrived and parked at a place that Paul recognized; the Grunewald Forest. He hadn't been there in many years but he remembered it was a pretty and enchanting place, especially at night. He used to hang out by the lake there with his friends before he was married. 

After Richard turned off the car, Paul asked, "Did you bring me out here so you could screw me in the woods?" Richard laughed. 

"Oh come on Paul, screw you in the woods? I have more class than that."

"Says the guy who just gave and received a blowjob in a room full of people. Yeah, real classy." That made Richard burst out laughing even louder. 

"Okay, you've got a point there, but no, that's not why I brought you here. I just thought we could take a little stroll through the woods and then sit by the lake and talk." 

"Oh. That sounds nice but it's a bit chilly out, isn't it?" 

"That's why I've got blankets in the back of the car that we can take with us and plus we've got our jackets on." 

"Had you already planned for us to come out here?" 

"Yeah, sort of. I wanted to take you somewhere more romantic after the club and also....I've been wanting to talk to you about something." 

"Oh, Should I be worried?" 

"No, not at all. It's just something I've been curious about, that's all."

"Okay," Paul said slowly and felt anxious even though Richard assured him there was nothing to worry about. But what could there be that he wants to talk about and be curious about? Paul's been an open book with him so far, hasn't he? 

It was quite romantic walking down the trail through the woods though. Richard brought a flashlight that he shined while they walked so they could see but once they reached the lake, they didn't need it since the moonlight was reflecting off the water. And the beautiful trees and scenery behind the lake and the stars glistening in the sky above it just made the place look even more alluring and romantic. 

"Wow, this place is gorgeous at night," Paul remarked and as he turned to look at Richard and saw the other man about open his mouth to speak, he quickly added, "But not as gorgeous as you!" They both laughed. "I knew you were gonna say that so I wanted to beat you to it. You need to know you're gorgeous sometimes too, Reesh." Richard smiled and even in the moonlight, Paul could see him blushing. 

As Richard put the flashlight back in his pocket and laid one blanket on the ground by the edge of the lake, Paul asked, "Are we even allowed to be here this late? I don't see anyone else here." 

"Probably not but who's around to tell on us?" 

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Paul agreed. 

They both sat on the blanket, crossing their legs, and wrapped the second blanket around both of their backs and shoulders and then wrapped it around the front of them and huddled together tightly. It was now the end of September so it wasn't freezing but there was a definite chill in the air. Luckily though, it wasn't very windy out that night. 

"So, what did you wanna talk about?" 

"Uh, there's just something I've wondered a few times." Suddenly Paul noticed the typically bold and brave Richard had been replaced by a shy and unsure man and that concerned him. 

"What it is Reesh? You know you can ask or tell me anything," Paul said sweetly as he took Richard's hand beneath the blanket and lovingly enterlaced their fingers together. 

"I know." Richard took a deep breath and couldn't even make eye contact with the smaller man as he spoke so he stared at the lake in front of them. "Well, you see, I know you're still attracted to women and-" Paul furrowed his brows as he grew even more concerned. 

"Reesh, this isn't about what just happened, is it? Because I thought you said you liked what we did and you know watching those women meant nothing to me. That's why I had to look down at you to even be able to get off." 

"No, I know that. That's not why I was asking. It's just that since you've always been with nothing but women, sometimes I have to wonder if....well if you ever wish you could be...." Richard didn't have the nerve to finish his sentence. 

"What? You mean do I wish I could be with a woman? Because Reesh, I'm not attacted to anyone but you! You're the only one in this world that I want." 

"No Paul, that's not what I was gonna say either," Richard said, laughing nervously. "I trust you and I know I don't have to worry about that." 

"Well then what is it? Spit it out because you're confusing me." 

"Okay, okay!" Richard swallowed hard and took a deep breath before finally asking, "Do you ever wish that you could be....the one to top me?" 

"Oh," was all the words Paul could reply with, feeling a little surprised that Richard would even think to ask that. 

"Be honest Paul, please, I need to know. I just wonder sometimes because well, being with women your whole life, you've always been the top and probably usually the one in control, right?" 

"Yeah, I guess." 

"So, don't you ever wish you could be the one in control again?" Paul thought for a few moments. 

"If you're asking me if I've ever fantasied about making love to you Reesh, fucking you, then the answer's yes." Richard glanced at Paul quickly and blinked a few times and looked a bit shocked before he looked back down, like he wasn't expecting Paul to just come right out and admit that. "Yeah, I have imagined that. I mean, how could I not? You're fucking sexy as hell." Richard finally looked into Paul's eyes and seemed anxious but also a little flattered. "But at the same time, I knew from the beginning of our relationship that you wanted to be the one in control and that you're not comfortable with being the bottom so just like I was fine with that then, I'm still perfectly fine with it now. Honest, Reesh. I'm perfectly happy with the way things are." 

"I just don't want you to ever feel like you're missing out on anything all because of my issues," Richard said, looking sad. 

"Oh Reesh, come on! You can't be serious. Since I've been with you, this is the happiest I've ever been in my entire life and sex with you is the best and most fulfilling sex I've ever had. How could I ever feel like I'm missing out?" Paul let go of his hand to put his arm around the other man's waist under the blanket and pulled him closer and looked directly into his beautiful blue eyes that looked even more stunning in the glow of the moonlight. "I have everything I could ever want with you. You're everything Reesh, everything." Richard smiled brightly and Paul even thought for a brief second that the other man's eyes might be watering and then he thought of something. "But wait, you're not....I mean, you're not asking....or saying that you want me to be the top, are you?" Richard didn't answer for a moment. 'He actually has to think about that?' Paul surprisingly thought. 

"Oh. No, no I wasn't saying that." 

"So you've never wanted me to top you? You've never even thought about it?" 

"I....I don't know. I just....I don't know Paul." Richard tensed up and put his face in his hands. 

"I-I'm so sorry Reesh! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable by asking you that. Just forget I said that, it doesn't matter. I know that's not want you want and you don't have to feel bad about it." Richard lifted his head. 

"It's not that I don't want that with you, it's just that, what I went through years ago, every time I think of someone topping me I have nothing but bad images in my head. I can't help it." 

"I know you can't baby, it's okay," Paul said pulling him closer again. "But would you ever want me to....to try to replace those images in your head with good ones?" Richard looked down and shook his head. "It's okay, I understand. I'd never expect you to do anything you're not comfortable with, you know that."

"I know but I feel ridiculous. For most men it probably wouldn't be that big of a deal to switch things up every once in a while. It's just that with me....I'm sorry Paul, but...."

"I know Reesh, your situation is different. You went through a traumatic experience so I can get why the idea of giving up control to someone else would make you uneasy. You don't have to explain or apologize for that. But sometimes I just wish that...." 

"What?" Richard said turning to look at Paul, unsure of himself again. 

"That you would just open up to me more, tell me more about your past so that I can truly understand what you went through and maybe even help you get past it. I know you said you went to counseling but you still seem to be affected by it. I wanna help you get past the pain and fear of what you went through, Reesh. Would you help me to do that for you?" Richard didn't reply right away. "Or just tell me if I'm pushing too far right now and I'll shut up, okay?" Richard huffed and smiled. 

"You're fine Paul. I know you're not trying to push and you're right. I do need to be more open with you about my past like you've been with me and maybe I even need to learn how to not always have to be the one in control, and learn how to let go every once in a while." 

"I want you to be able to let go with me more than anything! I want you to know that you can tell me anything and I won't judge you no matter what." Richard gave Paul a small smile. 

"Okay. I'll try from now on." 

"Okay baby, that's good," Paul said, smiling back at him. It wasn't often that Paul called him that but there were times when Richard just looked like a lost puppy and Paul couldn't help but try to comfort him by sweet talking him. "And you already have been doing better, you know. I can tell you've been trying. You've been letting me do nice things for you and letting me take some of the inititive sexually. And I love that! But just so you know, if you ever wanted me to take complete contol, I'd be more than willing and you can trust that I'd never hurt you, but at the same time, you also need to know that I absolutely love when you control me and make love to me more than anything and that's never gonna change, so don't think that you have to change or be a certain way to please me because I love you exactly the way you are right now. All I want is just for you to know that you have somebody to talk to and you don't have to keep your feelings that stem from your past, bottled up inside. I don't want you to be afraid of anything anymore." 

Richard looked over at Paul and smiled appreciatively. He wrapped one hand around the back of Paul's neck and pulled him closer for a kiss and there was so much love and passion in that kiss and it went on for a long time and eventually turned into heated caresses of their hands all over each other's bodies until it was ruined by raindrops. Both men mutually broke the kiss to look towards the sky. 

"Shit, it's starting to rain. We better get back to the car before it begins to pour," Richard said. They quickly stood up and gathered the blankets and it began to rain harder. But luckily as they walked back through the woods with the flashlight leading the way, the trees covered them from most of the rain. Then once they came out of the woods, they covered their heads with the blankets and ran the rest of the short distance to Richard's car so they didn't get too wet. 

Once they got in and Richard started the car, the rain came down so hard that they couldn't see anything, not even with the windshield wipers going. "We're probably gonna have to sit here and wait until it slows down a bit, at least enough to where I can see to drive." 

"Yeah, that's probably a smart idea," Paul agreed. So they just sat there for a while, not speaking but just holding hands and listening to the rain until Paul finally broke the silence between them. "So, whatever shall we do to pass the time?" he asked, trying to sound innocent but Richard could detect the mischievious tone hidden in his voice so he smirked and then glanced at the back seat then back at Paul and motioned with a nod of his head towards the backseat again. "What?" Paul asked, smiling. 

"You know what. Get your ass back there." Paul just laughed. 

"Why? What are you gonna do to me back there?" 

"Well you said you wanted to pass the time, didn't you? Now get back there, I'm not gonna tell you again," Richard said, trying to sound serious and dominant but Paul could sense the teasing in his voice. Paul grinned, excited. 

"You make me feel like a teenager again Reesh. You wanna have sex with me in the back of your car?" 

"Yes, I do. Now let's hurry, Paulchen, so I can get you back home to your parents before your curfew's up." Both men laughed and then hurriedly opened their doors and got out and jumped into the back, trying not to get soaked too much when they did. 

Richard of course, came prepared with what they needed. Ever since he'd been with Paul he always made sure he was, wherever they went. He never knew when the mood might hit them. Their clothes were partially shed and thrown aside before they made love and their moans were nearly drowned out by the sound of the rain pounding against the car and windows.


	31. Richard's Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will mostly be Richard telling Paul about his past but there will also be a little cliffhanger at the end ;)

The next evening, Paul and Richard were relaxing on the couch and Paul noticed Richard seemed anxious about something. He kept fidgeting and even though they were watching a comedy on TV, he wasn't laughing or even smiling at all. 

"Is something wrong Reesh?" At first, Richard just shrugged and sighed. "What is it?" Paul asked, now growing concerned by the look on Richard's face. 

"I've just been thinking today that....Well I think I'm ready to tell you about my past." Paul turned to face the other man and took his hand. 

"That's great! I'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to talk." 

"It's not great Paul. What happened in my past isn't gonna be something fun to talk about." 

"Oh, I'm sorry. Well you know if it's still too hard for you to talk about then you don't have to. I'm not gonna force you to do something you're not ready to do." 

"No, I want to. I need to. I want you to know everything about me. I wanna be an open book with you the way you've been with me. And I'd rather get it over with sooner then later." 

"Okay. Well if you're sure then you can tell me Reesh," Paul said as he grabbed the remote to turn off the TV. "I promise I won't judge anything you say. I'll just listen and be here for you, okay? Just begin whenever you're ready." Richard nodded then took a deep breath before he started telling his story. 

"Okay, so I guess I'll start out by telling you about when I was living in New York City and my marriage ended. That's when things in my life started to change for the worst. Before that, I was just an average guy; single for a while, spending time with my kids when I could, I had a decent place to live here in Berlin, good friends, and I was doing well as an amateur writer. I went to New York City once to meet with a publisher and that's when I met my ex-wife at a club. We kept in touch when I went back to Berlin and soon we fell in love and wanted to get married so I moved to New York to be with her. 

While I was living in New York and married, that's when I started gaining success with my stories but my marriage didn't turn out as successful. We divorced in 2004. I don't know if I can pinpoint an exact reason why. I guess we just realized that we were too different and we never got along at all. She did cheat on me but we had problems even before that happened. After we divorced, I became a little depressed. I started ignoring my writing and spending a lot of time going out to clubs, drinking and even getting into drugs. That's when I started sleeping with men and women. I think I'd always been attracted to men, I just never acted on it until that time. After I dated a couple guys seriously, I realized I wasn't really attracted to women anymore, even though none of those relationships that I had with men lasted very long. It wasn't until I decided to move back here to Berlin at the end of 2011 that I went out to a club and met a guy who ended up turning into my abusive ex. 

We met at a regular club and he seemed like a decent guy at first. My life was pretty messy and chaotic at that time. I had been neglecting my writing, I lived in a crappy apartment, and I became addicted to partying. I think what attracted me to him was that he told me he wanted to bring a little order into my life. And I desperately needed some order. Not too long after we started dating, he told me he had been a Dom before and he wanted to make me his sub. He said if I would let him control every aspect of my life that it would help me. He said he was gonna take care of me in every way, that he'd get me to stop partying and that I wouldn't need to worry about writing or doing anything else to make a living anymore because he'd handle everything financially. He was an engineer and his place was much nicer than mine and also, I had dabbled in bdsm clubs a bit in my younger days and I knew of my best friend Chris being involved in that stuff, so I was already somewhat familiar with it, though I'd never seen the dark side of it before I got involved with my ex. And everything he offered sounded very tempting to me in the state I was in. 

Pretty soon after I agreed to be his sub, all my partying did stop but it didn't take long for me to figure out that his plan was just for me to be his perfect little submissive pet that would do anything he wanted me to, whether I liked it or not. He brainwashed me though mental and emotional abuse over a few months time. He never wanted me to leave the house unless it was so we could go to sex clubs so he could scene with me in front of an audience. He didn't even like when I would wanna go spend time with my kids so unfortunately during the time we were together, I didn't see my kids much, which I still feel terribly guilty about even to this day. 

Then once I was brainwashed by him, that's when the abuse turned physical. He would hit me and sometimes even beat me for any little thing he thought I was doing wrong. Sometimes all I had to do was look at him wrong or not cook his food exactly the way he liked it and I'd get beaten or whipped for it. And it wasn't for any sexual purposes then, sometimes it was just pure angry abuse. And I know you're probably wondering how I could stay with him after all that but he convinced me that I couldn't survive out in the world without him. He told me I was worthless almost everyday and that I'd be nothing without him. After hearing those sort of things enough times, you begin to believe it's true. I was terrified to leave him because I thought that either I wouldn't make it or that he'd just simply come and find me and kill me for leaving him in the first place. 

There was some sexual abuse too. Sometimes I wasn't feeling well or wasn't attracted to him because of something he just said or did to me but he'd still force me to have sex with him anyways. He threatened to kill me all the time if I didn't obey him. I guess you could say I was more his slave than his sub." The whole time Richard spoke, Paul was sitting there stunned and saddened with a sympathetic expression. He was horrified to hear what the man he loves had to go through but little did he know, that wasn't even the worst of it yet. He squeezed Richard's hand reassuringly. 

"I'm not gonna judge you for not leaving him Reesh. I understand first hand how mental abuse can make someone believe they're not good enough to live without their spouse, though I never had to go through anything as terrible as you did." 

"Don't minimize your situation Paul. What you went through was pretty bad too. But anyways, after we dated for a couple years and we'd been scening at a sex club for a while, that's when things got worse than I could've ever expected. We were popular at the club because of how rough he was with me and the way that I would just take it and submit to him so easily. And a lot of the people who went to that club were overly sadistic and enjoyed watching and inflicting extreme violence. So we started getting requests from other people at the club, asking my boyfriend or Dom, whatever you wanna call him, if they could scene with me. At first, he didn't like that idea, he was too possessive over me. But then some other Doms and even the people who ran the club, offered to pay him if he let me scene with others. They thought it would get more people to come there, which would make them more popular and successful which would bring in more money. My ex loved the sound of that. He thought it would make him even richer than he already was, so he agreed and of course I agreed because I did whatever he wanted, and it did make him rich for a while. 

I was a very popular sub with many people there because I was so submissive and willing to do almost anything. But....my ex did have one condition, but it didn't stop people from wanting to scene with me. His condition was that there couldn't be any actual intercourse between me and the other people scening with me. He wanted to be known as the only man who could have me in that way. I guess it made him feel superior to them. But they were allowed to have other forms of sex with me and do any type of scene they wanted, using any bsdm tools or equipment they would choose. Therefore some scenes were very painful but I put up with it, and there was always a full audience to witness the scenes. In all honestly, if you really wanna be truthful about things, it was pretty much like I was a prostitute and he was my pimp." Paul was close to crying now, he felt so terrible for Richard. He moved closer to him on the couch and leaned up against him while he continued to tell his story. 

"Now after doing that for a while, that's when things got really bad. Because not only was this club that we went to a very unsafe place that didn't enforce rules but one night when I was supposed to let two very large men scene with me, my boyfriend decided he had something more important to do that night so he sent me there in a taxi, all by myself. After my scene with the men was over and all the people watching had left the room, the two men were supposed to do my aftercare since my ex wasn't there to do it. But instead, once it was just us three in the room, they locked the door and proceeded to try to rape me. When I tried to fight, they beat me so bad I almost died and then they still managed to rape me afterwards, multiple times. No one came to rescue me when they heard me screaming for help because hearing people scream in that place was a normal and common thing. And I was so out of it once they started beating me, that I forgot to use my safewords, not that that would've stopped them anyways but maybe it would've gotten someone outside the room's attention. 

After they left the room, it took about thirty minutes of me lying on the floor, beaten, bloodied, and nearly unconscious and unable to speak before someone finally found me and got me help." Paul was in shock at hearing that part and then he couldn't stop the tears that fell from his eyes as he was now practically in Richard's lap, trying to hold him and comfort him but Richard seemed unfazed by the retelling of his past since he had told it to a counselor so many times before, so he ended up being the one to comfort the smaller man. "I'm okay now baby, don't be sad. Do you wanna hear the rest or is that enough for today?" 

"I wanna hear about how you got better," Paul said, lifting his head from being buried in Richard's neck. 

"Okay, let me get to that part. In the hospital, my ex never even came to see me even though he'd heard what happened. The only one who came was my best friend Chris who I hadn't been as close with recently, due to my ex turning me into a recluse. But he was still there for me during the couple weeks I had to be in there. I told him not to tell my kids that I was hurt. I didn't want them knowing everything that had happened. I spoke to the police and described my attackers but it wasn't until a very long time after that that they were able to find them. When I got out, Chris took me home to my ex's even though he didn't want to but I made him. Then that's when my relationship with my ex changed. 

He said that since those men had sex with me that I was ruined and no good to him anymore. Sometimes he made it sound as though he believed I had been willing and that it wasn't rape, or sometimes he'd tell me it was my fault and somehow he even convinced me of that just a little. He started calling me a whore and slut all the time and never wanted to have sex with me anymore. We stopped going to that club together but I was happy about that because I would've been too traumatized to go back there and do anything after what I went through. Oh and by the way, that club got shut down not long after we stopped going there because of too many incidents that had went wrong there. My ex started going out without me and I knew he was cheating on me. I didn't understand why he didn't just break up with me sooner but still, I was too afraid to leave him. 

One day I decided to take a risk and go visit my kids while he was gone one time. And looking back, I know that was the best decision I ever made. When I was visiting my daughter, I accidently fell asleep on her couch and she let me spend the night. When I went home the next day, all my stuff was packed and outside the door and the locks were also changed. I banged on the door and screamed for him but no one would answer. I was devastated at the time, when I realized that meant he was done with me, so much so that I ended up sitting outside the doorstep with all my stuff for hours and ended up sleeping out there all night because I couldn't bring myself to leave him. But fortunately the next morning, Chris came to check on me and found me out there and took me home with him. I never saw or heard from my ex after that day which I was very thankful for later on. I knew it was best to have him out of my life entirely. 

Chris let me live with him for a while and I was so depressed and still healing from being attacked so I was in no condition to work. So he told me he'd let me stay with him until I could get back on my feet but he wasn't gonna make it easy for me. He had certain requirements in order for me to not get kicked out by him but it was out of love because he wanted me to get better and turn my life around. He told me I had to go to counseling and start writing again, which wasn't easy for someone who felt like doing nothing and didn't wanna have to talk to anyone. But Chris had a way of making people do what he wanted without having to be abusive so eventually I listened to him. 

The counseling helped a lot. It felt good getting my story and my feelings out to someone but the only problem it caused was that some days when I would discuss certain things in therapy, I would end up having nightmares about it that night. And I was so afraid that my attackers were gonna come back to find me and kill me someday. Some nights I'd even sleepwalk into Chris's room and yell at him and try to beat him cause I thought he was one of my attackers. I guess when I would have nightmares, it was like I was in a different state of mind, almost as if I'd blacked out or something. I wasn't aware of what I was doing until I'd wake up in his room to him shaking me and screaming for me to wake up and stop trying to attack him. Then he'd have to walk me back to my room while I was still in a daze. Eventually, he had to start locking his bedroom door to protect himself. Luckily after enough counseling, the nightmares and the blackouts stopped and I haven't had that happen in a long time and hopefully that'll never happen again. I was also finally able to accept that the rape and all my ex's abuse wasn't my fault, which was a big step after feeling that way everyday for so long. 

Another good thing was that I started writing stories again and even got another one published. But then my attackers were found at a club and were arrested, which was a good thing but it was also difficult to have to testify against them in court after I had just started getting better. But thankfully, they were found guilty and are in prison right now and because I had become much stronger before I testified, I was able to get through it alright without any setbacks. I continued to go to counseling during that time which got me through the days in court. And of course you already know how the boyfriend of one of my attackers would see me in the courtroom everyday and that's why he wanted to show up at your place to hurt you, to get revenge on me for his boyfriend being convicted. 

After over a year of living with Chris, by around 2016, I seemed to be getting better. I was able to stop going to counseling and was finally able to get this apartment and live on my own again and he was proud of me, but there was just one thing still bothering me; I was still afraid of trying to be with anyone again. I was afraid of being controlled and abused and feared I would get taken advantage of again so Chris had the perfect solution to that, which ended up working. He started taking me to the club that we go to now, which is much safer than the one I used to go to and I've never had any problems there. He was already a Dom so he taught me to be one so that I would feel like I could get some of my power back and wouldn't be afraid to date men anymore. He also wanted to show me there was a right and safe way to be a Dom so that I wouldn't think all men were like my ex. 

Once I got good at it, I was strong enough to start dating again. The only problem was that the people at the club weren't interested in dating anyone seriously and people I dated outside the club weren't interested in bdsm. After being a Dom at the club until early this year, I just eventually got tired of feeling like it wasn't gonna go anywhere or lead to anything. I wanted to settle down and have more of a normal life and be in a serious relationship. But I still had that strong need and desire in my heart to be a Dom and I still wanted to be involved in bdsm, I just couldn't find the right person for me. But then several months after I had almost given up on thinking I'd ever find my perfect soulmate, well then this cute guy named Paul moved in next door and completely changed my life for the better and well, you know everything that's happened since then." Richard finally finished his story with a smile as he stared down as Paul who looked up at him with a mixture of still some sadness yet relief that Richard's life got better and he felt happy about the fact that he was the one that brought some light into the other man's previously dark life. He wrapped his arms tightly around Richard and held him some more. 

"I hate what you had to go through but I'm glad you got better and that we found each other. I'm so lucky to be with someone as strong and brave as you." Richard blushed at that. "And I'm so glad that you were able to tell me everything. I feel even closer to you now, like I know you better. Now I understand even more why it's so hard for you to give up control and why you were so worried about me going to the club alone, without you. How do you feel?" 

"Like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders and I'm so glad you're such an understanding person who won't judge me for my past and that you still love me after hearing all that." Paul looked shocked. 

"Still love you? Of course I still love you! If anything, I love you even more now." Richard smiled and gave Paul a kiss. 

"I feel relieved but also a bit exhausted from having to talk about all that again after not having to discuss it for years." 

"I'm sorry Reesh." 

"No, don't apologize. I chose to tell you and I think it's a good thing I finally got all that out in the open between us." 

"Why don't you lie down here and take a nap, put your head on my lap. Then maybe when you wake up, you'll feel even better, okay?" 

"Okay Paulchen, that sounds nice." Paul scooted over to the other side of the couch again and let Richard stretch out across it with his head in his lap. He grabbed the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and used it to cover the other man up. He was about to turn the TV back on on a low volume but he decided to keep the room silent for a while until Richard could fall asleep. 

He just sat there and thought about all the other man had just revealed to him and how strong he thought Richard was, how he himself was gonna be forever grateful to Chris for saving him and helping turn his life around and how he was so glad he and Richard met and fell in love. They were so perfect for each other. But Paul did still have a small hope that someday Richard would be able to let go of his fears completely and not be afraid to give up control. He felt like Richard would never be totally healed until he was able to do that and Paul was determined to keep helping him heal.

As he sat there and ran his fingers soothingly through Richard's hair and listened to his rhythmic breathing while he slept, he grew tired himself. He rested his head against the back of the couch and eventually drifted off to sleep also.

While Richard slept, something unfortunate happened. He had a nightmare for the first time in years, about things he'd experienced in the past. After being asleep for a couple hours, he jumped up quickly in a cold sweat and shaking slightly, and threw the blanket off himself.

Paul was awoken by Richard shaking him and telling him to wake up. "What's wrong Reesh, what is it?" It was now dark in the room so he turned the lamp on beside him so he could see what was going on. Richard sounded panicked. Once the room was lit up, Paul could see the expression on the other man's face. He didn't look afraid, he just looked anxious about something yet at the same time he seemed focused and determined by whatever he was thinking about. 

"Get in the bedroom," he told Paul in a serious tone of voice. 

"What? Why?" 

"I said get in the bedroom!" Paul was confused but he thought maybe Richard was just suddenly in the mood or something. Maybe he just needed sex to get out his frustrations from having to discuss his past. 

"Okay, just calm down, I'm going." 

Paul led the way into the bedroom and turned the bedside lamp on and when he turned around, Richard almost looked angry now which confused him even more at why he would be acting that way with him when they had just woken up and hadn't even discussed doing anything. But maybe it was just part of some weird fantasy he was trying to act out. 

"Take off all your clothes and get on the bed on all fours." Normally, an order like that would turn Paul on but something still just didn't seem right with Richard. 

As he began to take his clothes off, he asked, "Are you okay Reesh?" 

"Yes! Just get on the bed, now! I'm not gonna tell you again!" Paul obeyed even though in the pit of his stomach, something was making him feel uneasy. "And don't call me Reesh! Only Paul and my friends can call me that. You aren't anything to me anymore. Now bend over! It's about time I punish you the way you used to punish me. I'm not gonna let you control me anymore or get away with everything you put me through. I'm gonna beat you until you're bleeding and can't move, the way you used to beat me every night!" 

When Paul heard all that, his breath got caught and there was a lump in his throat. As he sat on the bed on all fours, he turned his head towards the other man and saw something sinister in him. His blue green eyes had switched to a dark blue and now Paul realized what was happening. Richard wasn't in his right mind and this wasn't a game. It was real and not good at all. Just then, Richard picked one of his belts up off the floor and Paul's eyes opened wide with fear. 

"Wait Reesh! Hold on! You don't know what you're doing. I'm Paul! It's me, Paul! I'm not him, I'm not your ex. Put the belt down Reesh!" Paul pleaded as he sat up and got ready to climb off the bed, but Richard pushed him back down. 

"STAY STILL! AND I SAID, DON'T CALL ME REESH!" As Richard roughly held the smaller man down with one arm on his back, he swung the belt back through the air with his other arm. 

"Richard, no! Wait! Wake up, I'm not him! Wake up Reesh! STOP!" But Richard wouldn't listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive me :/


	32. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait! I had some family issues going on so I wasn't able to write for a while. Hope you all enjoy this chapter :)

The belt came down onto Paul with a lot of force. And when he felt the power behind it, he realized that Richard must have been holding back all the other times he used the belt on him, because all the other times it was consensual and for a sexual purpose but now it was only pure anger that was fueling the other man. He cried out and kept trying to pull away but Richard held him down with one strong arm while the other hit him with the belt. Paul kept yelling "Richard, stop!" over and over and even tried using his safe word 'Red' but that didn't work either. 

After being hit a few times, Paul finally mustered up enough strength to pry himself out of the other man's grip and jump off the bed but he couldn't make it past Richard to the door so he backed himself into a corner. That still didn't stop Richard though and as he walked towards the smaller man who was huddled down into one corner of the room in a fetal position, Paul looked up at him and was surprised to see such fear in his eyes. Even though Richard was the one with the belt and the one in control, he looked so hurt and afraid. But as he stared down at Paul and got ready to swing the belt through the air, Paul spoke again and what he said caused Richard to stop right before he would've let the belt come down on Paul's body again. 

"Please don't do this to me Reesh. I love you so much." Richard's expression slowly turned to one of confusion as he looked at Paul and then around the room, then down at the belt in his hand. As he stared at Paul again, his eyes grew slightly wider in shock. He instantly dropped the belt after that and turned around to quickly walk out of the room. 

Paul guessed that he must of finally woke up and realized what he was about to do or what he'd already done and now Paul feared how Richard would react next. So he quickly stood up and threw on some sweatpants and a T-shirt even though his body was a little sore but Richard didn't need to see the marks he may have left on him from what just happened. 

When he came out of the bedroom, he searched all over the apartment and Richard was no where to be found and at first he worried the other man may have left, but then he realized there was one place he hadn't yet checked. Paul hadn't went out on the balcony at Richard's place since he moved in because even though the balcony at his own apartment had been fixed, looking over towards that direction and seeing it would've reminded him of everything he'd witnessed that day; the memories of Richard pushing his attacker off his own balcony and thinking the man he loves had been hurt too. But he decided not to avoid it anymore because he really hoped that's where the other man was. 

He opened the sliding glass doors and found Richard sitting on the floor of the balcony, indian style, with his back against the railing and his face buried in his hands. He breathed a sigh of relief which made Richard lift his head to look at Paul right before Paul knelt down in front of him. It was dark out but the city lights and the moonlight made it so that Paul could tell Richard's face was wet with tears and his body was trembling. 

"Get away from me Paul! I'll end up hurting you again." Paul tried to take Richard's hands but he wouldn't let him. He tried to back away from Paul but had no room so he turned his side towards him instead and couldn't even face him.

"You won't hurt me Reesh," Paul said as he sat next to him.

"I already did!" Richard shouted as he looked down towards the floor in shame.

"Only because you didn't know it was me. And besides, I'm fine. You didn't hurt me that bad, not really," Paul said those words as his body still stung, just so that Richard wouldn't feel as guilty.

"I'm bad for you Paul. I'm fucked up in the head. I've got too much baggage. You don't need this in your life, not after everything you've already had to go through."

"You're not fucked up, you've just been through a lot in your life. But so have I, so has everyone. You're human Reesh. I don't want someone who's perfect, I want someone who's lived and who's strong and brave like you."

"How can you think that? I'm not strong or brave. I'm weak and afraid."

"I know you're scared, and that's okay."

"I think I should go, find somewhere else to stay. You're better off without me. We shouldn't be together anymore, you'll only end up hurt again." Richard's voice started to tremble as he tried to fight back more tears while he spoke. Paul moved away slightly and now he had a look of anger and confusion on his face.

"Really Richard? You could just leave me that easily? One little thing goes wrong and you're ready to just runaway and leave me all alone. I thought I meant more to you than that."

"You mean everything to me! That's why I need to leave. You're not safe with me Paul, you could've just been hurt a lot worse than you were. I don't wanna leave you but I also don't want something terrible to happen to you because of me."

Paul huffed, "Nothing terrible is gonna happen to me. And I wasn't hurt that bad, because you stopped. You managed to wake up and you were able to stop yourself!" Paul lowered his voice and asked, "What finally got you to wake up baby?"

"You said you loved me. He never told me he loved me. That's how I realized you weren't him."

"He never told you he loved you?" Paul asked, surprised and saddened to hear that. Richard shook his head. "Not in all the years you were together?" Richard shook his head again.

"I told him all the time in the beginning and always wished he would say it back but he never would. I'm not good enough for anyone to love," Richard said softly. Paul shoulders dropped in sympathy and he put one arm around Richard and nuzzled his face in his neck.

"Oh baby, that's not true! I'm so sorry that he made you feel that way but he was wrong. Someone that mean just probably wasn't capable of loving anyone. It wasn't you, he probably knew you were too good for him. I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone in a relationship. If you're not loveable then why do I feel this way?"

"You must be crazy." Paul laughed but Richard didn't.

"Well then I guess I'm crazy. And if I have to be crazy in order to keep loving you than I'll welcome it and be proud to be crazy about you."

"Proud? How can you say that after what I just did to you?" Richard finally turned his head and glanced Paul's way but still couldn't make eye contact with him.

"It wasn't your fault. You didn't know what you were doing."

"That doesn't make things any better. If I can't control what happens when I fall asleep then how can you ever feel safe around me again? Even using your safeword didn't stop me. How are you ever gonna trust me now?"

"I still trust you and feel safe with you Reesh." Richard finally looked him right in the eyes in disbelief.

"How?" he whispered as though what Paul was saying was so impossible to believe. Paul smiled up at him and squeezed him reassuringly in his grip.

"I just do. Because I know you." He placed his other hand over Richard's heart. "I know you in here. I know you would never want to hurt me. You saved my life once, remember?" A tear fell from Richard's eye and Paul wiped it away. "And besides, it's not like I've never been whipped with a belt before. I can take it like a man," he added with a smirk but Richard couldn't smile at that.

"Don't make light of this Paul. You know what we've done before and what just happened now are two completely different things. I'm dangerous." Paul couldn't resist laughing at that. It wasn't that he actually found the situation funny, he was just trying to make the other man feel better.

"I'm sorry Reesh. I'm not trying to make it seem like what just happened wasn't serious but I hardly find you dangerous in any way. I managed to get away from you and you stopped yourself and like I already said, it wasn't your fault. Call me crazy if you want but I'm honestly not afraid of you. I was pretty worried when you wouldn't stop at first but I knew everything would be okay. I knew you'd eventually stop and I was right. When you looked at me, I didn't see someone who was dangerous, I saw someone who was terrified and was trying to protect themselves." Richard looked away again. "Don't turn away from me. Look at me Reesh! Turn around so I can talk to you, please!"

Richard turned back towards Paul and learned up against the railing and Paul told him to stretch his legs out. He climbed on Richard's lap, straddling him. "What are you doing Paul?" Richard asked right before Paul wrapped his arms around Richard's neck and laid his body against his broad chest and his head on his shoulder.

"I'm holding you."

"I don't deserve it."

"I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for myself. I need you Reesh."

"Oh baby, what do you need? Are you okay?" Richard asked, sounding panicked, and Paul quietly laughed.

"I'm fine, physically. I just need you to hold me." Richard breathed a sigh of relief and wrapped his arms around the smaller man and held him tightly, resting his head against Paul's.

"Do you hate me?" Richard whispered.

"I could never hate you. I love you more than anything in the world. Promise me you'll never leave. Because if you do, that's the one thing that would make me hate you."

"Okay baby. I promise I'll never leave you. But how are we going to make sure that nothing like this happens again, because you might trust me but I don't trust myself."

"We'll figure something out. We'll just have to be more careful for a while until we can be sure that you're gonna be alright." Richard shook his head.

"You're the one that got hurt and you're worried about me being alright? You really are crazy, aren't you?"

"Yep."

"I'm not gonna sleep in our bedroom for a while though. I'll sleep on the couch in the living room and you'll need to lock the bedroom door while you sleep." Paul sat back to look at the other man and made a noise of complaint.

"Don't be ridiculous! You're sleeping with me."

"No I'm not Paul. Not for a while atleast, until I can be sure that I'm not gonna sleepwalk again."

"Fine, but will we atleast still have sex together in the bedroom?" Richard laughed.

"Of course. But if I fall asleep afterwards you have to make sure I wake up and go in the other room so you'll be safe." Paul rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Let's go then."

"What, to bed?"

"No, to have sex."

"Seriously Paul, right now? After everything that's just happened?"

"I wanna show you how much I love you Reesh, and prove to you that I still feel safe with you." Richard smiled at that.

"Okay, but I'm definitely not using anything bdsm related on you tonight."

"No, I don't want that tonight either. I just want you to make love to me. I need you to. Just like this. How we are right now." Richard raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like this, with me on top of you, in your lap," Paul said, smiling.

"You wanna ride me baby?" Richard asked in a low and lustful tone of voice.

"Well yeah, but in the bed, not out here. This floor's not very comfortable." Richard started to laugh but then it turned into a sob. He was overwhelmed by the fact that Paul still loved him and wanted him even after knowing his whole past and seeing him at his worst. Paul wrapped his arms around the other man again and told him it was okay and Richard held him so tight, Paul could barely breathe.

After a while, he finally loosened his grip on him so he could back away enough to cup Paul's face and give him a slow and sensual kiss. Paul got lost in the kiss and it almost made him forget about everything that had just happened until Richard stopped to speak again. 

"Please don't let me hurt you Paulchen. I'd never forgive myself."

"I won't. Please don't ever leave me."

"I won't."

\-------------

After they made love, they inevitably feel asleep in each other's arms. When Paul woke up a while later, he was lying on his side under the blankets, facing away from the other man. When he turned to cuddle up to him, he found that Richard wasn't there. He listened to see if he heard him in the bathroom but he heard nothing so he got up to look for him so he could make sure he was alright, wherever he was. 

When he went to open the bedroom door he noticed it was locked. Richard had locked Paul in his room. Paul shook his head and unlocked it and when he walked out of the room he found Richard sleeping on the couch in his pajamas without even a blanket or anything covering him up. Paul had to smile in amusement but he knew the other man was just trying to protect him. But as much as he appreciated that, he couldn't stand one night of not being able to sleep with Richard.

He went back into the bedroom to grab two blankets and as much as he hated to, before he walked out of the room, he made sure Richard's belts were hidden away and as he entered the living room he checked to make sure there was nothing in that area that Richard could use to hurt either one of them with. He very gently covered Richard with one blanket, trying not to wake him and then he wrapped himself in the other one and laid on the floor next to the couch. He reached his hand up and took one of Richard's hands and held it while he tried to fall asleep. If Richard was gonna sleepwalk again, Paul wasn't gonna let him go through it alone.

\------------

Richard wasn't very happy when he woke up the next morning to find the smaller man lying next to him but he had to admit that it did make him feel loved. He was able to talk Paul into locking himself in the bedroom for the rest of the week and even though Richard was beginning to feel less concerned after the week went by without anymore incidences and his guilt had started to fade a bit due to the fact that Paul didn't seem afraid and was still treating him normally, there was still a small amount of guilt sitting there in the pit of his stomach and he knew it would probably never go away completely. 

But by the end of the work week, he was finally able to accept that Paul really did trust him when Paul asked him if it was okay if he moved the rest of his stuff into Richard's apartment and finally moved in with him for good. And though he was still concerned about Paul's safety, he couldn't have been more happy that their current living situation was going to be permanent. 

Richard informed Paul that Chris and Oli had just bought a house together and were getting ready to move into it, so he said maybe they could use Paul's furniture for their house since it was fairly new and so that Paul wouldn't have to try to find somewhere to keep it until it could be sold to someone else, because the landlord would most likely be wanting to let a new neighbor move in soon. Paul agreed that was a good idea and even suggested that maybe Chris and Oli could come over on Sunday to help them pack and move and that he and Richard could help the other two men get moved into their house, which wasn't too far from their own apartment. Richard said he would call Chris to ask them.

They also had plans for Saturday afternoon. During the week, Paul's son had called and said he and his sister wanted to get together with Paul for lunch at the 'Café am neuen see' in the Tiergarten and said it was Paul's daughter's idea. Paul was more than happy to accept the offer but what really surprised him and made him even more happy was that his daughter wanted Paul to bring Richard along so they could meet him. When Paul told Richard, Richard suggested that maybe he could bring his own kids along so it would help make things less awkward for him if his own kids were there too and plus, Richard's daughter had been anxious to meet Paul. Paul texted his kids to ask them if they would be comfortable with all six of them getting together and they said that would be fine. 

They had a busy weekend ahead of them and Paul knew it was probably gonna be difficult for him to go into his apartment again since it would be his first time entering the place since that horrible night. Richard had been nice enough to go over there for him a couple times during the last few weeks to get some of his stuff he needed and he let Paul know that the balcony and doors were fixed and that the whole place was cleaned up and looked as good as new. Paul was thankful for that and knew he'd get through it with Richard and his friends there with him.

And they were both more than a little nervous about being introduced to each other's children but they had a feeling that would go well too since Paul's daughter, who had been the one out of all their children to seem the most uneasy with the whole situation, had been the one to suggest the get together. That gave Paul hope that everything was going to be okay. They were just ready to put the dark things that had happened in their relationship behind them and were looking forward to the good times ahead.


	33. Letting Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO sorry it's taken me forever to update. I've had a lot of stuff going on lately and tbh, I've been a bit depressed and stressed out and don't always feel like writing some days. But hopefully this nice, long chapter will make up for the long wait. Hope you all like it :)

Paul and Richard's Saturday afternoon with all their children went well. They went to the Tiergarten, had lunch at the 'Cafe am Neuen See', and even took a walk afterwards. The weather was a bit chilly but nice, with it being the start of October. When they each met the other's children, at first it was awkward but after a while they became more comfortable around each other, and they were glad that their kids all seemed to get along also. 

When they got home, Richard received a phone call on his cell. He told Paul it was the police station informing him that Paul's attacker had finally recovered and was released from the hospital but was moved to the local jail to await his trial, which they said wouldn't be for quite some time yet. Paul nearly panicked when he heard the man was released but was relieved to hear he was finally locked up. Neither of them were looking forward to his trial that would be happening in several months but they would be happy once the man was finally put away in prison for all he did to the both of them that night. 

They spent the rest of the evening relaxing and went to bed early. They had a busy day tomorrow. Chris and Ollie would be coming over to join them at Paul's old place to help them pack Paul's things and get moved into Richard's place completely, once and for all. Chris and Ollie were also going to buy Paul's furniture from him and take it to their new house they just bought together. 

Paul and Richard were both ready to say goodbye to Paul's old apartment. There were some good memories there and if Paul would've never moved into the place, the two of them would've never met, but it also reminded them of that horrible night when each of them feared they could've lost the other, so Paul was just ready to settle into Richard's place permanently and forget about the bad memories from next door. 

\------------

They woke up early the next morning and decided to get there before the other two men showed up. The wanted to give themselves sometime to be there, just the two of them, to make sure they could handle being there and get used to it so they would be alright once their friends arrived.

They entered the place with some boxes they had accumulated over the last couple weeks. First they dropped the boxes by the door and then wanted to take a moment to look around the place. Paul slowly walked around the average-sized apartment with Richard trailing closely behind him and they both tried to stay calm. It made them each feel better to know they had each other's support. The rooms looked the same as Paul left them, only the place had been cleaned up and of course, the sliding glass doors and the balcony had been fixed. Paul surprised Richard when he started to slide the doors open to step out onto the balcony. Paul turned around to look at the other man. 

"You don't have to come out here if it's too hard for you. I'll understand." Richard felt his heart clench at the thought of reliving those memories but he wanted to be there for Paul. Paul could tell Richard seemed apprehensive but still he shook his head. 

"No, it's okay. I wanna stay by your side while we're here." Paul smiled gratefully and then stepped the rest of the way out onto the balcony with Richard following behind him. They both took a deep breath and looked around at the scenery which they had seen many times before. Then Richard noticed Paul tense up and look down and he knew Paul was remembering that awful night. He stepped closer behind the smaller man and wrapped his arms around his waist. Paul noticably relaxed in his arms and placed his own atop Richard's. Richard began to speak to take both their minds off the bad things they were thinking. 

"Remember the first time you came out here and talked to me when I was sitting on my own balcony?" 

"Yeah and I when I heard your voice, it startled me and I dropped my glass of orange juice." They both laughed at that memory. 

"And that night when we sat out here together, staring at the stars, and I told you how things weren't working out with Till and I and you just listened to me and were so understanding. I wanted you then. I was just afraid to tell you because I assumed you didn't feel the same way." 

"Yeah and I gotta be honest, I was glad to hear things weren't going well between you two." They laughed again. "And after that day I had kissed you for the first time and then ran away scared and you came over here the next morning to talk and we came out here, I remember the way you held me and kissed me. You made me feel so safe, just like you are now, just like you always do." Richard kissed Paul on his temple as they heard a knock on the front door. 

"That's probably them," Richard said before he and Paul went to anwswer the door to let Chris and Ollie in. They all greeted each other and were happy to see one another since they hadn't in a while. Then they got to work on boxing up Paul's smaller things. 

While they were packing up things in the kitchen, Chris asked, "So, do you guys think you'll ever get a house together someday or just stay in your apartment?" 

"What's wrong with my apartment?" Richard asked, mocking offense. 

"Nothing, I was just curious if you'd ever wanna get a bigger place where'd you'd have more room to enjoy being a couple." 

Paul shrugged his shoulders and replied, "I wouldn't be opposed to it." That caused Richard to look up at Paul, surprised that the smaller man would consider taking that big of step with him when they'd only been dating a couple months. Though to Richard, it did feel as if he'd been with Paul longer than that. He'd never felt so close to someone so quickly but that was probably due to the fact that they had been friends for a while before they started dating and had already been through so much as a couple. 

Paul just smiled at Richard's surprised look and Richard smiled back at him but didn't get a chance to say what he thought about Chris's question because then Chris was changing the subject. 

When they were done packing and moving the small things over to Richard's place, the four of them helped carry the furniture down to Ollie's truck and then Richard and Paul followed them to their new house to help them take everything in. They had to take a few trips back and forth to get everything over there. 

Their new house was bigger than any of their apartments and it was nice. When they were finished bringing stuff in, Chris and Ollie gave them a tour of the place and then they took a moment to say their goodbyes and thanked each other for the help packing and moving and then Paul and Richard left. 

When they were in Richard's car driving back home, Richard asked, "So, you'd actually consider buying a house with me someday?" 

"Honestly, yeah. But I'm sorry if you think it might of been too soon for me to admit something like that. I don't want you to feel like we're moving too fast." 

"No, I don't feel like that!" Richard reached over and took Paul's hand into his. "I love you Paul and I know I plan on being with you for good. So yeah, I think it'd be nice if we got a house someday too." Paul's eyes lit up as he looked over at the other man. "But just to be on the safe side, why don't we stay in the apartment until the end of the year so you can make sure you can still handle living with me by then." Paul smiled amusingly at that. "And then if we still feel the same way by then, we can try to find a house. And maybe in the meantime, while you're at work during the day and I'm at home on my computer, maybe I could look at some houses online just to get an idea of what's out there." Paul smiled from ear to ear. 

"That sounds like a good plan Reesh." 

By the time they got home, it was dark and they were both exhausted from their full day of moving. They passed out quickly after getting undressed and hitting the bed.

\------------

The next morning, Paul had to get up for work, but he was awoken just a short time before his alarm went off due to some noises coming from the other man. At first, he assumed Richard was having a nightmare, so he turned the lamp on next to his bed. Richard was lying on his back and Paul was ready to wake him up to comfort him but then he realized something. By the smile on Richard's face and the quiet moans that were coming from him, he could tell it wasn't a nightmare. And when he lifted the blankets and saw that Richard was hard, that made it even more obvious to him that Richard must of been having a very good dream instead of a bad one. 

He smiled but when he heard Richard moan his name, his eyes opened wider and he had to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing outloud. Just then, Richard began to move and his eyes started to flutter open until he awoke to find Paul staring down at him with a smile on his face. But Richard's smile faded and Paul thought he looked either a little afraid or embarrassed. 

"What's wrong Reesh? Weren't you having a good dream about me?" Richard's face turned red. "Don't be embarrassed. I have dreams about you all the time. So what was happening in your dream Reesh, huh? What exactly were you doing to me that was causing you to moan that way?" Paul asked with a smirk. But Richard just seemed to become even more flustered as he looked at the alarm clock. 

"Your alarm will be going off soon. Don't you have to get ready for work?" Paul looked confused as he turned the alarm off then turned back towards the other man. 

"Yeah, but I have time to talk." 

"Talk about what?" 

"I asked what your dream was about. Why are you avoiding the question?" Richard sighed and fell back against the pillow, putting his arm across his eyes to try to hide his embarrassment but Paul pulled his arm away. "What's wrong Reesh?" Paul was beginning to become concerned at Richard's reaction. 

"Nothing Paul, I'm just tired but....I-I gotta get up and get some writing done today on this story I've been working on. I'm gonna jump in the shower while you're eating breakfast and then you can take one. Richard started to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom and he was still noticably hard. 

"You want me to join you so I can take care of that for ya?" Paul asked, still trying to make light of the situation so Richard wouldn't feel ashamed but at the same time, he was serious. 

"No, that's okay baby. Just go eat your breakfast so you're not late for work." Richard shut the bathroom door and Paul heard the shower turn on and he just laid there in confusion. Up to this point in their relationship, Richard was not in any way the type who would get so flustered over a simple sex dream. After all the things they had done together in the bedroom and the time they'd spent at the club, things like that just didn't embarrass him most of the time. So why did he seem so worked up over whatever had just happened in his dream and why was he avoiding Paul? The smaller man didn't know the answer to that yet but he planned on figuring it out once he got home from work later. And until then, before he left for work, he'd just try not to mention it anymore. He didn't wanna make the other man too uncomfortable about whatever was bothering him before they would have a chance to talk about it. 

When Paul got home from work, Richard was in the kitchen making supper. He decided he would wait until they were relaxing in the evening to ask him about his dream again and figure out why something seemed off with him. 

They were sitting on the couch, watching TV, when Paul asked, "Hey Reesh, you wanna go lay in bed and watch TV where it's more comfortable? We can just relax and....and maybe talk." 

"What do you wanna talk about baby? Is anything wrong?" 

"Well I don't know, is it?" Richard looked confused. 

"What do you mean?" 

"This morning you seemed like you were having a really good dream and I heard you say my name so I know it was about me, but I just can't figure out why you seemed so bothered by it when you woke up. I mean, wasn't it a good dream?" Richard smiled at the worry on Paul's face and felt guilty that he seemed to be the cause of that. 

"Yes, it was a very good dream Paulchen. It's just that it....well, it surprised me. Because it was different than any dream I've ever had before." 

"How so?" Paul asked, curiously. Richard sighed. 

"Why don't we get in bed like you suggested and I'll try to explain what it was about and why I reacted the way I did." 

"Okay, let's go."

Once they entered the bedroom, Paul started to take off all his clothes. 

"You wanna talk while we're naked?" 

"Well yeah, of course I want us to be naked when you tell me about your sex dream." Paul laughed but stopped when he saw Richard's uneasy expression. But Richard just looked away and got undressed too and then joined the smaller man under the covers. 

Richard lied on his back with one arm behind his head and Paul turned onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow to face the other man. They left the TV off so they could talk without any distraction. And the sun hadn't quite went down all the way yet so they could still see each other alright without any lights on. 

"So, what happened in your dream that seems to be making you feel uneasy?" Richard opened his mouth like he was about to speak but then hesitated for a moment. "Were we doing something really crazy in it? Come on, you can tell me anything Reesh. What were you doing to me in your dream that was causing you to sound so pleased?" 

"I wasn't doing anything to you. You were doing things to me." Paul's eyes grew wider as he perked up, even more interested in the dream. 

"I was doing things to you? Really? Well, what was I doing?" Richard hesistated again. "Come on Reesh, I wanna know everything, every detail. Tell me!" Richard took a deep breath, slightly frustrated by Paul's persistance but he also couldn't help but smile at how cute Paul was with the look he currently had on his face. 

"Well, I was lying here in bed and you were on top of me and....you were kissing me and even licking me all over my body and you were....well you were the one that was...." 

Paul moved closer to the other man and asked, "I was the one fucking you?" Richard looked down and and nodded. "Why did dreaming about that make you feel uncomfortable?" 

"You'll think I'm stupid if I tell you." 

"No I won't! I could never think you're stupid." There was silence for a few moments until Paul confirmed what he had already assumed. "It scared you a little, didn't it?" Richard nodded again. 

"But I'm not scared of you Paul." 

"I know. It was the thought of giving up control that scares you, right?" 

"Yes," Richard whispered. "And it also scared me because when I woke up, I kinda wished that my dream could come true. And that feeling caught me off guard because it's been so long since I've had the desire for another man to....to be the one to...." 

Paul smiled and whispered in Richard's ear, "Do you want me to make love to you?" causing the other man to visibly shudder at those words. "If you're not ready to let me be in control, I understand, but you know I'd never hurt you." Richard just barely nodded. 

"I know."

Paul cupped one side of Richard's face and leaned down and began kissing him along his jaw then stopped to whisper again, "Do you want me to fuck you Richard?" Richard's breathing sped up as he turned his head to cup Paul's face also. Their lips brushed together lightly and then Paul said softly, "Please let me fuck you Sir. I want to so badly." Richard was turned on by those words and by the thought that his dream could actually be reality now, so he immediately sat up, grabbed the back of Paul's neck, and crushed their lips together. 

He pulled away to reply, "Yes Paul, yes baby, I want you to." Paul sighed in relief.

"Thank you Sir. But I promise I'll only do what you tell me to, what you'll allow me to do." When Paul said that and looked at him so submissively, that was when he realized that Paul must of thought it would be a good idea to let Richard feel like he was still the one in control, he was gonna let Richard top from the bottom so that he'd feel more comfortable and safe with the situation. Only, Richard didn't want that right now. If he was gonna let go, he wanted to let go completely.

"Paul baby, I know you're just trying to make me feel safe but there's no need for that because I already feel safe with you." Paul looked a little confused. "You can do whatever you want with me Paul. I'll let you be in control this time." Paul smiled but still looked a bit hesitant. 

"Are you sure that's what you want?" 

"I'm sure. No calling me Sir or asking my permission for anything tonight. You're in control baby. I trust you." Paul felt adrenaline course through his body at knowing that Richard finally trusted him enough to give up control to him for once and at the thought of everything he wanted to do to him now that he finally could, things he'd been fantasizing about for months. He smiled with no hesitation in it that time. He was ready for this. 

"Okay Reesh. I wanna do this. I'm so glad you're finally letting me." Richard smiled and as he started to caress one side of Paul's face, the smaller man slowly climbed on top of him. "Do you think it'd be best if we do it this way or would you rather turn around?" Paul asked, wanting to make sure Richard would be as comfortable as possible. 

"It's up to you. Whatever you want baby." 

"Well I'd prefer to face you but I don't wanna hurt you." Richard reached up and held Paul's chin in one hand and pulled him down for a quick kiss. When he pulled away he smiled at Paul's concern. 

"You won't hurt me. I trust you. I'll stay like this." 

Paul smiled back at him then leaned down to begin kissing Richard all over his body, just like he had in his dream. He kissed him on the neck right below his ear then whispered, "I'm gonna make this so good for you baby." Richard shivered at those words as Paul trailed more kisses down to his collarbone and his chest, then he stopped to suck and pull on his nipples. Richard shuddered some more then closed his eyes just to enjoy all the smaller man was giving to him. 

Paul licked his way down Richard's smooth chest and abdomen until he reached his hardened dick and licked up the underside of it. He swirled his tongue around the head and briefly took the whole length into his mouth and heard Richard moan quietly. But then he pulled off and sat up so that he could reach over and get the lube out of the nightstand. Richard opened his eyes when he heard the pop of the cap. Paul looked down at him to give him a reassuring smile. 

"I promise I'll try my best not to hurt you Reesh." Richard bit his bottom lip and nodded in anticipation. He spread his legs wider so that Paul could prep him. Paul watched him and thought he looked so sexy but had to try to concentrate on what he was doing. Richard hissed when he felt the first instrusion of Paul's finger. Paul apologized but Richard told him it was okay. 

"It's been a while, I just gotta get used to it again," he explained. By the time Paul had two fingers in him, the burn was slowly turning into pleasure. And Paul had this done to him enough times to know what to do next. When he curled his fingers and touched the right spot, Richard cried out "Fuck!" But Paul wasn't sure though if he had done something right or wrong. 

"Are you okay Reesh, did I hurt you?"

"Fuck no! That feels so good baby." Paul felt proud of himself, and once he added a third finger to open the other man up even more and Richard began to moan softly and writhe around on the bed, he felt even prouder. 

"Are you ready for me now?" 

"Yes Paul. Please fuck me," Richard panted in reply. Paul's heartbeat sped up and he slicked up his own cock and kneeled closer to Richard between his legs. 

He entered him as slowly and gently as he could while reminding the other man to take deep breaths and telling him he was okay and safe with him. And knowing that was true, relaxed Richard more than anything. He was able to open his eyes and look down at the smaller man and he couldn't speak in that moment but all he kept thinking was how much he loved his sweet Paulchen and how he was the only man he could trust and feel safe with in this situation. 

Paul put his hands on either side of Richard's head and leaned down to whisper words of encouragement to get Richard through the initial pain. "I love you so much Reesh. Do you know how much it means to me that you trust me?" Richard took a deep breath in and out once Paul was fully settled inside of him. 

"Only you Paul," he whispered back and Paul smiled. 

"You want me to move now?" 

"Please." 

As soon as Paul began to thrust into him, not too fast or slow, Richard grabbed Paul's shoulder blades and began to moan again. Paul loved the way the other man's fingers dug into him. 

"You feel so fucking good Reesh, tight and warm, so amazing. You know how beautiful you look to me right now? How hot? I'm so lucky." Richard smiled and stared up at him with lidded eyes. 

"So do you baby. Now harder Paul, fuck me harder," Richard whispered as he grabbed Paul's ass with one hand to pull him closer. 

Paul's breath hitched at that then he replied, "Yes Richard!" and then he gave the man he loves exactly what he wanted and began to thrust harder. Then he could tell he must of hit the right spot because Richard was crying out in pleasure. 

Paul took hold of Richard's broad shoulders and fucked into him as hard and as good as he could. "Oh fuck baby, yes! That's it. Don't stop!" Richard begged as he dropped one hand to fist it around his own cock and began to stroke himself quickly in time with Paul's quick motions. He could feel Paul hitting his prostate over and over and then it didn't take long before Richard was coming and crying out Paul's name. 

"Oh yeah Richard, that's it, come for me baby!"

Paul bent down again briefly to kiss him passionately and swallow up his moans. Once he felt Richard clench around him and he was sure he had gotten off, there was no way Paul could wait any longer so he let himself go. As he came hard inside Richard, he threw his head back with his mouth wide open, but it felt so good that there was barely even a sound to escape, only a choked gasp. He got lost inside Richard, inside his own mind, and in the ecstasy that he was experiencing, and didn't even notice the way the other man was staring up at him and enjoying watching Paul come undone inside of him. 

When he came down, he dropped his head and caught his breath for a moment then collapsed on top of Richard, trying not to put all his weight on him. Richard wrapped his arms around Paul and held him there for awhile in silence as their breathing slowed down. Paul began to nip at Richard's neck but eventually Richard needed him to get up and out of him so he could be more comfortable. 

Paul got a washcloth to clean them both up and he enjoyed their role reversal and getting to be the one to take care of Richard for once.  


"Thank you Reesh," Paul said as he gently cleaned him and Richard knew what he meant.

"No, thank you," Richard smirked. 

Afterwards, Paul laid down and tried to hold Richard but Richard wanted to hold him instead. "Oh no you don't Paulchen. I may of let you fuck me but that doesn't mean you're not still my baby and smaller than me. I wanna hold you and fall asleep with you in my arms and your head on my chest." Paul laughed, amused by that, then snuggled up to Richard's side and let the other man hold him as they laid in their favorite sleeping position. 

"So..." Paul said, wanting to know how Richard felt about what just happened. 

"That was fucking incredible. I think I'm gonna have to let you do that more often." Paul beamed and was so glad he could make the other man enjoy handing over control to him that much. 

"Uh oh, does that mean you won't wanna be the one to make love to me anymore?" Richard huffed. 

"Are you crazy? Of course I'll still wanna make love to you. I may have loved what we just did, but if I'm being honest Paul, there's nothing I love more than being inside you and watching you be submissive to me." 

"Good, because I love that too. How about we take turns sometimes?" Richard laughed. 

"Sounds like a good plan baby. Let's get some sleep now. You wore me out." Paul laughed and tilted his head up to give the other man one last good night kiss. 

Richard laid there for a minute in the dark, with his eyes open, and thought about the fact that he had just trusted Paul enough to do something he hadn't done in years, something he thought he'd never do again. But he was glad he did and what surprised him about all of it the most was that he never once thought about his attackers during the time that Paul made love to him and he never for one moment felt afraid or unsafe with the smaller man. Being with Paul allowed him to have the freedom to finally let go of all the fears he'd been clinging to for years, caused by his past. He felt lighter, he felt free, and as happy as he had ever been in his life. 

He finally closed his eyes at that thought and it wasn't long before they were both drifting off in each other's embrace, sated and satisfied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will only be 2 more chapters after this one :( The next one will have all the guys in it and the last one will be sort of an epilogue but will still be a long and exciting chapter!!


	34. Halloween

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's only July but in this story it's October, so I couldn't resist writing a Halloween chapter :D And I figured it would also be a good way to have all the guys in the story one last time. Hope you all enjoy!!

It was a Saturday evening and Paul and Flake's band Feeling B were going to be playing a gig that night at a local club. There was also going to be a Halloween-themed party there since the holiday was coming up soon. Paul had just finished doing his makeup and was busy putting on his costume while Richard was drying off in the shower. 

Just as Paul was done getting dressed and ready to go, Richard came into the bedroom wearing only a white towel wrapped around his waist and stopped dead in his tracks, his hand flying over his mouth to prevent him from laughing out loud as the smaller man stood in front of him. The two of them had previously discussed that they wanted their costumes to correlate and what they were gonna be so they already knew what the other was going as, but Richard hadn't yet seen the costume and wasn't expecting it to look quite so cute on Paul. But it looked damn good on him at the same time, he thought. 

He stood there in black pants and boots and a dark red vest. His arms were bare but he had a matching red cape flowing over his back and arms, small red horns on his head, and heavy black eyeliner around his eyes to top it all off. Richard couldn't stop the small laugh that slipped through his palm. The smaller man huffed in frustration. 

"What? What's so funny?" Richard finally let his hand drop by his side but still had a small smile on his face. 

"Nothing it's just....Well you look so adorable. It's the horns, I couldn't help it!" 

"Adorable?! I'm supposed to look scary. I'm the devil. Devil's aren't cute!" 

"Sorry, but this one is....very cute! But in a sexy way, I promise!" Paul sighed and turned to look at himself in the mirror above the dresser while the other man watched him. 

"I'm supposed to look threatening and dangerous." Paul curled his hands into fists and tilted his chin up a little then looked his whole 5'8" reflection up and down. "Like nobody better mess with me or I'll send you to Hell." Richard laughed. He moved closer to Paul and crept up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on Paul's shoulder like he always loved to do. Paul watched the happy and contented smile on the other man's face through the mirror. 

"Even me?" Richard asked with a fake pout. 

Paul sighed, "No, you're the exception. You can mess with me all you want." Richard's smile returned but softer that time. 

"You know you've changed, Paul." Paul furrowed his brows. "And I mean that in a good way." 

"How so?" 

"You're so much more confident than when I first met you. And I can tell you're letting you're true personality shine through. You know, the one that was probably shoved deep down inside of you by your past experiences until it was almost forgotten." Paul smiled until his eyes were bright and had wrinkles around them. 

"It's all because of you, you know. You bring out my best qualities." Richard hummed in response. 

"You've changed me for the better too." Paul smiled at that. "And you actually look really sexy in this costume." The smaller man blushed and laughed. 

"Are we just gonna stand here complimenting each other all night or are you gonna hurry and get dressed so we can go?" Richard laughed as he let go and walked towards the closet to get his own costume out then turned back towards the smaller man again. 

"You gotta get out while I get ready though. I wanna surprise you." 

"What's there to surprise me with? I already know what an angel looks like." 

"Yeah, but I'm not gonna look like your typical angel. You know me, I had to put my own spin on it, my own special touch." Paul smiled and rolled his eyes. 

"Yeah, I know. When you first suggested that you be the devil and I the angel and I told you I wasn't gonna go as a pretty little, pure white angel with a halo over my head, your eyes lit up and I could tell you got some sort of idea in that head of yours right before you agreed to be the angel, but only if you could do it in your own special style." 

"Yeah, and that's what I'm about to do right now, so go out there and watch TV or something until I'm done," Richard said as he turned towards the closet again and removed his towel. Paul gave him a light slap on his bare ass before he left the room. 

"Okay, hurry up Reesh." 

Nearly thirty minutes later, Paul had his guitar and other equipment in the back of Richard's car and was now sitting on the couch with his eyes glued to the TV screen when he saw the other man enter the living room out of the corner of his eye. After Paul turned his head, there was a faint, audible gasp that came from him as his eyes widened and he looked at his boyfriend in shock. Richard was very pleased with that reaction. 

"See, I told you it'd be different. I'm a dark angel. You know how hard it was to find a costume like this that would fit me properly? Most of them are only made for women but Chris told me about this store where one of his drag queen friends likes to shop and I finally found this." He spun around once in a full circle then rested one hand on his hip. "You like?" 

Paul slowly stood up and faced the other man and stared at him in awe, letting his eyes trace up and down his body, face and hair, taking each detail in. Richard was dressed in all black, from the tight corset wrapped around his upper half just barely managing to cover his broad pecks, a short ruffled skirt that you could almost consider a tutu, fishnet stockings, knee high boots with heels on the bottom, and the outfit was made complete with the black wings against his shoulder blades that were attached to the back of the corset. His hair was spiked with gel which made it appear darker than usual, his eyes were lined in black all the way around but were winged at the edges, his fingernails in matching polish, and just when Paul thought he couldn't look any more perfect, he noticed Richard's lips were covered with black lipstick. There was no halo in sight and his tan, muscled arms were bare so he'd have to make sure he threw a jacket around his arms, and wings, when they went out to the car. 

Richard watched Paul's reaction and smirked when saw his mouth open and shut a couple times before he could speak. 

"You look hot as hell," Paul replied breathlessly. 

"Well you would know, wouldn't you Satan? You live there." Paul laughed but then his smile faded as he stepped closer to the other man and reached out to touch him. He ran his left hand down the side of Richard's face and leaned up to lightly kiss along his opposite jaw and as he did, his hands began to explore other parts of Richard's body. Richard placed his hands on Paul's waist and began to pull him closer until one of Paul's hands slid up his skirt. Richard pulled it away then grabbed both of Paul's wrists and backed him up against the wall, pressing Paul's hands above his head. It took Paul's breath away. Their bodies were lightly touching.

'Hey now, Paulchen. I thought you said we had to hurry and go."

"Exactly, so what are you doing to me?" Paul asked with a smile.

"I'm trying to keep your hands away from my skirt and what's underneath it so we can get out of here," Richard replied, returning Paul's smile before he let go and backed away slightly. Paul dropped his arms and made a noise of complaint.

"You don't wanna miss your show, do you?" 

Right before Paul's lips tried to reach the other man's he answered, "I don't care anymore. They can find another guitar player at the club to take my place." Richard backed further away from him and laughed. 

"Come on, let's go or Flake's gonna be pissed if you're late." When Paul didn't move, Richard had to take his hand and pull him towards the door. "Don't worry baby, we got all night after we get back home. And then we can do whatever you want." 

"Okay, but you better not forget you just said that. God, the things I wanna do to you later!" Richard laughed again as he grabbed his jacket off the hook next to the door and they walked out of the apartment.

The club was packed, the party was alive, and Feeling B's show went well. Richard sat at the bar and watched, along with Flake's wife. Flake and Jenny came dressed as Gomez and Morticia Adams. His wife amusingly told Richard how she made her husband put contacts in since Gomez didn't wear glasses. She also complimented Richard's costume, telling him she wished she could look that good in a skirt, which made him laugh. Joining her and Richard at the bar this time were Chris and Ollie who were both dressed as vampires. 

Richard found the concert just as entertaining as the last time and loved watching Paul dance around the stage and get into the music. The stage was obviously where he belonged. And Jenny noticed the same looks of love exchanged between the two men like she did before and couldn't help but smile at that, knowing that her assumtions from the last time were right. 

After the show ended and Paul took the time to put his guitar and equipment back in the car, he came back into the club and surprised Richard when he walked right up to him and gave him a long and deep kiss in front of their friends and everyone else who was around. Richard could tell that there wasn't an ounce of shame or embarrasment left in the smaller man anymore when it came to their relationship. 

The six of them stood close to the bar and talked, drank, laughed, and just hung out and had fun for a while, enjoying the party that continued with the club playing Halloween inspired music. Richard made sure not to drink too much, as he was Paul's designated driver. 

Once when he took a look around the place, he noticed a guy across the club that caught his eye when he saw that he was looking back at him too. The man, who was dressed as a werewolf, looked familiar and was standing with a small group of people and next to another smaller man who was dressed as a zombie, that Richard didn't recognize. By the time the larger man gave Richard a small smile, he finally realized it was Till. It was awkward to see him at first, given the way things ended between them but if Till was smiling kindly at him then obviously he wasn't holding any grudges, especially when Richard was pretty sure Till could probably see that he and Paul were there together. 

He saw Till lean over and say something to the man he was with and then start to walk towards Richard's direction alone, with a beer in his hand. Richard lightly nudged Paul on the arm as the smaller man was engaged in a conversation with Flake. 

"What is it Reesh?" 

"Look, it's Till. I think he's coming over here."

"Shit," Paul whispered, "Should we be worried?" 

"I don't know, I hope not," Richard whispered back right before Till reached them. 

"Hey Richard. How have you been? It's been a while, hasn't it?" 

"Uh yeah, it has. Um, I'm good. How are you?" 

"I'm good too." Till turned to Paul who was looking at him. 

"Hey Paul." 

"Hi Till," Paul replied quietly and the tension in the air was thick until Till finally broke it. 

"So um, Richard, I just wanted to let you know that there's no hard feelings between us. I mean, atleast I hope there's not," Till added with a nervous smile. 

"Um, no. I mean you're right. Everything's cool between us." 

"Good. I see you've moved on and I'm glad," Till said, giving Paul another glance while Paul just stood there silently, not knowing what to say. 

"Thanks Till," Richard replied softly.

"I've moved on too. That guy standing over there," Till said, pointing to the man who he'd previously been talking to, "He's my boyfriend and we're happy. And from the looks of it, you two seem quite happy also." Richard smiled and put his arm around Paul which caused the smaller man to smile also. 

"Yeah, we are, very happy. I'm glad to hear you've found someone too." After that, there were a few moments of awkward silence between them until Richard started to speak again, "You know, I just wanna say I'm sorry Till. I never meant to-" 

"No, that's not necessary Richard. What happened was what was supposed to happen. There's no need to apologize. We just simply weren't meant to be. But I wanna apologize to you Paul." 

"Me?" Paul and Richard both looked up at Till with confused expressions. 

"Well, yeah. I was kind of a dick towards you." All three of them laughed at that. 

"Well I can't say I blame you Till," Paul replied, "I probably would've acted the same way if I would've been in your place. And I apologize for anything shitty I may have done in the situation between all of us too, and I just hope there's not any hard feelings between us either." Till shook his head. 

"No, of course not. Like I said, everything that happened was meant to be and it all worked out in the end. I'm happy with Jorn now." 

"Well that's good to hear. All is forgiven between us then." Just as Richard said that, Chris approached them and decided to join in on the conversation. He could tell that the three men were getting along and had overheard the apologies between them. 

"Hey Till, long time no see," he said, reaching his hand out to shake Till's. 

"Hey Chris." 

The rest of the group then turned and got involved too. Richard introduced Flake and Jenny and after they all talked some more, the awkwardness slowly faded away. Eventually they found a table to sit at and Till even invited his boyfriend over. They quickly welcomed him and found out he was easy to get along with. 

They continued to drink as they sat talking and joking around a bit. Richard and Paul got up to go to the restroom once and while they were in there, Paul locked the door and tried to make a move on Richard, cornering him close to the wall. 

"What do you think you're doing Paul?" 

"I'm trying to get some, what's it look like I'm doing? I've been watching you for hours in that sexy costume and you've been flirting with me at the table out there. What do you expect? I can't take the teasing anymore!" 

Richard laughed, "I think you're a little drunk baby, and I am so not doing anything in the bathroom of this club." 

"Oh come on Reeshie, you've got me all hot and bothered," Paul begged teasingly as he wrapped his arms around Richard's waist and pressed his body against his own. Richard could feel that Paul was starting to grow hard and he moaned quietly as he wrapped his arms around the smaller man's shoulders and held him close. 

"I want you too baby, so badly, but not here. Let's go back out there and tell the rest of the guys we're going home." 

Paul sighed, "Okay, I guess I can't wait a little longer as long as you promise to make it up to me when we get home, you know for the way you've been torturing me all night in that costume." 

"Okay baby, I promise I'll do whatever you want me to do to you when we get home."

"No, I want you to let ME do whatever I wanna do to YOU when we get home," Paul said as he started to slide one hand under the back of the other man's skirt once again but Richard grabbed his wrist and stopped him just like before. 

"Okay whatever, when we get home though! You just wanna get me out of this skirt, don't you?" Richard asked as he bent down and gave the smaller man a slow and sensual kiss. 

When they broke apart, Paul replied, "No." 

"No?" 

"No. Actually I want you to keep the skirt on during it," he smirked. Richard laughed and shook his head. 

"My kinky little Paulchen. Let's get out of here now baby, come on," he said as he pulled Paul with him out of the bathroom. 

"Yes Sir!" Paul exclaimed as he let himself be pulled.

They stopped by the table where the others still sat and told them they were going home. The others said they were gonna head home also. Till surprised them once again when he suggested that maybe they could all get together sometime to hang out again. They all agreed that that would be nice. They realized Till wasn't actually such a bad guy after all. He and Richard weren't good as a couple but he could be a good friend if they let him. And Paul knew there wouldn't be any jealousy this time. He was secure in his relationship and trusted Richard. Wow, Paul thought to himself. He was actually able to trust someone again. He wasn't sure if that would ever be possible before he met Richard.

They all said their goodbyes and Richard and Paul left, with Paul bugging him the whole drive home to hurry up because he didn't know how much longer he could stand to see him in that costume without attacking him, and also leaning over every so often to nibble on Richard's neck. All Richard could do was just smile at how hilarious Paul was when he was tipsy and aroused at the same time, and he drove as fast as he could while trying not to crash or get pulled over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter left!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm getting ready to move into a new place tomorrow so it could be a couple weeks or so before I'm able to get some internet set up at my new place and post another chapter to this. My phone isn't very good for typing so I'll have to wait until I can get internet on my computer again :/


End file.
